Ren
""What a lot of us here have found, is you don't need either the passive/do
nothing or the disciplinarian approach. There is a middle ground. One where
children ARE treated with equal respect as adults, but where the parent also
cares about themselves and is capable of setting healthy boundaries."
~Great! How do I do that?~
By deciding to not force people against their will unless it is truly necessary (to prevent bodily harm or something). To treat them with the same respect you'd give an adult (that doesn't mean treat them like and adult, but respect them equally). It means do a lot of nice things for them, like pick up their dishes or laundry and smile...by joyful instead of resentful, they will pick up on that aura of joy!
Children WANT to be part of the adult world, unless they've learned that adults are the enemy. We must be their partners. I am here to help my children get what they want/need in life, while talking to them (only when necessary) about my own feelings, budget, time constraints..whatever.
They are my companions, not my servants that need to obey my every whim. If there is something I feel strongly about, I explain why, my children are very empathetic and helpful. But this atmosphere did not come about on it's own. We had to leave punishments behind forever. We had to prove that we were interested in their world completely. I do not request things that would take them from something interesting unless it's really of ultimate importance.
If you fill them up with joy and kindness, they have enough to share back. If we fill them up with resentment and coercion, they'll use those same tools on us. I think one of the most disturbing things about being a parent, is seeing ME reflected back in how my children talk and act. My sarcastic remarks started coming back to me. My resentment of household chores was evident in their avoidance. Now that I have learned to be joyful about daily life, to breathe deep when struggles arise, I notice helpful, happy people at my side, concerned for my well being.
It works. But we, as the parents, must make the biggest, most difficult changes for it to work.
Again, I can't recommend the book "Living Joyfully With Children" enough. It's that balance you're looking for I believe.
Ren
Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
nothing or the disciplinarian approach. There is a middle ground. One where
children ARE treated with equal respect as adults, but where the parent also
cares about themselves and is capable of setting healthy boundaries."
~Great! How do I do that?~
By deciding to not force people against their will unless it is truly necessary (to prevent bodily harm or something). To treat them with the same respect you'd give an adult (that doesn't mean treat them like and adult, but respect them equally). It means do a lot of nice things for them, like pick up their dishes or laundry and smile...by joyful instead of resentful, they will pick up on that aura of joy!
Children WANT to be part of the adult world, unless they've learned that adults are the enemy. We must be their partners. I am here to help my children get what they want/need in life, while talking to them (only when necessary) about my own feelings, budget, time constraints..whatever.
They are my companions, not my servants that need to obey my every whim. If there is something I feel strongly about, I explain why, my children are very empathetic and helpful. But this atmosphere did not come about on it's own. We had to leave punishments behind forever. We had to prove that we were interested in their world completely. I do not request things that would take them from something interesting unless it's really of ultimate importance.
If you fill them up with joy and kindness, they have enough to share back. If we fill them up with resentment and coercion, they'll use those same tools on us. I think one of the most disturbing things about being a parent, is seeing ME reflected back in how my children talk and act. My sarcastic remarks started coming back to me. My resentment of household chores was evident in their avoidance. Now that I have learned to be joyful about daily life, to breathe deep when struggles arise, I notice helpful, happy people at my side, concerned for my well being.
It works. But we, as the parents, must make the biggest, most difficult changes for it to work.
Again, I can't recommend the book "Living Joyfully With Children" enough. It's that balance you're looking for I believe.
Ren
Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
Sherri-Lee Pressman
Hi all,
I just needed to share something my dd (4) did with people who would
appreciate it:
The other day at a birthday party she got 5 felt whales in her gift bag, so
of course we had to go out this week and buy the makings for a felt board
and to make the ocean and a bunch of other creatures. So we came home, she
told me what she wanted to have. I struggled with my minimal artistic skills
to draw and then cut out the pieces for her.
She said she wanted a bunch of fish, and so we made them. when her dad came
home she showed him her fish and I called it a school of fish. She looked at
me and said "no mommy home-schooled fish!"
We had a good laugh and I felt so proud that she is embracing this so
wholeheartedly,
Just wanted to share,
Sherri-Lee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I just needed to share something my dd (4) did with people who would
appreciate it:
The other day at a birthday party she got 5 felt whales in her gift bag, so
of course we had to go out this week and buy the makings for a felt board
and to make the ocean and a bunch of other creatures. So we came home, she
told me what she wanted to have. I struggled with my minimal artistic skills
to draw and then cut out the pieces for her.
She said she wanted a bunch of fish, and so we made them. when her dad came
home she showed him her fish and I called it a school of fish. She looked at
me and said "no mommy home-schooled fish!"
We had a good laugh and I felt so proud that she is embracing this so
wholeheartedly,
Just wanted to share,
Sherri-Lee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
That was cute!!!
syndi
"...since we can't know what knowledge will be most needed in the future, it
is senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to turn
out people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be able
to learn whatever needs to be learned."
-- _John Holt_ (http://www.quoteworld.org/author.php?thetext=John+Holt)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
syndi
"...since we can't know what knowledge will be most needed in the future, it
is senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to turn
out people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be able
to learn whatever needs to be learned."
-- _John Holt_ (http://www.quoteworld.org/author.php?thetext=John+Holt)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]