[email protected]

In a message dated 7/8/2004 5:58:28 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
I think the only way things will start to change for children on a
larger scale than just our little unschooling lists, is if we are
brave enough to speak up in defense of kids who are being treated
like crap by their parents. Maybe even if we do we won't be able to
make much difference, I don't know, but I know I don't want to look
into my son's eyes and tell him I was too worried about being
politically correct to try.
>
> Deb Lewis

Bravo Deb! We spent a miserable evening at a famiy's house last
night. We knew it was going to be miserable, but felt compelled to
go because it was a birthday celebration for a friend of Laurie's
(he lives with us) at his parents home. His mother and sil yelled at
the two boys the entire evening. Every move they made was criticized.

One grandson is 9 and hearing and sight impaired and a few other
problems. He walked into a solid glass storm door and the
grandmother yelled, "You idiot! How many times are you going to do
that?" My bf said, "Maybe putting some kind of sticker on the door
at eye level would help him see it." (we were ready to tackle this
woman and put duct tape on her mouth) She said, "He's done it 1000
times. I'm not messing up my door with a sticker just because he's
stupid." Our mouths dropped open and I said, "Why are you all so
mean to the children?" She replied, "Because they're hell spawn."

The two boys were so sweet - not even rambunctious in the least. My
heart was breaking. I agree with Deb. No one would have remained
silent if that witch was talking to an adult like that. Why should
we remain silent when it's a child being abused? The kids need us to
speak out for them. They have NO power in their own homes.

I've said it before after visiting them (twice in seven years) that
I will NEVER go there again, but last night was the clincher. I will
NEVER go there again.
***Okay, I'm going out on a limb here, but I have to believe if we REALLY
want to do something that is going to help the child/change the parents, you have
to come across to the parent in a gentler/nonjudgmental way. YES, we are
horrified, but if we react to their parenting style by telling them indignantly,
in essense what bad parents they are, then all they will feel is hostile and
they will only be able to focus on the attack of their parenting, not on how
they could parent differently. I think rather than that we need to try to find
a way to open the door for change....not have it slammed in your face (which
only leaves the child behind in the same situation). Being indignant would
only be sort of a way to make yourself feel like you'd reacted...but it wouldn't
go far in creating a change in the child's life, YKWIM?


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

TreeGoddess

On Jul 8, 2004, at 8:04 PM, we3deeves@... wrote:

> [***Okay, I'm going out on a limb here, but I have to believe if we
> REALLY
> want to do something that is going to help the child/change the
> parents, you have
> to come across to the parent in a gentler/nonjudgmental way. YES, we
> are
> horrified, but if we react to their parenting style by telling them
> indignantly,
> in essense what bad parents they are, then all they will feel is
> hostile and
> they will only be able to focus on the attack of their parenting, not
> on how
> they could parent differently.]

I'm going to disagree with your disagreement. LOL

In the example of out and out hatefulness that Valerie saw and heard in
her example I certainly don't think that talking all sweet and kind to
a person like that is going to even be heard. More likely, you're
likely to be perceived as a "wussy" or a daisies-and-sunshine "nut" by
folks like that.

I think a more direct "what the hell is wrong with you?!?" is the way
to go, but that's just me.
-Tracy-