Re: Thoughts
bridgetvic1964
I am here bc after much thought I chose to go with my intuition,and
it told me that unschooling was right for my family.I to in the
beginning felt that there was a "tone" to some of the posts,even now I
sense it at times,but is it me projecting,or does it really even
matter?.Essentially though I feel that alot of the advice being given
is insightful and legitimate.I agree that there is no justifying
the "negative" not because it makes you wrong but bc it is so much
more positive for yourself and your family to find solutions, find
what works.Not every response is going to work for everyone,you have
to think that this is a journey of discovery for everyone,that's the
beauty of it.We're lucky to have a support for this choice we've
made.That there is a place to come to to ask for and share info and
experiences.Stay focused on your journey.Bridget
it told me that unschooling was right for my family.I to in the
beginning felt that there was a "tone" to some of the posts,even now I
sense it at times,but is it me projecting,or does it really even
matter?.Essentially though I feel that alot of the advice being given
is insightful and legitimate.I agree that there is no justifying
the "negative" not because it makes you wrong but bc it is so much
more positive for yourself and your family to find solutions, find
what works.Not every response is going to work for everyone,you have
to think that this is a journey of discovery for everyone,that's the
beauty of it.We're lucky to have a support for this choice we've
made.That there is a place to come to to ask for and share info and
experiences.Stay focused on your journey.Bridget
Ren Allen
" Examples... When dd does something that I say hurts, she understands
what hurt is, and she gets this spiteful look on her face and does it
again even harder. "
Human beings are born altruistic. If someone is feeling angry enough
to hit, there are multiple reasons that are far beyond feeling
"malicious" or "vindictive".
You seem bent on hanging onto the idea that she is being vindictive,
rather than examining yourself and whether there is something
triggering her behavior that YOU could change. You're so focused on
getting HER to change behavior, what about you?
I know it's a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, that WE need to do
most of the changing, but it's really worth examining. Honest.
What if you chose to see her as perfect and whole exactly as she is
right this moment? What if you chose to let go of the words
"malicious" and "vindictive" and see her as frustrated and
communicating instead? What have you got to lose?
What if you chose to help the rhythm and flow of your day, take into
consideration her immaturity and make sure you gear activities to HER?
What if you chose to hug her and love her and let her know how totally
WONDERFUL she is, even in her moments of severe frustration?
Why not?
YOU are your child's first reflection of themselves?
Are you reflecting her truth and beauty?
Are you reflecting muddied waters?
BE the still, calm pool she needs in order to see herself clearly.
This will pass. She will grow into more skills and better tools and
she needs to have a beautiful reflection of herself as she does this.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
what hurt is, and she gets this spiteful look on her face and does it
again even harder. "
Human beings are born altruistic. If someone is feeling angry enough
to hit, there are multiple reasons that are far beyond feeling
"malicious" or "vindictive".
You seem bent on hanging onto the idea that she is being vindictive,
rather than examining yourself and whether there is something
triggering her behavior that YOU could change. You're so focused on
getting HER to change behavior, what about you?
I know it's a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, that WE need to do
most of the changing, but it's really worth examining. Honest.
What if you chose to see her as perfect and whole exactly as she is
right this moment? What if you chose to let go of the words
"malicious" and "vindictive" and see her as frustrated and
communicating instead? What have you got to lose?
What if you chose to help the rhythm and flow of your day, take into
consideration her immaturity and make sure you gear activities to HER?
What if you chose to hug her and love her and let her know how totally
WONDERFUL she is, even in her moments of severe frustration?
Why not?
YOU are your child's first reflection of themselves?
Are you reflecting her truth and beauty?
Are you reflecting muddied waters?
BE the still, calm pool she needs in order to see herself clearly.
This will pass. She will grow into more skills and better tools and
she needs to have a beautiful reflection of herself as she does this.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Ren Allen
":she understands what hurt is"
You're assuming a lot.
You're assuming too much and it's getting in between you and your child.
Don't assume anything other than the fact that she's communicating.
If you're going to assume, assume the BEST, not the worst.
Assume she is doing the very best she can with the tools and situation
before her. Assume she is a lovely, sweet child that doesn't know what
else to do right now. Assume she might be pissed at you for something
YOU could change.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
You're assuming a lot.
You're assuming too much and it's getting in between you and your child.
Don't assume anything other than the fact that she's communicating.
If you're going to assume, assume the BEST, not the worst.
Assume she is doing the very best she can with the tools and situation
before her. Assume she is a lovely, sweet child that doesn't know what
else to do right now. Assume she might be pissed at you for something
YOU could change.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Ren Allen
ALSO..
"Malicious" and "vindictive" are not HER feelings. They are ways to
label INTENT. You're assuming her INTENT.
Feelings like frustration and anger and sadness belong to US. Assuming
intent is assigning something to her far beyond her years.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
"Malicious" and "vindictive" are not HER feelings. They are ways to
label INTENT. You're assuming her INTENT.
Feelings like frustration and anger and sadness belong to US. Assuming
intent is assigning something to her far beyond her years.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Pamela Sorooshian
You seem not to comprehend that we're talking about looking for the
REASONS why she's behaving this way, the underlying reasons, and you
want to attribute it to "being vindictive" or "being malicious."
THOSE are just surface behaviors, but you're making them sound like
actual reasons FOR the behaviors. You are simply not digging deep
enough. She isn't behaving the way she is BECAUSE she's vindictive or
malicious!
If you persist in believing that her behavior is because she "is
malicious" or "is vindictive," you will do her a great disservice.
What you see, is what you'll get.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
REASONS why she's behaving this way, the underlying reasons, and you
want to attribute it to "being vindictive" or "being malicious."
THOSE are just surface behaviors, but you're making them sound like
actual reasons FOR the behaviors. You are simply not digging deep
enough. She isn't behaving the way she is BECAUSE she's vindictive or
malicious!
If you persist in believing that her behavior is because she "is
malicious" or "is vindictive," you will do her a great disservice.
What you see, is what you'll get.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela Berry
Well said Pam. I was thinking and talking out loud reading her
response to her dd issue of growing and communicating her feelings.
Maybe read "Playful Parenting" or "Natural Parenting" to help guide
u on this adventure with your beautiful growing soul, your dd.
Angela
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
response to her dd issue of growing and communicating her feelings.
Maybe read "Playful Parenting" or "Natural Parenting" to help guide
u on this adventure with your beautiful growing soul, your dd.
Angela
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>the
> You seem not to comprehend that we're talking about looking for
> REASONS why she's behaving this way, the underlying reasons, andyou
> want to attribute it to "being vindictive" or "being malicious."like
> THOSE are just surface behaviors, but you're making them sound
> actual reasons FOR the behaviors. You are simply not digging deepor
> enough. She isn't behaving the way she is BECAUSE she's vindictive
> malicious!disservice.
>
> If you persist in believing that her behavior is because she "is
> malicious" or "is vindictive," you will do her a great
> What you see, is what you'll get.
>
> -pam
>
>
> Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
> Live Love Learn
> UNSCHOOL!
> <http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Mother Earth (Tyra)
I second you on Playful Parenting! Once I was able to turn hitting and angry looking behavior into a game, life became easier for me and mine. However, the key is that I had to be willing to play the game. So when my near 3 year old STILL hits because he is not happy about something, often times I will say, "OOOOHHH! You got me! That hit was really hard!" And I will fall out and act very hurt in a really funny and wild way. He laughs and hits me for more of that reaction and then we are able to go forward either moving on to something else or I will assist him with what he wants. With my first son I did not get it at first but someone mentioned playful parenting. I never actually read it but knew what it meant. I have become more childlike and finds that it works with dealing with my children.
I think the other thing we have to do is to not care what others think. Sometimes it is easy to interpret our children's behaviors to others as malicious, vindictive, or whatever because we are embarrassed. I have come to realize that everyone's children have their moments and while my child is having his moment now, no doubt one day it will be theirs. So I have learned to not be embarrassed and instead use the moment as a time to connect or to help my child manage his emotions.
I have learned that playing with my children in the tense moments ease the stress and allows us to regroup way more quickly than anything else I have tried.
Namaste
Tyra
I think the other thing we have to do is to not care what others think. Sometimes it is easy to interpret our children's behaviors to others as malicious, vindictive, or whatever because we are embarrassed. I have come to realize that everyone's children have their moments and while my child is having his moment now, no doubt one day it will be theirs. So I have learned to not be embarrassed and instead use the moment as a time to connect or to help my child manage his emotions.
I have learned that playing with my children in the tense moments ease the stress and allows us to regroup way more quickly than anything else I have tried.
Namaste
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: Angela Berry
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, May 15, 2006 1:09 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Thoughts
Well said Pam. I was thinking and talking out loud reading her
response to her dd issue of growing and communicating her feelings.
Maybe read "Playful Parenting" or "Natural Parenting" to help guide
u on this adventure with your beautiful growing soul, your dd.
Angela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]