Still on the right track?
mamaaj2000
Okay, if I sound out of it and frustrated, it's because I'm out of it
and frustrated!! The kids are sick, I'm still weak from being sick 2-
3 weeks ago and I'm getting a bit stir-crazy.
I've loosened up controls on food and tv and trying to talk about
things instead of just saying no. For instance, Mikey wanted to eat
breakfast on the couch watching tv yesterday. Okay, sez I, how about
a waffle? No, he wants oatmeal. Well, that's kinda messy so I'd
rather he eats that in the dining room or has something different in
the living room. Nope, only oatmeal in the living room will do. Okay,
but pls. be careful. Two seconds later he's eating it with his hands
and wiping his hands on the couch. Yes, he had a napkin right there.
I can wipe up oatmeal pretty easily, but in general, it seems like
situations like this aren't working. He'll agree to whatever I want
and then not do it. I just don't know whether I need to give it more
time or whether making conditions isn't the right way to do this. I
could give other examples if needed.
He's also asking questions and then not listening to the answers,
esp. when he asks what tv show is coming on next. So then he gets
upset when the next show comes on and it's not what he wants. And I
mean really upset so it's hard to talk to him. Do I shield him from
the consequences of not listening? I think not listening to me is a
form of power struggle for us, but I'm not seeing the way out of it
today.
Hope you wise women can help me see what I'm missing. Besides sleep,
that is!
thanks,
aj
and frustrated!! The kids are sick, I'm still weak from being sick 2-
3 weeks ago and I'm getting a bit stir-crazy.
I've loosened up controls on food and tv and trying to talk about
things instead of just saying no. For instance, Mikey wanted to eat
breakfast on the couch watching tv yesterday. Okay, sez I, how about
a waffle? No, he wants oatmeal. Well, that's kinda messy so I'd
rather he eats that in the dining room or has something different in
the living room. Nope, only oatmeal in the living room will do. Okay,
but pls. be careful. Two seconds later he's eating it with his hands
and wiping his hands on the couch. Yes, he had a napkin right there.
I can wipe up oatmeal pretty easily, but in general, it seems like
situations like this aren't working. He'll agree to whatever I want
and then not do it. I just don't know whether I need to give it more
time or whether making conditions isn't the right way to do this. I
could give other examples if needed.
He's also asking questions and then not listening to the answers,
esp. when he asks what tv show is coming on next. So then he gets
upset when the next show comes on and it's not what he wants. And I
mean really upset so it's hard to talk to him. Do I shield him from
the consequences of not listening? I think not listening to me is a
form of power struggle for us, but I'm not seeing the way out of it
today.
Hope you wise women can help me see what I'm missing. Besides sleep,
that is!
thanks,
aj
Dana Matt
Sorry you're sick and tired, mama....
messy? When I read this, it sounds like "No, No, No,
Ok".....but it doesn't sound like "hey, have you seen
what oatmeal does when it dries on something? Check
this out! If I stick it to this towel, come back in
an hour and we'll what a mess we've made!"...then it's
not *you* making rules again (that he may or may not
tune out)...but it's the two of you discovering
together *WHY* oatmeal rubbed in to the couch isn't
the best thing! Having oatmeal rubbed in to the couch
itself is your opportunity! You don't have to stage
it ;) Say "Wow! Look how sticky this stuff is! It's
kind of like play-doh! This is hard to wash out of
the couch!!"....OR
too, if he ate there....
Dana
In Montana
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> I've loosened up controls on food and tv and tryingDoes he understand *why* oatmeal on the couch is
> to talk about
> things instead of just saying no. For instance,
> Mikey wanted to eat
> breakfast on the couch watching tv yesterday. Okay,
> sez I, how about
> a waffle? No, he wants oatmeal. Well, that's kinda
> messy so I'd
> rather he eats that in the dining room or has
> something different in
> the living room. Nope, only oatmeal in the living
> room will do. Okay,
> but pls. be careful. Two seconds later he's eating
> it with his hands
> and wiping his hands on the couch. Yes, he had a
> napkin right there.
messy? When I read this, it sounds like "No, No, No,
Ok".....but it doesn't sound like "hey, have you seen
what oatmeal does when it dries on something? Check
this out! If I stick it to this towel, come back in
an hour and we'll what a mess we've made!"...then it's
not *you* making rules again (that he may or may not
tune out)...but it's the two of you discovering
together *WHY* oatmeal rubbed in to the couch isn't
the best thing! Having oatmeal rubbed in to the couch
itself is your opportunity! You don't have to stage
it ;) Say "Wow! Look how sticky this stuff is! It's
kind of like play-doh! This is hard to wash out of
the couch!!"....OR
> I can wipe up oatmeal pretty easily,Then do it ;) You would be washing the kitchen table,
too, if he ate there....
Dana
In Montana
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Address AutoComplete - You start. We finish.
http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail
Robyn Coburn
<<<<I can wipe up oatmeal pretty easily, but in general, it seems like
situations like this aren't working. He'll agree to whatever I want
and then not do it. I just don't know whether I need to give it more
time or whether making conditions isn't the right way to do this. I
could give other examples if needed.
He's also asking questions and then not listening to the answers,
esp. when he asks what tv show is coming on next. So then he gets
upset when the next show comes on and it's not what he wants. And I
mean really upset so it's hard to talk to him. Do I shield him from
the consequences of not listening? I think not listening to me is a
form of power struggle for us, but I'm not seeing the way out of it
today.>>>>
First of all, an old sheet or throw over the whole couch works wonders. Jayn
wipes her hands kind of absently on the sofa pillows also. Sometimes I
suggest using her t-shirt instead - it makes us laugh.
Secondly, I have a hunch - perhaps I'm wrong, but maybe not. If you are
making a change from saying no to saying yes with lots of words, it may be
that he is tuning you out. He has learnt that if he agrees, you stop the
seemingly endless flow of what may be meaningless seeming talking.
A couple of months ago, Jayn was really upset about leaving the park. She
was crying in the car seat and I was "trying" to be understanding, while
still wanting to get going. I was asking her why she needed to stay, beyond
the agreed upon leave time, and everyone else had gone etc, blah, blah, blah
- lots of questions and talking at her. I said, "I want to understand why".
Her immediate reply stopped me cold, "No you don't."
I instantly realized that I was going through the motions of "communicating"
while I still had my own agenda, and she knew it before I did. I was trying
to manipulate her, while using the wordy "tools" of compromise! What a
wonderful lesson she taught me in that moment. I immediately got out of the
car, and undid her seat belt, offering her to go back to the park, and
telling her that she was right, and thanking her. After a few hugs she was
ready to go home after all, but that is not the point. Sometimes we think we
are being honest and really communicating when we are not, because we are
still trying to a circuitous route to getting our own way, or at least
making sure that they know we are not happy with their way.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.707 / Virus Database: 463 - Release Date: 6/15/2004
situations like this aren't working. He'll agree to whatever I want
and then not do it. I just don't know whether I need to give it more
time or whether making conditions isn't the right way to do this. I
could give other examples if needed.
He's also asking questions and then not listening to the answers,
esp. when he asks what tv show is coming on next. So then he gets
upset when the next show comes on and it's not what he wants. And I
mean really upset so it's hard to talk to him. Do I shield him from
the consequences of not listening? I think not listening to me is a
form of power struggle for us, but I'm not seeing the way out of it
today.>>>>
First of all, an old sheet or throw over the whole couch works wonders. Jayn
wipes her hands kind of absently on the sofa pillows also. Sometimes I
suggest using her t-shirt instead - it makes us laugh.
Secondly, I have a hunch - perhaps I'm wrong, but maybe not. If you are
making a change from saying no to saying yes with lots of words, it may be
that he is tuning you out. He has learnt that if he agrees, you stop the
seemingly endless flow of what may be meaningless seeming talking.
A couple of months ago, Jayn was really upset about leaving the park. She
was crying in the car seat and I was "trying" to be understanding, while
still wanting to get going. I was asking her why she needed to stay, beyond
the agreed upon leave time, and everyone else had gone etc, blah, blah, blah
- lots of questions and talking at her. I said, "I want to understand why".
Her immediate reply stopped me cold, "No you don't."
I instantly realized that I was going through the motions of "communicating"
while I still had my own agenda, and she knew it before I did. I was trying
to manipulate her, while using the wordy "tools" of compromise! What a
wonderful lesson she taught me in that moment. I immediately got out of the
car, and undid her seat belt, offering her to go back to the park, and
telling her that she was right, and thanking her. After a few hugs she was
ready to go home after all, but that is not the point. Sometimes we think we
are being honest and really communicating when we are not, because we are
still trying to a circuitous route to getting our own way, or at least
making sure that they know we are not happy with their way.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.707 / Virus Database: 463 - Release Date: 6/15/2004
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
head, as it were.
I need to go sulk, think, get over myself, say yes and then shut up!!
Thank you.
--aj
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
> Secondly, I have a hunch - perhaps I'm wrong, but maybe not. If youare
> making a change from saying no to saying yes with lots of words, itmay be
> that he is tuning you out. He has learnt that if he agrees, youstop the
> seemingly endless flow of what may be meaningless seeming talking.THUMP!!! That would be sound of Robyn hitting the nail right on my
head, as it were.
I need to go sulk, think, get over myself, say yes and then shut up!!
Thank you.
--aj
April M
I may have missed this somewhere...but how old is your son?
One thing we do for eating in the living room is we have some sturdy plastic
bins with lids about 18 inches high. We store pet supplies, legos,
blocks..that sort of thing in them. And they are perfect little tables for
when the younger kids want to eat in the living room. If it's a very young
child, we put a towel on floor first. They can sit on the floor and eat at
their own personal table.
~April
Mom to Kate-17, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-8.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"It must be remembered that the purpose of education is not to fill the
minds of students with facts... it is to teach them to think." ~~ Robert
Hutchins
-----Original Message-----
From: mamaaj2000 [mailto:mamaaj2000@...]
Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2004 10:06 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Still on the right track?
Okay, if I sound out of it and frustrated, it's because I'm out of it
and frustrated!! The kids are sick, I'm still weak from being sick 2-
3 weeks ago and I'm getting a bit stir-crazy.
I've loosened up controls on food and tv and trying to talk about
things instead of just saying no. For instance, Mikey wanted to eat
breakfast on the couch watching tv yesterday. Okay, sez I, how about
a waffle? No, he wants oatmeal. Well, that's kinda messy so I'd
rather he eats that in the dining room or has something different in
the living room. Nope, only oatmeal in the living room will do. Okay,
but pls. be careful. Two seconds later he's eating it with his hands
and wiping his hands on the couch. Yes, he had a napkin right there.
I can wipe up oatmeal pretty easily, but in general, it seems like
situations like this aren't working. He'll agree to whatever I want
and then not do it. I just don't know whether I need to give it more
time or whether making conditions isn't the right way to do this. I
could give other examples if needed.
He's also asking questions and then not listening to the answers,
esp. when he asks what tv show is coming on next. So then he gets
upset when the next show comes on and it's not what he wants. And I
mean really upset so it's hard to talk to him. Do I shield him from
the consequences of not listening? I think not listening to me is a
form of power struggle for us, but I'm not seeing the way out of it
today.
Hope you wise women can help me see what I'm missing. Besides sleep,
that is!
thanks,
aj
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One thing we do for eating in the living room is we have some sturdy plastic
bins with lids about 18 inches high. We store pet supplies, legos,
blocks..that sort of thing in them. And they are perfect little tables for
when the younger kids want to eat in the living room. If it's a very young
child, we put a towel on floor first. They can sit on the floor and eat at
their own personal table.
~April
Mom to Kate-17, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-8.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"It must be remembered that the purpose of education is not to fill the
minds of students with facts... it is to teach them to think." ~~ Robert
Hutchins
-----Original Message-----
From: mamaaj2000 [mailto:mamaaj2000@...]
Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2004 10:06 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Still on the right track?
Okay, if I sound out of it and frustrated, it's because I'm out of it
and frustrated!! The kids are sick, I'm still weak from being sick 2-
3 weeks ago and I'm getting a bit stir-crazy.
I've loosened up controls on food and tv and trying to talk about
things instead of just saying no. For instance, Mikey wanted to eat
breakfast on the couch watching tv yesterday. Okay, sez I, how about
a waffle? No, he wants oatmeal. Well, that's kinda messy so I'd
rather he eats that in the dining room or has something different in
the living room. Nope, only oatmeal in the living room will do. Okay,
but pls. be careful. Two seconds later he's eating it with his hands
and wiping his hands on the couch. Yes, he had a napkin right there.
I can wipe up oatmeal pretty easily, but in general, it seems like
situations like this aren't working. He'll agree to whatever I want
and then not do it. I just don't know whether I need to give it more
time or whether making conditions isn't the right way to do this. I
could give other examples if needed.
He's also asking questions and then not listening to the answers,
esp. when he asks what tv show is coming on next. So then he gets
upset when the next show comes on and it's not what he wants. And I
mean really upset so it's hard to talk to him. Do I shield him from
the consequences of not listening? I think not listening to me is a
form of power struggle for us, but I'm not seeing the way out of it
today.
Hope you wise women can help me see what I'm missing. Besides sleep,
that is!
thanks,
aj
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]