Aimee & Paul Bogush

Hi Ren,
"For me, the expectation thing (not really the way you defined it, but
expectations in general) is very related to the Buddhist idea of
non-attachment.

I think it's time to pull out my copy of Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life (Kabat-Zinn).

Can you suggest other resources you have found helpful (for the lay person) regarding non-attachment and mindfulness practice?

I posted "Breaking News: Doubt" and got such amazing responses to that original thread. I've been percolating on it all and applying it and seeing such heartwarming, truly wonderful outcomes...but mostly I'm finding I'm so much more able to enjoy the moments! Fear was robbing me of so much! I am deeply grateful for the lessons I glean from this list.

And, someone just recently posted how she realized that she was the problem/obstacle something along those lines. I discovered the same thing. This, in SO many ways, is SO not about my kids, but about ME! (Ding!) And, I just think it's so fascinating, because I came and posted about my kids...how they'd turn out from all this anarchy (lmao, that's a JOKE!) and what about rudeness, blah, blah, blah.... I received amazing responses, spent more time reading and putting into practice what I was learning and viola...I now find myself re-reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and pulling out Jon Kabat-Zinn stuff, and getting back into a creative outlet of mine -- sewing and reconstructing clothing -- and working on ME and MY stuff and leaving my kids alone in the process (by alone I mean in the way you should just leave well enough alone, don't pick at a scab, let it be....not in the I don't care about you or have time for you sense, lol, hope that's clear!) and we are ALL flourishing because of it. And, DH and I are growing through this together and it's just having ripple effects that are vast and enjoyable and less & less scary and so very powerful and I am overwhelmed with JOY! It's so fun working on this puzzle of living life together...when I involve my kids (& DH) it's no longer all my responsibility to make sure everything turns out alright...holy granola that was an exhausting way to live! (I still slip into it...it's still a work in progress, but my boat is pointed in the right direction and I'm getting there!)

We are doing this really funny and helpful thing on the edge of our learning curve... Something will happen...the things we'd power struggle over in the past and DH will say something along the lines of , "OK what I want to say is, just do it because I said so" and I'll go "Uh-huh, but we're not doing that anymore...what is next on your list?" and then we'll come up with something much better, together, and with the child(ren) involved. It think it's good for the kids to see and hear us as we do the work of making this transition more fully in our lives. (A recap, we already were pretty enlightened compared to mainstream parenting...we are pushing our own envelopes and moving closer and closer to real, true, complete trust in the kids and the letting go of some of those last vestiges of the way we were raised.)

Anyway, thanks for helping me unfurl my sails to catch the joy! And, send along some suggestions if you can, I'd really appreciate them ;-)

Aimee
sharing life with Paul, Emma (8) and Annie (3 for only a few more weeks <sigh>)

�It is never too late to be what you might have been.� ~~George Eliot

"unschooler, n : one who learns from life and love and great books
and late morning conversations and big projects and eccentric uncles
and mountains and mistakes and volunteering and starry nights..."
~~From a t-shirt found at: www.lowryhousepublishers.com

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

Aimee - this was SO inspiring and sweet and encouraging -- makes me
go all teary-eyed and glad MY kids will live in the same world with
YOUR kids, as adults. I love your focus on the process - that's what
it is all about, that IS what "works."

-pam

On Jul 3, 2006, at 7:00 AM, Aimee & Paul Bogush wrote:

> We are doing this really funny and helpful thing on the edge of our
> learning curve... Something will happen...the things we'd power
> struggle over in the past and DH will say something along the lines
> of , "OK what I want to say is, just do it because I said so" and
> I'll go "Uh-huh, but we're not doing that anymore...what is next on
> your list?" and then we'll come up with something much better,
> together, and with the child(ren) involved. It think it's good for
> the kids to see and hear us as we do the work of making this
> transition more fully in our lives. (A recap, we already were
> pretty enlightened compared to mainstream parenting...we are
> pushing our own envelopes and moving closer and closer to real,
> true, complete trust in the kids and the letting go of some of
> those last vestiges of the way we were raised.)

Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

>>I think it's time to pull out my copy of Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life (Kabat-Zinn). >>

He and his wife wrote a similar book on parenting. It's wonderful! It's called Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Here's the amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0786883146/ref=sib_dp_pt/103-6125063-1594200#reader-link
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Aimee & Paul Bogush" <shaggyhill@...>
> Hi Ren,
> "For me, the expectation thing (not really the way you defined it, but
> expectations in general) is very related to the Buddhist idea of
> non-attachment.
>
> I think it's time to pull out my copy of Wherever You Go, There You Are:
> Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life (Kabat-Zinn).
>
> Can you suggest other resources you have found helpful (for the lay person)
> regarding non-attachment and mindfulness practice?
>
> I posted "Breaking News: Doubt" and got such amazing responses to that original
> thread. I've been percolating on it all and applying it and seeing such
> heartwarming, truly wonderful outcomes...but mostly I'm finding I'm so much more
> able to enjoy the moments! Fear was robbing me of so much! I am deeply
> grateful for the lessons I glean from this list.
>
> And, someone just recently posted how she realized that she was the
> problem/obstacle something along those lines. I discovered the same thing.
> This, in SO many ways, is SO not about my kids, but about ME! (Ding!) And, I
> just think it's so fascinating, because I came and posted about my kids...how
> they'd turn out from all this anarchy (lmao, that's a JOKE!) and what about
> rudeness, blah, blah, blah.... I received amazing responses, spent more time
> reading and putting into practice what I was learning and viola...I now find
> myself re-reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and pulling out Jon Kabat-Zinn
> stuff, and getting back into a creative outlet of mine -- sewing and
> reconstructing clothing -- and working on ME and MY stuff and leaving my kids
> alone in the process (by alone I mean in the way you should just leave well
> enough alone, don't pick at a scab, let it be....not in the I don't care about
> you or have time for you sense, lol, hope that's clear!) and we are ALL
> flourishing because of it. And, DH and I are growing through this together and
> it's just having ripple effects that are vast and enjoyable and less & less
> scary and so very powerful and I am overwhelmed with JOY! It's so fun working
> on this puzzle of living life together...when I involve my kids (& DH) it's no
> longer all my responsibility to make sure everything turns out alright...holy
> granola that was an exhausting way to live! (I still slip into it...it's still
> a work in progress, but my boat is pointed in the right direction and I'm
> getting there!)
>
> We are doing this really funny and helpful thing on the edge of our learning
> curve... Something will happen...the things we'd power struggle over in the
> past and DH will say something along the lines of , "OK what I want to say is,
> just do it because I said so" and I'll go "Uh-huh, but we're not doing that
> anymore...what is next on your list?" and then we'll come up with something much
> better, together, and with the child(ren) involved. It think it's good for the
> kids to see and hear us as we do the work of making this transition more fully
> in our lives. (A recap, we already were pretty enlightened compared to
> mainstream parenting...we are pushing our own envelopes and moving closer and
> closer to real, true, complete trust in the kids and the letting go of some of
> those last vestiges of the way we were raised.)
>
> Anyway, thanks for helping me unfurl my sails to catch the joy! And, send along
> some suggestions if you can, I'd really appreciate them ;-)
>
> Aimee
> sharing life with Paul, Emma (8) and Annie (3 for only a few more weeks <sigh>)
>
> �It is never too late to be what you might have been.� ~~George Eliot
>
> "unschooler, n : one who learns from life and love and great books
> and late morning conversations and big projects and eccentric uncles
> and mountains and mistakes and volunteering and starry nights..."
> ~~From a t-shirt found at: www.lowryhousepublishers.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>

Betsy Hill

>>I think it's time to pull out my copy of Wherever You Go, There You
Are:Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life (Kabat-Zinn). >>


Just looking up his books on Amazon got me thinking.

This phrase caught my eye -- it's listed by Amazon as being a
statistically unique phrase from his book -- "practicing choiceless
awareness".

I'm guessing, since I haven't read the book, but if I wanted to
translate "practicing choiceless awareness" into unschooling-speak I'd
call it "letting go of right answers".

(And now I want someone to tell me I'm right<g>, but I'll take a deep
breath and let go of my need for external approval.)

Betsy

Ren Allen

"I'm guessing, since I haven't read the book, but if I wanted to
translate "practicing choiceless awareness" into unschooling-speak I'd
call it "letting go of right answers"."

I don't think there's a right/wrong answer here!! I think we can each
arrive at a truth that resonates with us in varying forms.:)

I agree with what you posted. I think it could be expanded upon
too....it's very connected to the idea of non-attachment. Practicing
choiceless awareness is basically saying (to me) that if we are OPEN,
yet AWARE, our preferences and preconceived notions won't get in the
way of the moment. It's letting go on so many levels. In the
non-attachment/choiceless awareness/no preference paradiagm, we can
simply take in information and be open to experiencing it fully.

In that state, we aren't judging everything constantly (ugly, bad,
good, yucky, beautiful etc...) we're simply BEING in the moment,
trying to experience it all and being open to learning/enjoyment etc...

I think in that place of clear seeing, we can actually "enjoy" the
difficult moments. It allows us to be aware that although we're
passing through an experience we may not care for (letting go of the
preconceived idea that it's a bad/rough moment) we are ALIVE, we are
feeling it, we are fully THERE. That's worth celebrating.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com