How do I explain this?
Stacey Brumfield
Two nights ago, I watched a movie that pictured a
woman being physically abused. Trying to shield my 16
mo old, Emma, I turned the channel when the violence
started. I missed a few tho. She would point and say
huh? and has started having nightmares. I d
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woman being physically abused. Trying to shield my 16
mo old, Emma, I turned the channel when the violence
started. I missed a few tho. She would point and say
huh? and has started having nightmares. I d
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Joanne
I think the rest of your message was cut off.
Why were you watching that with your daughter around? My kids are a lot
older, but because they're healing from the trauma of abuse, if my
husband or I want to watch a movie with violence (like we watched Four
Brothers last night), we wait until they're in bed.
We also don't watch movies with natural disasters (tornados/hurricanes)
when Shawna is up. She's terrified of stuff like that and will be
convinced that it's going to happen here.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], Stacey Brumfield
<stacy_brumfield@...> wrote:
Why were you watching that with your daughter around? My kids are a lot
older, but because they're healing from the trauma of abuse, if my
husband or I want to watch a movie with violence (like we watched Four
Brothers last night), we wait until they're in bed.
We also don't watch movies with natural disasters (tornados/hurricanes)
when Shawna is up. She's terrified of stuff like that and will be
convinced that it's going to happen here.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], Stacey Brumfield
<stacy_brumfield@...> wrote:
>
> Two nights ago, I watched a movie that pictured a
> woman being physically abused. Trying to shield my 16
> mo old, Emma, I turned the channel when the violence
> started. I missed a few tho. She would point and say
> huh? and has started having nightmares. I d
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com
>
Deb Lewis
***She would point and say
huh? and has started having nightmares.***
If she's never seen someone get smacked around before she probably didn't
understand what was happening. The noise might have registered as
alarming, like any loud and at first unidentifiable noise does.
I think you think you know how to explain it. <g> I think you'll think
what you want. <g>
But I wouldn't be so quick to correlate the one thing with the other.
How do you know she's having nightmares and not gas pains?
Dylan talked really early and really well but wouldn't have known what a
nightmare was or what that word was to tell me. Is it possible she's
waking for other reasons and because of your concern about the images she
saw you're projecting "nightmare" in there?
If I thought a movie had disturbing scenes and loud, startling noises I
didn't watch with Dylan around. If Dylan wanted to be with me when I
was watching such a movie I'd turn it off and do something fun with him.
When Dylan expressed an interest in watching something with me - and
that's different than wanting to be with me to play or hang out - then
I'd tell him it might be scary or might be noisy and we'd watch together
and fast forward through the prickly patches... then as time went on
rewind and watch them again. <g>
Not limiting TV doesn't mean having a kid watch whatever is on. It
means not stopping a child from seeing what he chooses to watch. It
means helping him watch what he wants and being right there with him to
explain what's happening or to talk about why certain characters have
acted in a certain way. It means using discretion about what we watch
when our kids are around if we suspect certain things might be
disturbing. Not limiting what they *want* to watch doesn't mean making
them watch everything.
Deb Lewis
huh? and has started having nightmares.***
If she's never seen someone get smacked around before she probably didn't
understand what was happening. The noise might have registered as
alarming, like any loud and at first unidentifiable noise does.
I think you think you know how to explain it. <g> I think you'll think
what you want. <g>
But I wouldn't be so quick to correlate the one thing with the other.
How do you know she's having nightmares and not gas pains?
Dylan talked really early and really well but wouldn't have known what a
nightmare was or what that word was to tell me. Is it possible she's
waking for other reasons and because of your concern about the images she
saw you're projecting "nightmare" in there?
If I thought a movie had disturbing scenes and loud, startling noises I
didn't watch with Dylan around. If Dylan wanted to be with me when I
was watching such a movie I'd turn it off and do something fun with him.
When Dylan expressed an interest in watching something with me - and
that's different than wanting to be with me to play or hang out - then
I'd tell him it might be scary or might be noisy and we'd watch together
and fast forward through the prickly patches... then as time went on
rewind and watch them again. <g>
Not limiting TV doesn't mean having a kid watch whatever is on. It
means not stopping a child from seeing what he chooses to watch. It
means helping him watch what he wants and being right there with him to
explain what's happening or to talk about why certain characters have
acted in a certain way. It means using discretion about what we watch
when our kids are around if we suspect certain things might be
disturbing. Not limiting what they *want* to watch doesn't mean making
them watch everything.
Deb Lewis
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 18, 2006, at 12:28 AM, Stacey Brumfield wrote:
around her. (Good advice to do it anyway even if she wasn't bothered ;-)
Right at the time you could have given her a simple explanation of
"That's just people pretending to hit." She might not understand the
words, but the tone and attitude that it's nothing to be concerned
about will come across.
If she's having nightmares, it could be because you're concerned and
she's picking up your negative emotions that there's something to
worry about. Let your worry go and be happy around her :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> She would point and sayIf she was bothered by it, just give her lots of hugs and be joyful
> huh? and has started having nightmares.
around her. (Good advice to do it anyway even if she wasn't bothered ;-)
Right at the time you could have given her a simple explanation of
"That's just people pretending to hit." She might not understand the
words, but the tone and attitude that it's nothing to be concerned
about will come across.
If she's having nightmares, it could be because you're concerned and
she's picking up your negative emotions that there's something to
worry about. Let your worry go and be happy around her :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
katherand2003
Hi I've been telling ds who is almost 3 now about tv being pretend for
a while. For instance 'Oh Brother Where Art Thou' is a hilarious
spoof with so much wonderful folk music that ds enjoys. He gets that
there's a lot of humor, but since there's a lot of violence he
sometimes gets quite concerned too. I fast forward through the scene
with the bible salesman when he's frog squishing, tree limb bashing
and the whipping scene. They make *me* cringe. But I tell ds that's
a pretend cow that got run over. Those aren't real bullets... that's
just for the movie. "Oh no... not the livestock."
I started doing more of this when we watched the Cat in the Hat movie
starring Mike Myers (a movie I personally didn't like). That is,
after I read one of the unschooling lists advising to tell kids movies
aren't real, especially at disturbing points. WellYeh... duh on me.
Too straightforward for me to think of. I tend to make these things
harder than they have to be. It's not like I have a great mentor I
can go to --other than the RU lists-- for parenting advice, so thanks
for spelling this stuff out.
And during that same general time I found myself telling ds the things
he had up til then absolutely loved, enjoyed and gotten so much fun
out of --monsters-- aren't real. He became frightened of them
overnight it seems like, and suddenly they had taken on different
dimensions to him. He was saying there were monsters in the potty.
?? I'm not sure how that fear came about and I'll probably never
know. I told him the only monsters we had in the house were on the
tv, and even those weren't real. He hasn't brought it up since, and
gone back to playing monster with gusto. No worries.
Just think... here I was a couple years ago, concerned about the bad
influence of tv. Huh... tv has been a FANTASTIC easy way to build
trust with ds. It even helps with real life --not just what's on the
screen. Wow. Too cool... too cool.
A very simple thing. I was glad for the support of unschooling lists
which always have an odd habit of bringing up subjects right when I
need them. I rarely if ever post a question. Somebody always beats
me to it.
Oh wait... how have you guys dealt with fear of the dark? That's
something I haven't been able to beat for ds. I never have been
afraid of the dark myself. Go figure. I don't know why.
Kathe, who pontificates about unschooling pretty much endlessly-- at
least online anyway
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
a while. For instance 'Oh Brother Where Art Thou' is a hilarious
spoof with so much wonderful folk music that ds enjoys. He gets that
there's a lot of humor, but since there's a lot of violence he
sometimes gets quite concerned too. I fast forward through the scene
with the bible salesman when he's frog squishing, tree limb bashing
and the whipping scene. They make *me* cringe. But I tell ds that's
a pretend cow that got run over. Those aren't real bullets... that's
just for the movie. "Oh no... not the livestock."
I started doing more of this when we watched the Cat in the Hat movie
starring Mike Myers (a movie I personally didn't like). That is,
after I read one of the unschooling lists advising to tell kids movies
aren't real, especially at disturbing points. WellYeh... duh on me.
Too straightforward for me to think of. I tend to make these things
harder than they have to be. It's not like I have a great mentor I
can go to --other than the RU lists-- for parenting advice, so thanks
for spelling this stuff out.
And during that same general time I found myself telling ds the things
he had up til then absolutely loved, enjoyed and gotten so much fun
out of --monsters-- aren't real. He became frightened of them
overnight it seems like, and suddenly they had taken on different
dimensions to him. He was saying there were monsters in the potty.
?? I'm not sure how that fear came about and I'll probably never
know. I told him the only monsters we had in the house were on the
tv, and even those weren't real. He hasn't brought it up since, and
gone back to playing monster with gusto. No worries.
Just think... here I was a couple years ago, concerned about the bad
influence of tv. Huh... tv has been a FANTASTIC easy way to build
trust with ds. It even helps with real life --not just what's on the
screen. Wow. Too cool... too cool.
A very simple thing. I was glad for the support of unschooling lists
which always have an odd habit of bringing up subjects right when I
need them. I rarely if ever post a question. Somebody always beats
me to it.
Oh wait... how have you guys dealt with fear of the dark? That's
something I haven't been able to beat for ds. I never have been
afraid of the dark myself. Go figure. I don't know why.
Kathe, who pontificates about unschooling pretty much endlessly-- at
least online anyway
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
>
>
> On May 18, 2006, at 12:28 AM, Stacey Brumfield wrote:
>
> > She would point and say
> > huh? and has started having nightmares.
>
> If she was bothered by it, just give her lots of hugs and be joyful
> around her. (Good advice to do it anyway even if she wasn't bothered ;-)
>
> Right at the time you could have given her a simple explanation of
> "That's just people pretending to hit." She might not understand the
> words, but the tone and attitude that it's nothing to be concerned
> about will come across.
>
> If she's having nightmares, it could be because you're concerned and
> she's picking up your negative emotions that there's something to
> worry about. Let your worry go and be happy around her :-)
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Willa Ryan
----- Original Message -----
From: "katherand2003" <katherand@...>>
> Just think... here I was a couple years ago, concerned about the bad
> influence of tv. Huh... tv has been a FANTASTIC easy way to build
> trust with ds. It even helps with real life --not just what's on the
> screen. Wow. Too cool... too cool.
>
Wow, thanks for spelling THIS out. It really helps me to see it put just
like that.
Willa
who spent the afternoon watching Pokemon videos with 3yo and 6yo --
trust-building and also reflex-building, since they alternated watching and
making flying jumps onto my lap from a footrest : )
Andrea Roher
I have been afraid of the dark in the past, I know exactly why (a
particular episode of a particular TV show no one's even heard of),
and I'm mostly over it now (I can't sleep with any light any more).
However as a result of my fear, what I ended up with was an inability
to sleep without something weighty over me. I can be sweltering hot
in the summer but still need a blanket on my core to feel "safe". And
yes, it truly does come down to a belief that I know is irrational
that that piece of fabric will protect me from the bogeyman which I
rationally know doesn't exist.
So covering all the things that worked for me over the course of this
fear of the dark, we have: leaving a light on in the room, playing
soothing music/sounds, focusing the mind on something just before
sleep (reading myself to sleep with a COMPLETELY non-scary story),
leaving the door to the hallway open with the hallway light on,
allowing/encouraging him to sleep/stay in our bed (something only
available to us in bad nightmare times), using a blanket as
protection, etc.
particular episode of a particular TV show no one's even heard of),
and I'm mostly over it now (I can't sleep with any light any more).
However as a result of my fear, what I ended up with was an inability
to sleep without something weighty over me. I can be sweltering hot
in the summer but still need a blanket on my core to feel "safe". And
yes, it truly does come down to a belief that I know is irrational
that that piece of fabric will protect me from the bogeyman which I
rationally know doesn't exist.
So covering all the things that worked for me over the course of this
fear of the dark, we have: leaving a light on in the room, playing
soothing music/sounds, focusing the mind on something just before
sleep (reading myself to sleep with a COMPLETELY non-scary story),
leaving the door to the hallway open with the hallway light on,
allowing/encouraging him to sleep/stay in our bed (something only
available to us in bad nightmare times), using a blanket as
protection, etc.
On 5/21/06, katherand2003 <katherand@...> wrote:
> Oh wait... how have you guys dealt with fear of the dark? That's
> something I haven't been able to beat for ds. I never have been
> afraid of the dark myself. Go figure. I don't know why.
--
Andrea L. Roher
Searching for my place in "Life, the Universe, and Everything" one day
at a time.
... maybe I've finally found it in NH! (www.FreeStateProject.org)
Visit my blog at evenstar75.blogspot.com.
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Andrea Roher <evenstar75@...>
I can be sweltering hot
in the summer but still need a blanket on my core to feel "safe". And
yes, it truly does come down to a belief that I know is irrational
that that piece of fabric will protect me from the bogeyman which I
rationally know doesn't exist.
--=-=--=
I need to have that too---but not due to a fear of anything. I just
*love* the weight on my lower legs and feet!
Maybe the "old dog" thang---one of my first dogs slept at the foot of
my bed. I used to slide my feet up under her. <g>
Now I have a beagle that snuggles st my side and a German shepherd that
will sleep on the pillow if given half an opportunity. No one at my
feet! Well, the occasional cat, but that's not weighty!
Maybe, as a child, you had an old dog? Safety feature? <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
From: Andrea Roher <evenstar75@...>
I can be sweltering hot
in the summer but still need a blanket on my core to feel "safe". And
yes, it truly does come down to a belief that I know is irrational
that that piece of fabric will protect me from the bogeyman which I
rationally know doesn't exist.
--=-=--=
I need to have that too---but not due to a fear of anything. I just
*love* the weight on my lower legs and feet!
Maybe the "old dog" thang---one of my first dogs slept at the foot of
my bed. I used to slide my feet up under her. <g>
Now I have a beagle that snuggles st my side and a German shepherd that
will sleep on the pillow if given half an opportunity. No one at my
feet! Well, the occasional cat, but that's not weighty!
Maybe, as a child, you had an old dog? Safety feature? <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith