Amie

I haven't posted on here before, but I wanted to jump in on this thread. I agree with the person who said that your DD might not be ready for playgroups. In my experience, kids that are hitting other kids are feeling anxious about the situation. A book I would recommend is Magical Parent; Magical Child. The author states that kids really don't "need" playmates until around age 7, I think. I believe that same age playgroups are about the same as same age classrooms-ii is unnatural. This is probably why your DD is ok in a group of older children.

As far as hitting your DH, I would tend to think that she is angry with him. I would try to discover why this is. Did she agree to have him finish brushing her teeth?Maybe she felt she didn't have a choice, so her way of letting him know was to hit him? I would help her with feeling words to describe what is going on. Alot of observation on your part will probably help too. Personally, I would stop the playdates with same age kids, and try to get your need for adult stimulation met in another way for awhile.

hope this helps,
Amie

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Pamela Sorooshian

On May 10, 2006, at 10:45 AM, Amie wrote:

>
> As far as hitting your DH, I would tend to think that she is angry
> with him. I would try to discover why this is. Did she agree to
> have him finish brushing her teeth?Maybe she felt she didn't have a
> choice, so her way of letting him know was to hit him?

I'd guess he's big and strong and just picks her up and does things
to her, like brush her teeth. I wouldn't like it, either - I'd be
hitting and screaming, for sure.

Kids who are physically controlled, or ordered around, become either
apathetic or resistant --- not cooperative or competent. Sounds like
she's a "resister" -- good for her. It is a challenge to your husband
to find other ways of being with her.

WHILE figuring that out, if I was him, I wouldn't let her hit me at
all. He should probably just remove himself from the situation the
minute she hits - hitting ends the game, hitting ends the activity,
whatever it is. He could very gently and kindly get up and walk a few
steps away. Something simple like that - interrupt the flow. I think
when a kid is being physically aggressive TO another person, even a
parent, it is good to put some space between you - to stop the
physicality right away, before engaging with words. You can move
right back with a hug - but I don't think it is a good idea to just
sit there and "take it" while trying to communicate with words.



-pam


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