Ren Allen

This was advice posted by a newer member. I am again posting it under
my name to help the person not feel personally attacked. The program
being suggested is not in line with the gentle, respectful parenting
advocated on this list, though it is a lot better than many tactics I
see being used out there.

I hope members will read long enough to really get a feel for what
radical unschooling is advocating.

Here is the post from another member:

Hi Anne,
I just read your email and feel so much for your situation. I have
(*I deleted her children's info. so as to protect her anon status*).
My oldest is also quite a handful
(girl) and I can totally relate to some of what you are describing.
I have learned that she is very much a person who needs and wants to
be in control whether she wants to admit it or not. So, most
situations are due to power struggles. I recently stumbled on a
parenting video in the library called "1, 2, 3, Magic" and let me
tell you that it is MAGIC! I encourage you to try the method. Check
out the video, buy it or read the book. I'm currently reading the
book now as a refresher. It is working for all my children and it's
a miracle since they are all different. I finally am feeling peace
in my home since my husband and I now have a plan, it's working, and
we feel we are in control instead of our kids controlling us. We can
enjoy our children now since we are not constantly putting out
fires! I'm sure you know what I mean. The sibling rivalry and
negativism was out of control. The program is by Dr. Thomas Phelan
and his website is: www.parentmagic.com
LEt me know what you think!

mooosey3

I recently stumbled on a
> parenting video in the library called "1, 2, 3, Magic" and let me
> tell you that it is MAGIC! I encourage you to try the method. Check
> out the video, buy it or read the book. I'm currently reading the
> book now as a refresher. It is working for all my children and it's
> a miracle since they are all different. I finally am feeling peace
> in my home since my husband and I now have a plan, it's working,
and
> we feel we are in control instead of our kids controlling us. We
can
> enjoy our children now since we are not constantly putting out
> fires! I'm sure you know what I mean. The sibling rivalry and
> negativism was out of control. The program is by Dr. Thomas Phelan
> and his website is: www.parentmagic.com
> LEt me know what you think!



"1,2,3, Magic" Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

My Dad and step mom use that on my nieces. I can't stand to watch
the process of it.

"Jazzy that's a one."

"two"

"three" and they remove her from the room. Also at the same time
looking at us to see if we approve at how well they are in control
of raising the girls.


Which they aren't. Which they wish they were. Which makes them
angry and try to control even more. Ugly vicious cycle.

Yuck.

Heather

[email protected]

I used the 1,2,3 thing long before unschooling, I do believe it is mostly a
coercive form of parenting. In addition, I never hear people doing it
"correctly", they are using an angry tone of voice when they are saying 1. I also
never seeing people follow-thru with their intended consequence at three or
they throw a nice adult temper tantrum. None of these is what is recommended
by the author.

I did accidentally find some useful tidbits from practicing 1,2,3 as I
became a less coercive parent. My first child has some language issues and is
probably on the autistic spectrum, ADHD, blah, blah, blah......basically we had
a large gap between his actual behavior and where we needed him for safety
and sanity. And a tough time helping him make those connections.

The 1,2,3 was simple for him to hear and gave him an easy understanding that
he needed to stop what he was doing. It was a good transition tool where
other things had failed me. It was useful after I had another baby and
couldn't always physically go and stop him from running in the street or throwing
sand at a kid. I could also just show him a finger, so that he could privately
understand that he needed to change his behavior. I never used it in anger,
it just replaced me nicely saying "Billy doesn't want you to throw sand on
him", which was really hard for him to truly understand, especially in the
heat of the moment.

I no longer use it, and if I started fresh I probably wouldn't have. It just
happened to be useful tool in the evolution of my current parenting style.
Someone could probably get to the same place we were without the 1,2, 3.

I don't know if I would recommend it to someone. Perhaps it is a good place
to go for people who need a middle step between spanking and yelling and
gentle parenting. Frankly, for most people in my current neighborhood, it would
be a huge improvement. But none of these parents will probably ever be
interested in anything beyond coercion. For someone wanting to move beyond
that, I'm not sure it would be helpful as it still reinforces the control aspect
of parenting.

Leslie in SC




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]