Interacting at school, playgrounds and life
[email protected]
I wonder if we have problems relating to others who don't share our belief
system or our life/unschooling/gentle parenting philosophies because we are
being too judgemental.
If you would have seen me 5 years ago as the president of my kids PTO, what
would you have thought?
People generally need to find their own way to something. Just as we
believe we don't need to "teach" our children and they will learn what they need
when they need it - perhaps we need to extend that same philosophy and
gentleness to the world.
I know of few circumstances where my judgemental attitude was helpful to
anyone, and kharmacally (sp???) speaking, it wasn't good for me either.
Instead of saying, "wow, what a loser", how about a deep breath and a silent
wish for them to find peace for themselves and their children?
Just a thought,
Linda S.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
system or our life/unschooling/gentle parenting philosophies because we are
being too judgemental.
If you would have seen me 5 years ago as the president of my kids PTO, what
would you have thought?
People generally need to find their own way to something. Just as we
believe we don't need to "teach" our children and they will learn what they need
when they need it - perhaps we need to extend that same philosophy and
gentleness to the world.
I know of few circumstances where my judgemental attitude was helpful to
anyone, and kharmacally (sp???) speaking, it wasn't good for me either.
Instead of saying, "wow, what a loser", how about a deep breath and a silent
wish for them to find peace for themselves and their children?
Just a thought,
Linda S.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Jul 5, 2004, at 8:18 AM, Eberwhite@... wrote:
But it is watching the kids, lined up and barked at and all that, which
is sad.
And - when we are spending time around parents who really do spend so
MUCH time complaining about their kids' schools - that is sad too. I
was at a restaurant with about 10 parents of other soccer kids - and
every single one of those parents complained a LOT about the teachers
at their kids' schools - particularly the math teachers. On and on and
on -throughout the entire meal. They all have hired tutors for these
girls - the girls are 12 to 14 years old - the parents are panicking
because these girls were good students before, but now they have
algebra and they're getting low grades. DUH DUH DUH - they're too YOUNG
for algebra - they don't have the cognitive brain development yet. They
want to talk to me - they know I teach math (statistics) and do a lot
of math and have tutored in math, etc. But there is nothing i can say -
they're stuck in a terrible place. The ONLY option is to take the kids
out of school. If they stay there, they have to do algebra now, and
that means their girls are developing math phobias and anxieties. The
parents were talking constantly about how their daughter used to be so
good at math and now HATES it and thinks she's stupid and that even
with the tutor she can memorize how to do something, but she still
feels dumb and doesn't understand what she's doing. They are paying $30
to $50 per hour - multiple hours per week - to force the girls to
memorize stuff in order not to get bad grades because they think
that'll ruin their college chances and so on. But what they're doing is
creating math phobia. And they know it. And they don't know what else
to DO. And I don't know what to tell them. I sympathize.
To you, here, on this list, I say that I hope you'll not force math on
your kids - better that they learn NOTHING now than that they develop
anxieties and phobias about it. If they're comfortable with themselves,
if they know how to learn, if they have experienced learning what they
want to learn - then they can learn all of arithmetic in a few months -
everything kids are "taught" from kindergarten to middle school. And
that's because they WILL have learned and understood the concepts just
as they go about their lives - putting it all together in a formal
notational way will come relatively easily, later.
They can learn later IF they haven't developed anxieties and phobias
that make learning SO much more difficult. Forcing early learning upon
kids who are resistant is such a huge gigantic risk - some people
(claim to have) come through it unscathed (I have my doubts), but why
take such a great risk with our children?
I'm not feeling all that judgmental about these school parents, by the
way - I was there once, too - PTA board member, etc. Heck, I was - get
this - the "Parent Education" writer for our PTA council- I wrote a
column once a month about how to help your kid with their homework,
build their self-esteem, and make sure your kindergartner is being
adequately prepared for college <BEG>. I was even our PTA's
representative to the state PTA convention. Wow. What an experience
THAT was!!!
-pam
When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
~~~Paul Simon (Kodachrome)
> I wonder if we have problems relating to others who don't share ourI agree.
> belief
> system or our life/unschooling/gentle parenting philosophies because
> we are
> being too judgemental.
>
> If you would have seen me 5 years ago as the president of my kids PTO,
> what
> would you have thought?
But it is watching the kids, lined up and barked at and all that, which
is sad.
And - when we are spending time around parents who really do spend so
MUCH time complaining about their kids' schools - that is sad too. I
was at a restaurant with about 10 parents of other soccer kids - and
every single one of those parents complained a LOT about the teachers
at their kids' schools - particularly the math teachers. On and on and
on -throughout the entire meal. They all have hired tutors for these
girls - the girls are 12 to 14 years old - the parents are panicking
because these girls were good students before, but now they have
algebra and they're getting low grades. DUH DUH DUH - they're too YOUNG
for algebra - they don't have the cognitive brain development yet. They
want to talk to me - they know I teach math (statistics) and do a lot
of math and have tutored in math, etc. But there is nothing i can say -
they're stuck in a terrible place. The ONLY option is to take the kids
out of school. If they stay there, they have to do algebra now, and
that means their girls are developing math phobias and anxieties. The
parents were talking constantly about how their daughter used to be so
good at math and now HATES it and thinks she's stupid and that even
with the tutor she can memorize how to do something, but she still
feels dumb and doesn't understand what she's doing. They are paying $30
to $50 per hour - multiple hours per week - to force the girls to
memorize stuff in order not to get bad grades because they think
that'll ruin their college chances and so on. But what they're doing is
creating math phobia. And they know it. And they don't know what else
to DO. And I don't know what to tell them. I sympathize.
To you, here, on this list, I say that I hope you'll not force math on
your kids - better that they learn NOTHING now than that they develop
anxieties and phobias about it. If they're comfortable with themselves,
if they know how to learn, if they have experienced learning what they
want to learn - then they can learn all of arithmetic in a few months -
everything kids are "taught" from kindergarten to middle school. And
that's because they WILL have learned and understood the concepts just
as they go about their lives - putting it all together in a formal
notational way will come relatively easily, later.
They can learn later IF they haven't developed anxieties and phobias
that make learning SO much more difficult. Forcing early learning upon
kids who are resistant is such a huge gigantic risk - some people
(claim to have) come through it unscathed (I have my doubts), but why
take such a great risk with our children?
I'm not feeling all that judgmental about these school parents, by the
way - I was there once, too - PTA board member, etc. Heck, I was - get
this - the "Parent Education" writer for our PTA council- I wrote a
column once a month about how to help your kid with their homework,
build their self-esteem, and make sure your kindergartner is being
adequately prepared for college <BEG>. I was even our PTA's
representative to the state PTA convention. Wow. What an experience
THAT was!!!
-pam
When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
~~~Paul Simon (Kodachrome)
G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan
Pam,
I was also highly involved in school. Since my boy's were born I haven't
been able to volunteer as much time, but still managed to hold an officers
position in the PTA, volunteer and run around raising money and gifts for
teacher appreciation day. That's why it's so surprising to me how much I've
changed. These people haven't changed; it's definitely me. I think for the
better, but they don't and that on some level bothers me. Makes me feel
isolated, like I'm the only one thinking the things that I think. Even my
close friends don't get it. Making me think that I would be better off
finding new friends rather than rehashing the same old explanations over and
over again. I get questions like; why do you spend so much time with your
kids? and Wouldn't sending them to preschool help them to live more
independently so that you could get out once in awhile? huh I got that one
today!
Why don't these people get that I LOVE being with my kids. They are awesome
people that I CHOOSE to be with.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: pam sorooshian [mailto:pamsoroosh@...]
Sent: Monday, July 05, 2004 12:06 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Interacting at school, playgrounds and
life
I was also highly involved in school. Since my boy's were born I haven't
been able to volunteer as much time, but still managed to hold an officers
position in the PTA, volunteer and run around raising money and gifts for
teacher appreciation day. That's why it's so surprising to me how much I've
changed. These people haven't changed; it's definitely me. I think for the
better, but they don't and that on some level bothers me. Makes me feel
isolated, like I'm the only one thinking the things that I think. Even my
close friends don't get it. Making me think that I would be better off
finding new friends rather than rehashing the same old explanations over and
over again. I get questions like; why do you spend so much time with your
kids? and Wouldn't sending them to preschool help them to live more
independently so that you could get out once in awhile? huh I got that one
today!
Why don't these people get that I LOVE being with my kids. They are awesome
people that I CHOOSE to be with.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: pam sorooshian [mailto:pamsoroosh@...]
Sent: Monday, July 05, 2004 12:06 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Interacting at school, playgrounds and
life
On Jul 5, 2004, at 8:18 AM, Eberwhite@... wrote:
> I wonder if we have problems relating to others who don't share our
> belief
> system or our life/unschooling/gentle parenting philosophies because
> we are
> being too judgemental.
>
> If you would have seen me 5 years ago as the president of my kids PTO,
> what
> would you have thought?
I agree.
But it is watching the kids, lined up and barked at and all that, which
is sad.
And - when we are spending time around parents who really do spend so
MUCH time complaining about their kids' schools - that is sad too. I
was at a restaurant with about 10 parents of other soccer kids - and
every single one of those parents complained a LOT about the teachers
at their kids' schools - particularly the math teachers. On and on and
on -throughout the entire meal. They all have hired tutors for these
girls - the girls are 12 to 14 years old - the parents are panicking
because these girls were good students before, but now they have
algebra and they're getting low grades. DUH DUH DUH - they're too YOUNG
for algebra - they don't have the cognitive brain development yet. They
want to talk to me - they know I teach math (statistics) and do a lot
of math and have tutored in math, etc. But there is nothing i can say -
they're stuck in a terrible place. The ONLY option is to take the kids
out of school. If they stay there, they have to do algebra now, and
that means their girls are developing math phobias and anxieties. The
parents were talking constantly about how their daughter used to be so
good at math and now HATES it and thinks she's stupid and that even
with the tutor she can memorize how to do something, but she still
feels dumb and doesn't understand what she's doing. They are paying $30
to $50 per hour - multiple hours per week - to force the girls to
memorize stuff in order not to get bad grades because they think
that'll ruin their college chances and so on. But what they're doing is
creating math phobia. And they know it. And they don't know what else
to DO. And I don't know what to tell them. I sympathize.
To you, here, on this list, I say that I hope you'll not force math on
your kids - better that they learn NOTHING now than that they develop
anxieties and phobias about it. If they're comfortable with themselves,
if they know how to learn, if they have experienced learning what they
want to learn - then they can learn all of arithmetic in a few months -
everything kids are "taught" from kindergarten to middle school. And
that's because they WILL have learned and understood the concepts just
as they go about their lives - putting it all together in a formal
notational way will come relatively easily, later.
They can learn later IF they haven't developed anxieties and phobias
that make learning SO much more difficult. Forcing early learning upon
kids who are resistant is such a huge gigantic risk - some people
(claim to have) come through it unscathed (I have my doubts), but why
take such a great risk with our children?
I'm not feeling all that judgmental about these school parents, by the
way - I was there once, too - PTA board member, etc. Heck, I was - get
this - the "Parent Education" writer for our PTA council- I wrote a
column once a month about how to help your kid with their homework,
build their self-esteem, and make sure your kindergartner is being
adequately prepared for college <BEG>. I was even our PTA's
representative to the state PTA convention. Wow. What an experience
THAT was!!!
-pam
When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
~~~Paul Simon (Kodachrome)
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan
Linda,
wish for them to find peace for themselves and their children?>>>
I don't really say or think they are losers, but I can't help but feel a
great deal of sorrow for those poor kids. It starts out as a pang of
sadness and ends in frustration at their lack of respect for that little
individual. Why don't people see that screaming at kids doesn't work or
spanking or belittling for that matter. Why do they need these kids to
stand in line and conform so rigidly. The kids didn't care one iota if my
kid went in line where he wasn't supposed to. The only one objecting was
the mom.
I could have tolerated her ignorance on parenting issues if she hadn't of
burdened my child with her foolish expectations.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: Eberwhite@... [mailto:Eberwhite@...]
Sent: Monday, July 05, 2004 11:18 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Interacting at school, playgrounds and life
I wonder if we have problems relating to others who don't share our belief
system or our life/unschooling/gentle parenting philosophies because we
are
being too judgemental.
If you would have seen me 5 years ago as the president of my kids PTO,
what
would you have thought?
People generally need to find their own way to something. Just as we
believe we don't need to "teach" our children and they will learn what
they need
when they need it - perhaps we need to extend that same philosophy and
gentleness to the world.
I know of few circumstances where my judgemental attitude was helpful to
anyone, and kharmacally (sp???) speaking, it wasn't good for me either.
Instead of saying, "wow, what a loser", how about a deep breath and a
silent
wish for them to find peace for themselves and their children?
Just a thought,
Linda S.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>Instead of saying, "wow, what a loser", how about a deep breath and asilent
wish for them to find peace for themselves and their children?>>>
I don't really say or think they are losers, but I can't help but feel a
great deal of sorrow for those poor kids. It starts out as a pang of
sadness and ends in frustration at their lack of respect for that little
individual. Why don't people see that screaming at kids doesn't work or
spanking or belittling for that matter. Why do they need these kids to
stand in line and conform so rigidly. The kids didn't care one iota if my
kid went in line where he wasn't supposed to. The only one objecting was
the mom.
I could have tolerated her ignorance on parenting issues if she hadn't of
burdened my child with her foolish expectations.
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: Eberwhite@... [mailto:Eberwhite@...]
Sent: Monday, July 05, 2004 11:18 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Interacting at school, playgrounds and life
I wonder if we have problems relating to others who don't share our belief
system or our life/unschooling/gentle parenting philosophies because we
are
being too judgemental.
If you would have seen me 5 years ago as the president of my kids PTO,
what
would you have thought?
People generally need to find their own way to something. Just as we
believe we don't need to "teach" our children and they will learn what
they need
when they need it - perhaps we need to extend that same philosophy and
gentleness to the world.
I know of few circumstances where my judgemental attitude was helpful to
anyone, and kharmacally (sp???) speaking, it wasn't good for me either.
Instead of saying, "wow, what a loser", how about a deep breath and a
silent
wish for them to find peace for themselves and their children?
Just a thought,
Linda S.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
True -- there doesn't seem to be much sense in rushing the process for most
people. It takes what time it takes to get wherever they are going.
Nance
In a message dated 7/5/2004 2:47:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
People generally need to find their own way to something.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
people. It takes what time it takes to get wherever they are going.
Nance
In a message dated 7/5/2004 2:47:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
People generally need to find their own way to something.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
If they're comfortable with themselves,
have difficulty with learning something like this later because they feel like
they were "supposed" to learn it in such and such a grade. Or their friends
talk about how hard it is or "everyone else" already knows how to do this. I
guess I just want to make sure that they ARE comfortable with themselves so
they have the confidence to tackle it when they need to. KWIM? It's so easy to
pick up these phobias just from friends and such. What do you all think?
Blessings
doulos
>I agree. I do have a question, however. I sometimes worry that my kids will
> if they know how to learn, if they have experienced learning what they
>
> want to learn - then they can learn all of arithmetic in a few months -
>
> everything kids are "taught" from kindergarten to middle school. And
>
> that's because they WILL have learned and understood the concepts just
>
> as they go about their lives - putting it all together in a formal
>
> notational way will come relatively easily, later.
have difficulty with learning something like this later because they feel like
they were "supposed" to learn it in such and such a grade. Or their friends
talk about how hard it is or "everyone else" already knows how to do this. I
guess I just want to make sure that they ARE comfortable with themselves so
they have the confidence to tackle it when they need to. KWIM? It's so easy to
pick up these phobias just from friends and such. What do you all think?
Blessings
doulos
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/5/2004 9:41:42 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
doulos@... writes:
I agree. I do have a question, however. I sometimes worry that my kids
will
have difficulty with learning something like this later because they feel
like
they were "supposed" to learn it in such and such a grade. Or their friends
talk about how hard it is or "everyone else" already knows how to do this. I
guess I just want to make sure that they ARE comfortable with themselves so
they have the confidence to tackle it when they need to. KWIM? It's so easy
to
pick up these phobias just from friends and such. What do you all think?
<<<<<
I think that there is a sticky age---like 9-14 or there-abouts----when
unschooling kids can be VERY uncomfortable in situations like this. But by 15,
they have SO much on the ball that their schooled friends just can't keep up.
Cameron, who was practically a vegetable from 12-14, suddenly burst forth
with so much creativity and so many interests that we couldn't keep his schedule
straight. His unfortunate friends were too busy with school and homework
that they couldn't even share his new fun.
*He* found that he knew many more things than his friends----and that he was
more "at peace" with himself and his family than any of his schooled
friends. He was "behind" some of them in some things and "ahead" of others in other
things----just like it should be.
He's mature enough to understand this now---and it's POWERFUL!
That's what *I* think. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
doulos@... writes:
I agree. I do have a question, however. I sometimes worry that my kids
will
have difficulty with learning something like this later because they feel
like
they were "supposed" to learn it in such and such a grade. Or their friends
talk about how hard it is or "everyone else" already knows how to do this. I
guess I just want to make sure that they ARE comfortable with themselves so
they have the confidence to tackle it when they need to. KWIM? It's so easy
to
pick up these phobias just from friends and such. What do you all think?
<<<<<
I think that there is a sticky age---like 9-14 or there-abouts----when
unschooling kids can be VERY uncomfortable in situations like this. But by 15,
they have SO much on the ball that their schooled friends just can't keep up.
Cameron, who was practically a vegetable from 12-14, suddenly burst forth
with so much creativity and so many interests that we couldn't keep his schedule
straight. His unfortunate friends were too busy with school and homework
that they couldn't even share his new fun.
*He* found that he knew many more things than his friends----and that he was
more "at peace" with himself and his family than any of his schooled
friends. He was "behind" some of them in some things and "ahead" of others in other
things----just like it should be.
He's mature enough to understand this now---and it's POWERFUL!
That's what *I* think. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Jul 5, 2004, at 6:41 PM, doulos@... wrote:
the hardest kind of learning.
That's why I think kids have to understand what we're doing - we have
to talk about unschooling and we have to tell them that we understand
"how people learn" better than school people do. Maybe some kids are
immune to outside pressures, etc., but I think most will need a
defensive dose of unschooling information and understanding.
When my 13 yo daughter learned how to do long division (about 30
minutes from start to full adeptness) - she didn't know what it was
called. When I said, "Oh yeah, that is called 'long division,'" she
looked up in shock and said, "But it is so cool - why do people always
say how much they hate long division?"
"Because they were forced to learn it when they had no reason to, and
they had to take 30 hours to learn it (the amount of time California
elementary schools are supposed to spend on it)."
"Mom, how could they take 30 hours to learn it?"
"Because they broke it down into little bitty steps and only taught
those little bitty steps one at a time."
"Didn't that make it hard to understand what they were doing?"
"Yes. That's one of the reasons it took them 30 hours instead of 30
minutes. And lots of them didn't remember it the next year, anyway,
after all that work."
-pam
When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
~~~Paul Simon (Kodachrome)
> I sometimes worry that my kids willCould happen. We live in a society where learning is "hard" and math is
> have difficulty with learning something like this later because they
> feel like
> they were "supposed" to learn it in such and such a grade. Or their
> friends
> talk about how hard it is or "everyone else" already knows how to do
> this. I
> guess I just want to make sure that they ARE comfortable with
> themselves so
> they have the confidence to tackle it when they need to. KWIM? It's
> so easy to
> pick up these phobias just from friends and such. What do you all
> think?
the hardest kind of learning.
That's why I think kids have to understand what we're doing - we have
to talk about unschooling and we have to tell them that we understand
"how people learn" better than school people do. Maybe some kids are
immune to outside pressures, etc., but I think most will need a
defensive dose of unschooling information and understanding.
When my 13 yo daughter learned how to do long division (about 30
minutes from start to full adeptness) - she didn't know what it was
called. When I said, "Oh yeah, that is called 'long division,'" she
looked up in shock and said, "But it is so cool - why do people always
say how much they hate long division?"
"Because they were forced to learn it when they had no reason to, and
they had to take 30 hours to learn it (the amount of time California
elementary schools are supposed to spend on it)."
"Mom, how could they take 30 hours to learn it?"
"Because they broke it down into little bitty steps and only taught
those little bitty steps one at a time."
"Didn't that make it hard to understand what they were doing?"
"Yes. That's one of the reasons it took them 30 hours instead of 30
minutes. And lots of them didn't remember it the next year, anyway,
after all that work."
-pam
When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
~~~Paul Simon (Kodachrome)
Fetteroll
on 7/6/04 4:25 AM, pam sorooshian at pamsoroosh@... wrote:
school people know about how people learn, but what they really know is how
to teach a whole roomful of kids something the kids don't want to know.
Which isn't the same thing as learning at all!
Joyce
> we have to tell them that we understandAnd maybe point out that teachers (and parents and schooled kids) *think*
> "how people learn" better than school people do.
school people know about how people learn, but what they really know is how
to teach a whole roomful of kids something the kids don't want to know.
Which isn't the same thing as learning at all!
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/5/2004 1:03:55 PM Central Standard Time,
gmcontractinginc@... writes:
Makes me feel
isolated, like I'm the only one thinking the things that I think. Even my
close friends don't get it. Making me think that I would be better off
finding new friends rather than rehashing the same old explanations over and
over again.
~~~
Jumping off from here...
I have the same frustration, especially now that we're meeting new people
all the time, having just moved, and getting to know each other better. I am
very aware that an unschooling and respectful, gentle parenting attitude can
come off as snobish or arrogant.
I make jokes about it. People have asked why Will is so calm when he's
pitching in a baseball game. He is a really good pitcher (I don't take credit at
all, he's a natural), and when he's called in to close a game he usually
just throws strikes and you can see that he's not feeling any pressure at all.
He's as "cool as a cucumber" so that even the umpires notice and comment.
He's only 10, so that impresses people in baseball.
I joke around with people who comment and who know he doesn't go to school.
I say, "He lives the life of Riley!" What pressure could he possibly have
if he doesn't have to get up in the morning and go to school!? yada yada"
But those people also see me act lovingly toward him off the field, and I
don't lecture him about how to pitch or hit and I don't scream at him from the
sidelines (except when he's pitching a few too many balls I might remind him
to breath out on the throw). I barely even mention his performance except to
ask him if he had fun. His father, who is the coach, doesn't lecture him
either. (Coaching is a different thing from lecturing, and it can be done
respectfully, as well).
In the same way that I demonstrate (do) gentle parenting to other people
with my own child, I try to demonstrate it with theirs as well. There's a
little boy named Kyle. He's only about 6 or 7 and he's the younger brother of
Will's teammate. I've spent a lot of time with their parents, and it's clear
that Kyle is the "bad son" to them. They joke about how difficult and busy he
is, and I know they love him. But it's clear to me that it's going to become
self-fulfilling and they don't even realize it. So, I take every chance I
get to say positive things about him to his parents, and to tell him how sweet
I think he is. (He is sweet, really. These parents don't really have a
clue what a difficult child is.) I try to sympathize with them and point out
how normal Kyle is.
I don't get an opportunity to talk about unschooling with these public
school parents at baseball games. I probably wouldn't take it anyway, because I
have to live in this small community and I can't afford to be ostrasized for
my beliefs. But to help allieve my frustration at not being able to talk
about it, I can do things differently and say things differently and offer calm
and peace and contentment in my visible parenting. Lots of them have already
noticed.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
gmcontractinginc@... writes:
Makes me feel
isolated, like I'm the only one thinking the things that I think. Even my
close friends don't get it. Making me think that I would be better off
finding new friends rather than rehashing the same old explanations over and
over again.
~~~
Jumping off from here...
I have the same frustration, especially now that we're meeting new people
all the time, having just moved, and getting to know each other better. I am
very aware that an unschooling and respectful, gentle parenting attitude can
come off as snobish or arrogant.
I make jokes about it. People have asked why Will is so calm when he's
pitching in a baseball game. He is a really good pitcher (I don't take credit at
all, he's a natural), and when he's called in to close a game he usually
just throws strikes and you can see that he's not feeling any pressure at all.
He's as "cool as a cucumber" so that even the umpires notice and comment.
He's only 10, so that impresses people in baseball.
I joke around with people who comment and who know he doesn't go to school.
I say, "He lives the life of Riley!" What pressure could he possibly have
if he doesn't have to get up in the morning and go to school!? yada yada"
But those people also see me act lovingly toward him off the field, and I
don't lecture him about how to pitch or hit and I don't scream at him from the
sidelines (except when he's pitching a few too many balls I might remind him
to breath out on the throw). I barely even mention his performance except to
ask him if he had fun. His father, who is the coach, doesn't lecture him
either. (Coaching is a different thing from lecturing, and it can be done
respectfully, as well).
In the same way that I demonstrate (do) gentle parenting to other people
with my own child, I try to demonstrate it with theirs as well. There's a
little boy named Kyle. He's only about 6 or 7 and he's the younger brother of
Will's teammate. I've spent a lot of time with their parents, and it's clear
that Kyle is the "bad son" to them. They joke about how difficult and busy he
is, and I know they love him. But it's clear to me that it's going to become
self-fulfilling and they don't even realize it. So, I take every chance I
get to say positive things about him to his parents, and to tell him how sweet
I think he is. (He is sweet, really. These parents don't really have a
clue what a difficult child is.) I try to sympathize with them and point out
how normal Kyle is.
I don't get an opportunity to talk about unschooling with these public
school parents at baseball games. I probably wouldn't take it anyway, because I
have to live in this small community and I can't afford to be ostrasized for
my beliefs. But to help allieve my frustration at not being able to talk
about it, I can do things differently and say things differently and offer calm
and peace and contentment in my visible parenting. Lots of them have already
noticed.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], Tuckervill@a... wrote:
didn't work and can you believe that just taking a leap of faith and
trusting Mikey and not controling makes for this sweet boy
who's "eating well" and is nice most of the time. It may be hard to
pull him close when he's acting out or whining or whatever, but it's
working so well for us.
And then I go play with the kids...
--aj
> I joke around with people who comment and who know he doesn't goto school.
> I say, "He lives the life of Riley!" What pressure could hepossibly have
> if he doesn't have to get up in the morning and go to school!?yada yada"
>Yes! I'm actually learning to gush, lol. About how other things
didn't work and can you believe that just taking a leap of faith and
trusting Mikey and not controling makes for this sweet boy
who's "eating well" and is nice most of the time. It may be hard to
pull him close when he's acting out or whining or whatever, but it's
working so well for us.
And then I go play with the kids...
--aj