Re: [unschoolingbasics] dd is a hitter
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 12, 2006, at 1:02 AM, Misty Felner wrote:
don't mean the same thing that a 6 yo does.
friendship.
there next to her at all times because you've chosen to put her in a
social situation she isn't ready to handle. It's your responsibility
to prevent her from hitting either by not putting her near children
she can hit or being right there paying attention. Treat this as
though it were a busy road next to a playground that she had a
penchant for running towards. You wouldn't say "Well, I try to stop
her but it isn't always easy." You either don't go to that playground
or you get better at being on top of her keeping her safe.
she isn't ready. She may understand your words but she isn't ready to
make rational decisions about the emotions that well up in her. Which
means she isn't ready to learn. Do give her information. It doesn't
need to be an explanation. No is good in this case. Let the actions
-- removing yourself, your husband or her -- speak.
Think about the times you may have had more cookies than you really
wanted, or read longer than you meant to, or zoned in front of the
TV, or spent more than you thought you should on something, or got
more angry than a situation called for. You've had 20+ years of
practice and still haven't entirely mastered your emotional
responses. And you're expecting better from your daughter after only
2.5 years.
connect with other adults or to be away to refresh, you'll need to
find another way, one that isn't at your daughter's or other
children's expense. (Ask on the list! See what other parents have
done. :-)
with emotional 2 yos. Unless you're asking about hitting then I don't
think she needs cooling off. She needs more of what others have
suggested.
It is *really* hard not to judge kids abilities by their verbal
abilities. I've done it with my daughter without her being verbally
precoscious, just with age average abilties. I've judged her against
her friends who seem so much more mature because of the way they
speak and act. But the inside isn't as mature as the outside and that
needs to be taken into account.
It might help to read Your Two Year Old. The methods aren't always
attachment parenting friendly but lots of people have said they're
spot on as far as development. (They didn't work for my daughter, but
there've been way more people who said they worked than not.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> She does have friends that she enjoys playing with when we2.5 yos don't need to play with other kids. If they're asking they
> get together, she just doesn't ever ask for anyone, the way it
> seems most
> her friends do.
don't mean the same thing that a 6 yo does.
> The new mom pointed around the cornerWhich isn't an indication that she's emotionally ready to handle a
> and said the two of them had been playing there together (not just
> side by
> side but actually interacting together) for the last several minutes.
friendship.
> I do try and do this it's just not always easy to do before she hits.You shouldn't be trying. You should be doing. You need to be right
there next to her at all times because you've chosen to put her in a
social situation she isn't ready to handle. It's your responsibility
to prevent her from hitting either by not putting her near children
she can hit or being right there paying attention. Treat this as
though it were a busy road next to a playground that she had a
penchant for running towards. You wouldn't say "Well, I try to stop
her but it isn't always easy." You either don't go to that playground
or you get better at being on top of her keeping her safe.
> I also try to take this into consideration, but even if one ofI think this is your sticking point. You're trying to teach her but
> those is the
> culprit I feel she needs to learn that it's never okay to hit.
she isn't ready. She may understand your words but she isn't ready to
make rational decisions about the emotions that well up in her. Which
means she isn't ready to learn. Do give her information. It doesn't
need to be an explanation. No is good in this case. Let the actions
-- removing yourself, your husband or her -- speak.
Think about the times you may have had more cookies than you really
wanted, or read longer than you meant to, or zoned in front of the
TV, or spent more than you thought you should on something, or got
more angry than a situation called for. You've had 20+ years of
practice and still haven't entirely mastered your emotional
responses. And you're expecting better from your daughter after only
2.5 years.
> If I were to drop playgroups, I think I'd go crazy. LOLIt needs to be about and for your daughter. If you have needs to
connect with other adults or to be away to refresh, you'll need to
find another way, one that isn't at your daughter's or other
children's expense. (Ask on the list! See what other parents have
done. :-)
> What do you doI think ask a different question! Ask what other parents have done
> when they need time in a comfort chair but don't want to go? How
> do you get
> started with it, and can I start at this age?
with emotional 2 yos. Unless you're asking about hitting then I don't
think she needs cooling off. She needs more of what others have
suggested.
It is *really* hard not to judge kids abilities by their verbal
abilities. I've done it with my daughter without her being verbally
precoscious, just with age average abilties. I've judged her against
her friends who seem so much more mature because of the way they
speak and act. But the inside isn't as mature as the outside and that
needs to be taken into account.
It might help to read Your Two Year Old. The methods aren't always
attachment parenting friendly but lots of people have said they're
spot on as far as development. (They didn't work for my daughter, but
there've been way more people who said they worked than not.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Renee
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
the past month w/ my 23.5 month old. She's very verbal and I think I
have been assuming emotional ability based on verbal ability.
My kids are 18, 15, and almost 2.
I've made a deliberate decison to keep my youngest daughter from
day-care situations and to homeschool for at least the first 3 years.
As I've researched the options, unschooling sounds more and more like
what I want for our family. But it also sounds like it is going to be
very hard for me to let go of the *control* that has always seemed to
elude me.
I'm overwhelmed reading these discussions.
2 year olds *really* don't need to play w/ other kids??
That goes against everything I've ever been told, read or inferred
about child development. However my gut is screaming that you are
right.
Renee
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
> 2.5 yos don't need to play with other kids. If they're asking theyThank you for putting that out there. I've been struggling with this
> don't mean the same thing that a 6 yo does.
>
the past month w/ my 23.5 month old. She's very verbal and I think I
have been assuming emotional ability based on verbal ability.
My kids are 18, 15, and almost 2.
I've made a deliberate decison to keep my youngest daughter from
day-care situations and to homeschool for at least the first 3 years.
As I've researched the options, unschooling sounds more and more like
what I want for our family. But it also sounds like it is going to be
very hard for me to let go of the *control* that has always seemed to
elude me.
I'm overwhelmed reading these discussions.
2 year olds *really* don't need to play w/ other kids??
That goes against everything I've ever been told, read or inferred
about child development. However my gut is screaming that you are
right.
Renee
Kristie Cochran
Renee wrote:
that 2yos don't *need* to play with other kids. I think it's more the
moms that need the interaction than the kids. I know that's the case
for me. I needed to get out and talk with other adults, so it was just
easier to do it with moms that had kids who were the same age. If you
really watch 2yos playing, they're really playing independently, or
side-by-side and not really "with each other."
I was just at a playdate on Wednesday with a bunch of other moms I
know. All of the kids, except for my oldest, were under 3. All of
their older kids were either at preschool or Kindergarten. If you
watched, the kids played independently. None of them said, "Let's go
blow bubbles together," but when a mom started blowing the bubbles, a
few of them came over to play with the bubbles, but none of them grabbed
another kid and pulled them over to play with the bubbles.
Personally, I don't think kids *want* or *need* to play with other kids
until they are older, like 4 or 5, depending on their verbal skills and
their maturity.
Also, listen to your gut! You know your child and what's right for your
child. Don't ever ignore that gut feeling, it's there for a purpose!
Kristie, a newbie in VA
> I'm overwhelmed reading these discussions.Hi Renee, as a mom of 2 boys, one almost 5 and one 17mo, I can attest
>
> 2 year olds *really* don't need to play w/ other kids??
> That goes against everything I've ever been told, read or inferred
> about child development. However my gut is screaming that you are
> right.
>
> Renee
>
>
that 2yos don't *need* to play with other kids. I think it's more the
moms that need the interaction than the kids. I know that's the case
for me. I needed to get out and talk with other adults, so it was just
easier to do it with moms that had kids who were the same age. If you
really watch 2yos playing, they're really playing independently, or
side-by-side and not really "with each other."
I was just at a playdate on Wednesday with a bunch of other moms I
know. All of the kids, except for my oldest, were under 3. All of
their older kids were either at preschool or Kindergarten. If you
watched, the kids played independently. None of them said, "Let's go
blow bubbles together," but when a mom started blowing the bubbles, a
few of them came over to play with the bubbles, but none of them grabbed
another kid and pulled them over to play with the bubbles.
Personally, I don't think kids *want* or *need* to play with other kids
until they are older, like 4 or 5, depending on their verbal skills and
their maturity.
Also, listen to your gut! You know your child and what's right for your
child. Don't ever ignore that gut feeling, it's there for a purpose!
Kristie, a newbie in VA
Pampered Chef Michelle
On 5/18/06, Renee <woman.evolving@...> wrote:
Why? Playgroups are so unnatural. Rarely in our history do you hear
stories of lots of parents getting lots of children together to create
social circles. We are trying to make our babies grow up so quickly today
that we are forcing our social circle patterns on them. Children play best
at a young age by themselves or with another child who is older than them.
Groups of 10 two-year olds is a disaster waiting to happen. And as I have
seen in most modern playgroups, "playgroup" means that all the children are
thrown into a melee together while the mothers stand over to the side and
chat. Most mothers want to attend playgroup because *they* can interact.
It's *their* time, not necessarily time for their children. I can't count
the number of fights, hurt feelings, hitting, biting and tears shed at the
playgroups I used to attend. I'm sure if you asked most 2 year olds what it
was that they liked about playgroup they would probably mention toys,
playground equipment or "getting to go somewhere." Rarely will they mention
friends.
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>"The Experts" have said that children *need* to form social circles early.
> 2 year olds *really* don't need to play w/ other kids??
> That goes against everything I've ever been told, read or inferred
> about child development. However my gut is screaming that you are
> right.
Why? Playgroups are so unnatural. Rarely in our history do you hear
stories of lots of parents getting lots of children together to create
social circles. We are trying to make our babies grow up so quickly today
that we are forcing our social circle patterns on them. Children play best
at a young age by themselves or with another child who is older than them.
Groups of 10 two-year olds is a disaster waiting to happen. And as I have
seen in most modern playgroups, "playgroup" means that all the children are
thrown into a melee together while the mothers stand over to the side and
chat. Most mothers want to attend playgroup because *they* can interact.
It's *their* time, not necessarily time for their children. I can't count
the number of fights, hurt feelings, hitting, biting and tears shed at the
playgroups I used to attend. I'm sure if you asked most 2 year olds what it
was that they liked about playgroup they would probably mention toys,
playground equipment or "getting to go somewhere." Rarely will they mention
friends.
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
** I've been struggling with this the past month w/ my 23.5 month old. She's
very verbal and I think I have been assuming emotional ability based on
verbal ability. **
My mother once said to my oldest daughter "Act your age!" Melissa put her
little fists on her hips and replied "I AM Oma, I'm only 5 you know." <g>
It's SO easy to fall into expecting more of kids than they're able to do,
especially when the child seems "mature" because of verbal precocity. Keep
reminding yourself she's not even 2 yet. It helps.
Deborah in IL
very verbal and I think I have been assuming emotional ability based on
verbal ability. **
My mother once said to my oldest daughter "Act your age!" Melissa put her
little fists on her hips and replied "I AM Oma, I'm only 5 you know." <g>
It's SO easy to fall into expecting more of kids than they're able to do,
especially when the child seems "mature" because of verbal precocity. Keep
reminding yourself she's not even 2 yet. It helps.
Deborah in IL