need help please
Ren Allen
"But I do know that aside from not wanting to teach
my child that hitting meant a ton of attention from me I also wanted to
teach them how to be kind by showing them how to be kind to others."
There are ways to help children learn better tools (some of it just
comes with development and age) without invalidating their feelings or
shaming them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
my child that hitting meant a ton of attention from me I also wanted to
teach them how to be kind by showing them how to be kind to others."
There are ways to help children learn better tools (some of it just
comes with development and age) without invalidating their feelings or
shaming them.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Ren Allen
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
Time out's are just another punishment, thinly veiled. Punishment does
not help the child learn to trust the parent, nor does it "teach" them
anything other than resentment or how to get sneakier (as do most all
punishments).
She's hitting because she's not capable of expressing herself any
other way at the moment. Keep communicating with her, slow down on all
these playdates she's obviously NOT ready for and stay very close to
her at all times. Jalen can only recently handle kids his age for any
short lengths of time and even now we have to really be careful about
how much interaction he can handle (he's 5).
Just like reading or any other thing kids learn/develop into, social
skills come at their own pace. No amount of punishment will rush that
process. She's really a baby in so many ways!! Only 2.5 years on this
earth to figure out SO much. She's very, very little.
I have held Jalen's hands so he can't hit me, but I simply hold him
until he calms down. Sometimes we have to leave an area to do so. But
he's never been put in "time out" alone. We simply remove ourselves so
that he can calm and other people can be safe. There's no punishment
involved, I am simply helping him cope with things he can't cope with
on his own yet.
We have a thing about "use words first, then get HELP (an arbitrator)
if that doesn't work, THEN you can hit if none of that works"
Well, it never gets past the arbitration stage.:)
But it does give them an out, a line of tools to use up. Young
children aren't going to understand that methodology. You just have to
be very, very present and maybe get some playmates that are OLDER.
Same age playmates at a very young age aren't always a very good idea.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
Time out's are just another punishment, thinly veiled. Punishment does
not help the child learn to trust the parent, nor does it "teach" them
anything other than resentment or how to get sneakier (as do most all
punishments).
She's hitting because she's not capable of expressing herself any
other way at the moment. Keep communicating with her, slow down on all
these playdates she's obviously NOT ready for and stay very close to
her at all times. Jalen can only recently handle kids his age for any
short lengths of time and even now we have to really be careful about
how much interaction he can handle (he's 5).
Just like reading or any other thing kids learn/develop into, social
skills come at their own pace. No amount of punishment will rush that
process. She's really a baby in so many ways!! Only 2.5 years on this
earth to figure out SO much. She's very, very little.
I have held Jalen's hands so he can't hit me, but I simply hold him
until he calms down. Sometimes we have to leave an area to do so. But
he's never been put in "time out" alone. We simply remove ourselves so
that he can calm and other people can be safe. There's no punishment
involved, I am simply helping him cope with things he can't cope with
on his own yet.
We have a thing about "use words first, then get HELP (an arbitrator)
if that doesn't work, THEN you can hit if none of that works"
Well, it never gets past the arbitration stage.:)
But it does give them an out, a line of tools to use up. Young
children aren't going to understand that methodology. You just have to
be very, very present and maybe get some playmates that are OLDER.
Same age playmates at a very young age aren't always a very good idea.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Pampered Chef Michelle
On 5/10/06, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
is very difficult for him. We don't go to restaraunts often, but it seemed
like everytime we did, we would be seated for 5 minutes and I or Dan would
have to take Keon out of the restaurant. We would usually go outside and
just walk around or if we were at a mall we would go window shopping until
our food was ready. Many times one of us would be cell phoning our orders
in because the sitting and waiting was too difficult for him. Sometimes I
had waited just a bit too long to leave and Keon would be upset. I'm sure
that people thought that I was taking Keon out for a "whoopin'" but we
always just went out to do our waiting actively rather than passively.
Removing him from a situation where he wasn't able to cope.
Sometimes their restless little bodies just need an "out."
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Many times I have taken Keon out of a restaurant because sitting and waiting
>
> I have held Jalen's hands so he can't hit me, but I simply hold him
> until he calms down. Sometimes we have to leave an area to do so. But
> he's never been put in "time out" alone. We simply remove ourselves so
> that he can calm and other people can be safe. There's no punishment
> involved, I am simply helping him cope with things he can't cope with
> on his own yet.
is very difficult for him. We don't go to restaraunts often, but it seemed
like everytime we did, we would be seated for 5 minutes and I or Dan would
have to take Keon out of the restaurant. We would usually go outside and
just walk around or if we were at a mall we would go window shopping until
our food was ready. Many times one of us would be cell phoning our orders
in because the sitting and waiting was too difficult for him. Sometimes I
had waited just a bit too long to leave and Keon would be upset. I'm sure
that people thought that I was taking Keon out for a "whoopin'" but we
always just went out to do our waiting actively rather than passively.
Removing him from a situation where he wasn't able to cope.
Sometimes their restless little bodies just need an "out."
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/10/2006 8:24:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
I think it depends on what kind of time out you mean. The mainstream kind of
time out where you force the already frustrated, mad, sad child to sit for a
period of time is going to cause more harm. We do time outs with Mommy or
Daddy if one of our children need it. We cuddle, hold, rock, whisper, sing, etc.
Its more of a distraction. Sometimes we get pushed away if the child isn't
ready for it. Maybe a time out from the playgroups is the answer. If
something isn't working well, we try something else. There is always something else
to try, too so you never run out of distractions. The ONLY "discipline" that
has ever worked for us with a 2.5 year old is distraction.
My best suggestion is to try to respond calmly even if she has slammed
someone in the head with a brick. Don't force her to apologize and end up getting
more agitated. It helps to model what you want her to learn. Next time she
hits someone, pick her up and while you're holding her address the injured party
and say something like: I am so sorry Molly hit you in the head with that
brick. I know that really hurts and Molly is still learning not to hurt people.
We do this even when our 2 year old hits her Dad. She hears and feels more
when I'm consoling him than she does when I tell her: no hitting, that hurts,
which we also say a lot.
Lay low until she can control her fists better. Playgroups and social
opportunities will still be there in a few weeks/months or years. Whenever everyone
is ready.
Warmly,
Robin, who just had to step away to pry her 2.5 year old off her big brother.
Everything is fine now--I locked them all in separate rooms so I could come
back to the computer...just kidding!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
I think it depends on what kind of time out you mean. The mainstream kind of
time out where you force the already frustrated, mad, sad child to sit for a
period of time is going to cause more harm. We do time outs with Mommy or
Daddy if one of our children need it. We cuddle, hold, rock, whisper, sing, etc.
Its more of a distraction. Sometimes we get pushed away if the child isn't
ready for it. Maybe a time out from the playgroups is the answer. If
something isn't working well, we try something else. There is always something else
to try, too so you never run out of distractions. The ONLY "discipline" that
has ever worked for us with a 2.5 year old is distraction.
My best suggestion is to try to respond calmly even if she has slammed
someone in the head with a brick. Don't force her to apologize and end up getting
more agitated. It helps to model what you want her to learn. Next time she
hits someone, pick her up and while you're holding her address the injured party
and say something like: I am so sorry Molly hit you in the head with that
brick. I know that really hurts and Molly is still learning not to hurt people.
We do this even when our 2 year old hits her Dad. She hears and feels more
when I'm consoling him than she does when I tell her: no hitting, that hurts,
which we also say a lot.
Lay low until she can control her fists better. Playgroups and social
opportunities will still be there in a few weeks/months or years. Whenever everyone
is ready.
Warmly,
Robin, who just had to step away to pry her 2.5 year old off her big brother.
Everything is fine now--I locked them all in separate rooms so I could come
back to the computer...just kidding!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
freida smith
Reading this comment made me remember when the boys were little. And everybody was telling me how to correct my children. I had the first grandchild on both sides of the family so I did not have a big sis to help me. So I took a class on raising children. The big new fad was time out. I can proudly say that it did not work for me. I would not force physical restraint on my child. I saw this another form of child abuse (this is my concept on restraint). I would put the child in the corner not facing the wall and request the other boys to leave the room. As the child sat there with the screaming and carrying on I would give them a book. I brought big picture books on animals and other interesting subjects. Then before I know it I was sitting in the corner with the child talking about the pictures. Was it a punishment? I saw it as a way to keep the child safe and that they knew I loved them. By the time we got out of the corner I gave him a hug. The situation was taken care
of. When we were both calm down we would talk about why I put him in the corner. Then we would both smile because Mom had a time out too and it was fun.
just
Freida
ohpurple1@... wrote: In a message dated 5/10/2006 8:24:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
I think it depends on what kind of time out you mean. The mainstream kind of
time out where you force the already frustrated, mad, sad child to sit for a
period of time is going to cause more harm. We do time outs with Mommy or
Daddy if one of our children need it. We cuddle, hold, rock, whisper, sing, etc.
Its more of a distraction. Sometimes we get pushed away if the child isn't
ready for it. Maybe a time out from the playgroups is the answer. If
something isn't working well, we try something else. There is always something else
to try, too so you never run out of distractions. The ONLY "discipline" that
has ever worked for us with a 2.5 year old is distraction.
My best suggestion is to try to respond calmly even if she has slammed
someone in the head with a brick. Don't force her to apologize and end up getting
more agitated. It helps to model what you want her to learn. Next time she
hits someone, pick her up and while you're holding her address the injured party
and say something like: I am so sorry Molly hit you in the head with that
brick. I know that really hurts and Molly is still learning not to hurt people.
We do this even when our 2 year old hits her Dad. She hears and feels more
when I'm consoling him than she does when I tell her: no hitting, that hurts,
which we also say a lot.
Lay low until she can control her fists better. Playgroups and social
opportunities will still be there in a few weeks/months or years. Whenever everyone
is ready.
Warmly,
Robin, who just had to step away to pry her 2.5 year old off her big brother.
Everything is fine now--I locked them all in separate rooms so I could come
back to the computer...just kidding!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of. When we were both calm down we would talk about why I put him in the corner. Then we would both smile because Mom had a time out too and it was fun.
just
Freida
ohpurple1@... wrote: In a message dated 5/10/2006 8:24:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
I think it depends on what kind of time out you mean. The mainstream kind of
time out where you force the already frustrated, mad, sad child to sit for a
period of time is going to cause more harm. We do time outs with Mommy or
Daddy if one of our children need it. We cuddle, hold, rock, whisper, sing, etc.
Its more of a distraction. Sometimes we get pushed away if the child isn't
ready for it. Maybe a time out from the playgroups is the answer. If
something isn't working well, we try something else. There is always something else
to try, too so you never run out of distractions. The ONLY "discipline" that
has ever worked for us with a 2.5 year old is distraction.
My best suggestion is to try to respond calmly even if she has slammed
someone in the head with a brick. Don't force her to apologize and end up getting
more agitated. It helps to model what you want her to learn. Next time she
hits someone, pick her up and while you're holding her address the injured party
and say something like: I am so sorry Molly hit you in the head with that
brick. I know that really hurts and Molly is still learning not to hurt people.
We do this even when our 2 year old hits her Dad. She hears and feels more
when I'm consoling him than she does when I tell her: no hitting, that hurts,
which we also say a lot.
Lay low until she can control her fists better. Playgroups and social
opportunities will still be there in a few weeks/months or years. Whenever everyone
is ready.
Warmly,
Robin, who just had to step away to pry her 2.5 year old off her big brother.
Everything is fine now--I locked them all in separate rooms so I could come
back to the computer...just kidding!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SPONSORED LINKS
Secondary school education Graduate school education Home school education Graduate school education online High school education Chicago school education
---------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
---------------------------------
New Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Call regular phones from your PC and save big.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
In a message dated 5/10/2006 8:24:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
I'm not sure how the above got attributed to me, but I didn't write
that quote! Just to clarify.
I'm against punishment of any kind.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
starsuncloud@... writes:
" Time outs are about the only thing I've read to do
in situations of aggressive behaviour. I will get more into that
later."
I'm not sure how the above got attributed to me, but I didn't write
that quote! Just to clarify.
I'm against punishment of any kind.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com