Anne Andrews

Hi there,

We're very new to HS - started at the beginning of this yr. I have 4
boys, 3 of which I am hs. The eldest is 20 & at university having gone
through the 'normal' school route. the others are 15, 12 & 9
I have very quickly discovered how differently they all learn - the
older of the 3 is doing Cambridge distance learning & is doing extremely
well, despite being very 'lazy'.
My 12yr old loves stucture & flounders somewhat if he doesn't have his
schoolday mapped out for him.
The 9yr old is where the unschooling comes in - he hated all 3 yrs he
spent at school & was one of the main reasons we decided to hs.
So we started off the year with all the books & curriculae, & as I said
the older two are geeting along fine with that, but this little one,
hates having to write, battles to get thoughts onto paper, but verbalise
them beautifully. We've had a whole bunch of tests done & picked up some
'problems', that if he was at school would be labeled, so it's just as
well we decided to hs.
Anyway I'm rambling - sorry.
How do I go about unschooling when I have 2 others who are not ?? As
each week goes by I am more & more certain that this is the way to go
for him, but, after having kids in the school sytem for 14yrs I still
battle to 'let go'. Does this get easier as time goes on - bearing in
mind I'm in South Africa which still has a very small hs community(but
growing all the time) & an even smaller unschooling one ???
So many questions - so little time!! :-)

Regards
Anne
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Michelle/Melbrigða

On 6/22/06, Anne Andrews <mandrews@...> wrote:
>

> How do I go about unschooling when I have 2 others who are not ?? As
> each week goes by I am more & more certain that this is the way to go
> for him, but, after having kids in the school sytem for 14yrs I still
> battle to 'let go'.

Teenage Liberation Handbook. All of you read it! And to truly
unschool one all need to be free to unschool. Your son who needs his
day mapped out for him may need so because of his fear of not doing
school because that is all he knows. Deschooling everyone is a huge
priority!


--
Michelle
aka Melbrigða
http://eventualknitting.blogspot.com
[email protected] - Homeschooling for the Medieval Recreationist

[email protected]

>>How do I go about unschooling when I have 2 others who are not ??>>

I would unschool all 3 of them! If the older two want to do long distance programs or some curriculum work that's fine. But I would make it their choice to do so.

--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Anne Andrews" <mandrews@...>
> Hi there,
>
> We're very new to HS - started at the beginning of this yr. I have 4
> boys, 3 of which I am hs. The eldest is 20 & at university having gone
> through the 'normal' school route. the others are 15, 12 & 9
> I have very quickly discovered how differently they all learn - the
> older of the 3 is doing Cambridge distance learning & is doing extremely
> well, despite being very 'lazy'.
> My 12yr old loves stucture & flounders somewhat if he doesn't have his
> schoolday mapped out for him.
> The 9yr old is where the unschooling comes in - he hated all 3 yrs he
> spent at school & was one of the main reasons we decided to hs.
> So we started off the year with all the books & curriculae, & as I said
> the older two are geeting along fine with that, but this little one,
> hates having to write, battles to get thoughts onto paper, but verbalise
> them beautifully. We've had a whole bunch of tests done & picked up some
> 'problems', that if he was at school would be labeled, so it's just as
> well we decided to hs.
> Anyway I'm rambling - sorry.
> How do I go about unschooling when I have 2 others who are not ?? As
> each week goes by I am more & more certain that this is the way to go
> for him, but, after having kids in the school sytem for 14yrs I still
> battle to 'let go'. Does this get easier as time goes on - bearing in
> mind I'm in South Africa which still has a very small hs community(but
> growing all the time) & an even smaller unschooling one ???
> So many questions - so little time!! :-)
>
> Regards
> Anne
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>

Joyce Fetteroll

On Jun 22, 2006, at 5:46 PM, Anne Andrews wrote:

> I have very quickly discovered how differently they all learn

It's helpful to realize that the older ones, and to some extent the
younger one, may not be showing you their natural learning styles but
what style they've adopted to survive the forced learning of school.

It isn't just adults that get stuck in believing school style
learning is the only way to learn. Accepting that others know more
about what you need is one coping strategy for people stuck in a
situation they can't escape from. They basically *have* to believe
all the hard work and pain are worth it or they've been torturing
themselves for nothing :-/

If someone climbs Mt Everest, it feels like a great accomplishment
because there isn't another way to get to the top without a lot of
trials and tribulations.

If someone expends a great deal of effort climbing the side of a
mountain only to get to the top and find there's a gentle path that
would have taken them to the same spot their emotions are going to be
in turmoil because their goal has been the peak and the only path
(supposedly!) to it. The gentle path seems like a cheat and they can
feel angry towards those using it. They can justify to themselves
that their climb provided more exercise.

On the other hand, if they *know* there's a gentle path and choose to
go up the steep side, then the effort isn't about reaching the top
but the journey getting there.

Just something to think about.

> - the
> older of the 3 is doing Cambridge distance learning & is doing
> extremely
> well, despite being very 'lazy'.

It's also helpful not to see a child as lazy. As someone succinctly
put it just last week, lazy is when someone isn't doing what someone
else believes they should and judging a child's use of time by the
parent's standards doesn't help a parent help their child unschool.
With unschooling there is no learning they "should" be doing.

It's odd that in school kids who get A's easily are more admired than
kids who study hard and get C's. Being born with an ability to absorb
information easily in a school environment shouldn't be any more
worthy of admiration and praise than being born with naturally silken
hair. It's just darn *convenient* for the child if they're stuck in
school. But finding it easy isn't a choice they've made.

Not having an affinity for school style learning, and not being able
to stuff down the feelings that there are far better uses of
someone's time shouldn't be seen as lazy. I'd say he's stuck between
the belief that school style learning is necessary and superior and
the knowledge that it just doesn't interest him. Is ignoring the
internal voice that's telling him he's wasting his time that could be
put to better uses something to strive for?

Just something else to think about.

> My 12yr old loves stucture & flounders somewhat if he doesn't have
> his
> schoolday mapped out for him.

Lots of unschooled kids like to have some structure to their *days*.
They like knowing what's coming up.

Lots of kids get stuck on the idea that they have to do school. And
since there are thousands of things that are a lot more fun, one
strategy to get through what they have to do is to have a specific
schedule.

So it's hard to say if he naturally craves days that are predictable
or if he's stuck on the idea that he needs to do this school work.

How is he during the summer? Does he do well with unstructured days
or does he like having plans and knowing about them ahead of time?

There isn't a way to make the others unschool, but it's easy enough
to leave the door open for them so they can come in if they'd like :-)

> after having kids in the school sytem for 14yrs I still
> battle to 'let go'. Does this get easier as time goes on - bearing in
> mind I'm in South Africa which still has a very small hs community(but
> growing all the time) & an even smaller unschooling one ???

Yes, perfectly natural to have problems letting go. As I suggested
above, we *need* to believe all those dull tortorous hours in school
*had* to have some benefit or we wasted them all. Our brains cope by
convincing us that there's a lot we don't understand about learning
so we should just accept the idea that experts know better and do
what they suggest.

It does get easier. It helps a lot to read about unschooling so you
know what natural learning looks like. (It looks a lot like play!)

Joyce




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

fulkerson_family

Joyce - I found your post very encouraging. Thanks.

Sherlyn

--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
>
>
> On Jun 22, 2006, at 5:46 PM, Anne Andrews wrote:
>
> > I have very quickly discovered how differently they all learn
>
> It's helpful to realize that the older ones, and to some extent
the
> younger one, may not be showing you their natural learning styles
but
> what style they've adopted to survive the forced learning of
school.
>
> It isn't just adults that get stuck in believing school style
> learning is the only way to learn. Accepting that others know
more
> about what you need is one coping strategy for people stuck in a
> situation they can't escape from. They basically *have* to
believe
> all the hard work and pain are worth it or they've been torturing
> themselves for nothing :-/
>
> If someone climbs Mt Everest, it feels like a great
accomplishment
> because there isn't another way to get to the top without a lot
of
> trials and tribulations.
>
> If someone expends a great deal of effort climbing the side of a
> mountain only to get to the top and find there's a gentle path
that
> would have taken them to the same spot their emotions are going to
be
> in turmoil because their goal has been the peak and the only path
> (supposedly!) to it. The gentle path seems like a cheat and they
can
> feel angry towards those using it. They can justify to themselves
> that their climb provided more exercise.
>
> On the other hand, if they *know* there's a gentle path and choose
to
> go up the steep side, then the effort isn't about reaching the
top
> but the journey getting there.
>
> Just something to think about.
>
> > - the
> > older of the 3 is doing Cambridge distance learning & is doing
> > extremely
> > well, despite being very 'lazy'.
>
> It's also helpful not to see a child as lazy. As someone
succinctly
> put it just last week, lazy is when someone isn't doing what
someone
> else believes they should and judging a child's use of time by
the
> parent's standards doesn't help a parent help their child
unschool.
> With unschooling there is no learning they "should" be doing.
>
> It's odd that in school kids who get A's easily are more admired
than
> kids who study hard and get C's. Being born with an ability to
absorb
> information easily in a school environment shouldn't be any more
> worthy of admiration and praise than being born with naturally
silken
> hair. It's just darn *convenient* for the child if they're stuck
in
> school. But finding it easy isn't a choice they've made.
>
> Not having an affinity for school style learning, and not being
able
> to stuff down the feelings that there are far better uses of
> someone's time shouldn't be seen as lazy. I'd say he's stuck
between
> the belief that school style learning is necessary and superior
and
> the knowledge that it just doesn't interest him. Is ignoring the
> internal voice that's telling him he's wasting his time that could
be
> put to better uses something to strive for?
>
> Just something else to think about.
>
> > My 12yr old loves stucture & flounders somewhat if he doesn't
have
> > his
> > schoolday mapped out for him.
>
> Lots of unschooled kids like to have some structure to their
*days*.
> They like knowing what's coming up.
>
> Lots of kids get stuck on the idea that they have to do school.
And
> since there are thousands of things that are a lot more fun, one
> strategy to get through what they have to do is to have a
specific
> schedule.
>
> So it's hard to say if he naturally craves days that are
predictable
> or if he's stuck on the idea that he needs to do this school work.
>
> How is he during the summer? Does he do well with unstructured
days
> or does he like having plans and knowing about them ahead of time?
>
> There isn't a way to make the others unschool, but it's easy
enough
> to leave the door open for them so they can come in if they'd
like :-)
>
> > after having kids in the school sytem for 14yrs I still
> > battle to 'let go'. Does this get easier as time goes on -
bearing in
> > mind I'm in South Africa which still has a very small hs
community(but
> > growing all the time) & an even smaller unschooling one ???
>
> Yes, perfectly natural to have problems letting go. As I
suggested
> above, we *need* to believe all those dull tortorous hours in
school
> *had* to have some benefit or we wasted them all. Our brains cope
by
> convincing us that there's a lot we don't understand about
learning
> so we should just accept the idea that experts know better and do
> what they suggest.
>
> It does get easier. It helps a lot to read about unschooling so
you
> know what natural learning looks like. (It looks a lot like play!)
>
> Joyce
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>