Drugs
Christy Putnam
~~Someone asked me if my daughter wanted to do drugs would I just say
yes? While there are certainly plenty of 14 yos taking drugs --
though probably not many asking if they can ;-) -- the question
assumes that because it's possible for any 14 yo that its just as
likely for my 14 yo.~~
Okay so I have been pondering this question a bit because my 11 yo seems
intrigued by alcohol and drug use already (which is prolly from the hype of
'just say no" and other anti-drug commercials). I don't view all drugs as
inherently bad...of course most synthetic drugs are pretty devastating yet I
am trying to mentally prepare myself for *if* the time comes that he acts on
that intrigue by wanting to experiment. I know the answers are fairly
subjective since he hasn't talked about trying any certain drugs
specifically (except alcohol) but I am thinking the best route will be the
same route we take with most everything, upfront and honest discussion. I
am wondering if the issue has come up in "veteran unschooler" homes and how
they addressed it?
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
Visit my blog &/or join my group:
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
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http://groups.myspace.com/unschoolingourfuture
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
yes? While there are certainly plenty of 14 yos taking drugs --
though probably not many asking if they can ;-) -- the question
assumes that because it's possible for any 14 yo that its just as
likely for my 14 yo.~~
Okay so I have been pondering this question a bit because my 11 yo seems
intrigued by alcohol and drug use already (which is prolly from the hype of
'just say no" and other anti-drug commercials). I don't view all drugs as
inherently bad...of course most synthetic drugs are pretty devastating yet I
am trying to mentally prepare myself for *if* the time comes that he acts on
that intrigue by wanting to experiment. I know the answers are fairly
subjective since he hasn't talked about trying any certain drugs
specifically (except alcohol) but I am thinking the best route will be the
same route we take with most everything, upfront and honest discussion. I
am wondering if the issue has come up in "veteran unschooler" homes and how
they addressed it?
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
Visit my blog &/or join my group:
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
<http://groups.myspace.com/unschoolingourfuture>
http://groups.myspace.com/unschoolingourfuture
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Christy Putnam <personal_balance@...>
I know the answers are fairly
subjective since he hasn't talked about trying any certain drugs
specifically (except alcohol) but I am thinking the best route will be
the
same route we take with most everything, upfront and honest
discussion.
-=-=-=-
More hypothetical than subjective! <g>
But I think you're on the right path. Open, honest communication.
--=-=-
I am wondering if the issue has come up in "veteran unschooler" homes
and how
they addressed it?
-=-=-=-=-
I drank as a young adult. A lot. I drink very little now. Wine & beer
occasionally. I've never smoked anything---unusual for my age (46 in
August). My husband, Ben, smoked pot in high school and drank a bit in
college. He also drinks occasionally now.
I'd love to say that all unschoolers stay away from alcohol and drugs.
But I'm a realist. <g>
But it can look different in our homes than in mainstream homes.
When Cameron, at 14, started smoking pot, we had to think a bit! <g>
Ben was more alarmed than I was. I think he still is. <g>
Cameron (now 18) is very comfortable talking to me about anything. I
know a lot of parents say that---or at least like to think that. I
*know* it. We have some VERY serious and in-depth talks about drugs and
sex and---everything.
I know teens experiment. I did. My friends did. My concern was not
with the experimentation, but with the safety issue.
I wanted Cameron to know that I knew I couldn't stop him from smoking
or drinking. And I also wanted him to know that his safety was the most
important thing to me. I didn't want him buying cheap, dangerous stuff
from people he didn't know. I didn't want him driving under the
influence of anything. I didn't want him riding with someone who was
DUI. I wanted him to be smart about what he was doing.
He did a lot of research on marijuana and hemp. (We all now own hemp
bags and hats and stuff. <g>) He attended NORML meetings (although I
suggested he not sign anything there). He found people who grew organic
pot. He did NOT smoke and drive: he called us to pick him up (which we
did, happily and thankfully) or made travel arrangements ahead of time.
We discussed the illegalities and how it could jeopardize our
unschooling. We discussed not smoking in the house or in front of his
younger brother. We discussed the ridiculous expense!
He's pretty much quit now. He says it makes him feel bad the next
day---I'm not sure that's a hangover or what it is---but it's now not
worth it.
I think the honesty, trust, and respect in our relationship is
immeasurable and incredibly refreshing.
Do I wish he'd never smoked at all? Maybe, but he learned a lot about
a lot of things because he did.
And I'd rather have that open, honest relationship with a (temporary)
pot-head than an estranged, resentful child who had never smoked at all.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
________________________________________________________________________
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and IM. All on demand. Always Free.
From: Christy Putnam <personal_balance@...>
I know the answers are fairly
subjective since he hasn't talked about trying any certain drugs
specifically (except alcohol) but I am thinking the best route will be
the
same route we take with most everything, upfront and honest
discussion.
-=-=-=-
More hypothetical than subjective! <g>
But I think you're on the right path. Open, honest communication.
--=-=-
I am wondering if the issue has come up in "veteran unschooler" homes
and how
they addressed it?
-=-=-=-=-
I drank as a young adult. A lot. I drink very little now. Wine & beer
occasionally. I've never smoked anything---unusual for my age (46 in
August). My husband, Ben, smoked pot in high school and drank a bit in
college. He also drinks occasionally now.
I'd love to say that all unschoolers stay away from alcohol and drugs.
But I'm a realist. <g>
But it can look different in our homes than in mainstream homes.
When Cameron, at 14, started smoking pot, we had to think a bit! <g>
Ben was more alarmed than I was. I think he still is. <g>
Cameron (now 18) is very comfortable talking to me about anything. I
know a lot of parents say that---or at least like to think that. I
*know* it. We have some VERY serious and in-depth talks about drugs and
sex and---everything.
I know teens experiment. I did. My friends did. My concern was not
with the experimentation, but with the safety issue.
I wanted Cameron to know that I knew I couldn't stop him from smoking
or drinking. And I also wanted him to know that his safety was the most
important thing to me. I didn't want him buying cheap, dangerous stuff
from people he didn't know. I didn't want him driving under the
influence of anything. I didn't want him riding with someone who was
DUI. I wanted him to be smart about what he was doing.
He did a lot of research on marijuana and hemp. (We all now own hemp
bags and hats and stuff. <g>) He attended NORML meetings (although I
suggested he not sign anything there). He found people who grew organic
pot. He did NOT smoke and drive: he called us to pick him up (which we
did, happily and thankfully) or made travel arrangements ahead of time.
We discussed the illegalities and how it could jeopardize our
unschooling. We discussed not smoking in the house or in front of his
younger brother. We discussed the ridiculous expense!
He's pretty much quit now. He says it makes him feel bad the next
day---I'm not sure that's a hangover or what it is---but it's now not
worth it.
I think the honesty, trust, and respect in our relationship is
immeasurable and incredibly refreshing.
Do I wish he'd never smoked at all? Maybe, but he learned a lot about
a lot of things because he did.
And I'd rather have that open, honest relationship with a (temporary)
pot-head than an estranged, resentful child who had never smoked at all.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
________________________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.
Pamela Sorooshian
I expected my kids to experiment - they haven't much. My 21 year old
has drunk alcohol a few times. Two times, I think. But maybe another
time or two. Once was at a beach campout with homeschoolers and the
kids had a small water bottle with about an ounce of vodka and the
rest filled with orange juice and they passed that around among about
12 kids! So - maybe a couple of swallows is all she got. She didn't
like it - but it wasn't enough to have any effect on her, anyway. The
most recent time was at a college party - she decided to try it - and
she got very sick and threw up.
She hasn't tried pot or other drugs - doesn't intend to. She's into
the idea that the purpose of life is to expand our brainpower, to
learn, to be fully conscious and experience every bit of life -- and
the idea of drugs and alcohol dulling her senses is not attractive.
My other two, 18 and 15, are pretty much in the same frame of mind.
They don't quite understand why it is attractive to other kids.
They all have lots of friends who smoke pot and drink alcohol. They
go to parties where there is alcohol. They tend to find other
nondrinkers to hang out with, though, don't stay at parties if they
are the only nondrinkers (because it isn't that much fun when other
people drink too much) and they absolutely never ever get in the car
with someone who has had even a small drink. We were hit by a drunk
driver a few years ago and it was a traumatic experience - and now
they think people who drink at all should not drive.
I've picked up my kids from parties at 2 or 3 in the morning - MANY
times, because they didn't want to get a ride home from anybody
there, not being sure who had had a drink and who hadn't.
I've picked up their friends who were drunk or stoned and needed
rides home, too. They all know they can call me and I'll cheerfully
get them - talk happily on the way home - not make them feel guilty
or anything.
We got to this point by talking about it all very openly - I always
said that I totally understood why people do drugs or drink, that it
feels good, helps people relax, releases inhibitions, etc. ! I never
criticize other people for it. But we just don't do it at our house,
ever. No alcohol around. Lots of people have told us, over the years,
that if we parents are so anti-alcohol that we are complete
abstainers, our kids will not learn to drink responsibly, etc. Like
we should drink, even though we don't want to, so that our kids could
learn how to drink moderately. We didn't. I think alcohol is the
cause of so MUCH unhappiness in the world - I wish it would
disappear. I don't want it regulated or prohibited,though, because i
don't feel a need to impose my preferences on the rest of the world.
-pam
has drunk alcohol a few times. Two times, I think. But maybe another
time or two. Once was at a beach campout with homeschoolers and the
kids had a small water bottle with about an ounce of vodka and the
rest filled with orange juice and they passed that around among about
12 kids! So - maybe a couple of swallows is all she got. She didn't
like it - but it wasn't enough to have any effect on her, anyway. The
most recent time was at a college party - she decided to try it - and
she got very sick and threw up.
She hasn't tried pot or other drugs - doesn't intend to. She's into
the idea that the purpose of life is to expand our brainpower, to
learn, to be fully conscious and experience every bit of life -- and
the idea of drugs and alcohol dulling her senses is not attractive.
My other two, 18 and 15, are pretty much in the same frame of mind.
They don't quite understand why it is attractive to other kids.
They all have lots of friends who smoke pot and drink alcohol. They
go to parties where there is alcohol. They tend to find other
nondrinkers to hang out with, though, don't stay at parties if they
are the only nondrinkers (because it isn't that much fun when other
people drink too much) and they absolutely never ever get in the car
with someone who has had even a small drink. We were hit by a drunk
driver a few years ago and it was a traumatic experience - and now
they think people who drink at all should not drive.
I've picked up my kids from parties at 2 or 3 in the morning - MANY
times, because they didn't want to get a ride home from anybody
there, not being sure who had had a drink and who hadn't.
I've picked up their friends who were drunk or stoned and needed
rides home, too. They all know they can call me and I'll cheerfully
get them - talk happily on the way home - not make them feel guilty
or anything.
We got to this point by talking about it all very openly - I always
said that I totally understood why people do drugs or drink, that it
feels good, helps people relax, releases inhibitions, etc. ! I never
criticize other people for it. But we just don't do it at our house,
ever. No alcohol around. Lots of people have told us, over the years,
that if we parents are so anti-alcohol that we are complete
abstainers, our kids will not learn to drink responsibly, etc. Like
we should drink, even though we don't want to, so that our kids could
learn how to drink moderately. We didn't. I think alcohol is the
cause of so MUCH unhappiness in the world - I wish it would
disappear. I don't want it regulated or prohibited,though, because i
don't feel a need to impose my preferences on the rest of the world.
-pam
On Jun 16, 2006, at 11:03 AM, Christy Putnam wrote:
> I am thinking the best route will be the
> same route we take with most everything, upfront and honest
> discussion. I
> am wondering if the issue has come up in "veteran unschooler" homes
> and how
> they addressed it?
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]