Misty Felner

Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to reply. I appreciate everyone's
advise, but I feel that I didn't emphasize the most important part enough.
The main problem is not her hitting during playgroups/dates, it's her
hitting her daddy. For example, tonight at dinner she asked to sit on dh's
lap. That was fine she sat there at a bite or two, then, smack, slapped him
right across the face for no apparent reason. We asked her why she hit him,
if she was angry or upset about something, but she said she didn't know.
Again, I think this is caused by her feeling abandonment that her daddy has
to work. The real kicker is that dh currently works fewer hours than anyone
I know. He often leaves just before 9:00 and is home by 5:00. Worse still
is that he's getting ready to change jobs and will have to start working
more hours for while. How can I help her get over this, and what can I do
about the hitting? Thank you for the book recommendations, dh is starting
"How to Talk..." hopefully we'll find some good tips. I'm also looking into
the other books mentioned. I spoke about that this with my local
unschooling group at our park day yesterday. One mother actually admitted
having a hitter, and said just to keep telling her that it's not ok, and be
patient, that is very hard when it's already been more than a year, and this
happens, on bad weeks, nearly everyday.

My concerns about her hitting other children have more to do with the
"bullying" she seems to sometimes do and the fact that she continues to hurt
children after they have said stop or are crying. That's why I feel like
it's malice. Here's an example. I sometimes teach sign language classes
out of my home to mothers with babies and toddlers. Before this incident
Rachel just played during the classes, nursed, whatever she needed. I might
add this happened last August, dd was about 20 months at the time. Anyway
during class she singled out one particular baby who was about 9 months old
and kept acting a little aggressive towards him, hovering over him, taking
things from him. Then a little later she threw a plastic bottle at him and
hit him in the head. I of course told her we don't throw things at people
and explained how it had hurt him and how fragile babies are. She nursed
and the mother walked up and down the foyer trying to comfort her baby.
After she nursed she got up found the bottle went over to the foyer and
tried again to throw it at the baby. This is the kind of behavior I'm
talking about. Some might call it testing, it just seems spiteful to me.
The baby didn't have her toys or anything. I have no idea why he was
singled out, he wasn't the only baby that age there. Anyway, the incidents
betwn her and playmates have lessened and only seem to occur every few
weeks. My main concern is that she hits her daddy nearly everyday,
especially if she's having a bad week.

From: "Melissa" autismhelp@...
Date: Tue May 9, 2006 2:16pm(PDT)
Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter

>quick question...if she doesn't have friends or prefer to be with
>friends, then who are these kids at the playgroup?

Clarification- She does have friends that she enjoys playing with when we
get together, she just doesn't ever ask for anyone, the way it seems most
her friends do. The kids in the group our local AP/BF moms that I got
together when the kids were all under a year. I know that as the kids get
older we may have to give up our group.

>It seems to me that if you've said that hitting will help you get out of
>situations (playgroup, brushing teeth) by getting time out, she nows now
>how to get out of things that she doesn't have a say in.

This has occurred to me which is one of the reasons why I'm trying to
discontinue T.O.'s and looking for alternatives.
On May 9, 2006, at 3:59 PM, Misty wrote:

>
From: "Manisha Kher" m_kher@...
Date: Tue May 9, 2006 2:34pm(PDT)
Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter

>I've noticed that a many 2.5 year olds are not ready
>to have friends. They prefer to play by themselves or
>with older kids/adults. You might want to consider
>dropping the playgroups for a while.

DD does enjoy playing with other children and has a friend she's called her
best friend pretty much from the day they met. I will never forget it they
were both about 20 mo. Neither really talking yet, but both had a sign vocab
of about 150-200 words. Anyway we were at a playdate and I'd gone to grab a
quick snack from the kitchen. When I entered the room I saw 3 of the kids
playing side by side, the typical way for that age, but didn't see my dd. A
little frantic I asked were she was. The new mom pointed around the corner
and said the two of them had been playing there together (not just side by
side but actually interacting together) for the last several minutes. They
stayed that way for quite a while. This is the same friend she slapped BTW.
It just depends on her mood and the week/day.
If I were to drop playgroups, I think I'd go crazy. LOL

>It could still be a communication thing. It's not just
>about knowing language. It involves knowing yourself
>well enough to know what's bugging you and then
>finding the words to describe that. I have trouble
>with that at the ripe old age of 41.

Good point thanks for the insite.


From: "marji" marji@...
Date: Tue May 9, 2006 3:16pm(PDT)
>I think it would probably be very helpful for you to be very involved
>or at least be very close by whenever she is with other kids. That
>way, you can see potential triggers and head them off with
>distraction and other things before she gets to hitting.

I do try and do this it's just not always easy to do before she hits.

>Also, ask yourself is she could be hungry or have low blood sugar
>when these things happen. Sometimes a healthy snack is all a kid
>needs to feel right.

I also try to take this into consideration, but even if one of those is the
culprit I feel she needs to learn that it's never okay to hit.


From: "Kiersten Pasciak" kjl8@...
Date: Tue May 9, 2006 3:27pm(PDT)
Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter-LONG

>a "secret" signal that lightens things up- I used to tickle Jacob's

I'm not sure how to go about explaining/initiating this is it from the "How
to Talk" book? If not can you explain it more.


>I have recently read another book which has given me more
>perspective and more specific tools for my OWN behavior. It is
>written with the idea that we can't teach that which we do not know.
>It is called "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey.

I think I definitely need to look into reading this one. I know I have some
of my own anger management issues, passed down from my mom. Thanks for all
the info.

From: "Kiersten Pasciak" kjl8@...
Date: Tue May 9, 2006 4:43pm(PDT)

>When a child is sent to the Comfort Corner the only rule is that you
>don't talk about why they were sent when they are there, and they
>may come out when they are ready to rejoin the family and be
>cooperative.

When I first started using TO's they were supposed to be a calming time for
her, then it happened that it just kind of became punitive. What do you do
when they need time in a comfort chair but don't want to go? How do you get
started with it, and can I start at this age? Was this information from a
book? How do I keep from making it become negative?

>For older children there may be a need for a tool called "you hit,
>you sit". When children get aggressive and violent it's appropriate
>to stop their bodies and give them a chance to get their brain back
>in control. If you have a Comfort Corner they can be sent there, or
>even just sitting on the couch until they are ready to be calm in
>their play and make amends.

I don't see how this is different from a TO, it's just called a cool down,
again it makes me ask the same questions as above... what if they don't want
to cool down...


>Mostly, GBD is about working to proactively prevent the situations
>that would result in time outs.

Maybe I'm just tired, but what does GBD stand for?





From: "clinstrom5" clinstrom5@...
Date: Tue May 9, 2006 6:05pm(PDT)

>Anyway, this probably won't be the total answer but maybe another
>tool to help. When my toddlers were violent for whatever reason to
>another child I always comforted and paid A LOT of attention to that
>other child very obviously in front of my toddler.

I actually tried this a few times, but it didn't seem to help. I even tried
from Dr. Sears, when dd hits daddy, telling her that I don't like it when
she hits the man I love and not playing with her.

Pamela Sorooshian

On May 11, 2006, at 10:02 PM, Misty Felner wrote:

> Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to reply. I appreciate
> everyone's
> advise, but I feel that I didn't emphasize the most important part
> enough.
> The main problem is not her hitting during playgroups/dates, it's her
> hitting her daddy. For example, tonight at dinner she asked to sit
> on dh's
> lap. That was fine she sat there at a bite or two, then, smack,
> slapped him
> right across the face for no apparent reason. We asked her why she
> hit him,
> if she was angry or upset about something, but she said she didn't
> know.
> Again, I think this is caused by her feeling abandonment that her
> daddy has
> to work. The real kicker is that dh currently works fewer hours
> than anyone
> I know. He often leaves just before 9:00 and is home by 5:00.
> Worse still
> is that he's getting ready to change jobs and will have to start
> working
> more hours for while. How can I help her get over this, and what
> can I do
> about the hitting? Thank you for the book recommendations, dh is
> starting
> "How to Talk..." hopefully we'll find some good tips. I'm also
> looking into
> the other books mentioned. I spoke about that this with my local
> unschooling group at our park day yesterday. One mother actually
> admitted
> having a hitter, and said just to keep telling her that it's not
> ok, and be
> patient, that is very hard when it's already been more than a year,
> and this
> happens, on bad weeks, nearly everyday.
>
> My concerns about her hitting other children have more to do with the
> "bullying" she seems to sometimes do and the fact that she
> continues to hurt
> children after they have said stop or are crying. That's why I
> feel like
> it's malice. Here's an example. I sometimes teach sign language
> classes
> out of my home to mothers with babies and toddlers. Before this
> incident
> Rachel just played during the classes, nursed, whatever she
> needed. I might
> add this happened last August, dd was about 20 months at the time.
> Anyway
> during class she singled out one particular baby who was about 9
> months old
> and kept acting a little aggressive towards him, hovering over him,
> taking
> things from him. Then a little later she threw a plastic bottle at
> him and
> hit him in the head. I of course told her we don't throw things at
> people
> and explained how it had hurt him and how fragile babies are. She
> nursed
> and the mother walked up and down the foyer trying to comfort her
> baby.
> After she nursed she got up found the bottle went over to the foyer
> and
> tried again to throw it at the baby. This is the kind of behavior I'm
> talking about. Some might call it testing, it just seems spiteful
> to me.
> The baby didn't have her toys or anything. I have no idea why he was
> singled out, he wasn't the only baby that age there. Anyway, the
> incidents
> betwn her and playmates have lessened and only seem to occur every few
> weeks. My main concern is that she hits her daddy nearly everyday,
> especially if she's having a bad week.
>
> From: "Melissa" autismhelp@...
> Date: Tue May 9, 2006 2:16pm(PDT)
> Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter
>
>> quick question...if she doesn't have friends or prefer to be with
>> friends, then who are these kids at the playgroup?
>
> Clarification- She does have friends that she enjoys playing with
> when we
> get together, she just doesn't ever ask for anyone, the way it
> seems most
> her friends do. The kids in the group our local AP/BF moms that I got
> together when the kids were all under a year. I know that as the
> kids get
> older we may have to give up our group.
>
>> It seems to me that if you've said that hitting will help you get
>> out of
>> situations (playgroup, brushing teeth) by getting time out, she
>> nows now
>> how to get out of things that she doesn't have a say in.
>
> This has occurred to me which is one of the reasons why I'm trying to
> discontinue T.O.'s and looking for alternatives.
> On May 9, 2006, at 3:59 PM, Misty wrote:
>
>>
> From: "Manisha Kher" m_kher@...
> Date: Tue May 9, 2006 2:34pm(PDT)
> Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter
>
>> I've noticed that a many 2.5 year olds are not ready
>> to have friends. They prefer to play by themselves or
>> with older kids/adults. You might want to consider
>> dropping the playgroups for a while.
>
> DD does enjoy playing with other children and has a friend she's
> called her
> best friend pretty much from the day they met. I will never forget
> it they
> were both about 20 mo. Neither really talking yet, but both had a
> sign vocab
> of about 150-200 words. Anyway we were at a playdate and I'd gone
> to grab a
> quick snack from the kitchen. When I entered the room I saw 3 of
> the kids
> playing side by side, the typical way for that age, but didn't see
> my dd. A
> little frantic I asked were she was. The new mom pointed around
> the corner
> and said the two of them had been playing there together (not just
> side by
> side but actually interacting together) for the last several
> minutes. They
> stayed that way for quite a while. This is the same friend she
> slapped BTW.
> It just depends on her mood and the week/day.
> If I were to drop playgroups, I think I'd go crazy. LOL
>
>> It could still be a communication thing. It's not just
>> about knowing language. It involves knowing yourself
>> well enough to know what's bugging you and then
>> finding the words to describe that. I have trouble
>> with that at the ripe old age of 41.
>
> Good point thanks for the insite.
>
>
> From: "marji" marji@...
> Date: Tue May 9, 2006 3:16pm(PDT)
>> I think it would probably be very helpful for you to be very involved
>> or at least be very close by whenever she is with other kids. That
>> way, you can see potential triggers and head them off with
>> distraction and other things before she gets to hitting.
>
> I do try and do this it's just not always easy to do before she hits.
>
>> Also, ask yourself is she could be hungry or have low blood sugar
>> when these things happen. Sometimes a healthy snack is all a kid
>> needs to feel right.
>
> I also try to take this into consideration, but even if one of
> those is the
> culprit I feel she needs to learn that it's never okay to hit.
>
>
> From: "Kiersten Pasciak" kjl8@...
> Date: Tue May 9, 2006 3:27pm(PDT)
> Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter-LONG
>
>> a "secret" signal that lightens things up- I used to tickle Jacob's
>
> I'm not sure how to go about explaining/initiating this is it from
> the "How
> to Talk" book? If not can you explain it more.
>
>
>> I have recently read another book which has given me more
>> perspective and more specific tools for my OWN behavior. It is
>> written with the idea that we can't teach that which we do not know.
>> It is called "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey.
>
> I think I definitely need to look into reading this one. I know I
> have some
> of my own anger management issues, passed down from my mom. Thanks
> for all
> the info.
>
> From: "Kiersten Pasciak" kjl8@...
> Date: Tue May 9, 2006 4:43pm(PDT)
>
>> When a child is sent to the Comfort Corner the only rule is that you
>> don't talk about why they were sent when they are there, and they
>> may come out when they are ready to rejoin the family and be
>> cooperative.
>
> When I first started using TO's they were supposed to be a calming
> time for
> her, then it happened that it just kind of became punitive. What
> do you do
> when they need time in a comfort chair but don't want to go? How
> do you get
> started with it, and can I start at this age? Was this information
> from a
> book? How do I keep from making it become negative?
>
>> For older children there may be a need for a tool called "you hit,
>> you sit". When children get aggressive and violent it's appropriate
>> to stop their bodies and give them a chance to get their brain back
>> in control. If you have a Comfort Corner they can be sent there, or
>> even just sitting on the couch until they are ready to be calm in
>> their play and make amends.
>
> I don't see how this is different from a TO, it's just called a
> cool down,
> again it makes me ask the same questions as above... what if they
> don't want
> to cool down...
>
>
>> Mostly, GBD is about working to proactively prevent the situations
>> that would result in time outs.
>
> Maybe I'm just tired, but what does GBD stand for?
>
>
>
>
>
> From: "clinstrom5" clinstrom5@...
> Date: Tue May 9, 2006 6:05pm(PDT)
>
>> Anyway, this probably won't be the total answer but maybe another
>> tool to help. When my toddlers were violent for whatever reason to
>> another child I always comforted and paid A LOT of attention to that
>> other child very obviously in front of my toddler.
>
> I actually tried this a few times, but it didn't seem to help. I
> even tried
> from Dr. Sears, when dd hits daddy, telling her that I don't like
> it when
> she hits the man I love and not playing with her.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------
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>

Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

On May 11, 2006, at 10:02 PM, Misty Felner wrote:

> How can I help her get over this, and what can I do
> about the hitting?

First - your child will live up or down to your belief about her and,
from what we can hear in your words, her greatest handicap is going
to be you attributing adult motives to her, when she's really just a
baby, still. I know others have said this, but maybe you're not
really hearing, so I'll say it really clearly:

You are going to CREATE malice and bullying and all kinds of other
negative character in her, if you persist in thinking of her that
way. You're totally wrong - she doesn't have ANY malice or bullying
nature - no 2 year old does. This is probably the biggest mistake
parents make - and you're making it in a big way. I hope you'll take
this in the spirit intended - I hope that this will shake you up and
that you're REALLY think hard about it and try on the possibility
that this is true. Assume it IS true. Treat her as if it is true. See
what happens.


Second - just don't allow the hitting. Keep her away from other kids
for the next 6 months or so, then give it another little try and if
she's still hitting, keep her away another 6 months. It will NOT hurt
her to spend her time with adults and not other little kids. She's
too young - she doesn't NEED other children around and she's TELLING
you that, very clearly, by her actions. You are overstimulating her.
Stop doing that to her and then blaming HER.

If her husband it holding her and she hits him, he should immediately
put her down and move away, no matter what they were doing. He
shouldn't make her do stuff like hold her and brush her teeth. THAT
is bullying. Nobody should ever use ANY kind of force on her OTHER
than to stop her from hitting or otherwise hurting someone else or
endangering herself.

I bet that if you simply stop going out so much, don't have other
kids over, and your husband doesn't "handle" her - constrain her,
make her do things, etc., that she'll stop hitting within 6 months to
a year.

And, in the meantime, I bet you need to read "The Hurried Child," by
David Elkind, because I think you're expecting too much of her
(meaning you think that she's more 'advanced' in her thinking and
emotions than she really is - probably because you're overly
impressed with her verbal abilities) and that pattern will probably
continue as she gets older and you'll continue to stress her out.
Maybe if you read, "The Hurried Child,"it'll head off worse stress in
the future, for her (and you).

-pam



Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kiersten Pasciak

--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
> > From: "Kiersten Pasciak" kjl8@...
> > Date: Tue May 9, 2006 3:27pm(PDT)
> > Subject: Re: Help- dd is a hitter-LONG
> >
> >> a "secret" signal that lightens things up- I used to tickle
Jacob's
> >
> I'm not sure how to go about explaining/initiating this is it from
the "How to Talk" book? If not can you explain it more.

Really, the lightening the mood came about after reading "How to
Talk..." and "Playful Parenting" I think. What I noticed was that in
our playgroup, the punitive parents had skulky kids who still
exhibited the SAME behaviors they were trying to get rid of. I
thought, WHY be mean when it works NO better and makes everyone more
stressed. Mostly, I think it is about age and time, learning
actively how to be kind and gentle by example.

As to the how... Well, you are bigger aren't you? JK :)
Scoop her up in a loving way. Twirl her around. Tickle her if she
enjoys it (mine used to ask) Turn it into a game and gently fold in
the "rules" of the game (letting her know that you understand she
needs attention, but could ask for it in a more helpful way). Look
her in the eye and tell her you are on the same team. You WANT to
help but aren't sure how. Get her doing something active. Perhaps
saying "That's too rough around littler kids, do you want to go play
chase with me?" "Hide and Seek?" "Kick a ball?" "Dance?" She might
need to move MORE before she gets to that point. Hand her some dough
to mold. Help her play with something where hitting or throwing are
totally appropriate...drums, soft sock throwing, etc. Redirect. If
she is stressed around the other kids, cuddle her as you move out of
eye sight of the others and help her. Every kid is different. I
agree though, that staying close and helping her feel good before
these behaviors crop up is the best thing to do. Does she have
warning signs? Can you help her be aware of them so she can back off
on her own?

Also, fill her cup emotionally before you go, if you are still going
to. I noticed that when I was cleaning and cooking and such when
people came to my house, the kids behavior was not so great. I had
just pretty much ignored them for an hour or 2 while rushing around
offering excuses. When we went somewhere else, it was all about
getting dressed, rushing out the door, having food packed, I would
even go over things I did not want them to do. Yuck.

Now- I put on great music and sing and get really zany and hold them
and tell them how great it is to be with them, that I enjoy their
company and being their mom. I try to focus on them FIRST. It works
great for us. And "no", I don't do and say those things to be
manipulative, I do it because it's fun and I love being with my kids
even more when they are happy.



> >> I have recently read another book which has given me more
> >> perspective and more specific tools for my OWN behavior. It is
> >> written with the idea that we can't teach that which we do not
> >>know. It is called "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline"
> >
> > I think I definitely need to look into reading this one. I know
I
> > have some
> > of my own anger management issues, passed down from my mom.
Thanks
> > for all
> > the info.

Me too.
It really is about showing our kids how to control themselves by
learning how to control ourselves first. Focus on behaviors that you
see mirrored. My kids sometimes throw things. We usually say "Hard
things are not for throwing". When I lose my temper, I sometimes
throw things, slam a book on the couter, kick a pillow, etc. That is
me having a tantrum and not controlling myself. I talk myself
through it out loud now. I try to recognize when I am getting
stressed and talk about what I need. Food. A few minutes to calm
down. Water. Fresh air. Deep breaths. A bath. And I don't hold them
more accountable than me. We talk about all of us working together
as a team because it feels good to help each other.



> > From: "Kiersten Pasciak" kjl8@...
> > Date: Tue May 9, 2006 4:43pm(PDT)
> >
> >> When a child is sent to the Comfort Corner the only rule is
that you
> >> don't talk about why they were sent when they are there, and
they
> >> may come out when they are ready to rejoin the family and be
> >> cooperative.
> >
> > When I first started using TO's they were supposed to be a
calming
> > time for
> > her, then it happened that it just kind of became punitive.
What
> > do you do
> > when they need time in a comfort chair but don't want to go?
How
> > do you get
> > started with it, and can I start at this age? Was this
information
> > from a
> > book? How do I keep from making it become negative?
> >

I guess I should have stated off the bat that I liked the part about
the mom, not necessarily the whole argument.

Take her to play with things she does find comforting. If she sees
you trying to help her and doing fun things, she will probably want
to go. She will have your undivided attention while she recenters.
If she doesn't want to go, take her something. Encourage her. Hold
her if she wants you to.

I read "How to Talk" when my son was 2. I focused most of my energy
on having a reason and a redirect for EVERY action I didn't like.


> >> For older children there may be a need for a tool called "you
hit,
> >> you sit". When children get aggressive and violent it's
appropriate
> >> to stop their bodies and give them a chance to get their brain
back
> >> in control. If you have a Comfort Corner they can be sent
there, or
> >> even just sitting on the couch until they are ready to be calm
in
> >> their play and make amends.
> >
> > I don't see how this is different from a TO, it's just called a
> > cool down,
> > again it makes me ask the same questions as above... what if
they
> > don't want
> > to cool down..


I agree that it is not different from TO!
I don't support this part of the post and should have stated that up
front for clarity. Its is punitive and doesn't seem helpful.
I think ALL kids and adults want to cool down, maybe just not as
fast as we would like :)
Ask her, not in the moment, what she wants you to do when she hits.
You might be surprised by what she says.


> >
> >> Mostly, GBD is about working to proactively prevent the
situations
> >> that would result in time outs.
> >
> > Maybe I'm just tired, but what does GBD stand for?
> >

I think it means "Grace-based Discipline, I'm not Christian, so not
sure of this.


> >
> >
> > From: "clinstrom5" clinstrom5@...
> > Date: Tue May 9, 2006 6:05pm(PDT)
> >
> >> Anyway, this probably won't be the total answer but maybe
another
> >> tool to help. When my toddlers were violent for whatever
reason to
> >> another child I always comforted and paid A LOT of attention to
that
> >> other child very obviously in front of my toddler.
> >
> > I actually tried this a few times, but it didn't seem to help.
I
> > even tried
> > from Dr. Sears, when dd hits daddy, telling her that I don't
like
> > it when
> > she hits the man I love and not playing with her.
> >


This seems like an odd suggestion to me. You are removing love and
comfort from a child who is in obvious need of both.

When I am stressed and have a tantrum, I feel horrible inside. All I
want is to feel good and loved again. When my husband is able to hug
me and let me know that it is just a "mistake", that "I" am ok, it
makes me feel better and helps me want to try harder.

I try to extend this help to my kids. It is hard to be whirling
around in too much emotion. Sometimes it needs to pour out, before
the calm comes.


Kiersten

[email protected]

>>Also, fill her cup emotionally before you go, if you are still going
to. I noticed that when I was cleaning and cooking and such when
people came to my house, the kids behavior was not so great. I had just pretty much ignored them for an hour or 2 while rushing around offering excuses. When we went somewhere else, it was all about getting dressed, rushing out the door, having food packed, I would even go over things I did not want them to do. Yuck.

Now- I put on great music and sing and get really zany and hold them and tell them how great it is to be with them, that I enjoy their company and being their mom. I try to focus on them FIRST. It works great for us. And "no", I don't do and say those things to be manipulative, I do it because it's fun and I love being with my kids even more when they are happy. >>

This is VERY good advice. It's proactive instead of reactive. I used to have a similar situation when getting pictures taken of my kids. I'd get them so stressed before the pictured trying to get them looking "perfect" and then bemoan how fussy they were during the photo session. Ahhh..lesson learned. Happy kids make for happy, relaxed and beautiful pictures. Happy kids and a relaxed mom make for better days.

--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Kiersten Pasciak" <kjl8@...>

Deb

--- In [email protected], zenmomma@... wrote:
>
> I used to have a similar situation when getting pictures taken of
>my kids. I'd get them so stressed before the pictured trying to get
>them looking "perfect" and then bemoan how fussy they were during
>the photo session. Ahhh..lesson learned. Happy kids make for happy,
>relaxed and beautiful pictures. Happy kids and a relaxed mom make
>for better days.
LOL when DS was a tot, we had pictures done for the grandfolks
(since we were half a country away) - we'd pick out whatever he was
currently most comfortable in, loved to wear most, and dress him in
that - none of those fussy, proper, mini-me suits or whatever. Lots
of happy pictures. Once he got to be about 2 and started resisting
the process, we just stopped the portraits and just made sure to
take at least a couple digital pix per year (lol). It's actually
pretty simple since every time we go to some lots-o-people big place
(Bronx Zoo, Amer Museum of Nat History, that sort of place) the
first picture on our digital camera is a picture of him next to the
Entrance sign or something - (a) it documents where we are (b) it is
an up to the minute current what is he wearing today picture should
he get misplaced in a crowd. Thankfully, we've never needed to use
it for that but it makes me a little more relaxed.

--Deb

camden

<<(a) it documents where we are (b) it is
>>an up to the minute current what is he wearing today picture should
>>he get misplaced in a crowd. Thankfully, we've never needed to use
>>it for that but it makes me a little more relaxed.

>>>--Deb

Deb,
We do this all the time for the "documenting" end of it, but I never even
thought of it for the other. That is a great idea ! Especially since I
don't always remember what they were wearing. If someone asked I'd probably
not be able to tell them accurately.

Thanks for another great idea !

Carol