Brian & Alexandra Polikowsky

To quote Jan Hunt('cause I can't write):

"Children deserve our best efforts to give them love and understanding at
all times, even when - especially when - they are not behaving as we would
wish. If we can show them compassion and understanding at those times, we
can teach them by example some of the most essential ingredients of a happy
life: the capacity to love others unconditionally, the willingness to offer
help and express empathy at all times, and not just at those times when
others are making life easy for us. If we can teach this to our children, we
have given our child a priceless gift, one that will continue through the
generations. "

"One of the most important principles of parenting is that the feelings
behind a child's behavior must be recognized, accepted, understood, and
openly dealt with, before the behavior can change. Until that happens, the
unwanted behavior - or behavior even less welcome to the parent - will only
continue. How could it be otherwise? It is the same with adults, after all.
If we "misbehave" toward our partner, but he or she makes no effort to
understand and accept the feelings which brought about that behavior, and
doesn't hear the message we are trying to send, we will continue to try to
express those feelings in the same, or even less effective and less welcome
ways."

"Feelings are not "good" or "bad"; they are normal, valid, and important. I
love you enough to stop and really pay attention to what it is you're trying
to tell me, in the only way you can tell me in this moment, at this age, and
in these circumstances. I do not like being bitten any more than you would
like it. At the same time, I understand that you would not have done this
unless you were feeling angry/ sad/ upset/ worried/ disturbed about
something. I take your needs and feelings seriously, and I'll help you to
find better ways to express your feelings so that everyone's needs are
met.""

"One of our Natural Child Project Parenting Cards© sums it up this way:
"Look past the behavior... what is your child feeling?" When we focus on a
child's needs and feelings, rather than the specific behavior we wish to
change, we can then truly communicate our love for our child. That the
behavior will then improve is almost a side issue. As Mozart wrote, "Love,
love, love, that is the soul of genius." It is also the soul of parenting."




'and this article;

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/misunderstand.html

Alex