RE: was thoughts and dd hits, Now: Trying to Be Positive
Misty Felner
From: "Pampered Chef Michelle" pamperedmichelle@...
Date: Mon May 15, 2006 8:55am(PDT)
is true some or most of the time. (There still seems like there are times
she's hitting just to hit, maybe to get a reaction.) However, most of the
time she does something with me, it's because she wants my attention. I
feel like she wants my attention 24/7 and I'm getting frustrated trying to
give it to her. Sometimes I just need a break to cook dinner or just have a
minute to myself. Someone in an earlier response asked if dad was the
caretaker and that was he gave the baths. I didn't respond, but dad gives
her baths to have some special time with her, and so I can have some time
alone. But, lately I've been giving her baths, b/c she's screaming for me
from the moment I leave. I love my daughter very much and usually I'm
pleased to spend time with her, but this mom needs a break.
From: "Ren Allen" starsuncloud@...
Date: Mon May 15, 2006 9:11am(PDT)
Subject: Thoughts
finding a need for a word to describe her actions. Not necessarily
something I say to her, but for now a word that can take the place of
malicious or vindictive in my mind. For example yesterday we went to the
park and she was happily playing in the sandbox with some other, older
girls. One of the girls had a younger sister, maybe 5 that wanted Rachel's
shovel. The girl kept asking and even trying to take it from dd. I asked
her if she'd be willing to share her shovel with the girl, but clearly she
wasn't. She eventually started offering the shovel to other girls there,
but not the one girl. (This is one of those things that screams vindictive
in my mind, that I'm trying to shed.) I explained to her that if she isn't
willing to share her toy with one girl it isn't nice to offer it to someone
else. I know I need to change my thought process, wisdom please.
Misty
Date: Mon May 15, 2006 8:55am(PDT)
>>She isn't hitting you to hit you. She is hitting youOkay, I'm trying to look at things in a more positive light, and maybe that
>>because she still has a need.
is true some or most of the time. (There still seems like there are times
she's hitting just to hit, maybe to get a reaction.) However, most of the
time she does something with me, it's because she wants my attention. I
feel like she wants my attention 24/7 and I'm getting frustrated trying to
give it to her. Sometimes I just need a break to cook dinner or just have a
minute to myself. Someone in an earlier response asked if dad was the
caretaker and that was he gave the baths. I didn't respond, but dad gives
her baths to have some special time with her, and so I can have some time
alone. But, lately I've been giving her baths, b/c she's screaming for me
from the moment I leave. I love my daughter very much and usually I'm
pleased to spend time with her, but this mom needs a break.
From: "Ren Allen" starsuncloud@...
Date: Mon May 15, 2006 9:11am(PDT)
Subject: Thoughts
>>You seem bent on hanging onto the idea that she is being vindictive,I am trying very hard to look at things from a different perspective, but am
>>rather than examining yourself and whether there is something
>>triggering her behavior that YOU could change. You're so focused on
>>getting HER to change behavior, what about you?
finding a need for a word to describe her actions. Not necessarily
something I say to her, but for now a word that can take the place of
malicious or vindictive in my mind. For example yesterday we went to the
park and she was happily playing in the sandbox with some other, older
girls. One of the girls had a younger sister, maybe 5 that wanted Rachel's
shovel. The girl kept asking and even trying to take it from dd. I asked
her if she'd be willing to share her shovel with the girl, but clearly she
wasn't. She eventually started offering the shovel to other girls there,
but not the one girl. (This is one of those things that screams vindictive
in my mind, that I'm trying to shed.) I explained to her that if she isn't
willing to share her toy with one girl it isn't nice to offer it to someone
else. I know I need to change my thought process, wisdom please.
Misty
[email protected]
>>I feel like she wants my attention 24/7 and I'm getting frustrated trying to give it to her. Sometimes I just need a break to cook dinner or just have a minute to myself.>>Now THIS is something I can totally relate to. My dd Qacei was just like this. She was bright and inquisitive and sensitive and spirited and wanted ME. I was mentally exhausted so many different times. It seemed like it would never stop, but you know what? It did. Not all at once, but over time. She grew and matured. She got more used to Dad and let him help her more and more. We were patient and understanding and things mellowed out.
Qacei is 12 now. She's still bright and inquisitive and sensitive and spirited. She still wants my attention a lot and I'm happy to give it to her. As puberty descends I'm happy we have kept that kind of close relationship. What has also developed is her sense of self. She is calm, mature, confident and independent.
My advice is to breathe and know that 99% of parenting is getting through the stages. Wait it out with patience and love and you'll see the next stage start to blossom.
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Misty Felner" <misty@...>
trektheory
--- In [email protected], "Misty Felner" <misty@...>
wrote:
child (I had a lot of ear abcesses as an infant and earaches -- most
of which we now realize were probably TMJ related -- as a child),
painfully shy, and used to literally hang on my mother's leg. She
said that she couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. I will tell
you -- I haven't hung on to her leg in a looooong time now! ;-)
Just a thought -- does she still nap? Can you grab a minute for
yourself when she does (if she does) or do a little prep -- and then
include her as much as you can when you prepare dinner? She might
start to view cooking as a special Mommy and me time.
Thank you for giving me a different perspective on my own mother!
Linda
wrote:
>attention. I
> However, most of the
> time she does something with me, it's because she wants my
> feel like she wants my attention 24/7 and I'm getting frustratedtrying to
> give it to her. Sometimes I just need a break to cook dinner orjust have a
> minute to myself. Someone in an earlier response asked if dad wasthe
> caretaker and that was he gave the baths. I didn't respond, butdad gives
> her baths to have some special time with her, and so I can havesome time
> alone. But, lately I've been giving her baths, b/c she'sscreaming for me
> from the moment I leave.Makes me smile a bit, and feel sorry for my mother. I was a needy
child (I had a lot of ear abcesses as an infant and earaches -- most
of which we now realize were probably TMJ related -- as a child),
painfully shy, and used to literally hang on my mother's leg. She
said that she couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. I will tell
you -- I haven't hung on to her leg in a looooong time now! ;-)
Just a thought -- does she still nap? Can you grab a minute for
yourself when she does (if she does) or do a little prep -- and then
include her as much as you can when you prepare dinner? She might
start to view cooking as a special Mommy and me time.
Thank you for giving me a different perspective on my own mother!
Linda
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: zenmomma@...\
She got more used to Dad and let him help her more and more. We were
patient and
understanding and things mellowed out.
-=-=-=-=
Ben used to ask (insert whining voice here!) , "All he screams is
'Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!' When will he ever want 'Daddy, Daddy, Daddy???'"
<g>
*I* knew it wouldn't last! <G>
Somewhere around 10, I lost both my boys to their dad and more
"boyish" stuff. I *could* be sad about that, but I also know I'll get
them back in a few more years! <G>
Cam and I spent all evening together. We went to an art opening
(Christian Thee for those of you who know/met him at the conferences in
SC), and then to Mac's on Main, a blues bar where Cameron sat in on
three songs. The band leader, "Fatback" asked Cameron to join the band
as his regular drummer !!! <BWG> He'll be the "groove band" part of
"Fatback and the Groove Band." Then we were in Five Points for a local
rock band outdoor concert---just to watch. Then we stopped by
Hunter-Gatherer so that Cameron could play with Skipp Pearson's jazz
group for four songs. We just got in at midnight. Cameron wasn't at all
embarrassed or uncomfortable being seen with his "old" mom! <g>
Everything's a phase. Nothing lasts. Enjoy each stage as much as you
can. You will miss each one when they move on.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
From: zenmomma@...\
She got more used to Dad and let him help her more and more. We were
patient and
understanding and things mellowed out.
-=-=-=-=
Ben used to ask (insert whining voice here!) , "All he screams is
'Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!' When will he ever want 'Daddy, Daddy, Daddy???'"
<g>
*I* knew it wouldn't last! <G>
Somewhere around 10, I lost both my boys to their dad and more
"boyish" stuff. I *could* be sad about that, but I also know I'll get
them back in a few more years! <G>
Cam and I spent all evening together. We went to an art opening
(Christian Thee for those of you who know/met him at the conferences in
SC), and then to Mac's on Main, a blues bar where Cameron sat in on
three songs. The band leader, "Fatback" asked Cameron to join the band
as his regular drummer !!! <BWG> He'll be the "groove band" part of
"Fatback and the Groove Band." Then we were in Five Points for a local
rock band outdoor concert---just to watch. Then we stopped by
Hunter-Gatherer so that Cameron could play with Skipp Pearson's jazz
group for four songs. We just got in at midnight. Cameron wasn't at all
embarrassed or uncomfortable being seen with his "old" mom! <g>
Everything's a phase. Nothing lasts. Enjoy each stage as much as you
can. You will miss each one when they move on.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
Lesa McMahon-Lowe
Kelly ~
What an awesome evening!
~*~*~
Lesa
LIFE Academy
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net
http://qtpiecraftsandthings.etsy.com
-------Original Message-------
From: kbcdlovejo@...
Date: 05/18/06 23:57:03
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] RE: was thoughts and dd hits, Now: Trying
to Be Positive
Cam and I spent all evening together. We went to an art opening
(Christian Thee for those of you who know/met him at the conferences in
SC), and then to Mac's on Main, a blues bar where Cameron sat in on
three songs. The band leader, "Fatback" asked Cameron to join the band
as his regular drummer !!! <BWG> He'll be the "groove band" part of
"Fatback and the Groove Band." Then we were in Five Points for a local
rock band outdoor concert---just to watch. Then we stopped by
Hunter-Gatherer so that Cameron could play with Skipp Pearson's jazz
group for four songs. We just got in at midnight. Cameron wasn't at all
embarrassed or uncomfortable being seen with his "old" mom! <g>
Everything's a phase. Nothing lasts. Enjoy each stage as much as you
can. You will miss each one when they move on.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What an awesome evening!
~*~*~
Lesa
LIFE Academy
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net
http://qtpiecraftsandthings.etsy.com
-------Original Message-------
From: kbcdlovejo@...
Date: 05/18/06 23:57:03
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] RE: was thoughts and dd hits, Now: Trying
to Be Positive
Cam and I spent all evening together. We went to an art opening
(Christian Thee for those of you who know/met him at the conferences in
SC), and then to Mac's on Main, a blues bar where Cameron sat in on
three songs. The band leader, "Fatback" asked Cameron to join the band
as his regular drummer !!! <BWG> He'll be the "groove band" part of
"Fatback and the Groove Band." Then we were in Five Points for a local
rock band outdoor concert---just to watch. Then we stopped by
Hunter-Gatherer so that Cameron could play with Skipp Pearson's jazz
group for four songs. We just got in at midnight. Cameron wasn't at all
embarrassed or uncomfortable being seen with his "old" mom! <g>
Everything's a phase. Nothing lasts. Enjoy each stage as much as you
can. You will miss each one when they move on.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Kelly ~
What an awesome evening!
-=-=-=-
That's what Cameron said this morning on his way out the door to work!
It really was fun to spend that time with him.
He knows *everybody* *everywhere*, so he kept introducing me to....half
the city! <g> He'd put his arm around me and say, "This is my mom,
Kelly." <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
What an awesome evening!
-=-=-=-
That's what Cameron said this morning on his way out the door to work!
It really was fun to spend that time with him.
He knows *everybody* *everywhere*, so he kept introducing me to....half
the city! <g> He'd put his arm around me and say, "This is my mom,
Kelly." <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
katherand2003
Me me me... ds wants me. I can so relate. :) Despite all the cruddy
advice to the contrary, we continue to nurse. It gets a bit much for
me at times but I know when ds finally weans I'll miss the whole thing
very much. I'm starting to miss it already and I try not to think too
much about it being done with. I feel quite miffed and stifled and
even angrily protective whenever people take it upon themselves to
tell me "what for" about it. Lately I've gotten really good at mildly
saying, "we like it and I wouldn't think you'd care." We have had
such a wonderful closeness because of it. Still I could really use a
break. Really. *sigh*
But these are precious moments. Sliding by at lightspeed. While
we're anticipating that next stage and gasping for breaks, this moment
too shall pass. And be sorely missed.
Think of the day your child no longer wants your help with baths. I
like what Ren said about being peeved while doing laundry for her mom
until she realized that all too soon her mom wasn't going to be there
to do laundry for.
Cherish. That word comes to mind. Even when you're so tired and need
a moment. Cherish the one you have. Breathers are good. Have a
break (even if it's just a second or two mid-scream), then go be with
and cherish. ;)
Kathe
advice to the contrary, we continue to nurse. It gets a bit much for
me at times but I know when ds finally weans I'll miss the whole thing
very much. I'm starting to miss it already and I try not to think too
much about it being done with. I feel quite miffed and stifled and
even angrily protective whenever people take it upon themselves to
tell me "what for" about it. Lately I've gotten really good at mildly
saying, "we like it and I wouldn't think you'd care." We have had
such a wonderful closeness because of it. Still I could really use a
break. Really. *sigh*
But these are precious moments. Sliding by at lightspeed. While
we're anticipating that next stage and gasping for breaks, this moment
too shall pass. And be sorely missed.
Think of the day your child no longer wants your help with baths. I
like what Ren said about being peeved while doing laundry for her mom
until she realized that all too soon her mom wasn't going to be there
to do laundry for.
Cherish. That word comes to mind. Even when you're so tired and need
a moment. Cherish the one you have. Breathers are good. Have a
break (even if it's just a second or two mid-scream), then go be with
and cherish. ;)
Kathe
--- In [email protected], zenmomma@... wrote:
>
> >>I feel like she wants my attention 24/7 and I'm getting frustrated
trying to give it to her. Sometimes I just need a break to cook
dinner or just have a minute to myself.>>
>
> Now THIS is something I can totally relate to. My dd Qacei was just
like this. She was bright and inquisitive and sensitive and spirited
and wanted ME. I was mentally exhausted so many different times. It
seemed like it would never stop, but you know what? It did. Not all at
once, but over time. She grew and matured. She got more used to Dad
and let him help her more and more. We were patient and understanding
and things mellowed out.
>
> Qacei is 12 now. She's still bright and inquisitive and sensitive
and spirited. She still wants my attention a lot and I'm happy to give
it to her. As puberty descends I'm happy we have kept that kind of
close relationship. What has also developed is her sense of self. She
is calm, mature, confident and independent.
>
> My advice is to breathe and know that 99% of parenting is getting
through the stages. Wait it out with patience and love and you'll see
the next stage start to blossom.
>
> --
> ~Mary
> http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
>
> "The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
> green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
> alive."
> ~Thich Nhat Hanh
>
> -------------- Original message ----------------------
> From: "Misty Felner" <misty@...>
>