okay....questions
Ren Allen
"I was under the impression that [for example] when your children
screamed at you, nothing was said and you just let them go without
addressing the issue. When does one childs "freedom" infringe on
another childs' rights or even the parents' rights?"
Good questions!
I personally don't have any problem defining personal boundaries. If
someone runs roughshod over me, screams at me or otherwise tries to
harm me, I don't have a problem saying "stop that!"
BUT, the age of the person, the situation etc...greatly affects HOW I
say "stop". With Jalen, it really helps to get up close to him, touch
him and say something like "if you just talk to me, I can help you
better". I don't always have patience available and I say "STOP
screaming at me, I can't think!" He does much better if I can stay
centered and calm...he NEEDS calm.
We can address the issue without punishment and without berating. We
can choose instead to view ourselves as their partner in getting all
of our needs met and creating non-adversarial situations and solutions.
Ignoring the behavior or situation is just neglect and/or poor
parenting in my opinion. If my child is acting destructively to
another persons property or disturbing someone in public, it's my job
to either find a way to distract that child or get the heck out of
there!:)
If we can discuss real situations and specific behavior issues, I can
give better answers, because for each and every situation there will
be a variety of creative ways to deal with it. I can only give general
answers to the question of personal boundaries or "rights" unless you
have a more specific situation.
I really like the idea of principles vs. rules. Rules to me are set in
stone "no jumping on the couch", rather than living by a principle
that says "respect each others property" that allows us to adapt to
each situation but still live by the principle.
Danielle wrote a great article about that very topic, and Ben Lovejoy
has also written about it and spoken on this topic several times.
Maybe someone can post a link. I've gotta go help Sierra with an
altered tin project now.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
screamed at you, nothing was said and you just let them go without
addressing the issue. When does one childs "freedom" infringe on
another childs' rights or even the parents' rights?"
Good questions!
I personally don't have any problem defining personal boundaries. If
someone runs roughshod over me, screams at me or otherwise tries to
harm me, I don't have a problem saying "stop that!"
BUT, the age of the person, the situation etc...greatly affects HOW I
say "stop". With Jalen, it really helps to get up close to him, touch
him and say something like "if you just talk to me, I can help you
better". I don't always have patience available and I say "STOP
screaming at me, I can't think!" He does much better if I can stay
centered and calm...he NEEDS calm.
We can address the issue without punishment and without berating. We
can choose instead to view ourselves as their partner in getting all
of our needs met and creating non-adversarial situations and solutions.
Ignoring the behavior or situation is just neglect and/or poor
parenting in my opinion. If my child is acting destructively to
another persons property or disturbing someone in public, it's my job
to either find a way to distract that child or get the heck out of
there!:)
If we can discuss real situations and specific behavior issues, I can
give better answers, because for each and every situation there will
be a variety of creative ways to deal with it. I can only give general
answers to the question of personal boundaries or "rights" unless you
have a more specific situation.
I really like the idea of principles vs. rules. Rules to me are set in
stone "no jumping on the couch", rather than living by a principle
that says "respect each others property" that allows us to adapt to
each situation but still live by the principle.
Danielle wrote a great article about that very topic, and Ben Lovejoy
has also written about it and spoken on this topic several times.
Maybe someone can post a link. I've gotta go help Sierra with an
altered tin project now.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Deb
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
Danielle's article, Ben's writing, and lots of other good stuff
--Deb
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>http://sandradodd.com/rules on the left side of the page is a link to
> Danielle wrote a great article about that very topic, and Ben Lovejoy
> has also written about it and spoken on this topic several times.
> Maybe someone can post a link. I've gotta go help Sierra with an
> altered tin project now.:)
>
Danielle's article, Ben's writing, and lots of other good stuff
--Deb
Anne Andrews
http://sandradodd.com/benrules
> Danielle wrote a great article about that very topic, and Ben Lovejoy
> has also written about it and spoken on this topic several times.
> Maybe someone can post a link. I've gotta go help Sierra with an
> altered tin project now.:)
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>