Re: Food and Fear (VERY VERY LONG)
Christe Bruderlin
Kelly wrote:
"I think the biggest difference to me is in how we approach it. You can
*know* that some foods are "good" and some are "bad'---but it's the way
your ideas are forced onto someone else."
I totally agree.
"If your kids know how you feel (and even think so too), but chose
another path, what will be your reaction?"
That is the hard part. Like in any situation where I might perceive my children were endangering themselves, I would discuss it with them. There is a fine line, though, between discussion and shame or judgment. Once they know I prefer it another way, they know (and perhaps that would lead to them feeling guilt or shame though I would never want them to). So far, although my daughter and I have discussed health and nutrition, she seems to feel no guilt when she does have something that I wouldn't consider healthy, and I work hard not to lay any on her. I do worry that as she gets older, she might internalize more of my feelings in a negative way -- and I wouldn't want that to happen. Still, I don't want to lie to my children or pretend I'm not concerned if I am.
"And a beer and a cigarette AND McNuggets and a Coke enjoyed in *peace* are better---emotionall y. spiritually, psychologically, physically-- -than tofu and a salad eaten in shame or under duress."
I don't agree here, HOWEVER, I would also hope my children never feel shame or under duress about anything, especially food.
Again, how do you prevent them from feeling shame when they often want to please their parents, even if it isn't really what they want to do? My concern is that once they KNOW how I feel, they might feel shameful, etc., even though that isn't my intention. KWIM?
"You may present your ideas so rationally and so passionately that your
kids latch on and never let you of your ideas on food. BUT what if they
don't? Now or in the future? You can't control what they eat forever.
If they choose to be McEaters, how will that effect you?"
Just like it will affect me if they become smokers (just for example). I'd feel sad. I wouldn't try to control it. I wouldn't love them any less or treat them any differently.
"Kid's in prison. Never finished college."
I can imagine from your description how this could be true, although I'm sure it isn't due to BigMac deprivation alone. LOL
"If the dad had spent half as much time investing in his relationship
with this child instead of worrying about all the *outside* stuff, who
knows?"
Totally agree.
"I think the bigger issue is how the child perceives what you're
limiting and how those limitations you're imposing will alter your
relationship."
Thanks, Kelly, I think you're right.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"I think the biggest difference to me is in how we approach it. You can
*know* that some foods are "good" and some are "bad'---but it's the way
your ideas are forced onto someone else."
I totally agree.
"If your kids know how you feel (and even think so too), but chose
another path, what will be your reaction?"
That is the hard part. Like in any situation where I might perceive my children were endangering themselves, I would discuss it with them. There is a fine line, though, between discussion and shame or judgment. Once they know I prefer it another way, they know (and perhaps that would lead to them feeling guilt or shame though I would never want them to). So far, although my daughter and I have discussed health and nutrition, she seems to feel no guilt when she does have something that I wouldn't consider healthy, and I work hard not to lay any on her. I do worry that as she gets older, she might internalize more of my feelings in a negative way -- and I wouldn't want that to happen. Still, I don't want to lie to my children or pretend I'm not concerned if I am.
"And a beer and a cigarette AND McNuggets and a Coke enjoyed in *peace* are better---emotionall y. spiritually, psychologically, physically-- -than tofu and a salad eaten in shame or under duress."
I don't agree here, HOWEVER, I would also hope my children never feel shame or under duress about anything, especially food.
Again, how do you prevent them from feeling shame when they often want to please their parents, even if it isn't really what they want to do? My concern is that once they KNOW how I feel, they might feel shameful, etc., even though that isn't my intention. KWIM?
"You may present your ideas so rationally and so passionately that your
kids latch on and never let you of your ideas on food. BUT what if they
don't? Now or in the future? You can't control what they eat forever.
If they choose to be McEaters, how will that effect you?"
Just like it will affect me if they become smokers (just for example). I'd feel sad. I wouldn't try to control it. I wouldn't love them any less or treat them any differently.
"Kid's in prison. Never finished college."
I can imagine from your description how this could be true, although I'm sure it isn't due to BigMac deprivation alone. LOL
"If the dad had spent half as much time investing in his relationship
with this child instead of worrying about all the *outside* stuff, who
knows?"
Totally agree.
"I think the bigger issue is how the child perceives what you're
limiting and how those limitations you're imposing will alter your
relationship."
Thanks, Kelly, I think you're right.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
His name is Todd Marinovich and he's from here. Capistrano High
School superstar, USC first-string quarterback in his freshman year,
drafted by the Los Angeles Raiders but played badly, went to a
Canadian football team, then arena football and then nothing but
drugs and a sad sad sad life. He's a heroin addict. He's faced rape
charges and attempted murder charges., as well as having drug
convictions.
A quote from his father, "I told him when to eat, what to eat, when
to go to bed, when to get up, when to work out, how to work out."
-pam
School superstar, USC first-string quarterback in his freshman year,
drafted by the Los Angeles Raiders but played badly, went to a
Canadian football team, then arena football and then nothing but
drugs and a sad sad sad life. He's a heroin addict. He's faced rape
charges and attempted murder charges., as well as having drug
convictions.
A quote from his father, "I told him when to eat, what to eat, when
to go to bed, when to get up, when to work out, how to work out."
-pam
On Jul 12, 2006, at 1:22 PM, Christe Bruderlin wrote:
> "Kid's in prison. Never finished college."
>
> I can imagine from your description how this could be true,
> although I'm sure it isn't due to BigMac deprivation alone. LOL
>
> "If the dad had spent half as much time investing in his relationship
> with this child instead of worrying about all the *outside* stuff, who
> knows?"
>
> Totally agree.
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
techwritercsbn
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
I do know people raised like that who turned out fine, too, but YIKES,
that is no way to live, is it???
I also thing family dynamics are so interesting. Like, what makes one
kid go one way (eating choices, drugs) and the other kids go other ways
when raised together (I know its a variety of factors, but so
interesting!). And the answer is that we are all individuals. Our RU
kids might end up making unfortunate choices too, but at least they'll
have happy childhoods!
And on a brighter note, we're kinda local! Well, I'm an OC girl living
in LA (after Boise, Seattle, and out of the country as well).
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>Gosh, that's awful!!!
> His name is Todd Marinovich and he's from here. Capistrano High
> School superstar, USC first-string quarterback in his freshman year,
> drafted by the Los Angeles Raiders but played badly, went to a
> Canadian football team, then arena football and then nothing but
> drugs and a sad sad sad life. He's a heroin addict. He's faced rape
> charges and attempted murder charges., as well as having drug
> convictions.
>
> A quote from his father, "I told him when to eat, what to eat, when
> to go to bed, when to get up, when to work out, how to work out."
>
> -pam
I do know people raised like that who turned out fine, too, but YIKES,
that is no way to live, is it???
I also thing family dynamics are so interesting. Like, what makes one
kid go one way (eating choices, drugs) and the other kids go other ways
when raised together (I know its a variety of factors, but so
interesting!). And the answer is that we are all individuals. Our RU
kids might end up making unfortunate choices too, but at least they'll
have happy childhoods!
And on a brighter note, we're kinda local! Well, I'm an OC girl living
in LA (after Boise, Seattle, and out of the country as well).