Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same old, same old.
Kimberly
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
Michelle
Kimmy:
Is the movie on DVD and do the possibly have any extra features? The sometimes show the making of the movie, and show how they create the special effects. If you sit and watch it with your daughter, showing that all of the spiders and stuff was created using a computer, it may help her see that they are not real. Also, seeing the actors acting out some of the scenes may drive it home that it is all fake. KWIM.
Michelle
Kimberly <Kontessa_Rose@...> wrote:
She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not.
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Is the movie on DVD and do the possibly have any extra features? The sometimes show the making of the movie, and show how they create the special effects. If you sit and watch it with your daughter, showing that all of the spiders and stuff was created using a computer, it may help her see that they are not real. Also, seeing the actors acting out some of the scenes may drive it home that it is all fake. KWIM.
Michelle
Kimberly <Kontessa_Rose@...> wrote:
She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not.
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earthmothergypsy
Okay, I know this sounds really wierd, but maybe you should let her
watch it over and over until she has it "processed" in her mind.
Sometimes that is what they have to do to get it all figured out so
that they aren't afraid anymore. That has happened here in our home
and as much as I wanted to "protect" my dd from seeing this stuff
again, I found that she really NEEDED to see it over and over to put
it all into perspective. (Hope that makes sense.)
Just my humble opinion and experience. :)
~Amanda
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly"
<Kontessa_Rose@h...> wrote:
watch it over and over until she has it "processed" in her mind.
Sometimes that is what they have to do to get it all figured out so
that they aren't afraid anymore. That has happened here in our home
and as much as I wanted to "protect" my dd from seeing this stuff
again, I found that she really NEEDED to see it over and over to put
it all into perspective. (Hope that makes sense.)
Just my humble opinion and experience. :)
~Amanda
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly"
<Kontessa_Rose@h...> wrote:
> Advice needed.lots
>
> Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
> movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with
> to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wantsto
> do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs andthat
> we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But sheseen.
> insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
>
> OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever
> Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did nottried
> even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I
> to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, sheit
> thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain
> to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again,she
> is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.age
>
> I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
> old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
> Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
> picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
> not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
>
> Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
> horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
> hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at
> 4!freaked
>
> Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
>
> Blessings,
> Kimmy
>
> P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how
> I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
> how best to do so for her!
TreeGoddess
On Jul 7, 2004, at 1:59 AM, Kimberly wrote:
could she have insisted on watching it simply because YOU told her you
didn't want her to? You didn't give her the option of watching for a
minute or so (without comment) for HER to decide if she wanted to stick
around or not. Could be a possibility I suppose.
over. They were 4 and 2-1/2 at the time. They weren't freaked out by
the movie at all and they just wanted to watch it again and again as if
it were just another Disney movie. LOL They were free to watch it as
often as they wanted to and they got bored with it. They don't really
mention it much. They've since seen both of the sequels at the theater
with us and they think they're just great movies. I agree! LOL
really don't have any advice for you on this issue other than "why
can't she sleep with you?" Can't she "camp" on your bedroom floor
using a raft or the couch cushions? If she wants to sleep near you
then let her sleep near you. :)
-Tracy-
> [Hubby and I rented a movie, Starship Troopers 2, <snip> As it turnsJust a guess here, but given what you've told us about your DD.....
> out
> all our daughter wants to do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary
> movie
> about bugs and that we would rather she not watch it.]
could she have insisted on watching it simply because YOU told her you
didn't want her to? You didn't give her the option of watching for a
minute or so (without comment) for HER to decide if she wanted to stick
around or not. Could be a possibility I suppose.
> [And my daughter watched it all... did not even flinch. She wantedMy kids watched the Matrix over and over and over and over and over and
> to watch it again after it was over. I tried to talk to her about it.]
over. They were 4 and 2-1/2 at the time. They weren't freaked out by
the movie at all and they just wanted to watch it again and again as if
it were just another Disney movie. LOL They were free to watch it as
often as they wanted to and they got bored with it. They don't really
mention it much. They've since seen both of the sequels at the theater
with us and they think they're just great movies. I agree! LOL
> [And even though she wants to see it again, she is not wanting to sleepHmmm, well, my family doesn't sleep alone or have their own rooms so I
> alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.]
really don't have any advice for you on this issue other than "why
can't she sleep with you?" Can't she "camp" on your bedroom floor
using a raft or the couch cushions? If she wants to sleep near you
then let her sleep near you. :)
-Tracy-
Sherri-Lee Pressman
HI Kimmy,
Not sure I have any advice, but this is one of the reasons, why I like when
dd goes to bed earlier than me and dh. We can watch what ever movie we want
then and I think as a couple we deserve some time to ourselves to watch
adult content shows that might not be appropriate for her.
As a person who is still afraid of the dark (I am almost 41) and just
recently have found using EFT helping with my inability to sleep with an
open door or window in my room, because of the horror movies I watched as a
child (and then added terrorism by brothers) I am protective of my dd. She
just does not get it when I tell her it is too scary, she thinks she can
handle anything... great. but it is up to me to protect her from somethings
sometimes.
Not sure what you can do now, except lots of talking and reassuring and
snuggling and no forcing her to deal with the dark sooner than she is ready.
Sorry I am no help, but I can really feel for you,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same
old, same old.
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Not sure I have any advice, but this is one of the reasons, why I like when
dd goes to bed earlier than me and dh. We can watch what ever movie we want
then and I think as a couple we deserve some time to ourselves to watch
adult content shows that might not be appropriate for her.
As a person who is still afraid of the dark (I am almost 41) and just
recently have found using EFT helping with my inability to sleep with an
open door or window in my room, because of the horror movies I watched as a
child (and then added terrorism by brothers) I am protective of my dd. She
just does not get it when I tell her it is too scary, she thinks she can
handle anything... great. but it is up to me to protect her from somethings
sometimes.
Not sure what you can do now, except lots of talking and reassuring and
snuggling and no forcing her to deal with the dark sooner than she is ready.
Sorry I am no help, but I can really feel for you,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same
old, same old.
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
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Geneva Goza
Amen - I'm 29 and scared of the dark too...What is EFT?
Geneva
Not sure I have any advice, but this is one of the reasons, why I like when
dd goes to bed earlier than me and dh. We can watch what ever movie we want
then and I think as a couple we deserve some time to ourselves to watch
adult content shows that might not be appropriate for her.
As a person who is still afraid of the dark (I am almost 41) and just
recently have found using EFT helping with my inability to sleep with an
open door or window in my room, because of the horror movies I watched as a
child (and then added terrorism by brothers) I am protective of my dd. She
just does not get it when I tell her it is too scary, she thinks she can
handle anything... great. but it is up to me to protect her from somethings
sometimes.
Not sure what you can do now, except lots of talking and reassuring and
snuggling and no forcing her to deal with the dark sooner than she is ready.
Sorry I am no help, but I can really feel for you,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same
old, same old.
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
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Geneva
Not sure I have any advice, but this is one of the reasons, why I like when
dd goes to bed earlier than me and dh. We can watch what ever movie we want
then and I think as a couple we deserve some time to ourselves to watch
adult content shows that might not be appropriate for her.
As a person who is still afraid of the dark (I am almost 41) and just
recently have found using EFT helping with my inability to sleep with an
open door or window in my room, because of the horror movies I watched as a
child (and then added terrorism by brothers) I am protective of my dd. She
just does not get it when I tell her it is too scary, she thinks she can
handle anything... great. but it is up to me to protect her from somethings
sometimes.
Not sure what you can do now, except lots of talking and reassuring and
snuggling and no forcing her to deal with the dark sooner than she is ready.
Sorry I am no help, but I can really feel for you,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same
old, same old.
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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Jon and Rue Kream
>>As it turns out all our daughter wants todo is be with us.
**If she wanted to be with you she might just have said she wanted to watch
the movie to get to spend time with you. Did she know you would shut off
the movie and be with her if she didn't want to watch it?
>>shethinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not.
**DVDs often have behind the scenes information on them. Maybe she could
see how they make the spiders.
>> sheis not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
**Will she sleep with you in your room? ~Rue
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kimberly
Thank you all for the help. I had not thought about showing her the
making of the movie. Sadly hubby already returned the movie before
going to work. But we will rent it again.
As for why she watched the movie. It could have been her wanting to
spend time with us, she had spent all day with her Daddy and I
already and seemed very ready to go do her own thing. It would have
been best for us maybe to just set things fun up for them to do and
let them have at it if they chose without makeing it seem like it
was something to do other then being with us. I do not think she
knows we would have put the movie off to be with her, and honestly I
do not think we would have. With hubby now having one day off a week
and it having been his birthday, we wanted some time alone and
seeing it was midnight and do not force her to go to sleep at a
certain time, we seem to have little choice. He could only stay up
so late as he had a double shift today to be ready for. I envy those
people who have a bendable lifestyle and job, but my husband does
not. He is a soldier, and in his job of MI, he has to be in top
shape at all times, there is no being late to work, or being sleepy
at all on the job. I swear she only sleeps 1. when hubby is working,
and 2. when she can not possibly stay awake any longer. Some things
are very hard to make flexable. He and I both deserve to have time
together, relax and watch tv. And Goddess forbid, sometimes, be
alone even!
And that brings me to our bed room. On occation we let her sleep
with us, mostly when my hubby is away on missions. Sadly my husband
feels very strongly about personal space and on some things I agree.
A friend, another soldier was convicted of being a child molester by
a little girl who we believed was talking into it by her scamming
mother. In short, the military has over an 80% conviction rate. No
evidence was found, just her word against his. He lost. In this day
and age, we have to worry about such things. My husband does not
even baby sit now. We are stiving to teach Crystal that bed rooms
are personal spaces and bathrooms are to be used alone. Sorry if
this bothers some people. Not everything works for everyone. And we
must respect our feeling as much as our childs. Some people NEED
more space then others.
As for letting her watch it over and over. This is something I
need to think about more. I talked to hubby about it and he said it
might de-sencitise her to things and that is not something we want
or she needs. But also, it is NOTHING like the matrix, have any of
you seen it? It is the grossest movie I have ever seen. I do not
think I want it in the house, disturbing!
A sci-fi movie was on today, an old one called spiders. I put it on
and asked her if she wanted to watch it. She stopped for a sec, then
went back to playing. I was very happy to find something else to
watch!
Sorry if it seems like I am fighting advice again. Just explaining
things. VERY greatful for all the ideas, even ones I do not agree
with because it does not mean I will never agree with it and who is
to say I will not need it someday!
Blessings,
Kimmy
making of the movie. Sadly hubby already returned the movie before
going to work. But we will rent it again.
As for why she watched the movie. It could have been her wanting to
spend time with us, she had spent all day with her Daddy and I
already and seemed very ready to go do her own thing. It would have
been best for us maybe to just set things fun up for them to do and
let them have at it if they chose without makeing it seem like it
was something to do other then being with us. I do not think she
knows we would have put the movie off to be with her, and honestly I
do not think we would have. With hubby now having one day off a week
and it having been his birthday, we wanted some time alone and
seeing it was midnight and do not force her to go to sleep at a
certain time, we seem to have little choice. He could only stay up
so late as he had a double shift today to be ready for. I envy those
people who have a bendable lifestyle and job, but my husband does
not. He is a soldier, and in his job of MI, he has to be in top
shape at all times, there is no being late to work, or being sleepy
at all on the job. I swear she only sleeps 1. when hubby is working,
and 2. when she can not possibly stay awake any longer. Some things
are very hard to make flexable. He and I both deserve to have time
together, relax and watch tv. And Goddess forbid, sometimes, be
alone even!
And that brings me to our bed room. On occation we let her sleep
with us, mostly when my hubby is away on missions. Sadly my husband
feels very strongly about personal space and on some things I agree.
A friend, another soldier was convicted of being a child molester by
a little girl who we believed was talking into it by her scamming
mother. In short, the military has over an 80% conviction rate. No
evidence was found, just her word against his. He lost. In this day
and age, we have to worry about such things. My husband does not
even baby sit now. We are stiving to teach Crystal that bed rooms
are personal spaces and bathrooms are to be used alone. Sorry if
this bothers some people. Not everything works for everyone. And we
must respect our feeling as much as our childs. Some people NEED
more space then others.
As for letting her watch it over and over. This is something I
need to think about more. I talked to hubby about it and he said it
might de-sencitise her to things and that is not something we want
or she needs. But also, it is NOTHING like the matrix, have any of
you seen it? It is the grossest movie I have ever seen. I do not
think I want it in the house, disturbing!
A sci-fi movie was on today, an old one called spiders. I put it on
and asked her if she wanted to watch it. She stopped for a sec, then
went back to playing. I was very happy to find something else to
watch!
Sorry if it seems like I am fighting advice again. Just explaining
things. VERY greatful for all the ideas, even ones I do not agree
with because it does not mean I will never agree with it and who is
to say I will not need it someday!
Blessings,
Kimmy
Robyn Coburn
Jayn is afraid of only real spiders, flies, moths, beetles, roaches, small
dogs and snails (for crying out loud, snails? Yup). Sometimes she won't go
into dark rooms and other times doesn't care at all - for the same room. She
still sleeps with us regardless of whether she is in a scared mood or not.
Jayn watches movies over and over. She asks me to fast forward scary scenes,
none of which seem to relate to her real fears as noted above, but often
(but not always) have to do with loud noises or explosions and demolitions.
Usually what may scare her the first time, like the Spiderman movie, will
subsequently become not scary when she revisits it on her own timetable.
Often she is scared by animated things ahead of live action. It is really
quite baffling and pretty much unpredictable.
All I can do is honor all her fears, chase away the flies, and go with her
into the dark rooms as much as she wants me to. In Jayn's case (which seems
to place her entirely in the minority to judge by other folks' stories) I do
not try to warn her in advance re movies or tv - since she just digs her
heels in, and usually I am wrong anyway.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.714 / Virus Database: 470 - Release Date: 7/2/2004
dogs and snails (for crying out loud, snails? Yup). Sometimes she won't go
into dark rooms and other times doesn't care at all - for the same room. She
still sleeps with us regardless of whether she is in a scared mood or not.
Jayn watches movies over and over. She asks me to fast forward scary scenes,
none of which seem to relate to her real fears as noted above, but often
(but not always) have to do with loud noises or explosions and demolitions.
Usually what may scare her the first time, like the Spiderman movie, will
subsequently become not scary when she revisits it on her own timetable.
Often she is scared by animated things ahead of live action. It is really
quite baffling and pretty much unpredictable.
All I can do is honor all her fears, chase away the flies, and go with her
into the dark rooms as much as she wants me to. In Jayn's case (which seems
to place her entirely in the minority to judge by other folks' stories) I do
not try to warn her in advance re movies or tv - since she just digs her
heels in, and usually I am wrong anyway.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.714 / Virus Database: 470 - Release Date: 7/2/2004
Sherri-Lee Pressman
Hi Geneva,
What a beautiful name!
EFT, is Emotional Freedom Technique. All info about it from the person who
designed it can be found at http://www.emofree.com <http://www.emofree.com/>
Essentially, you use your fingers to tap on certain areas of your body
(meridian and acupuncture points) while thinking of an emotional issue. So
you could get yourself REALLY afraid of the dark. feel it, immerse yourself
in it get it right in your face, then tap on the spots while thinking about
it. Amazingly at the end of it, you will likely feel less fear of that
issue.
For me I had to go back to specific issues as a child that had triggered
this fear and get myself emotionally involved in the story again, then tap
on it and now I am leaving the door between the bathroom and my bedroom open
WITH the bathroom window open all night long! To me that is no small
victory. I can't leave the door open out of the bedroom yet, or the sliding
doors, but am working on it. It is literally the most powerful technique I
have ever come across and has helped me immensely.
The best part is old knee jerk reactions I would have to my mom or brothers
say from childhood, that I just didn't feel like I had any control over,
have been cleared up with this. So that now, we get together and my brother
will try to push the old buttons, I see him and it for what it is and don't
react the same old way which just leaves him completely flustered and
without a clue what to do next. It has made the small amount of time I spend
with him tolerable and the time I spend with my mom, less emotionally
charged and more pleasant for us all.
There is a manual on the site you can download and you can learn how to do
it (it is so simple, my 4 year old daughter does it on herself and us) and
start chipping away at the old things.
Good luck,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Geneva Goza [mailto:goza@...]
Sent: Wednesday, July 07, 2004 11:40 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not
same old, same old.
Amen - I'm 29 and scared of the dark too...What is EFT?
Geneva
Not sure I have any advice, but this is one of the reasons, why I like when
dd goes to bed earlier than me and dh. We can watch what ever movie we want
then and I think as a couple we deserve some time to ourselves to watch
adult content shows that might not be appropriate for her.
As a person who is still afraid of the dark (I am almost 41) and just
recently have found using EFT helping with my inability to sleep with an
open door or window in my room, because of the horror movies I watched as a
child (and then added terrorism by brothers) I am protective of my dd. She
just does not get it when I tell her it is too scary, she thinks she can
handle anything... great. but it is up to me to protect her from somethings
sometimes.
Not sure what you can do now, except lots of talking and reassuring and
snuggling and no forcing her to deal with the dark sooner than she is ready.
Sorry I am no help, but I can really feel for you,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same
old, same old.
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
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What a beautiful name!
EFT, is Emotional Freedom Technique. All info about it from the person who
designed it can be found at http://www.emofree.com <http://www.emofree.com/>
Essentially, you use your fingers to tap on certain areas of your body
(meridian and acupuncture points) while thinking of an emotional issue. So
you could get yourself REALLY afraid of the dark. feel it, immerse yourself
in it get it right in your face, then tap on the spots while thinking about
it. Amazingly at the end of it, you will likely feel less fear of that
issue.
For me I had to go back to specific issues as a child that had triggered
this fear and get myself emotionally involved in the story again, then tap
on it and now I am leaving the door between the bathroom and my bedroom open
WITH the bathroom window open all night long! To me that is no small
victory. I can't leave the door open out of the bedroom yet, or the sliding
doors, but am working on it. It is literally the most powerful technique I
have ever come across and has helped me immensely.
The best part is old knee jerk reactions I would have to my mom or brothers
say from childhood, that I just didn't feel like I had any control over,
have been cleared up with this. So that now, we get together and my brother
will try to push the old buttons, I see him and it for what it is and don't
react the same old way which just leaves him completely flustered and
without a clue what to do next. It has made the small amount of time I spend
with him tolerable and the time I spend with my mom, less emotionally
charged and more pleasant for us all.
There is a manual on the site you can download and you can learn how to do
it (it is so simple, my 4 year old daughter does it on herself and us) and
start chipping away at the old things.
Good luck,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Geneva Goza [mailto:goza@...]
Sent: Wednesday, July 07, 2004 11:40 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not
same old, same old.
Amen - I'm 29 and scared of the dark too...What is EFT?
Geneva
Not sure I have any advice, but this is one of the reasons, why I like when
dd goes to bed earlier than me and dh. We can watch what ever movie we want
then and I think as a couple we deserve some time to ourselves to watch
adult content shows that might not be appropriate for her.
As a person who is still afraid of the dark (I am almost 41) and just
recently have found using EFT helping with my inability to sleep with an
open door or window in my room, because of the horror movies I watched as a
child (and then added terrorism by brothers) I am protective of my dd. She
just does not get it when I tell her it is too scary, she thinks she can
handle anything... great. but it is up to me to protect her from somethings
sometimes.
Not sure what you can do now, except lots of talking and reassuring and
snuggling and no forcing her to deal with the dark sooner than she is ready.
Sorry I am no help, but I can really feel for you,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:00 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not same
old, same old.
Advice needed.
Once again I am feeling like a bad mother. Hubby and I rented a
movie, Starship Troopers 2, set the kids up in another room with lots
to do and freedom to do it. As it turns out all our daughter wants to
do is be with us. We tell her it is a scary movie about bugs and that
we would rather she not watch it. We try to explain it. But she
insists and so taking advice found here, I give in and let her.
OMG that was the worst, grossest, freakiest, movie I have ever seen.
Worst then resident evil. And my daughter watched it all... did not
even flinch. She wanted to watch it again after it was over. I tried
to talk to her about it. She thinks the big spiders are real, she
thinks everything on TV is real and I have no clue how to explain it
to her that it is not. And even though she wants to see it again, she
is not wanting to sleep alone or let any of us sleep in our rooms.
I just can not believe I let her watch that. She is only 4 years
old! I think I am the one in shock. I wish I had not seen it.
Now she will not go into a dark room alone... I asked her to draw a
picture of the monster she thinks is in my bathroom. Happy she did
not draw a spider, just a one eyed monster that is very tall! LOL
Ok, so I know I might be over reacting, but I remember still the
horror movies my parents let me watch as a child, and I wish they
hadn't. We do not always know what is best for us, never mind at age
4!
Crystal the Brave... leaving lights on for years to come!
Blessings,
Kimmy
P.S. I must say, I am doing a great job not showing her how freaked
I am about all this. Trying not to react till I have a better idea
how best to do so for her!
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jesika hare
my hypnobirthing teacher, heather told me about
this...... it really works!!
--- Sherri-Lee Pressman <sherri--lee@...> wrote:
this...... it really works!!
--- Sherri-Lee Pressman <sherri--lee@...> wrote:
>
> EFT, is Emotional Freedom Technique. All info about
> it from the person who
> designed it can be found at http://www.emofree.com
> <http://www.emofree.com/>
>
Sherri-Lee Pressman
Hi Kimmy,
I have seen both movies and I agree with you Starship Troopers is not in the
same realm as The Matrix movies.
I would hesitate to use the "de-sensitize" her idea as well. This might work
for some kids, it might de-sensitize them to things you don't want them to
be de-sensitized too and on another hand, it might just serve to heighten
the sensitivity.
In my family, de-sensitizing was the theme for me, as I was always perceived
to be TOO sensitive. So it was believed that if I was just tormented enough
I would stop being TOO sensitive. I had rubber spiders and snakes thrown at
me regularly, to this day I still shake when I see them in stores and can
not touch a page with them on it. I was forced into dark rooms and am still
afraid of the dark. I was forced to eat worms and still am afraid of them.
It went on and on.. I won't bore you. The end result is, all these things
were/are still funny to my family, my reaction is still funny and I am even
MORE sensitive than before. None of it de-sensitized me. it heightened my
sensitivity to having an expectation of people doing the worst to me always.
Lots of work to get over it.
I am not suggesting that you are doing any of this, just saying that I
immediately felt caution about the idea of letting her watch it over and
over as it MIGHT de-sensitize her, but it might not. Only you will know
which way it will go as she is your child, just wanted to add that caution.
And I just wanted to say I understand your caution about the privacy issue.
I think people in the military live in a different world than the rest of us
with a completely separate list of fears and concerns, and if this is a
boundary issue for your family then you need to listen to that,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Wednesday, July 07, 2004 7:19 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not
same old, same old.
Thank you all for the help. I had not thought about showing her the
making of the movie. Sadly hubby already returned the movie before
going to work. But we will rent it again.
As for why she watched the movie. It could have been her wanting to
spend time with us, she had spent all day with her Daddy and I
already and seemed very ready to go do her own thing. It would have
been best for us maybe to just set things fun up for them to do and
let them have at it if they chose without makeing it seem like it
was something to do other then being with us. I do not think she
knows we would have put the movie off to be with her, and honestly I
do not think we would have. With hubby now having one day off a week
and it having been his birthday, we wanted some time alone and
seeing it was midnight and do not force her to go to sleep at a
certain time, we seem to have little choice. He could only stay up
so late as he had a double shift today to be ready for. I envy those
people who have a bendable lifestyle and job, but my husband does
not. He is a soldier, and in his job of MI, he has to be in top
shape at all times, there is no being late to work, or being sleepy
at all on the job. I swear she only sleeps 1. when hubby is working,
and 2. when she can not possibly stay awake any longer. Some things
are very hard to make flexable. He and I both deserve to have time
together, relax and watch tv. And Goddess forbid, sometimes, be
alone even!
And that brings me to our bed room. On occation we let her sleep
with us, mostly when my hubby is away on missions. Sadly my husband
feels very strongly about personal space and on some things I agree.
A friend, another soldier was convicted of being a child molester by
a little girl who we believed was talking into it by her scamming
mother. In short, the military has over an 80% conviction rate. No
evidence was found, just her word against his. He lost. In this day
and age, we have to worry about such things. My husband does not
even baby sit now. We are stiving to teach Crystal that bed rooms
are personal spaces and bathrooms are to be used alone. Sorry if
this bothers some people. Not everything works for everyone. And we
must respect our feeling as much as our childs. Some people NEED
more space then others.
As for letting her watch it over and over. This is something I
need to think about more. I talked to hubby about it and he said it
might de-sencitise her to things and that is not something we want
or she needs. But also, it is NOTHING like the matrix, have any of
you seen it? It is the grossest movie I have ever seen. I do not
think I want it in the house, disturbing!
A sci-fi movie was on today, an old one called spiders. I put it on
and asked her if she wanted to watch it. She stopped for a sec, then
went back to playing. I was very happy to find something else to
watch!
Sorry if it seems like I am fighting advice again. Just explaining
things. VERY greatful for all the ideas, even ones I do not agree
with because it does not mean I will never agree with it and who is
to say I will not need it someday!
Blessings,
Kimmy
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have seen both movies and I agree with you Starship Troopers is not in the
same realm as The Matrix movies.
I would hesitate to use the "de-sensitize" her idea as well. This might work
for some kids, it might de-sensitize them to things you don't want them to
be de-sensitized too and on another hand, it might just serve to heighten
the sensitivity.
In my family, de-sensitizing was the theme for me, as I was always perceived
to be TOO sensitive. So it was believed that if I was just tormented enough
I would stop being TOO sensitive. I had rubber spiders and snakes thrown at
me regularly, to this day I still shake when I see them in stores and can
not touch a page with them on it. I was forced into dark rooms and am still
afraid of the dark. I was forced to eat worms and still am afraid of them.
It went on and on.. I won't bore you. The end result is, all these things
were/are still funny to my family, my reaction is still funny and I am even
MORE sensitive than before. None of it de-sensitized me. it heightened my
sensitivity to having an expectation of people doing the worst to me always.
Lots of work to get over it.
I am not suggesting that you are doing any of this, just saying that I
immediately felt caution about the idea of letting her watch it over and
over as it MIGHT de-sensitize her, but it might not. Only you will know
which way it will go as she is your child, just wanted to add that caution.
And I just wanted to say I understand your caution about the privacy issue.
I think people in the military live in a different world than the rest of us
with a completely separate list of fears and concerns, and if this is a
boundary issue for your family then you need to listen to that,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Kimberly [mailto:Kontessa_Rose@...]
Sent: Wednesday, July 07, 2004 7:19 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Crystal the Brave -- TV PROBLEMS -- Not
same old, same old.
Thank you all for the help. I had not thought about showing her the
making of the movie. Sadly hubby already returned the movie before
going to work. But we will rent it again.
As for why she watched the movie. It could have been her wanting to
spend time with us, she had spent all day with her Daddy and I
already and seemed very ready to go do her own thing. It would have
been best for us maybe to just set things fun up for them to do and
let them have at it if they chose without makeing it seem like it
was something to do other then being with us. I do not think she
knows we would have put the movie off to be with her, and honestly I
do not think we would have. With hubby now having one day off a week
and it having been his birthday, we wanted some time alone and
seeing it was midnight and do not force her to go to sleep at a
certain time, we seem to have little choice. He could only stay up
so late as he had a double shift today to be ready for. I envy those
people who have a bendable lifestyle and job, but my husband does
not. He is a soldier, and in his job of MI, he has to be in top
shape at all times, there is no being late to work, or being sleepy
at all on the job. I swear she only sleeps 1. when hubby is working,
and 2. when she can not possibly stay awake any longer. Some things
are very hard to make flexable. He and I both deserve to have time
together, relax and watch tv. And Goddess forbid, sometimes, be
alone even!
And that brings me to our bed room. On occation we let her sleep
with us, mostly when my hubby is away on missions. Sadly my husband
feels very strongly about personal space and on some things I agree.
A friend, another soldier was convicted of being a child molester by
a little girl who we believed was talking into it by her scamming
mother. In short, the military has over an 80% conviction rate. No
evidence was found, just her word against his. He lost. In this day
and age, we have to worry about such things. My husband does not
even baby sit now. We are stiving to teach Crystal that bed rooms
are personal spaces and bathrooms are to be used alone. Sorry if
this bothers some people. Not everything works for everyone. And we
must respect our feeling as much as our childs. Some people NEED
more space then others.
As for letting her watch it over and over. This is something I
need to think about more. I talked to hubby about it and he said it
might de-sencitise her to things and that is not something we want
or she needs. But also, it is NOTHING like the matrix, have any of
you seen it? It is the grossest movie I have ever seen. I do not
think I want it in the house, disturbing!
A sci-fi movie was on today, an old one called spiders. I put it on
and asked her if she wanted to watch it. She stopped for a sec, then
went back to playing. I was very happy to find something else to
watch!
Sorry if it seems like I am fighting advice again. Just explaining
things. VERY greatful for all the ideas, even ones I do not agree
with because it does not mean I will never agree with it and who is
to say I will not need it someday!
Blessings,
Kimmy
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Fetteroll
on 7/7/04 10:18 PM, Kimberly at Kontessa_Rose@... wrote:
keep giving and giving and not only is no one giving to me, I can't even
take."
Unfortunately that's the reality of those years and it helps loads to accept
that that's how it is for now and that it *will* change. She will get older.
She will be able to understand things on a different level.
From how you described your old style of parenting, Crystal knew that her
needs had to be sacrificed when you decided your needs had to be met. So
even if you just express that you have needs, she's still going to hear "so
here's what you have to sacrifice," even if you don't mean that any more.
It's going to take her a while to gain confidence that you having needs
doesn't mean she *has* to give something up.
She needs to gain confidence that her needs are number one in your book.
(Your own needs are also number one but you won't find it acceptable to
sacrifice her needs for yours any more. Your goal is to find a solution that
works for both of you.)
So rather than setting her up with something to do so you can cross your
fingers and hope you can snatch alone time, it would help if you're honest
with her and tell her what your needs are. For instance: "Daddy and I
haven't gotten to watch one of those movies adults like and kids don't for a
long time and I'd like to give that to him as a present. How could we do
that? It'll take about 2 hours so how could we work that out?"
And then one of the hard parts is actually hearing those suggestions and
taking them seriously. You might need to think outside the box! If she
suggests watching at 4AM it might seem easy to laugh and dismiss it, but
you'll need to consider whether it might actually work. (But don't be afraid
of honestly saying when something won't work.) The more she's treated as
doing the best she can, the better her best will be. :-)
She migtht come up with a great solution and then not be able to follow
through -- like she might suggest she play a game with your friend's son for
2 hours but the game only lasts 10 mintues (so it's helpful to come up with
contingency plans with her!) -- but that doesn't mean it didn't work. There
are going to be rocks in the road and you'll have to accept that her actions
don't necessarily reflect her intent. She may want to give you two hours but
not be able to understand what that really means or how to go about it. So
you can remind her that she was helping you give Daddy 2 hours to watch a
movie, so how can she make that happen.
it. Perhaps part of her is understanding that it's not real and another part
is saying it is real so she understands her need to watch it again is a way
of showing the "It's real" part of her that it's wrong.
(Yes, I've seen it. And, yes, it's gross. I *think* it was deliberately
over-the-top gross as an attempt to be a satire on graphic violence.)
I'd second the suggestion to watch any "making of" extras on the DVD. (Do
you have access to the local library system or only if you live off base?
The movie has been out for a while so it might be in one of the nearby
libraries for free. Another option might be checking on Half.com
(http://www.half.com) and buying a used one. It's possible it might be
cheaper than renting -- and then you can sell it when she's done if the
process is something that might take a week or two to work through.)
What about you sleeping with her in her room until she works through this?
You can reassure your hasband that it won't be forever and that the more she
feels you're there for her through her fears, the less time it will take.
Joyce
> With hubby now having one day off a weekThe early years can leave us with the feeling of "When's it *my* turn? I
> and it having been his birthday, we wanted some time alone and
> seeing it was midnight and do not force her to go to sleep at a
> certain time, we seem to have little choice.
keep giving and giving and not only is no one giving to me, I can't even
take."
Unfortunately that's the reality of those years and it helps loads to accept
that that's how it is for now and that it *will* change. She will get older.
She will be able to understand things on a different level.
From how you described your old style of parenting, Crystal knew that her
needs had to be sacrificed when you decided your needs had to be met. So
even if you just express that you have needs, she's still going to hear "so
here's what you have to sacrifice," even if you don't mean that any more.
It's going to take her a while to gain confidence that you having needs
doesn't mean she *has* to give something up.
She needs to gain confidence that her needs are number one in your book.
(Your own needs are also number one but you won't find it acceptable to
sacrifice her needs for yours any more. Your goal is to find a solution that
works for both of you.)
So rather than setting her up with something to do so you can cross your
fingers and hope you can snatch alone time, it would help if you're honest
with her and tell her what your needs are. For instance: "Daddy and I
haven't gotten to watch one of those movies adults like and kids don't for a
long time and I'd like to give that to him as a present. How could we do
that? It'll take about 2 hours so how could we work that out?"
And then one of the hard parts is actually hearing those suggestions and
taking them seriously. You might need to think outside the box! If she
suggests watching at 4AM it might seem easy to laugh and dismiss it, but
you'll need to consider whether it might actually work. (But don't be afraid
of honestly saying when something won't work.) The more she's treated as
doing the best she can, the better her best will be. :-)
She migtht come up with a great solution and then not be able to follow
through -- like she might suggest she play a game with your friend's son for
2 hours but the game only lasts 10 mintues (so it's helpful to come up with
contingency plans with her!) -- but that doesn't mean it didn't work. There
are going to be rocks in the road and you'll have to accept that her actions
don't necessarily reflect her intent. She may want to give you two hours but
not be able to understand what that really means or how to go about it. So
you can remind her that she was helping you give Daddy 2 hours to watch a
movie, so how can she make that happen.
> As for letting her watch it over and over. This is something IIf she's *asking* to watch it again, that's different than making her watch
> need to think about more. I talked to hubby about it and he said it
> might de-sencitise her to things and that is not something we want
> or she needs. But also, it is NOTHING like the matrix, have any of
> you seen it? It is the grossest movie I have ever seen. I do not
> think I want it in the house, disturbing!
it. Perhaps part of her is understanding that it's not real and another part
is saying it is real so she understands her need to watch it again is a way
of showing the "It's real" part of her that it's wrong.
(Yes, I've seen it. And, yes, it's gross. I *think* it was deliberately
over-the-top gross as an attempt to be a satire on graphic violence.)
I'd second the suggestion to watch any "making of" extras on the DVD. (Do
you have access to the local library system or only if you live off base?
The movie has been out for a while so it might be in one of the nearby
libraries for free. Another option might be checking on Half.com
(http://www.half.com) and buying a used one. It's possible it might be
cheaper than renting -- and then you can sell it when she's done if the
process is something that might take a week or two to work through.)
What about you sleeping with her in her room until she works through this?
You can reassure your hasband that it won't be forever and that the more she
feels you're there for her through her fears, the less time it will take.
Joyce
Fetteroll
on 7/7/04 10:18 PM, Kimberly at Kontessa_Rose@... wrote:
I think the troublesome desensitizing comes when someone is *without choice*
repeatedly exposed they find disturbing but they need to put up with. None
of us wants to be desensitized to real suffering, but if our choice seems to
be to learn to ignore it or to suffer ourselves, we often choose to shut
that part of us off and become desensitized to suffering.
If Crystal was being exposed to violent movies that she didn't want to see
and couldn't get away from, that's different than choosing to watch a
violent movie, or choosing to watch it repeatedly so she can get over
feeling upset.
I can watch horror movies that aren't set in modern times. But that hasn't
at all desensitized me to real gore. I *don't* want to see traffic
accidents. I *don't* want to see real people's heads blown up. Same with
choosing to play violent video games. There's a clear division between
what's acceptable to see pretended and what's acceptable to allow to happen
in real life to real people.
Joyce
> I talked to hubby about it and he said itForgot to address that.
> might de-sencitise her to things and that is not something we want
> or she needs.
I think the troublesome desensitizing comes when someone is *without choice*
repeatedly exposed they find disturbing but they need to put up with. None
of us wants to be desensitized to real suffering, but if our choice seems to
be to learn to ignore it or to suffer ourselves, we often choose to shut
that part of us off and become desensitized to suffering.
If Crystal was being exposed to violent movies that she didn't want to see
and couldn't get away from, that's different than choosing to watch a
violent movie, or choosing to watch it repeatedly so she can get over
feeling upset.
I can watch horror movies that aren't set in modern times. But that hasn't
at all desensitized me to real gore. I *don't* want to see traffic
accidents. I *don't* want to see real people's heads blown up. Same with
choosing to play violent video games. There's a clear division between
what's acceptable to see pretended and what's acceptable to allow to happen
in real life to real people.
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/8/2004 4:54:25 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
Sorry if it seems like I am fighting advice again. Just explaining
things. VERY greatful for all the ideas, even ones I do not agree
with because it does not mean I will never agree with it and who is
to say I will not need it someday!
Blessings,
Kimmy
************************
Actually, Kimmy, I've been pretty impressed by how you've held all of the
advice you've gotten. Sometimes people get really defensive, and you haven't at
all. Getting advice here does NOT mean you have to take it.
I've been thinking about your daughter and the scary movie, and it made me
think about Bruno Bettelheim. He wrote a book called "Uses of Enchantment,"
which mostly discussed how children use fairy tales to work out psychological
issues in their development. For example, lots of fairy tales have dead moms, and
kids might use those to process their fears of losing their mothers, or even
their occasional anger at parents. (I haven't read the book in a LONG time, so
this might not be an accurate example.)
I wonder if your daughter might be using the movie in the same way. Clearly,
she is processing SOMETHING. Mostly, I wouldn't worry about it a whole lot.
While her fears as a result might be difficult for you to deal with right now, I
suspect that she got a whole lot more out of that movie than you did. (From
your description, it sounds like a perfectly horrid movie! ;) )
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody, MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
Sorry if it seems like I am fighting advice again. Just explaining
things. VERY greatful for all the ideas, even ones I do not agree
with because it does not mean I will never agree with it and who is
to say I will not need it someday!
Blessings,
Kimmy
************************
Actually, Kimmy, I've been pretty impressed by how you've held all of the
advice you've gotten. Sometimes people get really defensive, and you haven't at
all. Getting advice here does NOT mean you have to take it.
I've been thinking about your daughter and the scary movie, and it made me
think about Bruno Bettelheim. He wrote a book called "Uses of Enchantment,"
which mostly discussed how children use fairy tales to work out psychological
issues in their development. For example, lots of fairy tales have dead moms, and
kids might use those to process their fears of losing their mothers, or even
their occasional anger at parents. (I haven't read the book in a LONG time, so
this might not be an accurate example.)
I wonder if your daughter might be using the movie in the same way. Clearly,
she is processing SOMETHING. Mostly, I wouldn't worry about it a whole lot.
While her fears as a result might be difficult for you to deal with right now, I
suspect that she got a whole lot more out of that movie than you did. (From
your description, it sounds like a perfectly horrid movie! ;) )
Kathryn
Come to the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference August 27-29 in Peabody, MA!
For more information, go to www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Geneva Goza
Thank you and thank you for sharing this wonderful info!!
Geneva
Hi Geneva,
What a beautiful name!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Geneva
Hi Geneva,
What a beautiful name!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]