siblings
jehmen
I have a 10yog, 5yog and a 4 yob.
The dynamics are always interesting. For the most
part the young ones are best buddies. Occasionally the 5 yog won't want to play with the 4yob and
then he gets his feelings hurt.
But my main problem is the dear 10yog. She mothers the hell out of the little ones.
Will correct them in a parental tone, in fact, I've even heard her counting them off before.
You know, "Give me that now. 1...2..."
(Something I'm working on not doing myself)
Often she will play along side them or read to them just fine. It is the times she mothers/corrects them that I can't stand.
Advice? BTDT? I'm a lonely only, so have no real expirience with this. My dh has a younger sis, and he says this is part of having siblings.
~Kristin
mama to 3, new to unschooling, a hser from the start.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The dynamics are always interesting. For the most
part the young ones are best buddies. Occasionally the 5 yog won't want to play with the 4yob and
then he gets his feelings hurt.
But my main problem is the dear 10yog. She mothers the hell out of the little ones.
Will correct them in a parental tone, in fact, I've even heard her counting them off before.
You know, "Give me that now. 1...2..."
(Something I'm working on not doing myself)
Often she will play along side them or read to them just fine. It is the times she mothers/corrects them that I can't stand.
Advice? BTDT? I'm a lonely only, so have no real expirience with this. My dh has a younger sis, and he says this is part of having siblings.
~Kristin
mama to 3, new to unschooling, a hser from the start.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lesa ODaniel
I don't know from personal parenting experience, but having been the oldest
of 3 children, I know what it's like to feel the need to parent one's
siblings... One of the few things my mom did "right" was to notice that this
feeling that I needed to parent my brothers was kind of stressing me out and
making me resentful toward them.
One day she "released" me from this duty - even though it was self-imposed.
She just pulled me aside and said something like, "I know how tough it is to
take care of 2 young boys - I want you to have fun during your childhood and
leave the boys to me to worry about. This is such a big responsibility for
another little person to have to take on and I want you to know I don't
expect you to take care of them." That's not word for word, but you get the
picture...
She never expected me to take care of them but I think through her requests
for help when the boys were younger I just assumed the role of secondary
caregiver and never realized that it was always a choice to help out or not.
Just having my mom say that to me (even though it wasn't her imposing the
"chore" on me in the first place) made me feel free to let go of the need to
parent my brothers.
I'm interested in other RU parents' response to this because my son is going
to be the oldest and I don't want to fall into this pattern either...
Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N
Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from McAfee�
Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
of 3 children, I know what it's like to feel the need to parent one's
siblings... One of the few things my mom did "right" was to notice that this
feeling that I needed to parent my brothers was kind of stressing me out and
making me resentful toward them.
One day she "released" me from this duty - even though it was self-imposed.
She just pulled me aside and said something like, "I know how tough it is to
take care of 2 young boys - I want you to have fun during your childhood and
leave the boys to me to worry about. This is such a big responsibility for
another little person to have to take on and I want you to know I don't
expect you to take care of them." That's not word for word, but you get the
picture...
She never expected me to take care of them but I think through her requests
for help when the boys were younger I just assumed the role of secondary
caregiver and never realized that it was always a choice to help out or not.
Just having my mom say that to me (even though it wasn't her imposing the
"chore" on me in the first place) made me feel free to let go of the need to
parent my brothers.
I'm interested in other RU parents' response to this because my son is going
to be the oldest and I don't want to fall into this pattern either...
Lesa O'Daniel, AAHCC
Instructor, Bradley Method� of Natural Childbirth
323-541-5515
http://www.bradleybirth.com/ndweb.asp?ID=O123&Count=N
>From: "jehmen" <jehmen@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: <[email protected]>
>Subject: [unschoolingbasics] siblings
>Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2006 08:35:21 -0500
>
>I have a 10yog, 5yog and a 4 yob.
>The dynamics are always interesting. For the most
>part the young ones are best buddies. Occasionally the 5 yog won't want to
>play with the 4yob and
>then he gets his feelings hurt.
>But my main problem is the dear 10yog. She mothers the hell out of the
>little ones.
>Will correct them in a parental tone, in fact, I've even heard her counting
>them off before.
>You know, "Give me that now. 1...2..."
>(Something I'm working on not doing myself)
> Often she will play along side them or read to them just fine. It is the
>times she mothers/corrects them that I can't stand.
>Advice? BTDT? I'm a lonely only, so have no real expirience with this. My
>dh has a younger sis, and he says this is part of having siblings.
>
> ~Kristin
> mama to 3, new to unschooling, a hser from the start.
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from McAfee�
Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
[email protected]
Kristin,
She will model you and it sounds as if she may be trying to help. Someday
she will be a mom too but not yet.
Food is a great way to help them feel better. When they seem to be getting
grumpy offer (or just put out)some finger foods. And/Or paint,paper,glue,
puppets etc.. The dollar store has bird house kits. They are great. I bought like
20 of them so any time the want they can build them. Mostly the 6 and 4
build and the 2 yr old paints. Great deal for a dollar.
Breath
Smile
play
rinse and repeat..:)
Laura
Mom of 4 ages 2-14
Unschoolingmaine.com
<<You know, "Give me that now. 1...2..."
(Something I'm working on not doing myself)
Often she will play along side them or read to them just fine. It is the
times she mothers/corrects them that I can't stand.
Advice? BTDT? I'm a lonely only, so have no real expirience with this. My dh
has a younger sis, and he says this is part of having siblings.
~Kristin
mama to 3, new to unschooling, a hser from the start.>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
She will model you and it sounds as if she may be trying to help. Someday
she will be a mom too but not yet.
Food is a great way to help them feel better. When they seem to be getting
grumpy offer (or just put out)some finger foods. And/Or paint,paper,glue,
puppets etc.. The dollar store has bird house kits. They are great. I bought like
20 of them so any time the want they can build them. Mostly the 6 and 4
build and the 2 yr old paints. Great deal for a dollar.
Breath
Smile
play
rinse and repeat..:)
Laura
Mom of 4 ages 2-14
Unschoolingmaine.com
<<You know, "Give me that now. 1...2..."
(Something I'm working on not doing myself)
Often she will play along side them or read to them just fine. It is the
times she mothers/corrects them that I can't stand.
Advice? BTDT? I'm a lonely only, so have no real expirience with this. My dh
has a younger sis, and he says this is part of having siblings.
~Kristin
mama to 3, new to unschooling, a hser from the start.>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]