Ferber method
Ren Allen
"He works to form a
schedule that meets both the parents and child's needs and
temperaments."
No, it's all about convenience for the parents actually...it has
absolutely nothing to do with meeting the child's needs.
The Ferber method is outright abuse in my opinion, and is
diametrically opposed to the views espoused at this list.
Putting a baby on a sleeping/eating schedule results in the child
detaching from their sleep/food needs very early on. They learn that
adults don't care when they have needs. It's sick, sick, sick and
it's exactly the opposite of trusting your child.
Ren
schedule that meets both the parents and child's needs and
temperaments."
No, it's all about convenience for the parents actually...it has
absolutely nothing to do with meeting the child's needs.
The Ferber method is outright abuse in my opinion, and is
diametrically opposed to the views espoused at this list.
Putting a baby on a sleeping/eating schedule results in the child
detaching from their sleep/food needs very early on. They learn that
adults don't care when they have needs. It's sick, sick, sick and
it's exactly the opposite of trusting your child.
Ren
earthmothergypsy
Ren,
ITA! add to that list 'black out curtains, seperate bedrooms, cio,
well the list just goes on and on and on........
Child abuse at it's finest and it is allowed child abuse. Unreal!
~Amanda
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
ITA! add to that list 'black out curtains, seperate bedrooms, cio,
well the list just goes on and on and on........
Child abuse at it's finest and it is allowed child abuse. Unreal!
~Amanda
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
> "He works to form athat
> schedule that meets both the parents and child's needs and
> temperaments."
>
> No, it's all about convenience for the parents actually...it has
> absolutely nothing to do with meeting the child's needs.
> The Ferber method is outright abuse in my opinion, and is
> diametrically opposed to the views espoused at this list.
> Putting a baby on a sleeping/eating schedule results in the child
> detaching from their sleep/food needs very early on. They learn
> adults don't care when they have needs. It's sick, sick, sick and
> it's exactly the opposite of trusting your child.
>
> Ren
G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
My first two sons suffered from night terrors, sleep walking and
restless sleep until we decided that the family bed was for us. They had a
few restless nights after that, until they trusted us again, and now we have
complete and restful sleep.
Ferber/Brazelton and many other "experts" don't know crap!
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: Ren Allen [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 5:43 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Ferber method
"He works to form a
schedule that meets both the parents and child's needs and
temperaments."
No, it's all about convenience for the parents actually...it has
absolutely nothing to do with meeting the child's needs.
The Ferber method is outright abuse in my opinion, and is
diametrically opposed to the views espoused at this list.
Putting a baby on a sleeping/eating schedule results in the child
detaching from their sleep/food needs very early on. They learn that
adults don't care when they have needs. It's sick, sick, sick and
it's exactly the opposite of trusting your child.
Ren
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
My first two sons suffered from night terrors, sleep walking and
restless sleep until we decided that the family bed was for us. They had a
few restless nights after that, until they trusted us again, and now we have
complete and restful sleep.
Ferber/Brazelton and many other "experts" don't know crap!
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: Ren Allen [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Thursday, July 08, 2004 5:43 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Ferber method
"He works to form a
schedule that meets both the parents and child's needs and
temperaments."
No, it's all about convenience for the parents actually...it has
absolutely nothing to do with meeting the child's needs.
The Ferber method is outright abuse in my opinion, and is
diametrically opposed to the views espoused at this list.
Putting a baby on a sleeping/eating schedule results in the child
detaching from their sleep/food needs very early on. They learn that
adults don't care when they have needs. It's sick, sick, sick and
it's exactly the opposite of trusting your child.
Ren
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/9/2004 10:24:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
**********************************
Oh, I remember that episode....they played it straight through with no
commercials, and the whole thing was "letting the baby cry it out." At the end
they're just about to go in because they've waited the required amount of time, and
the baby has finally fallen alseep. Paul says, "She asleep." And Jamie
responds, "We broke her heart."
How many times do we break little hearts for something as stupid as getting
them to fall asleep?
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody, MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
**********************************
Oh, I remember that episode....they played it straight through with no
commercials, and the whole thing was "letting the baby cry it out." At the end
they're just about to go in because they've waited the required amount of time, and
the baby has finally fallen alseep. Paul says, "She asleep." And Jamie
responds, "We broke her heart."
How many times do we break little hearts for something as stupid as getting
them to fall asleep?
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody, MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan
Kathryn,
That's the episode. I sometimes think that I broke my daughters heart
and she is just starting to forgive me. We have a family bed, (I should say
mattresses lined up on the floor), now and no one is or ever will be
excluded. She's finally, and she's 11, becoming more comfortable with sleep
issues. I can't look back at her very young childhood and feel good about
anything I put her through, and when I ask myself why all I get for an
answer is that it was all out of my own selfishness. My butt is black and
blue from kicking myself.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: KathrynJB@... [mailto:KathrynJB@...]
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 12:33 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: RE: Ferber method
In a message dated 7/9/2004 10:24:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to
sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire
show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she
was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told
them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom
just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt
inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
**********************************
Oh, I remember that episode....they played it straight through with no
commercials, and the whole thing was "letting the baby cry it out." At the
end
they're just about to go in because they've waited the required amount of
time, and
the baby has finally fallen alseep. Paul says, "She asleep." And Jamie
responds, "We broke her heart."
How many times do we break little hearts for something as stupid as
getting
them to fall asleep?
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody,
MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
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b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
That's the episode. I sometimes think that I broke my daughters heart
and she is just starting to forgive me. We have a family bed, (I should say
mattresses lined up on the floor), now and no one is or ever will be
excluded. She's finally, and she's 11, becoming more comfortable with sleep
issues. I can't look back at her very young childhood and feel good about
anything I put her through, and when I ask myself why all I get for an
answer is that it was all out of my own selfishness. My butt is black and
blue from kicking myself.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: KathrynJB@... [mailto:KathrynJB@...]
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 12:33 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: RE: Ferber method
In a message dated 7/9/2004 10:24:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to
sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire
show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she
was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told
them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom
just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt
inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
**********************************
Oh, I remember that episode....they played it straight through with no
commercials, and the whole thing was "letting the baby cry it out." At the
end
they're just about to go in because they've waited the required amount of
time, and
the baby has finally fallen alseep. Paul says, "She asleep." And Jamie
responds, "We broke her heart."
How many times do we break little hearts for something as stupid as
getting
them to fall asleep?
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody,
MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
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[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], "G&M Contracting Inc.,
Kenneth Gillilan" <gmcontractinginc@v...> wrote:
My butt is black and
read about AP before having kids, but I kick myself for all the mean,
nasty, angry things I've said and still say--less and less everyday,
but still...
And this is kinda off topic, but I'll try to bring it back to
unschooling in the end, I swear!
I might be pregnant and am absolutely freaking about how young
Caroline is (18 mo) and how she needs more time to be the baby. I
know I have 9 months, but I just remember how we pushed Mikey too
hard at 2 (when C was born) to be more grown up than he was ready
for. And family and friends will start in on how Mikey should go to
pre-school/kindergarden, etc.
I understand in theory unschooling is about not assigning kids to
certain grades/developemental levels, so Caroline won't have to be
seen and treated differently just because she has a younger sibling.
Any stories, experiences with ACTUALLY doing this or what it would
look like would be appreciated, since most my experience is with
the "now you have to be the big sis/bro and do X" school of thought.
--aj, attempting to breathe deeply w/o hyperventilating
Kenneth Gillilan" <gmcontractinginc@v...> wrote:
My butt is black and
> blue from kicking myself.I think we need a group guilt-purging ceremony! I'm very very glad I
read about AP before having kids, but I kick myself for all the mean,
nasty, angry things I've said and still say--less and less everyday,
but still...
And this is kinda off topic, but I'll try to bring it back to
unschooling in the end, I swear!
I might be pregnant and am absolutely freaking about how young
Caroline is (18 mo) and how she needs more time to be the baby. I
know I have 9 months, but I just remember how we pushed Mikey too
hard at 2 (when C was born) to be more grown up than he was ready
for. And family and friends will start in on how Mikey should go to
pre-school/kindergarden, etc.
I understand in theory unschooling is about not assigning kids to
certain grades/developemental levels, so Caroline won't have to be
seen and treated differently just because she has a younger sibling.
Any stories, experiences with ACTUALLY doing this or what it would
look like would be appreciated, since most my experience is with
the "now you have to be the big sis/bro and do X" school of thought.
--aj, attempting to breathe deeply w/o hyperventilating
G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan
aj,
My oldest boy was 20 months when I delivered his brother. We had luckily
decided to Home school by then and Unschooling was fast becoming a part of
our lives. The beauty about having them so close was that group cuddling
was still an option. While Kayden was breastfeeding, Keegan could still be
right there with me, reading or just soaking up moms attention. I was
adamant about allowing Keegan to still feel like the little kid he was. No
instant potty training or sleeping through the night etc... We decided to
try having a family bed and haven't ever looked back. It just worked out so
good for us. Everyone's needs seem to be met.
Try not thinking of your childs age. Just keep in mind that this is a
person in my life and I need to stay in tuned to what he/she needs. No age
required.
Sorry if this isn't much help, but if you have specific questions I can
do my best to tell you what happened in my case.
Just the other day I was looking at our photo albums and said to my
husband: "I didn't realize that Keegan was such a baby when we had Kayden".
I'm glad we didn't rush him and he doesn't seem to have any ill feelings
towards Kayden either which I think says a lot about how we handled it.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: mamaaj2000 [mailto:mamaaj2000@...]
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 1:55 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Guilt, Fear, etc.
--- In [email protected], "G&M Contracting Inc.,
Kenneth Gillilan" <gmcontractinginc@v...> wrote:
My butt is black and
read about AP before having kids, but I kick myself for all the mean,
nasty, angry things I've said and still say--less and less everyday,
but still...
And this is kinda off topic, but I'll try to bring it back to
unschooling in the end, I swear!
I might be pregnant and am absolutely freaking about how young
Caroline is (18 mo) and how she needs more time to be the baby. I
know I have 9 months, but I just remember how we pushed Mikey too
hard at 2 (when C was born) to be more grown up than he was ready
for. And family and friends will start in on how Mikey should go to
pre-school/kindergarden, etc.
I understand in theory unschooling is about not assigning kids to
certain grades/developemental levels, so Caroline won't have to be
seen and treated differently just because she has a younger sibling.
Any stories, experiences with ACTUALLY doing this or what it would
look like would be appreciated, since most my experience is with
the "now you have to be the big sis/bro and do X" school of thought.
--aj, attempting to breathe deeply w/o hyperventilating
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
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b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My oldest boy was 20 months when I delivered his brother. We had luckily
decided to Home school by then and Unschooling was fast becoming a part of
our lives. The beauty about having them so close was that group cuddling
was still an option. While Kayden was breastfeeding, Keegan could still be
right there with me, reading or just soaking up moms attention. I was
adamant about allowing Keegan to still feel like the little kid he was. No
instant potty training or sleeping through the night etc... We decided to
try having a family bed and haven't ever looked back. It just worked out so
good for us. Everyone's needs seem to be met.
Try not thinking of your childs age. Just keep in mind that this is a
person in my life and I need to stay in tuned to what he/she needs. No age
required.
Sorry if this isn't much help, but if you have specific questions I can
do my best to tell you what happened in my case.
Just the other day I was looking at our photo albums and said to my
husband: "I didn't realize that Keegan was such a baby when we had Kayden".
I'm glad we didn't rush him and he doesn't seem to have any ill feelings
towards Kayden either which I think says a lot about how we handled it.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: mamaaj2000 [mailto:mamaaj2000@...]
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 1:55 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Guilt, Fear, etc.
--- In [email protected], "G&M Contracting Inc.,
Kenneth Gillilan" <gmcontractinginc@v...> wrote:
My butt is black and
> blue from kicking myself.I think we need a group guilt-purging ceremony! I'm very very glad I
read about AP before having kids, but I kick myself for all the mean,
nasty, angry things I've said and still say--less and less everyday,
but still...
And this is kinda off topic, but I'll try to bring it back to
unschooling in the end, I swear!
I might be pregnant and am absolutely freaking about how young
Caroline is (18 mo) and how she needs more time to be the baby. I
know I have 9 months, but I just remember how we pushed Mikey too
hard at 2 (when C was born) to be more grown up than he was ready
for. And family and friends will start in on how Mikey should go to
pre-school/kindergarden, etc.
I understand in theory unschooling is about not assigning kids to
certain grades/developemental levels, so Caroline won't have to be
seen and treated differently just because she has a younger sibling.
Any stories, experiences with ACTUALLY doing this or what it would
look like would be appreciated, since most my experience is with
the "now you have to be the big sis/bro and do X" school of thought.
--aj, attempting to breathe deeply w/o hyperventilating
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sherri-Lee Pressman
I was pregnant with my first when this episode was on. My dh and I watched
it with our hands on my tummy and afterwards as I was sobbing we said that
is why this one is sleeping with us and we aren't doing that to her/him!
She is 4 now and still in bed with me. Dh, however has had to locate due to
strange sleeping patterns and being a very light sleeper. He doesn't mind
though and I never hear him crying himself to sleep at night:-)
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: KathrynJB@... [mailto:KathrynJB@...]
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 9:33 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: RE: Ferber method
In a message dated 7/9/2004 10:24:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
**********************************
Oh, I remember that episode....they played it straight through with no
commercials, and the whole thing was "letting the baby cry it out." At the
end
they're just about to go in because they've waited the required amount of
time, and
the baby has finally fallen alseep. Paul says, "She asleep." And Jamie
responds, "We broke her heart."
How many times do we break little hearts for something as stupid as getting
them to fall asleep?
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody,
MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
it with our hands on my tummy and afterwards as I was sobbing we said that
is why this one is sleeping with us and we aren't doing that to her/him!
She is 4 now and still in bed with me. Dh, however has had to locate due to
strange sleeping patterns and being a very light sleeper. He doesn't mind
though and I never hear him crying himself to sleep at night:-)
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: KathrynJB@... [mailto:KathrynJB@...]
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2004 9:33 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: RE: Ferber method
In a message dated 7/9/2004 10:24:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
With my first child I used the Brazelton method of putting her to sleep
and I still have nightmares about it. I remember watching this episode of
Mad About You where the characters did this scene which ran the entire show.
They were sitting outside the door of their new daughters room while she was
crying herself to sleep. They were doing it because the "experts" told them
it was the right thing to do. There was an emotional part when the mom just
couldn't take it anymore and her husband kept asking her how she felt inside
about it not just what she thought about it. I cried my eyes out, because
that's what I did to my baby and regretted it terribly.
**********************************
Oh, I remember that episode....they played it straight through with no
commercials, and the whole thing was "letting the baby cry it out." At the
end
they're just about to go in because they've waited the required amount of
time, and
the baby has finally fallen alseep. Paul says, "She asleep." And Jamie
responds, "We broke her heart."
How many times do we break little hearts for something as stupid as getting
them to fall asleep?
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody,
MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
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nion.yahoo.com> click here
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mommyquilter2000
Hi,
I don't know if this will make you feel any better or not. My son
was 14 months old when my daughter was born. During my pregnancy I
had some bed rest and I wasn't suppose to lift anything more than 10
lbs. Needless to say I did a lot of walking holding his hands and
helping him walk since I couldn't lift him. He took his first steps
at 9 1/2 months and was really walking at 10 months. I have always
felt that we kind of made him grow up fast in those ways you are
suppose to enjoy all the firsts especialy with your first child. I
was also working full time. The first two years of his life are very
blurry and I feel very guilty about not remembering a lot without
looking at pictures and rereading my sparse journal. I try not to
focus so much on that time, but to put more energy into the here and
now. Today my children are 4 1/2 and 5 1/2. They are very close and
miss each other when the other is not around. I try to think that it
was the best thing that I could do for them was to give them each
other. I have always tried not to say you're the big brother so you
have to do this or know better. Occasionally now I will ask him to
help her tie her shoe etc., because I think 1)it gives him great
pride to do it, 2)it is helpful to me, and 3) she wants to learn and
he loves to teach her things because it makes him feel bigger. I
also give him some special time with me. I let him stay up later
sometimes and he can attend events that she can't because of his
age. They are so close in age that I normally don't think of them
any differently. They both have "jobs" to do around the house and
before she was even old enough to understand I would give her "time
outs" when she "misbehaved" to show him that they were both being
treated equally. Although it was very difficult those first three
years, I can't imagine having done it any differently now. I am now
a stay at home mom and I realize that my son is just fine. He
doesn't seem to be hurt at all by having only had me to himself for
14 months. Your children will be just fine also.
I don't know if this will make you feel any better or not. My son
was 14 months old when my daughter was born. During my pregnancy I
had some bed rest and I wasn't suppose to lift anything more than 10
lbs. Needless to say I did a lot of walking holding his hands and
helping him walk since I couldn't lift him. He took his first steps
at 9 1/2 months and was really walking at 10 months. I have always
felt that we kind of made him grow up fast in those ways you are
suppose to enjoy all the firsts especialy with your first child. I
was also working full time. The first two years of his life are very
blurry and I feel very guilty about not remembering a lot without
looking at pictures and rereading my sparse journal. I try not to
focus so much on that time, but to put more energy into the here and
now. Today my children are 4 1/2 and 5 1/2. They are very close and
miss each other when the other is not around. I try to think that it
was the best thing that I could do for them was to give them each
other. I have always tried not to say you're the big brother so you
have to do this or know better. Occasionally now I will ask him to
help her tie her shoe etc., because I think 1)it gives him great
pride to do it, 2)it is helpful to me, and 3) she wants to learn and
he loves to teach her things because it makes him feel bigger. I
also give him some special time with me. I let him stay up later
sometimes and he can attend events that she can't because of his
age. They are so close in age that I normally don't think of them
any differently. They both have "jobs" to do around the house and
before she was even old enough to understand I would give her "time
outs" when she "misbehaved" to show him that they were both being
treated equally. Although it was very difficult those first three
years, I can't imagine having done it any differently now. I am now
a stay at home mom and I realize that my son is just fine. He
doesn't seem to be hurt at all by having only had me to himself for
14 months. Your children will be just fine also.
Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese
<<<<I might be pregnant and am absolutely freaking about how young
Caroline is (18 mo) and how she needs more time to be the baby. I
know I have 9 months, but I just remember how we pushed Mikey too
hard at 2 (when C was born) to be more grown up than he was ready
for. And family and friends will start in on how Mikey should go to
pre-school/kindergarden, etc.>>>>
I just want to say I have SO been there. My daughter, now 5.8, was 18
months when I got "oops" pregnant with my son, now 3.5. I freaked out a lot
about what this was going to do to our relationship. My observation of my
own and others experiences is that how difficult this will feel to Caroline
will likely have a lot to do with both her temperment (easy going / medium /
spirited?) and the temperment of your new baby. If your baby is easy going,
the baby might not have too much of an impact on Caroline until s/he starts
crawling over and grabbing her toys, by which time she'll be 3. Even if you
are extremely unlucky, like me, and you have a spirited toddler and you get
a high need baby I have some good news for you - even though the first year
will be rough (I hope you have a support system closeby in this event), the
closeness of age will pay off hugely. My daughter had a really difficult
time with her brother and it took us 8 months to get to the point where I
felt she had accepted his existence in our lives. Now they are best of
friends, play so well together and share interests, calls him her "bestest
brother", protects him fiercely and she cannot possibly imagine life without
him. There is so much love there it is just an awesome sight.
Personally I never told my daughter that she should act or be any
differently now that she had a brother. I accepted where she was at and
tried to give her as much as I could while giving the baby what he needed.
Her needs didn't always get met when she wanted them to be, but I never gave
her the message she was too big to have them and I think that was a good
thing.
Joan
Caroline is (18 mo) and how she needs more time to be the baby. I
know I have 9 months, but I just remember how we pushed Mikey too
hard at 2 (when C was born) to be more grown up than he was ready
for. And family and friends will start in on how Mikey should go to
pre-school/kindergarden, etc.>>>>
I just want to say I have SO been there. My daughter, now 5.8, was 18
months when I got "oops" pregnant with my son, now 3.5. I freaked out a lot
about what this was going to do to our relationship. My observation of my
own and others experiences is that how difficult this will feel to Caroline
will likely have a lot to do with both her temperment (easy going / medium /
spirited?) and the temperment of your new baby. If your baby is easy going,
the baby might not have too much of an impact on Caroline until s/he starts
crawling over and grabbing her toys, by which time she'll be 3. Even if you
are extremely unlucky, like me, and you have a spirited toddler and you get
a high need baby I have some good news for you - even though the first year
will be rough (I hope you have a support system closeby in this event), the
closeness of age will pay off hugely. My daughter had a really difficult
time with her brother and it took us 8 months to get to the point where I
felt she had accepted his existence in our lives. Now they are best of
friends, play so well together and share interests, calls him her "bestest
brother", protects him fiercely and she cannot possibly imagine life without
him. There is so much love there it is just an awesome sight.
Personally I never told my daughter that she should act or be any
differently now that she had a brother. I accepted where she was at and
tried to give her as much as I could while giving the baby what he needed.
Her needs didn't always get met when she wanted them to be, but I never gave
her the message she was too big to have them and I think that was a good
thing.
Joan
Kelly Lenhart
>No, it's all about convenience for the parents actually...it hasIt's interesting, because this is so far from what I got from reading his
>absolutely nothing to do with meeting the child's needs.
>Ren
book.
Mind you, the idea of "crying it out" is against unschooling ideas, yes, but
the book is about so much more than that. Crying it out isn't even a good
description of what the method talks about.
For me, the best thing I got from the book was how it talked about the
process of falling asleep and how it works for ALL of us, young and old.
And about learning your own bodies process. And that the job of the parent
was to help the child recognize the signs of that process.
ANd that can be done without the crying. We probably all do it. "Hey, you
are getting kind of cranky and having trouble remembering ways to play
nicely. Would you like to sit quietly with me and listen to music for a
while? Yes, that's great. Hey you are closing your eyes a lot, how about
we lay down in bed....."
Now, how the "method' gets applied........-sigh-
Kelly