Society, Rape Culture & Learning at home
drusila00
This is a snipit I recently posted on my blog, it certainly got me
thinking- what if these questions were asked of kids who do not go
to school. what would the numbers show then?
How do you think Homeschooled/unschooled people change society as a
whole? Do you think our kids grow up and leave home to become
victims because the world is primaraly made up of people with the
beliefs described below? Do our kids go on the premise that they
will be treated equaly and fair because of their abilitys and not
discriminated against or harmed because of who they are?
My son, having been in the PS system got just a small taste
of "those people" his age and didnt like it. I doubt "those people"
are going to get any better over time. He might remember what it was
like when he steps out into the world but he might have forgotten
and what about kids who never knew? do you feel they are prepared?
(please note, these are just random questions flitting through my
head brought to light by this peice and I thought I would share them
and see what others think- Im not trying to state that kids who do
not go to PS are not prepared or use this as a reason why it isnt a
good idea)
The Rape Cycle
It starts early.
Here's what middle-school kids think about rape, according to a
survey of 11-14 year-olds:
51% of boys and 41% of girls believe that a man has a right to force
a woman to kiss him if he has "spent a lot of money on her."
32% of boys and 32% of girls say it's not improper for a man to rape
a woman who has had past sexual experiences.
87% of boys and 79% of girls say rape is okay if a man and woman are
married.
47% of all those surveyed say it's okay for a man to rape a woman he
has been dating for more than 6 months.
Doesn't sound too good, does it? By middle school, Many American
children have already drunk deeply from the patriarchy: they believe
that men have the right to sexually possess women, that women can be
bought, and that women who aren't virgins are fair game for rape.
So perhaps it's not so surprising what happens when they get to
college:
1 in 4 college women report being victims of rape or attempted rape.
1 in 12 college men admit to committing acts that meet the legal
definition of rape.
35% of college men indicate some likelihood that they would commit
rape if they could be assured of not getting caught.
And it doesn't stop when they get married
10% of women are the victims of rape or attempted rape by a husband
or intimate partner in their lifetime.
33-46% of husbands who beat their wives also rape them.
or have children:
About 20% of all rapes are committed against children under the age
of 18 by their own family members.
20-40% of women and 10-20% of men report having been sexually
victimized as children (this includes sexual abuse other than rape).
And then you go to the top and start all over again.
reference:
New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault; CDC National Center
for Injury Prevention and Control; Bureau of Justice Statistics
thinking- what if these questions were asked of kids who do not go
to school. what would the numbers show then?
How do you think Homeschooled/unschooled people change society as a
whole? Do you think our kids grow up and leave home to become
victims because the world is primaraly made up of people with the
beliefs described below? Do our kids go on the premise that they
will be treated equaly and fair because of their abilitys and not
discriminated against or harmed because of who they are?
My son, having been in the PS system got just a small taste
of "those people" his age and didnt like it. I doubt "those people"
are going to get any better over time. He might remember what it was
like when he steps out into the world but he might have forgotten
and what about kids who never knew? do you feel they are prepared?
(please note, these are just random questions flitting through my
head brought to light by this peice and I thought I would share them
and see what others think- Im not trying to state that kids who do
not go to PS are not prepared or use this as a reason why it isnt a
good idea)
The Rape Cycle
It starts early.
Here's what middle-school kids think about rape, according to a
survey of 11-14 year-olds:
51% of boys and 41% of girls believe that a man has a right to force
a woman to kiss him if he has "spent a lot of money on her."
32% of boys and 32% of girls say it's not improper for a man to rape
a woman who has had past sexual experiences.
87% of boys and 79% of girls say rape is okay if a man and woman are
married.
47% of all those surveyed say it's okay for a man to rape a woman he
has been dating for more than 6 months.
Doesn't sound too good, does it? By middle school, Many American
children have already drunk deeply from the patriarchy: they believe
that men have the right to sexually possess women, that women can be
bought, and that women who aren't virgins are fair game for rape.
So perhaps it's not so surprising what happens when they get to
college:
1 in 4 college women report being victims of rape or attempted rape.
1 in 12 college men admit to committing acts that meet the legal
definition of rape.
35% of college men indicate some likelihood that they would commit
rape if they could be assured of not getting caught.
And it doesn't stop when they get married
10% of women are the victims of rape or attempted rape by a husband
or intimate partner in their lifetime.
33-46% of husbands who beat their wives also rape them.
or have children:
About 20% of all rapes are committed against children under the age
of 18 by their own family members.
20-40% of women and 10-20% of men report having been sexually
victimized as children (this includes sexual abuse other than rape).
And then you go to the top and start all over again.
reference:
New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault; CDC National Center
for Injury Prevention and Control; Bureau of Justice Statistics
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 1, 2006, at 9:30 AM, drusila00 wrote:
that she had a good understanding of sex at that point either.
And I'm wondering if the schooled kids really understand what rape
is. 41% of girls saying it's okay to be raped if the boy has spent a
lot of money on them tells me they don't.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> what if these questions were asked of kids who do not goAt 11 my daughter wouldn't have known what rape was. I don't know
> to school. what would the numbers show then?
that she had a good understanding of sex at that point either.
And I'm wondering if the schooled kids really understand what rape
is. 41% of girls saying it's okay to be raped if the boy has spent a
lot of money on them tells me they don't.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pampered Chef Michelle
On 5/1/06, Joyce Fetteroll <fetteroll@...> wrote:
survivor. Many girls equate sex as rape. They don't realize that they have
a choice to say no. I saw this over and over during rape counselling.
Teens who had been date raped felt that they owed the boy sex or that they
didn't have a right to say no because they were on a date afterall and he is
a boy afterall. They willingly have sex because they don't know there is an
option to say no. Many women equate rape to something violent and don't
associate date rape or familiar rape with "real rape." As long as she
wasn't hurt she wasn't really raped. It's that two extremes definition. My
girls have a pretty good understanding of the definition of rape, but then
we've talked a lot about sex and rape and what is good and what isn't.
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>I wondered the same thing. I've worked in rape crisis before being a rape
>
> And I'm wondering if the schooled kids really understand what rape
> is. 41% of girls saying it's okay to be raped if the boy has spent a
> lot of money on them tells me they don't.
survivor. Many girls equate sex as rape. They don't realize that they have
a choice to say no. I saw this over and over during rape counselling.
Teens who had been date raped felt that they owed the boy sex or that they
didn't have a right to say no because they were on a date afterall and he is
a boy afterall. They willingly have sex because they don't know there is an
option to say no. Many women equate rape to something violent and don't
associate date rape or familiar rape with "real rape." As long as she
wasn't hurt she wasn't really raped. It's that two extremes definition. My
girls have a pretty good understanding of the definition of rape, but then
we've talked a lot about sex and rape and what is good and what isn't.
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
drusila00
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
At 11 my daughter wouldn't have known what rape was. I don't know
that she had a good understanding of sex at that point either.
And I'm wondering if the schooled kids really understand what rape
is. 41% of girls saying it's okay to be raped if the boy has spent
a lot of money on them tells me they don't.
At 11 I personaly was already having sex as were several of my
friends.
at 14 I was on birth controle and had been for a while.
that was YEARS AND YEARS ago and the world has changed dramaticly
even since that time.
You did misquote the article the correct quote is:
41% of girls believe that a man has a right to force a woman to
KISS him if he has "spent a lot of money on her."
(which is assault not rape)
At 11 years old my son has a good understanding of what sex is.
he knows on an intellectual level what sexual asault and rape are as
well. He learned about this at home and through the PS system where
these things were discussed.
Lots of these things came about as discussions spurred by events in
world knews as well as questions he had for me about things that
were discussed at Public school.
One of those things being "what is oral sex?"
IMO the children in middleschool are much more sexualized than even
their own parents may realize. I also believe a good majority of
them know on an intellectual level what rape is but do not
understand the emotional side of it.
<fetteroll@...> wrote:
>to school. what would the numbers show then?
>
> On May 1, 2006, at 9:30 AM, drusila00 wrote:
> what if these questions were asked of kids who do not go
At 11 my daughter wouldn't have known what rape was. I don't know
that she had a good understanding of sex at that point either.
And I'm wondering if the schooled kids really understand what rape
is. 41% of girls saying it's okay to be raped if the boy has spent
a lot of money on them tells me they don't.
>The article polled 11-14 year-olds:
> Joyce
>
At 11 I personaly was already having sex as were several of my
friends.
at 14 I was on birth controle and had been for a while.
that was YEARS AND YEARS ago and the world has changed dramaticly
even since that time.
You did misquote the article the correct quote is:
41% of girls believe that a man has a right to force a woman to
KISS him if he has "spent a lot of money on her."
(which is assault not rape)
At 11 years old my son has a good understanding of what sex is.
he knows on an intellectual level what sexual asault and rape are as
well. He learned about this at home and through the PS system where
these things were discussed.
Lots of these things came about as discussions spurred by events in
world knews as well as questions he had for me about things that
were discussed at Public school.
One of those things being "what is oral sex?"
IMO the children in middleschool are much more sexualized than even
their own parents may realize. I also believe a good majority of
them know on an intellectual level what rape is but do not
understand the emotional side of it.
D Smith
Having been a rape victim, I thought I deserved it. He
was my boyfriend. I thought I owed him. I kept my
mouth shut for so long, because of fear (many forms).
I think if my parents had given me a sex talk at least
of some kind it might have helped. I'm a survivor
because of my own doing. He had power over me for so
long, YEARS after the raping. (It went on for 3-4
months, him and two friends.) I was still afraid he'd
find me and kill me, because I spoke about it. I was
14 when we started dating, I was 15 when he started
raping me. I think we need to teach our children about
sex at an earlier age.
It's not uncommon in PS for 9 y/o to have sex.
Danie
__________________________________________________
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was my boyfriend. I thought I owed him. I kept my
mouth shut for so long, because of fear (many forms).
I think if my parents had given me a sex talk at least
of some kind it might have helped. I'm a survivor
because of my own doing. He had power over me for so
long, YEARS after the raping. (It went on for 3-4
months, him and two friends.) I was still afraid he'd
find me and kill me, because I spoke about it. I was
14 when we started dating, I was 15 when he started
raping me. I think we need to teach our children about
sex at an earlier age.
It's not uncommon in PS for 9 y/o to have sex.
Danie
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[email protected]
>>>At 11 my daughter wouldn't have known what rape was. I don't knowthat she had a good understanding of sex at that point either.
And I'm wondering if the schooled kids really understand what rape
is. 41% of girls saying it's okay to be raped if the boy has spent a
lot of money on them tells me they don't.<<<
****I definitely agree with you Joyce! They don't understand what rape is.
Rape is not about sex, as we all know, it's about violence, period. Obviously
these schooled kids are not informed at all. Our dd's went to school until 3rd
and 4th grade, this mentality in schools is one of the many reasons we pulled
them out. I do not worry about our dd's becoming "victims from not going to
school." I think just the opposite, I think our kids will be MORE empowered from
NOT being with & learning from other kids & adults about such things as rape.
Kids do not *learn* about rape, or for that matter, about healthy
relationships at school. Schools seem to be so anti family these days and, as we all know,
it's the parents job to show kids by example what good, healthy relationships
look like and also to *educate* (so to speak<g>) our kids on what dangers
there are out there. At 11 & 12 our dd's know what sex is and what rape is.....to
a degree. The 12 yo knows a bit more. When the subject comes up from a TV
show, the newspaper, etc., they ask questions and we discuss things with them
gradually. I don't think hs'ed kids go off on their own with no knowledge of what
life is like in this world.
Thanks for sharing that survey and your thoughts, it got me thinking!
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
liannemargaret
I don't know how it is everywhere else, but "rape" no longer exists on
the books here, hasn't for years, even though media still uses the
term often enough.
It is all "sexual assault" now.
And no, being told by a cop that you were "not actually raped" and
"rape doesn't exist" doesn't go over well with survivors.
L
--- "drusila00" <drusila00@...> wrote:
the books here, hasn't for years, even though media still uses the
term often enough.
It is all "sexual assault" now.
And no, being told by a cop that you were "not actually raped" and
"rape doesn't exist" doesn't go over well with survivors.
L
--- "drusila00" <drusila00@...> wrote:
>
> You did misquote the article the correct quote is:
> 41% of girls believe that a man has a right to force a woman to
> KISS him if he has "spent a lot of money on her."
> (which is assault not rape)
>
Pampered Chef Michelle
On 5/3/06, liannemargaret <liannemargaret@...> wrote:
definition of rape. Sexual assualt is any assault that is sexual in nature
- be it intercourse, disrobing, penetration with foreign object and a number
of other things. The "official definition" is no longer rape. This was
done because many rape victims/survivors were told that they were not
"raped" because the attacker used a pipe or a bat or didn't actually
penetrate her or "only" took her clothes off. Now someone who "only" takes
another person's clothes off (non-consensually) is still charged with
"sexual assault" and will serve or is supposed to serve) the same sentence
as someone who had sexual penetration with a person.
And no, being told by a cop that you were "not actually raped" and
crisis center and we used to do teaching sessions for police officers to
help them be the first source of counselling to victims since most victims'
first contact is with the police. Never never never are police supposed to
deminish an assualt by changing the language!!!! Any police officer that
says that there is no such thing as rape needs to be reprimanded and written
up! GRRRRRRRR!!!!
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>The term "sexual assault" was brought about in order to broaden the
> I don't know how it is everywhere else, but "rape" no longer exists on
> the books here, hasn't for years, even though media still uses the
> term often enough.
>
> It is all "sexual assault" now.
definition of rape. Sexual assualt is any assault that is sexual in nature
- be it intercourse, disrobing, penetration with foreign object and a number
of other things. The "official definition" is no longer rape. This was
done because many rape victims/survivors were told that they were not
"raped" because the attacker used a pipe or a bat or didn't actually
penetrate her or "only" took her clothes off. Now someone who "only" takes
another person's clothes off (non-consensually) is still charged with
"sexual assault" and will serve or is supposed to serve) the same sentence
as someone who had sexual penetration with a person.
And no, being told by a cop that you were "not actually raped" and
> "rape doesn't exist" doesn't go over well with survivors.No police officer EVER should tell a woman that! I used to work with a rape
crisis center and we used to do teaching sessions for police officers to
help them be the first source of counselling to victims since most victims'
first contact is with the police. Never never never are police supposed to
deminish an assualt by changing the language!!!! Any police officer that
says that there is no such thing as rape needs to be reprimanded and written
up! GRRRRRRRR!!!!
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]