Tonya Matthews

Hi All,

My oldest, Christian/11, has been 'regressing' some with his rages
lately. Since we've taken on this unschooling lifestyle, we had seen
less and less of these episodes. For the past two weeks or so, he's
been digging his heels in, argumentative, and tough to be around ~
When he's in 'a mood'. I've been giving him choices, setting him
free from the expectations we used to have, and remaining calm. The
only thing I'm taking up with him is that it's not ok to be nasty to
his brother (demeaning, insulting, etc) or anyone else. Once the
episode has passed and he's back to himself, he apologizes profusely
and will say "I don't know why I acted that way. I'm sorry"

.. I'm getting to my point here...
Today, we went to a good friend's birthday party. Christian had
decided to go and there were lots of friends of this girl and her
cousins there. Christian stayed back and to himself while I was
watching the kids in the pool. It was wild, rambunctious play and
he's not always comfortable in those types of intense situations. He
then came up to the pool, watched what was going on and decided he
wanted in! I was kind of surprised, briefed him on what may happen
when he's in the pool, he was ok with that and he joined in.

Long story .. ok, LONG.. LOL he had a great day with little, if any,
altercations and he didn't lose his cool. Lots of times he'll feel
the play very personal and then turn it into a vendetta type thing
and he feels very unreachable to me then. That didn't happen. He had
a wonderful day, interacted and enjoyed.

He did fall apart a little on the way home but it was short lived,
he apologized and we were home in no time to fix the situation (he
was very upset to have to sit in a wet bathing suit for the 5 minute
ride home)

What I'm getting at is that it's nice to watch this lifestyle in
action, working. Tomorrow, we're going to the RI shore with friends
and we are all looking forward to it. Just a note: He apologizes on
his own. There's no guilting or expectation of an apology.

Warm regards,
Tonya

Angela S.

<For the past two weeks or so, he's
been digging his heels in, argumentative, and tough to be around ~
When he's in 'a mood'. I've been giving him choices, setting him
free from the expectations we used to have, and remaining calm. The
only thing I'm taking up with him is that it's not ok to be nasty to
his brother (demeaning, insulting, etc) or anyone else.>



Sometimes I have found that when my kids seem off-kilter and argumentative
or difficult that they are going through some kind of transition and as
difficult as they seem, they need more touch and hugs, attention and
understanding. That doesn't mean that it's ok to treat people badly, but if
I can step back and see what's really going on and try to infuse that child
with a lot of love and attention for a while (after setting things right
with the child that was wronged first) that it helps to avoid further
conflict. Perhaps when you sense he's getting like that you can try to
spend a lot of time with him and give lots of hugs etc. Acknowledging that
it can be difficult to be them sometimes helps too.



Angela

game-enthusiast@...



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 8/8/06, Angela S. <game-enthusiast@...> wrote:

> Sometimes I have found that when my kids seem off-kilter and argumentative
> or difficult that they are going through some kind of transition and as
> difficult as they seem, they need more touch and hugs, attention and
> understanding.


Angela, that is so very insightful. It's SO much like when our babies
were babies and they would have a "fussy crying irritable nothing
pacifies them but the breast (maybe)" sort of day. This was usually
followed by some profound developmental change - a word comprehension,
crawling, sitting up, walking, a motor skill refinement, etc. It
seems logical that this would continue into "kidhood" and "teendom" as
well. I've seen it often in Emily, who as a baby was the one that
had the most "off kilter" days. AS a teen she will have days where
she just seems totally irritable and inconsolable. Seems like the
following day she has made some leap in maturity or some philosophical
epiphany.

--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist

Tonya Matthews

--->
>> Sometimes I have found that when my kids seem off-kilter and
argumentative
> or difficult that they are going through some kind of transition and
as
> difficult as they seem, they need more touch and hugs, attention and
> understanding.
>
Thank you, Angela, for this. I was just reminding a friend of mine
this the other day! Funny how other people can see in clearer than you
can see within. He's still very much all over the radar with emotions
lately. I'm going to make more of an effort to Be with him.

Thanks again
Tonya