Ren Allen

"My concern is that our culture is so control-oriented that my
friends' approach to raising their kids is accepted unquestioningly
by others and supported by everyone they know (so it must be
right?), so they continue it and expect me to practice it."

Our culture is very control-oriented towards children.
RU is SO counter-culture that way!:)

But when I see the stress in most families, the situations they
constantly deal with that I DON'T, I'm so relieved that we chose
freedom over control.

You can't help the judgement that may come your way. You can plant
seeds, but some of those friends may naturally fall away because of
the rift in parenting styles. Just let it flow.

Where do you live? Surely there are some other RU families or at least
parents that are more respectful and gentle with their kids? I've
found that our best friends were those that were nice to kids (some of
them without children of their own even). All the other stuff like
schooling, religion etc... didn't matter nearly as much as the culture
of kindness in the family.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

fullmoonfarm_mn

Thanks for your advice, I will "let it flow". And you're right...
I have totally forgotten about the cool non-parent types that we do
know.

I live in central Minnesota, about two hours north of the Twin
Cities, and an hour from the northwestern suburbs. I've gotten
together with other unschoolers from far away a couple of times, and
have driven to the cities for Theatrix (a theater group that some
unschoolers we met are part of), but we do like our country life.

I also read the unschoolingmn list, and have my own group seeking
out other secular homeschoolers in the Mille Lacs Lake area that we
live in. I now know two hsers in the area, and it took a while to
find each other! We keep plugging away, though.

I suppose we'll just have to travel more, and turn the other cheek
with the stuff said.

Thanks again,
Dawn O.


--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> "My concern is that our culture is so control-oriented that my
> friends' approach to raising their kids is accepted unquestioningly
> by others and supported by everyone they know (so it must be
> right?), so they continue it and expect me to practice it."
>
> Our culture is very control-oriented towards children.
> RU is SO counter-culture that way!:)
>
> But when I see the stress in most families, the situations they
> constantly deal with that I DON'T, I'm so relieved that we chose
> freedom over control.
>
> You can't help the judgement that may come your way. You can plant
> seeds, but some of those friends may naturally fall away because of
> the rift in parenting styles. Just let it flow.
>
> Where do you live? Surely there are some other RU families or at
least
> parents that are more respectful and gentle with their kids? I've
> found that our best friends were those that were nice to kids
(some of
> them without children of their own even). All the other stuff like
> schooling, religion etc... didn't matter nearly as much as the
culture
> of kindness in the family.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>

Nicole Willoughby

"My concern is that our culture is so control-oriented that my
friends' approach to raising their kids is accepted unquestioningly
by others and supported by everyone they know (so it must be
right?), so they continue it and expect me to practice it."

Our culture is very control-oriented towards children.
RU is SO counter-culture that way!:)

But when I see the stress in most families, the situations they
constantly deal with that I DON'T, I'm so relieved that we chose
freedom over control.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I havent posted in a long time but I have been reading and wow! this is so much my life right now.

Dh lost his job and we ended up moving down to Texas because he had a better chance of getting work, we hated MS, and more chance at help for my severaly autistic son.
We are staying with friends right now . They have two kids, one more on the way and their parents father esp is very authoritarian.
Their mom thinks that I should just make the decision for Courtney and put her in school. Since Court has shown intrest Ive had Robyn tell Court things about the school good and bad. Next week we are going to go look around the school and see what she thinks . Anyhow for a "first grader " I feel that she is intelligent and very capable of making a decision.

Ive tried to explain to their mom that Courtney is having a hard time adjusting to how they do things. She said she didnt understand and could I explain. I told her for example you have been telling the girls to do their chores which basicly means clean up the kids room.
I told her well I dont tell my kids to do anything around the house ( with the exception of go take that away from your brother ! as he runs down the hall shaking an open bottle of ketchup :) ) That I ask them and allow them to say no.
So I tried to explain it by saying well you said you needed to clean yall's room ( as in her and husband). Someone could come tell you you had to do it and you'd probably realize it needed to be done but you would really resent being told you had to stop what you were doing and clean it right now! Or you can continue on the computer with the bunny on your lap and then when you are done and ready you'll clean the room.
Youll be much happier about it and therefore will probably get it done quicker and it will probably make you happy that your room is nice and clean.

She sorta got it but is still so stuck in the world of well kids are just not allowed to have that freedom! We are the parents we run their lives.

Anyhow sorry about the book but I typed it all to basicly say I can sympathize.

Nicole


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