breaking news
Ren Allen
~Conventionally parented kids *can* react with malice. They *can*
become angry with the world because it seems like no one understands
*them*.~
Heck, mindfully parented kids can act/feel this way too! The
difference is, a mindful parent does not want to label their child as
having "malice" and therefore the child learns that they are
good/capable/whole and desirable. Instead of learning to view their
actions as "bad" or "good", they begin to pick up new tools. Instead
of seeing themselves as "bad" or "good" they feel true self-confidence
in spite of mistakes (or as Kelly calls them, learning takes).
I'm not going to say that a mindfully parented child never feels
malice towards someone. But I think it's a really lame way to label
the behavior. I'd rather say the child was angry for a reason (a
reason that may seem totally unreasonable to US, but we need to try
and understand that it's simply how they feel) and acted in a way that
seemed "malicious" or "mean spirited".
Again, it's lack of tools or experience that caused the event to
unfold that way. Human beings really WANT to fit into their tribal
group. They WANT to understand their world, their peers and figure out
all the framework of society. Understanding that about them, will help
us be better guides. Assuming malice will not, even if the act seems
terribly wrong.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
become angry with the world because it seems like no one understands
*them*.~
Heck, mindfully parented kids can act/feel this way too! The
difference is, a mindful parent does not want to label their child as
having "malice" and therefore the child learns that they are
good/capable/whole and desirable. Instead of learning to view their
actions as "bad" or "good", they begin to pick up new tools. Instead
of seeing themselves as "bad" or "good" they feel true self-confidence
in spite of mistakes (or as Kelly calls them, learning takes).
I'm not going to say that a mindfully parented child never feels
malice towards someone. But I think it's a really lame way to label
the behavior. I'd rather say the child was angry for a reason (a
reason that may seem totally unreasonable to US, but we need to try
and understand that it's simply how they feel) and acted in a way that
seemed "malicious" or "mean spirited".
Again, it's lack of tools or experience that caused the event to
unfold that way. Human beings really WANT to fit into their tribal
group. They WANT to understand their world, their peers and figure out
all the framework of society. Understanding that about them, will help
us be better guides. Assuming malice will not, even if the act seems
terribly wrong.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Momma
_____
We have a family that lives behind us. The grandmother is raising the
children, 2 & 5. There are 8 adults living in the house also, sons and
daughters along with their husbands and wives. The children were playing
with my children a lot when we first moved in a couple of months ago. I
noticed behaviors that disturbed me a lot. The little boy (5) was calling my
dd (7) ugly names, hitting her, destroying her things, etc. My ds (9) was
ready to punch this kid out at any given moment (he is very protective of
his sister). But dd still wanted to play with him so our family talked about
it and decided that supervision was what was needed. I told my children
that a child would not behave this way unless there was something very wrong
going on in their home. We decided to invite him over more often and try to
give him a safe place to be. Sure enough we started hearing the adults
fighting shortly after (I think they were on their good behavior when we
first moved in.) The screaming and cussing was terrible and would keep us up
at night. I would just cry for the children and soon my ds was too and saw
that I was right in my assumption. Then the little boy started killing
kittens (their place is crawling with cats.) He drowned one according to my
dd and threw one down the stairs. My dh saw him purposefully throw one in
front of one of their dogs and the dog tore it up while the child watched.
Then he picked up the kitten and ran to his grandmother and told her that
the dog had gotten a hold of one of the kittens but that he had saved it. My
dh went ballistic! I went out and got the child (before dh could get a hold
of him) and brought him to my house and sat him down. I started to talk to
him not knowing really what I was going to say. He fell into my lap and
cried for 30 minutes at least. When my dh came in to see how it was going he
found both of us on the floor crying our eyes out. I don't think I have ever
felt such pain before. I wanted to save him, to run away with, him but all I
could do was hold him and let him cry. When I told my dh and ds what had
happened they both started crying also (I think at the beginning they were
just humoring me most of the time when I was defending him.) I told him to
come over whenever he needed to and he did for awhile but just last Sunday
the grandmother called me chewed me out for something and won't let the
children come over anymore. In so many ways I am sorry she won't let them
come over anymore but my own children have been so much more peaceful this
week. This child is totally unable to deal with what the adults in his life
are doing to him. I know he was killing the cats on purpose, but there was
another reason behind his behavior. He wanted to hurt because he was hurting
and it is all he knows. He was venting his emotions the only way he could.
People don't do hurtful things for no reason. The reasons may not make sense
to us and the person may not be able to explain it but there is always a
reason for it. I'm so glad I saw his actions the way I did instead of
blaming him. He and I have a special relationship now. Hopefully soon
Grandma will get her head out of her butt and allow them over again. I loved
the way he looked so amazed when I would offer them a snack. He would look
up at me with his eyes so big and say, "Really?"
I better stop now before I start bawling again.
Dawn
.
Ren wrote---
I'm not going to say that a mindfully parented child never feels
malice towards someone. But I think it's a really lame way to label
the behavior. I'd rather say the child was angry for a reason (a
reason that may seem totally unreasonable to US, but we need to try
and understand that it's simply how they feel) and acted in a way that
seemed "malicious" or "mean spirited".
Again, it's lack of tools or experience that caused the event to
unfold that way. Human beings really WANT to fit into their tribal
group. They WANT to understand their world, their peers and figure out
all the framework of society. Understanding that about them, will help
us be better guides. Assuming malice will not, even if the act seems
terribly wrong.
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15104&stime=1151675047>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We have a family that lives behind us. The grandmother is raising the
children, 2 & 5. There are 8 adults living in the house also, sons and
daughters along with their husbands and wives. The children were playing
with my children a lot when we first moved in a couple of months ago. I
noticed behaviors that disturbed me a lot. The little boy (5) was calling my
dd (7) ugly names, hitting her, destroying her things, etc. My ds (9) was
ready to punch this kid out at any given moment (he is very protective of
his sister). But dd still wanted to play with him so our family talked about
it and decided that supervision was what was needed. I told my children
that a child would not behave this way unless there was something very wrong
going on in their home. We decided to invite him over more often and try to
give him a safe place to be. Sure enough we started hearing the adults
fighting shortly after (I think they were on their good behavior when we
first moved in.) The screaming and cussing was terrible and would keep us up
at night. I would just cry for the children and soon my ds was too and saw
that I was right in my assumption. Then the little boy started killing
kittens (their place is crawling with cats.) He drowned one according to my
dd and threw one down the stairs. My dh saw him purposefully throw one in
front of one of their dogs and the dog tore it up while the child watched.
Then he picked up the kitten and ran to his grandmother and told her that
the dog had gotten a hold of one of the kittens but that he had saved it. My
dh went ballistic! I went out and got the child (before dh could get a hold
of him) and brought him to my house and sat him down. I started to talk to
him not knowing really what I was going to say. He fell into my lap and
cried for 30 minutes at least. When my dh came in to see how it was going he
found both of us on the floor crying our eyes out. I don't think I have ever
felt such pain before. I wanted to save him, to run away with, him but all I
could do was hold him and let him cry. When I told my dh and ds what had
happened they both started crying also (I think at the beginning they were
just humoring me most of the time when I was defending him.) I told him to
come over whenever he needed to and he did for awhile but just last Sunday
the grandmother called me chewed me out for something and won't let the
children come over anymore. In so many ways I am sorry she won't let them
come over anymore but my own children have been so much more peaceful this
week. This child is totally unable to deal with what the adults in his life
are doing to him. I know he was killing the cats on purpose, but there was
another reason behind his behavior. He wanted to hurt because he was hurting
and it is all he knows. He was venting his emotions the only way he could.
People don't do hurtful things for no reason. The reasons may not make sense
to us and the person may not be able to explain it but there is always a
reason for it. I'm so glad I saw his actions the way I did instead of
blaming him. He and I have a special relationship now. Hopefully soon
Grandma will get her head out of her butt and allow them over again. I loved
the way he looked so amazed when I would offer them a snack. He would look
up at me with his eyes so big and say, "Really?"
I better stop now before I start bawling again.
Dawn
.
Ren wrote---
I'm not going to say that a mindfully parented child never feels
malice towards someone. But I think it's a really lame way to label
the behavior. I'd rather say the child was angry for a reason (a
reason that may seem totally unreasonable to US, but we need to try
and understand that it's simply how they feel) and acted in a way that
seemed "malicious" or "mean spirited".
Again, it's lack of tools or experience that caused the event to
unfold that way. Human beings really WANT to fit into their tribal
group. They WANT to understand their world, their peers and figure out
all the framework of society. Understanding that about them, will help
us be better guides. Assuming malice will not, even if the act seems
terribly wrong.
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15104&stime=1151675047>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tina Layne
This is a very sad story...
At what point do you step in and call CPS?
I understand the point of the story. I understand that your house was a small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure your house is enough sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the first time I witnessed or my kids witnessed him killing the kittens. There is something terribly wrong in that household!
Momma <southernbelle@...> wrote:
_____
We have a family that lives behind us. The grandmother is raising the
children, 2 & 5. There are 8 adults living in the house also, sons and
daughters along with their husbands and wives. The children were playing
with my children a lot when we first moved in a couple of months ago. I
noticed behaviors that disturbed me a lot. The little boy (5) was calling my
dd (7) ugly names, hitting her, destroying her things, etc. My ds (9) was
ready to punch this kid out at any given moment (he is very protective of
his sister). But dd still wanted to play with him so our family talked about
it and decided that supervision was what was needed. I told my children
that a child would not behave this way unless there was something very wrong
going on in their home. We decided to invite him over more often and try to
give him a safe place to be. Sure enough we started hearing the adults
fighting shortly after (I think they were on their good behavior when we
first moved in.) The screaming and cussing was terrible and would keep us up
at night. I would just cry for the children and soon my ds was too and saw
that I was right in my assumption. Then the little boy started killing
kittens (their place is crawling with cats.) He drowned one according to my
dd and threw one down the stairs. My dh saw him purposefully throw one in
front of one of their dogs and the dog tore it up while the child watched.
Then he picked up the kitten and ran to his grandmother and told her that
the dog had gotten a hold of one of the kittens but that he had saved it. My
dh went ballistic! I went out and got the child (before dh could get a hold
of him) and brought him to my house and sat him down. I started to talk to
him not knowing really what I was going to say. He fell into my lap and
cried for 30 minutes at least. When my dh came in to see how it was going he
found both of us on the floor crying our eyes out. I don't think I have ever
felt such pain before. I wanted to save him, to run away with, him but all I
could do was hold him and let him cry. When I told my dh and ds what had
happened they both started crying also (I think at the beginning they were
just humoring me most of the time when I was defending him.) I told him to
come over whenever he needed to and he did for awhile but just last Sunday
the grandmother called me chewed me out for something and won't let the
children come over anymore. In so many ways I am sorry she won't let them
come over anymore but my own children have been so much more peaceful this
week. This child is totally unable to deal with what the adults in his life
are doing to him. I know he was killing the cats on purpose, but there was
another reason behind his behavior. He wanted to hurt because he was hurting
and it is all he knows. He was venting his emotions the only way he could.
People don't do hurtful things for no reason. The reasons may not make sense
to us and the person may not be able to explain it but there is always a
reason for it. I'm so glad I saw his actions the way I did instead of
blaming him. He and I have a special relationship now. Hopefully soon
Grandma will get her head out of her butt and allow them over again. I loved
the way he looked so amazed when I would offer them a snack. He would look
up at me with his eyes so big and say, "Really?"
I better stop now before I start bawling again.
Dawn
.
Ren wrote---
I'm not going to say that a mindfully parented child never feels
malice towards someone. But I think it's a really lame way to label
the behavior. I'd rather say the child was angry for a reason (a
reason that may seem totally unreasonable to US, but we need to try
and understand that it's simply how they feel) and acted in a way that
seemed "malicious" or "mean spirited".
Again, it's lack of tools or experience that caused the event to
unfold that way. Human beings really WANT to fit into their tribal
group. They WANT to understand their world, their peers and figure out
all the framework of society. Understanding that about them, will help
us be better guides. Assuming malice will not, even if the act seems
terribly wrong.
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15104&stime=1151675047>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Layne Family Blog:
http://threekeys.blogspot.com/
---------------------------------
Want to be your own boss? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
At what point do you step in and call CPS?
I understand the point of the story. I understand that your house was a small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure your house is enough sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the first time I witnessed or my kids witnessed him killing the kittens. There is something terribly wrong in that household!
Momma <southernbelle@...> wrote:
_____
We have a family that lives behind us. The grandmother is raising the
children, 2 & 5. There are 8 adults living in the house also, sons and
daughters along with their husbands and wives. The children were playing
with my children a lot when we first moved in a couple of months ago. I
noticed behaviors that disturbed me a lot. The little boy (5) was calling my
dd (7) ugly names, hitting her, destroying her things, etc. My ds (9) was
ready to punch this kid out at any given moment (he is very protective of
his sister). But dd still wanted to play with him so our family talked about
it and decided that supervision was what was needed. I told my children
that a child would not behave this way unless there was something very wrong
going on in their home. We decided to invite him over more often and try to
give him a safe place to be. Sure enough we started hearing the adults
fighting shortly after (I think they were on their good behavior when we
first moved in.) The screaming and cussing was terrible and would keep us up
at night. I would just cry for the children and soon my ds was too and saw
that I was right in my assumption. Then the little boy started killing
kittens (their place is crawling with cats.) He drowned one according to my
dd and threw one down the stairs. My dh saw him purposefully throw one in
front of one of their dogs and the dog tore it up while the child watched.
Then he picked up the kitten and ran to his grandmother and told her that
the dog had gotten a hold of one of the kittens but that he had saved it. My
dh went ballistic! I went out and got the child (before dh could get a hold
of him) and brought him to my house and sat him down. I started to talk to
him not knowing really what I was going to say. He fell into my lap and
cried for 30 minutes at least. When my dh came in to see how it was going he
found both of us on the floor crying our eyes out. I don't think I have ever
felt such pain before. I wanted to save him, to run away with, him but all I
could do was hold him and let him cry. When I told my dh and ds what had
happened they both started crying also (I think at the beginning they were
just humoring me most of the time when I was defending him.) I told him to
come over whenever he needed to and he did for awhile but just last Sunday
the grandmother called me chewed me out for something and won't let the
children come over anymore. In so many ways I am sorry she won't let them
come over anymore but my own children have been so much more peaceful this
week. This child is totally unable to deal with what the adults in his life
are doing to him. I know he was killing the cats on purpose, but there was
another reason behind his behavior. He wanted to hurt because he was hurting
and it is all he knows. He was venting his emotions the only way he could.
People don't do hurtful things for no reason. The reasons may not make sense
to us and the person may not be able to explain it but there is always a
reason for it. I'm so glad I saw his actions the way I did instead of
blaming him. He and I have a special relationship now. Hopefully soon
Grandma will get her head out of her butt and allow them over again. I loved
the way he looked so amazed when I would offer them a snack. He would look
up at me with his eyes so big and say, "Really?"
I better stop now before I start bawling again.
Dawn
.
Ren wrote---
I'm not going to say that a mindfully parented child never feels
malice towards someone. But I think it's a really lame way to label
the behavior. I'd rather say the child was angry for a reason (a
reason that may seem totally unreasonable to US, but we need to try
and understand that it's simply how they feel) and acted in a way that
seemed "malicious" or "mean spirited".
Again, it's lack of tools or experience that caused the event to
unfold that way. Human beings really WANT to fit into their tribal
group. They WANT to understand their world, their peers and figure out
all the framework of society. Understanding that about them, will help
us be better guides. Assuming malice will not, even if the act seems
terribly wrong.
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15104&stime=1151675047>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Layne Family Blog:
http://threekeys.blogspot.com/
---------------------------------
Want to be your own boss? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~I understand the point of the story. I understand that your house was
a small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure your house is
enough sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the first time I
witnessed or my kids witnessed him killing the kittens. There is
something terribly wrong in that household!~
Absolutely!
I would report that family immediately, if you haven't already. Very,
very frightening.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
a small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure your house is
enough sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the first time I
witnessed or my kids witnessed him killing the kittens. There is
something terribly wrong in that household!~
Absolutely!
I would report that family immediately, if you haven't already. Very,
very frightening.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
mooosey3
--- In [email protected], Tina Layne <tinalayne@...>
wrote:
your house is enough sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the
first time I witnessed or my kids witnessed him killing the
kittens. There is something terribly wrong in that household!
wrong going on there. I would also watch out for your own family
because these are the type of people that could try to raise havoc
on yours.
heather
wrote:
>house was a small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure
> This is a very sad story...
>
> At what point do you step in and call CPS?
>
> I understand the point of the story. I understand that your
your house is enough sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the
first time I witnessed or my kids witnessed him killing the
kittens. There is something terribly wrong in that household!
>What a horrible situation. I agree there is something terribly
wrong going on there. I would also watch out for your own family
because these are the type of people that could try to raise havoc
on yours.
heather
Momma
Actually CPS is very heavily involved over there. So is the Environmental
Protection Agency. They are working with the family but not doing a very
good job. The mother is only allowed over on weekends and is taking
parenting classes but the grandmother railroads her efforts constantly. The
fathers (2 different fathers, same mom) are working within the court system
to see the kids. One father has recently been taken back to court to stop
visitation when his new girlfriend was burning the little girl (2 years old)
purposely on her legs with cigarettes. The children are receiving
counseling. There are CPS workers over there every week or so.
The Grandmother and the CPS workers believed that the incidences with the
kittens were accidents and when I tried to say something the Grandmother
then proceeded to tell me how rotten my dc were. She didn't want to hear any
of it. She is in total denial. When I told her that her grandson was calling
my dd a bitch she just laughed and said that he probably heard it at their
house. That word flies around a lot over there but It's a hot button for me.
The children have an uncle that lives there, a good friend of ours, that
cares a great deal about the children and is very good to them. I think I
will talk to him soon and tell him what I see and try to see what can be
done. I just don't know what else to do. And now that I don't see the
children at all I'm not sure if it's gotten better or worse. She is terribly
angry with me and apparently with her whole family right now.
Dawn
_____
This is a very sad story...
At what point do you step in and call CPS?
I understand the point of the story. I understand that your house was a
small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure your house is enough
sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the first time I witnessed or my
kids witnessed him killing the kittens. There is something terribly wrong in
that household!
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15137&stime=1151688805>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Protection Agency. They are working with the family but not doing a very
good job. The mother is only allowed over on weekends and is taking
parenting classes but the grandmother railroads her efforts constantly. The
fathers (2 different fathers, same mom) are working within the court system
to see the kids. One father has recently been taken back to court to stop
visitation when his new girlfriend was burning the little girl (2 years old)
purposely on her legs with cigarettes. The children are receiving
counseling. There are CPS workers over there every week or so.
The Grandmother and the CPS workers believed that the incidences with the
kittens were accidents and when I tried to say something the Grandmother
then proceeded to tell me how rotten my dc were. She didn't want to hear any
of it. She is in total denial. When I told her that her grandson was calling
my dd a bitch she just laughed and said that he probably heard it at their
house. That word flies around a lot over there but It's a hot button for me.
The children have an uncle that lives there, a good friend of ours, that
cares a great deal about the children and is very good to them. I think I
will talk to him soon and tell him what I see and try to see what can be
done. I just don't know what else to do. And now that I don't see the
children at all I'm not sure if it's gotten better or worse. She is terribly
angry with me and apparently with her whole family right now.
Dawn
_____
This is a very sad story...
At what point do you step in and call CPS?
I understand the point of the story. I understand that your house was a
small ray of sunlight for these children. Are you sure your house is enough
sunlight? I'd have been on the phone to CPS the first time I witnessed or my
kids witnessed him killing the kittens. There is something terribly wrong in
that household!
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15137&stime=1151688805>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Momma
Heather wrote---
because these are the type of people that could try to raise havoc
on yours.
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15143&stime=1151690301>
_This is a huge issue for us. We moved out here to the country 2 months ago.
Why?! Neighbors!!! We were sick of having neighbors! We came here for peace.
We DO NOT want to make enemies with the only neighbors we have! And she is
nasty. The people who lived here before us moved because of them! She could
become unbearable to live next to if we are not very careful.
Dawn_,_._,___
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>What a horrible situation. I agree there is something terriblywrong going on there. I would also watch out for your own family
because these are the type of people that could try to raise havoc
on yours.
.
<http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714&grpId=12789513&grpspId=1600081972&msgI
d=15143&stime=1151690301>
_This is a huge issue for us. We moved out here to the country 2 months ago.
Why?! Neighbors!!! We were sick of having neighbors! We came here for peace.
We DO NOT want to make enemies with the only neighbors we have! And she is
nasty. The people who lived here before us moved because of them! She could
become unbearable to live next to if we are not very careful.
Dawn_,_._,___
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]