Sybelle and Arnold

Tonya,

My son is 12 and your son sounds like he has the exact same type of behavior. Ds also feels terrible after he has been ugly to (one or all of) us and apoligizes. He cries and hugs, but next time atround he seems to have just as hard a time stopping it from happening again. It is hard on all of us, because we know with our heads that he does not mean what he says at that time, but it still hurts, esp. his 9 yo sister.I know he has pain (related to relinquishment by birthmom) to deal with and he says that is why he feels these "moods" are happening.
I have been thinking that seeing a counselor might be very good for him to work things out inside himself, but he is adamant that he won't, because "that hurts too much!".
Not sure what to do to help him at this time (other than obvious hugs, attention, love, understanding...).
I agree that unschooling is the only way to go for him. At least it gives him control over his life now, even if that was not the case before, when he was so hurt.
Anyway, keep up your spirits and answer him with "I love you!" and a smile maybe...

Sybelle
(Benson, AZ)

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tonya Matthews

--- In [email protected], "Sybelle and Arnold"
<arbinsy@...> wrote

> My son is 12 and your son sounds like he has the exact same type
of behavior. Ds also feels terrible after he has been ugly to (one
or all of) us and apologizes. He cries and hugs, but next time
atround he seems to have just as hard a time stopping it from
happening again. It is hard on all of us, because we know with our
heads that he does not mean what he says at that time, but it still
hurts, esp. his 9 yo sister>

Thanks, Sybelle, for this. Sometimes I feel like we're the only ones
out here. My 7 y/o can hear my oldest's tone of voice and know what
kind of mood he's in. We all do. It's upsetting to know that we
don't know what can set him off, sometimes. Things ARE much better
with unschooling though.

I do wonder what happens with kids like this as adults. Does anyone
have an account of what that's like with an adult who had this type
of behavior as a child?

Thanks
Tonya
>

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/9/06, Tonya Matthews <godzilla.matthews@...> wrote:

> I do wonder what happens with kids like this as adults. Does anyone
> have an account of what that's like with an adult who had this type
> of behavior as a child?
>
>

My oldest child was a lot like this for the first 7 or 8 years of her
life. Since we started unschooling we have seen it less and less. My
son has difficulty expressing his needs or making them known in a
timely manner (as in by the time we finally figure it out it's too
late and he has exploded.) The past year, though has been wonderful
in comparison to previous years and every day we see more and more
ease in our relationship. Not only because he is maturing, but also
because he has learned to trust us. That doesn't mean that there
isn't the ocaissional outburst (that usually happens now more between
siblings) but that they have become fewer and have a much higher
"boiling point." The biggest thing is gaining their trust and letting
them know that you are going to be their helper through this "big bad
world" rather than feed them to the wolves.

I think it is hard to look at adults who behaved "poorly" (read: were
misunderstood as children) and compare what their lives are like as we
probably have very few adults today who were homeschooled. I know
when I was going to school homeschooling was against the law where I
lived. So the few adults my age from around here that were
homeschooled were usually classically schooled (and parented) and
doing so under the radar. We don't have generations of unschooled
children to look at. I think we are just starting to get into some
second generations and even those are fairly few and far between.

--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist