Our Last Few weeks
kathrynbeth
We have had an eventful couple of weeks, and I wanted to share.
First, I quit my job as Director of Religious Education at a
Unitarian Universalist church. The minister and a few others seemed
to really want to move toward very traditional, age-segregated
program, and I felt like I was no longer a good fit. It's hard --
I've been doing this work for twelve years.
Then, Julian and I went to a great concert, Tom Petty and Trey
Anastasio. Tom Petty's guest: Stevie Nicks. It was an amazing night,
and it was so sweet spending the time with Julian. He's so busy
working and doing other stuff, and he's such an amazing person.
Biggest: We have just spent the last couple of days with our new
daughter, first Friday where she lives, then yesterday in Salem at
our home.
Her name is Jacqueline (Jackie) and she's 5, and we are in the
process of adopting her. If things continue to go well, she'll be
moving in with us in July. She likes to draw, do crafts, loves
music, Dora the Explorer, and butterflies.
Friday while we were at Barnes and Noble we mentioned that Julian
doesn't go to school, he learns at home. At first she couldn't
imagine how anyone could learn at home, then she kept coming up with
things she was learning. Then she said, "We're learning each other
today."
(Our imagination is limited. We had a lot of challenges coming up
with something to do with a 5 yo we didn't really know in a town
known mostly for being the Furniture Capitol of New England, when it
poured all day!!)
Saturday we took her home so she could meet the cats, see the house,
explore her room and talk about how she wants it, and learn each
other more. She loves her room and Julian's Music studio most so far.
Julian had an old guitar, the first one he used for lessons,
actually, and he gave it to her. She was so happy, and Julian just
glowed!
It was VERY hard to bring her back at the end of the day, for her and
for us.
We found out we MAY be able to NOT send her to Kindergarten in the
fall, depending on how things seem to be going. The social worker
seemed to think that could work out.
In learning Jackie, we're realizing that truly whole-life unschooling
will be a process. She has never really belonged to anyone and has a
lot of hard times and upheavel in her life. She is going to need us
to make a lot of decisions for her to help her feel safe and cared
for. "Academic" unschooling should be easy -- she's only 5 and she
likes to play and explore and that's all natural for her. "Life"
unschooling is probably going to take a couple years or more of
gradually ...I don't know ...de-hard-lifing? NOT giving her more
freedom from the start may be a challenge for us.
Anyway, she is very nice, funny, and cute. We are really excited.
Kathryn
First, I quit my job as Director of Religious Education at a
Unitarian Universalist church. The minister and a few others seemed
to really want to move toward very traditional, age-segregated
program, and I felt like I was no longer a good fit. It's hard --
I've been doing this work for twelve years.
Then, Julian and I went to a great concert, Tom Petty and Trey
Anastasio. Tom Petty's guest: Stevie Nicks. It was an amazing night,
and it was so sweet spending the time with Julian. He's so busy
working and doing other stuff, and he's such an amazing person.
Biggest: We have just spent the last couple of days with our new
daughter, first Friday where she lives, then yesterday in Salem at
our home.
Her name is Jacqueline (Jackie) and she's 5, and we are in the
process of adopting her. If things continue to go well, she'll be
moving in with us in July. She likes to draw, do crafts, loves
music, Dora the Explorer, and butterflies.
Friday while we were at Barnes and Noble we mentioned that Julian
doesn't go to school, he learns at home. At first she couldn't
imagine how anyone could learn at home, then she kept coming up with
things she was learning. Then she said, "We're learning each other
today."
(Our imagination is limited. We had a lot of challenges coming up
with something to do with a 5 yo we didn't really know in a town
known mostly for being the Furniture Capitol of New England, when it
poured all day!!)
Saturday we took her home so she could meet the cats, see the house,
explore her room and talk about how she wants it, and learn each
other more. She loves her room and Julian's Music studio most so far.
Julian had an old guitar, the first one he used for lessons,
actually, and he gave it to her. She was so happy, and Julian just
glowed!
It was VERY hard to bring her back at the end of the day, for her and
for us.
We found out we MAY be able to NOT send her to Kindergarten in the
fall, depending on how things seem to be going. The social worker
seemed to think that could work out.
In learning Jackie, we're realizing that truly whole-life unschooling
will be a process. She has never really belonged to anyone and has a
lot of hard times and upheavel in her life. She is going to need us
to make a lot of decisions for her to help her feel safe and cared
for. "Academic" unschooling should be easy -- she's only 5 and she
likes to play and explore and that's all natural for her. "Life"
unschooling is probably going to take a couple years or more of
gradually ...I don't know ...de-hard-lifing? NOT giving her more
freedom from the start may be a challenge for us.
Anyway, she is very nice, funny, and cute. We are really excited.
Kathryn
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/25/2006 8:32:52 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
KathrynJB@... writes:
Friday while we were at Barnes and Noble we mentioned that Julian
doesn't go to school, he learns at home. At first she couldn't
imagine how anyone could learn at home, then she kept coming up with
things she was learning. Then she said, "We're learning each other
today."
*****
Well, you have me in tears this morning, Kathryn. I will be thinking of you
all during your transition time.
I look forward to "learning" Jackie, too!
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
KathrynJB@... writes:
Friday while we were at Barnes and Noble we mentioned that Julian
doesn't go to school, he learns at home. At first she couldn't
imagine how anyone could learn at home, then she kept coming up with
things she was learning. Then she said, "We're learning each other
today."
*****
Well, you have me in tears this morning, Kathryn. I will be thinking of you
all during your transition time.
I look forward to "learning" Jackie, too!
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
My heart melted when I read "we're learning each other today". I am so happy
for your new family. I hope that your adoption goes smoothly and that Jackie
is home safely with your family as soon as possible.
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. :-)
At first she couldn't
imagine how anyone could learn at home, then she kept coming up with
things she was learning. Then she said, "We're learning each other
today."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
for your new family. I hope that your adoption goes smoothly and that Jackie
is home safely with your family as soon as possible.
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. :-)
At first she couldn't
imagine how anyone could learn at home, then she kept coming up with
things she was learning. Then she said, "We're learning each other
today."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
freepsgal
Hi Kathryn,
I love hearing adoption stories. I really wish my DH would consider
adoption but he's feeling our family is complete. Anyway, she sounds
like an amazing little girl. I wouldn't worry about having to give
her limits at first and even sending her to Kindergarten if that is
what the social workers deem important. Just work with it and you can
make changes gradually. If she does K, does that mean they have the
right to insist on 1st and above? If not, then you can tell her that
she's going to go to K because it's fun but after that she'll just
learn at home since 1st and above isn't nearly as much fun as K. Just
an idea.
Super congrats for your family and that includes Jackie. How
wonderful for all of you!
Beth M.
I love hearing adoption stories. I really wish my DH would consider
adoption but he's feeling our family is complete. Anyway, she sounds
like an amazing little girl. I wouldn't worry about having to give
her limits at first and even sending her to Kindergarten if that is
what the social workers deem important. Just work with it and you can
make changes gradually. If she does K, does that mean they have the
right to insist on 1st and above? If not, then you can tell her that
she's going to go to K because it's fun but after that she'll just
learn at home since 1st and above isn't nearly as much fun as K. Just
an idea.
Super congrats for your family and that includes Jackie. How
wonderful for all of you!
Beth M.
Chip And Cathy Craven
I am in tears just having read your post, Kathryn. Happy tears, of course. :-) Jackie sounds like a very special little girl -- how perfect that she is joining your very special family! I wish you all the best and can't wait to hear more, challenges and all.
Cathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jlh44music
"kathrynbeth" <KathrynJB@...> wrote:
Congrats on your new addition! How wonderful! I hope everything goes
smoothly! I love "we're learning each other today"! And if she has
never really belonged to anyone (how sad....) then she's found a
wonderful family to belong to. I hope you can keep her home, it will
help with the healing I'm sure.
And it's always great to have special moments with teens. Danielle is
just at the beginning of her teen years, but I see the "separation" at
times, a normal part of growing up. I had a stormy relationship with
my mother, especially during my teens, and I work hard at having a
different and more genuine connection with my daughter.
Keep us posted!
Jann
Congrats on your new addition! How wonderful! I hope everything goes
smoothly! I love "we're learning each other today"! And if she has
never really belonged to anyone (how sad....) then she's found a
wonderful family to belong to. I hope you can keep her home, it will
help with the healing I'm sure.
And it's always great to have special moments with teens. Danielle is
just at the beginning of her teen years, but I see the "separation" at
times, a normal part of growing up. I had a stormy relationship with
my mother, especially during my teens, and I work hard at having a
different and more genuine connection with my daughter.
Keep us posted!
Jann
Deb
--- In [email protected], "kathrynbeth"
<KathrynJB@...> wrote:
Favorite Places to Go list - and have been since he was 4 or 5, so
that was a good pick, in my book anyhow, for a rainy day. Pick out
some books or magazines, browse the music section, check out the
games and odds & ends, and hole up in a corner of the cafe with a
snack are our usual 'just hanging out' things. Yesterday, Joshua and
I went to the mall for lunch and I asked if he wanted to stop in at
the Lindt store for some chocolate. He asked how much I had
available to spend. I told him. He said "I'd rather go to Barnes &
Noble and browse." Okay, so that's what we did.
then she doesn't have to start school (by MA law) until NEXT year
(whatever year in which she'll turn 6 by Dec 31).
slowly. Little steps at a time. Just as some babies want to be
tightly swaddled and others don't and others want something in
between, so too your Jackie will need your life swaddled around her
while she gets her bearings and learns to trust.
--Deb
<KathrynJB@...> wrote:
>Trips to Barnes & Noble and Borders Books are still on Joshua's
> Her name is Jacqueline (Jackie) and she's 5,
>
> Friday while we were at Barnes and Noble
> (Our imagination is limited. We had a lot of challenges coming up
> with something to do with a 5 yo we didn't really know in a town
> known mostly for being the Furniture Capitol of New England, when
>it
> poured all day!!)
Favorite Places to Go list - and have been since he was 4 or 5, so
that was a good pick, in my book anyhow, for a rainy day. Pick out
some books or magazines, browse the music section, check out the
games and odds & ends, and hole up in a corner of the cafe with a
snack are our usual 'just hanging out' things. Yesterday, Joshua and
I went to the mall for lunch and I asked if he wanted to stop in at
the Lindt store for some chocolate. He asked how much I had
available to spend. I told him. He said "I'd rather go to Barnes &
Noble and browse." Okay, so that's what we did.
> Then she said, "We're learning each other today."Boy she catches on quick! LOL
>When is her birthday? If she's turned 5 since January of this year,
> We found out we MAY be able to NOT send her to Kindergarten in the
> fall, depending on how things seem to be going. The social worker
> seemed to think that could work out.
then she doesn't have to start school (by MA law) until NEXT year
(whatever year in which she'll turn 6 by Dec 31).
> She is going to need usJust as has been repeated many times on this and other forums, go
> to make a lot of decisions for her to help her feel safe and cared
> for. "Academic" unschooling should be easy -- she's only 5 and she
> likes to play and explore and that's all natural for her. "Life"
> unschooling is probably going to take a couple years or more of
> gradually ...I don't know ...de-hard-lifing? NOT giving her more
> freedom from the start may be a challenge for us.
slowly. Little steps at a time. Just as some babies want to be
tightly swaddled and others don't and others want something in
between, so too your Jackie will need your life swaddled around her
while she gets her bearings and learns to trust.
--Deb
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/26/2006 2:05:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
then she doesn't have to start school (by MA law) until NEXT year
(whatever year in which she'll turn 6 by Dec 31).
**********************
The issue will be more what the social workers agree to. Jackie has to live
with us at least six months before we can finalize the adoption. Until then,
legally she is in the custody of the state, so they get to decide things like
school. The SW seemed to think it was certainly possible, but suggested an
evaluation to see where Jackie is at. We have a friend who is a Kindergarten
teacher who often does these, and they may agree to have her do it rather than
the local schools. The SW also suggested (you'll love this) that we do some
homeschooling things this summer and see if Jackie seems to be learning.
Gosh, I wonder.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> We found out we MAY be able to NOT send her to Kindergarten in theWhen is her birthday? If she's turned 5 since January of this year,
> fall, depending on how things seem to be going. The social worker
> seemed to think that could work out.
then she doesn't have to start school (by MA law) until NEXT year
(whatever year in which she'll turn 6 by Dec 31).
**********************
The issue will be more what the social workers agree to. Jackie has to live
with us at least six months before we can finalize the adoption. Until then,
legally she is in the custody of the state, so they get to decide things like
school. The SW seemed to think it was certainly possible, but suggested an
evaluation to see where Jackie is at. We have a friend who is a Kindergarten
teacher who often does these, and they may agree to have her do it rather than
the local schools. The SW also suggested (you'll love this) that we do some
homeschooling things this summer and see if Jackie seems to be learning.
Gosh, I wonder.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb
--- In [email protected], KathrynJB@... wrote:
loving *safe* place how can she NOT learn and grow? Goodness, she'll
be surrounded by art, and music, and literature, and all sorts of
cool stuff. If even 1% gets in by osmosis that'll be a lot given
that she seems to have had a pretty unstable background until now.
As far as age, that was more a "point to keep handy" if they're on
the fence about things. If the SW thinks it's possible and the eval
is positive, it might help as well from a SW perspective, that the
law doesn't require attendance for another year (if that's the
case) - that way, they have a bit of 'cover' "well, since her
birthday was after the legal cutoff, we decided to go ahead
and "try" it, since she could always start the next year and be 'on
time' still" yadda yadda.
--Deb
>Had to LOL at that last part - "IF"! yeah right - being in a stable
> The issue will be more what the social workers agree to. Jackie
>has to live
> with us at least six months before we can finalize the adoption.
>Until then,
> legally she is in the custody of the state, so they get to decide
>things like
> school. The SW seemed to think it was certainly possible, but
>suggested an
> evaluation to see where Jackie is at. We have a friend who is a
>Kindergarten
> teacher who often does these, and they may agree to have her do it
>rather than
> the local schools. The SW also suggested (you'll love this) that
>we do some
> homeschooling things this summer and see if Jackie seems to be
>learning.
> Gosh, I wonder.
> Kathryn
>
loving *safe* place how can she NOT learn and grow? Goodness, she'll
be surrounded by art, and music, and literature, and all sorts of
cool stuff. If even 1% gets in by osmosis that'll be a lot given
that she seems to have had a pretty unstable background until now.
As far as age, that was more a "point to keep handy" if they're on
the fence about things. If the SW thinks it's possible and the eval
is positive, it might help as well from a SW perspective, that the
law doesn't require attendance for another year (if that's the
case) - that way, they have a bit of 'cover' "well, since her
birthday was after the legal cutoff, we decided to go ahead
and "try" it, since she could always start the next year and be 'on
time' still" yadda yadda.
--Deb
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/26/2006 3:18:38 PM Eastern Standard Time,
KathrynJB@... writes:
The issue will be more what the social workers agree to. Jackie has to live
with us at least six months before we can finalize the adoption. Until then,
legally she is in the custody of the state, so they get to decide things like
school.
Hi Kathryn,
Congratulations! I loved your story about learning each other.
We've been taking in foster kids in MA for about 5 years. The decisions about
school ultimately fall to the parent, or pre-adoptive parent, you. If the
state is placing Jackie with you then you have met their parenting criteria as
an adoptive home and you will receive paperwork that gives you the authority
to make educational decisions on her behalf. There are many reasons one might
choose not to send a child to K that have nothing to do with freedom or
unschooling. Things that social workers will understand. Like that Jackie will be
transitioning to her new life and she'll need to be with her family during
this time with as little interruption as possible. If the social workers give
you any grief about K, I'm sure you can find a doctor, therapist, psychiatrist
or other clinical expert (any friends in the business?) who can advocate for
Jackie and help you show them (DSS) that it is in her best interest to keep her
out of Kindergarten until after the adoption, when you can do what you want.
Joy to all of you!
Warmly,
Robin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
KathrynJB@... writes:
The issue will be more what the social workers agree to. Jackie has to live
with us at least six months before we can finalize the adoption. Until then,
legally she is in the custody of the state, so they get to decide things like
school.
Hi Kathryn,
Congratulations! I loved your story about learning each other.
We've been taking in foster kids in MA for about 5 years. The decisions about
school ultimately fall to the parent, or pre-adoptive parent, you. If the
state is placing Jackie with you then you have met their parenting criteria as
an adoptive home and you will receive paperwork that gives you the authority
to make educational decisions on her behalf. There are many reasons one might
choose not to send a child to K that have nothing to do with freedom or
unschooling. Things that social workers will understand. Like that Jackie will be
transitioning to her new life and she'll need to be with her family during
this time with as little interruption as possible. If the social workers give
you any grief about K, I'm sure you can find a doctor, therapist, psychiatrist
or other clinical expert (any friends in the business?) who can advocate for
Jackie and help you show them (DSS) that it is in her best interest to keep her
out of Kindergarten until after the adoption, when you can do what you want.
Joy to all of you!
Warmly,
Robin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]