I need ideas about how to "schedule" the day...
cmcchess
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have 4 children, ages 2 to 10. I
feel like I should be able to do everything they want to do when
they want to do it. Or at least be able to set up an appointment to
do it with them at a later time.
I need both philosophical ideas and practical ideas here. I'm gonna
babble a lot and send it. Usually I babble in my messages then erase
it all and ask one simple question, but I'll send it this time :)
If the 2 yo sees me she want's me to play, which to her means watch
her play.
The 4 yo is pretty independent, but really likes me to read to her.
The 6 yo wants to do stuff outside like fishing or watching him
do "circus acts" on the swings.
And the 10 yo wants to talk and talk and talk, saying the same thing
20 times in slightly different ways.
I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
right now, no.
I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only do
I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
I talked to a girl who had been unschooled (through e-mail) who said
she was pulled out of school around 5th grade and felt that her
mother neglected her. That was the beginning of her unschooling
experience.
So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for them
all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
can "schedule" time.
I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long! I need a
homeschooling perspective on this, not a perspective from someone
who's kids go off all day long and they great them with a smile at
the end of the day with a nice clean house, and a willingness to
dedicate the evening to their kids. (no I am not trying to be mean
to school families, It's just that all the advice I see, read or
hear is from them. )
Sorry about all the babble, probably we all feel this way, right?
Anyway, any help would be great!!
Thanks,
Cathy
feel like I should be able to do everything they want to do when
they want to do it. Or at least be able to set up an appointment to
do it with them at a later time.
I need both philosophical ideas and practical ideas here. I'm gonna
babble a lot and send it. Usually I babble in my messages then erase
it all and ask one simple question, but I'll send it this time :)
If the 2 yo sees me she want's me to play, which to her means watch
her play.
The 4 yo is pretty independent, but really likes me to read to her.
The 6 yo wants to do stuff outside like fishing or watching him
do "circus acts" on the swings.
And the 10 yo wants to talk and talk and talk, saying the same thing
20 times in slightly different ways.
I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
right now, no.
I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only do
I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
I talked to a girl who had been unschooled (through e-mail) who said
she was pulled out of school around 5th grade and felt that her
mother neglected her. That was the beginning of her unschooling
experience.
So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for them
all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
can "schedule" time.
I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long! I need a
homeschooling perspective on this, not a perspective from someone
who's kids go off all day long and they great them with a smile at
the end of the day with a nice clean house, and a willingness to
dedicate the evening to their kids. (no I am not trying to be mean
to school families, It's just that all the advice I see, read or
hear is from them. )
Sorry about all the babble, probably we all feel this way, right?
Anyway, any help would be great!!
Thanks,
Cathy
Melissa
On Apr 28, 2006, at 4:39 PM, cmcchess wrote:
people still iron in the land of wrinkle free cotton? ;-) LOL
More specifically, you don't have to do it right then. Or you could
say, How about five minutes so I can change out the laundry loads?
Read a book with her after that.
my vitamins helps some with that (my prenatals still, as well as a
complete omega complex), plus I have my quiet time in the afternoon,
just five minutes, but it really helps. As for organizing, I could go
on and on, but I just found a website that I really love that says
everything I would say at http://cleanhome.savedme.com . (Ril, hope
you don't mind the endorsement!)
coiffed kids. your kids need you more than the house does. My kids
dress themselves, two yo and up. The baby is the only one I dress.
They don't match, but they like what they are wearing, and they are
comfy. Make meals easier to prepare. Ask if they want to help. My
eleven yo loves to make lunch, or start dinner. As long as I stay off
his back about how he's doing it. Make cleanup easier with paper
dishes or soaking. Don't fold clothes, just hang them all up or shove
them into drawers. Get an extension cord for your vacuum so you can
just go room to room (including tile and wood, vacuum's work
amazingly well there). Vacuum while they are eating lunch. Or
watching a movie. or playing a game. Be willing to stop if they need
you. The vacuum won't go anywhere :-P And they might surprise you by
finishing!
outside the home. I wouldn't put stuff like 'Read to dd' on it
though, because what I've seen in my house is that once you start
that, there is no end. People feel legislated, they feel that they
only time they will get is on the calender, or they will not want
time with you outside of the calender. Put on outside activities. If
someone wants to go fishing, that's definitely an outside project.
Write it down. See who all wants to go. Take them when someone (dh?)
can watch the others. Or make it fun for everyone by providing for
kids who don't want to fish (Take books for the reader, take
notebooks for the artist, take a bug kit for the explorer)
cleaning, there will always be more to do. Trust me. i do that too
much. There are times when I drop the cleaning supplies where they
are at and walk away, or I will continue to say "ONE MORE THING".
Cat's in the cradle says it all, right?
sink with vinegar/water solution, with some paper towels. When you
go, spray the whole bathroom down (or when you're bathing the kids,
that's how I do it. Plus vinegar isn't toxic and is definitely
multipurpose. WHen they get out of the tub, spray the floor and dry
it with their bath towels. Take a basket room to room when you do
bedtime rituals and gather laundry then. Forget about making beds, if
they don't care, why should you? Get lots of bins so you can just
throw stuff in. Seriously check out the URL I already posted.
a point where you make a choice to let go of the issues and just be
with your kids. They won't always be small, and maybe you won't
always have them. Don't live your life in a way you would regret
later on! Saying this with the utmost respect and love. i have seven
kids ages eleven to five months. I know it's hard. But you really do
have to make choices and decide what's important. Live for your kids.
Find naturally quiet times of the day where you can fit in cleaning.
Ours is almost always first thing in the morning, when everyone is
still groggy or independent, and that's when I gather laundry and get
it started. Then we do our things, usually playing video games, or
reading, or playing whatever. I play for a while with each one, fully
focussed on them, then I ask another one if I can play with them. If
someone comes up, they are welcome to play too, or sit patiently
waiting on my lap, or sometimes i'll ask the first child if they
mind if I do such and so with this other person. Or if they are
interested in doing x, y, or z (based on what they've been interested
in lately) I usually make lunch with one or two hanging around in the
kitchen helping or keeping me company. I might ask one to check
laundry loads, or tidy the game room while I'm cooking. While they
are eating, I sit and talk a while, then get up and vacuum and do
dishes quickly. WHen my husband gets home, the kids are all over him
so it's a great time to start dinner (if I haven't done one of our
crockpots), or do whatever I didn't have a chance to do. and then at
nighttime when the little ones are in bed, i tidy up their rooms,
gather whatever laundry we missed, stopping to talk to the older
ones, play a card game or read with them.
Melissa
>You don't HAVE to do the laundry. You don't have to do dishes. And do
> I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
> is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
> I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
> right now, no.
>
people still iron in the land of wrinkle free cotton? ;-) LOL
More specifically, you don't have to do it right then. Or you could
say, How about five minutes so I can change out the laundry loads?
Read a book with her after that.
> I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only doI don't get a lot of sleep either, and I can get grumpy too. Taking
> I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
> me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
> Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
> far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
my vitamins helps some with that (my prenatals still, as well as a
complete omega complex), plus I have my quiet time in the afternoon,
just five minutes, but it really helps. As for organizing, I could go
on and on, but I just found a website that I really love that says
everything I would say at http://cleanhome.savedme.com . (Ril, hope
you don't mind the endorsement!)
> So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for themLet go of the expectations that you have a clean house and perfectly
> all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
> don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
> need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
> like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
> dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
> doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
> ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
coiffed kids. your kids need you more than the house does. My kids
dress themselves, two yo and up. The baby is the only one I dress.
They don't match, but they like what they are wearing, and they are
comfy. Make meals easier to prepare. Ask if they want to help. My
eleven yo loves to make lunch, or start dinner. As long as I stay off
his back about how he's doing it. Make cleanup easier with paper
dishes or soaking. Don't fold clothes, just hang them all up or shove
them into drawers. Get an extension cord for your vacuum so you can
just go room to room (including tile and wood, vacuum's work
amazingly well there). Vacuum while they are eating lunch. Or
watching a movie. or playing a game. Be willing to stop if they need
you. The vacuum won't go anywhere :-P And they might surprise you by
finishing!
>Every family should have a big calender for events that are going on
> I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
> what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
> huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
> write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
> read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
> can "schedule" time.
outside the home. I wouldn't put stuff like 'Read to dd' on it
though, because what I've seen in my house is that once you start
that, there is no end. People feel legislated, they feel that they
only time they will get is on the calender, or they will not want
time with you outside of the calender. Put on outside activities. If
someone wants to go fishing, that's definitely an outside project.
Write it down. See who all wants to go. Take them when someone (dh?)
can watch the others. Or make it fun for everyone by providing for
kids who don't want to fish (Take books for the reader, take
notebooks for the artist, take a bug kit for the explorer)
>You can clean forever. If you say, I'll do this when I'm done
> I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
> say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
> gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
cleaning, there will always be more to do. Trust me. i do that too
much. There are times when I drop the cleaning supplies where they
are at and walk away, or I will continue to say "ONE MORE THING".
Cat's in the cradle says it all, right?
>Clean a little at a time. Keep a spray bottle under each bathroom
> I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
> everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
> is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
> one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long!
sink with vinegar/water solution, with some paper towels. When you
go, spray the whole bathroom down (or when you're bathing the kids,
that's how I do it. Plus vinegar isn't toxic and is definitely
multipurpose. WHen they get out of the tub, spray the floor and dry
it with their bath towels. Take a basket room to room when you do
bedtime rituals and gather laundry then. Forget about making beds, if
they don't care, why should you? Get lots of bins so you can just
throw stuff in. Seriously check out the URL I already posted.
> Sorry about all the babble, probably we all feel this way, right?I have felt that way. I'm choosing now not to. KWIM? There has to be
> Anyway, any help would be great!!
a point where you make a choice to let go of the issues and just be
with your kids. They won't always be small, and maybe you won't
always have them. Don't live your life in a way you would regret
later on! Saying this with the utmost respect and love. i have seven
kids ages eleven to five months. I know it's hard. But you really do
have to make choices and decide what's important. Live for your kids.
Find naturally quiet times of the day where you can fit in cleaning.
Ours is almost always first thing in the morning, when everyone is
still groggy or independent, and that's when I gather laundry and get
it started. Then we do our things, usually playing video games, or
reading, or playing whatever. I play for a while with each one, fully
focussed on them, then I ask another one if I can play with them. If
someone comes up, they are welcome to play too, or sit patiently
waiting on my lap, or sometimes i'll ask the first child if they
mind if I do such and so with this other person. Or if they are
interested in doing x, y, or z (based on what they've been interested
in lately) I usually make lunch with one or two hanging around in the
kitchen helping or keeping me company. I might ask one to check
laundry loads, or tidy the game room while I'm cooking. While they
are eating, I sit and talk a while, then get up and vacuum and do
dishes quickly. WHen my husband gets home, the kids are all over him
so it's a great time to start dinner (if I haven't done one of our
crockpots), or do whatever I didn't have a chance to do. and then at
nighttime when the little ones are in bed, i tidy up their rooms,
gather whatever laundry we missed, stopping to talk to the older
ones, play a card game or read with them.
Melissa
cmcchess
Thank-you Melissa!
I have to say I am PMS'ing today, just an excuse. Once a month I
get a lot less "relaxed" about things! And need to find
the "answers". And I really needed that encouragement from you!
I will definately not schedule daily time with each kid, I know what
you mean about them feeling legislated about it then.
Oh, and yes I do have to iron :) my husband wears a suit and I don't
take things out of the dryer right away and hang them. Even when I
did that my Dad called and asked who ironed my dh's clothes! We do
have some that are wrinkle free, but not all. But it does seem
pointless when I go to his work and see him after he has sat there
all day and is worse looking than he would have been just getting
his clothes out of the dryer and going! :)
My house is not organized, my kids are not clean and some times I'm
ok with that, but others, like today I'm totally not.
I beat myself up about it a lot. And I don't know why, lots of
people live this way, whether they homeschool or not, and they don't
seem to care.
I'll check out that website. Thanks again,
Cathy
-- In [email protected], Melissa <autismhelp@...>
wrote:
I have to say I am PMS'ing today, just an excuse. Once a month I
get a lot less "relaxed" about things! And need to find
the "answers". And I really needed that encouragement from you!
I will definately not schedule daily time with each kid, I know what
you mean about them feeling legislated about it then.
Oh, and yes I do have to iron :) my husband wears a suit and I don't
take things out of the dryer right away and hang them. Even when I
did that my Dad called and asked who ironed my dh's clothes! We do
have some that are wrinkle free, but not all. But it does seem
pointless when I go to his work and see him after he has sat there
all day and is worse looking than he would have been just getting
his clothes out of the dryer and going! :)
My house is not organized, my kids are not clean and some times I'm
ok with that, but others, like today I'm totally not.
I beat myself up about it a lot. And I don't know why, lots of
people live this way, whether they homeschool or not, and they don't
seem to care.
I'll check out that website. Thanks again,
Cathy
-- In [email protected], Melissa <autismhelp@...>
wrote:
>philosophy)
>
> On Apr 28, 2006, at 4:39 PM, cmcchess wrote:
> >
> > I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my
> > is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now,no
> > I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to herdo
> > right now, no.
> >
> You don't HAVE to do the laundry. You don't have to do dishes. And
> people still iron in the land of wrinkle free cotton? ;-) LOLcould
> More specifically, you don't have to do it right then. Or you
> say, How about five minutes so I can change out the laundryloads?
> Read a book with her after that.do
>
> > I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only
> > I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they mayneed
> > me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes andcleaning.
> > Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, butso
> > far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.Taking
> I don't get a lot of sleep either, and I can get grumpy too.
> my vitamins helps some with that (my prenatals still, as well asa
> complete omega complex), plus I have my quiet time in theafternoon,
> just five minutes, but it really helps. As for organizing, I couldgo
> on and on, but I just found a website that I really love thatsays
> everything I would say at http://cleanhome.savedme.com . (Ril,hope
> you don't mind the endorsement!)them
>
> > So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for
> > all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and theywhat I
> > don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do
> > need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and liveolder
> > like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
> > dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
> > doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my
> > ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that,calmer.
>perfectly
> Let go of the expectations that you have a clean house and
> coiffed kids. your kids need you more than the house does. Mykids
> dress themselves, two yo and up. The baby is the only one Idress.
> They don't match, but they like what they are wearing, and theyare
> comfy. Make meals easier to prepare. Ask if they want to help. Myoff
> eleven yo loves to make lunch, or start dinner. As long as I stay
> his back about how he's doing it. Make cleanup easier with papershove
> dishes or soaking. Don't fold clothes, just hang them all up or
> them into drawers. Get an extension cord for your vacuum so youcan
> just go room to room (including tile and wood, vacuum's workneed
> amazingly well there). Vacuum while they are eating lunch. Or
> watching a movie. or playing a game. Be willing to stop if they
> you. The vacuum won't go anywhere :-P And they might surprise youby
> finishing!and
> >
> > I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
> > what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
> > huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week
> > write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wantsme to
> > read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? theyon
> > can "schedule" time.
> Every family should have a big calender for events that are going
> outside the home. I wouldn't put stuff like 'Read to dd' on itthey
> though, because what I've seen in my house is that once you start
> that, there is no end. People feel legislated, they feel that
> only time they will get is on the calender, or they will not wantIf
> time with you outside of the calender. Put on outside activities.
> someone wants to go fishing, that's definitely an outsideproject.
> Write it down. See who all wants to go. Take them when someone(dh?)
> can watch the others. Or make it fun for everyone by providingfor
> kids who don't want to fish (Take books for the reader, takeI
> notebooks for the artist, take a bug kit for the explorer)
> >
> > I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if
> > say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is notreally
> > gonna happen, but when will I clean?????too
>
> You can clean forever. If you say, I'll do this when I'm done
> cleaning, there will always be more to do. Trust me. i do that
> much. There are times when I drop the cleaning supplies wherethey
> are at and walk away, or I will continue to say "ONE MORE THING".there
> Cat's in the cradle says it all, right?
> >
> > I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
> > everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like
> > is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , Ihave
> > one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long!you
>
> Clean a little at a time. Keep a spray bottle under each bathroom
> sink with vinegar/water solution, with some paper towels. When
> go, spray the whole bathroom down (or when you're bathing thekids,
> that's how I do it. Plus vinegar isn't toxic and is definitelydry
> multipurpose. WHen they get out of the tub, spray the floor and
> it with their bath towels. Take a basket room to room when you doif
> bedtime rituals and gather laundry then. Forget about making beds,
> they don't care, why should you? Get lots of bins so you can justbe
> throw stuff in. Seriously check out the URL I already posted.
>
> > Sorry about all the babble, probably we all feel this way, right?
> > Anyway, any help would be great!!
>
> I have felt that way. I'm choosing now not to. KWIM? There has to
> a point where you make a choice to let go of the issues and justbe
> with your kids. They won't always be small, and maybe you won'tseven
> always have them. Don't live your life in a way you would regret
> later on! Saying this with the utmost respect and love. i have
> kids ages eleven to five months. I know it's hard. But you reallydo
> have to make choices and decide what's important. Live for yourkids.
> Find naturally quiet times of the day where you can fit incleaning.
> Ours is almost always first thing in the morning, when everyoneis
> still groggy or independent, and that's when I gather laundry andget
> it started. Then we do our things, usually playing video games,or
> reading, or playing whatever. I play for a while with each one,fully
> focussed on them, then I ask another one if I can play with them.If
> someone comes up, they are welcome to play too, or sit patientlyinterested
> waiting on my lap, or sometimes i'll ask the first child if they
> mind if I do such and so with this other person. Or if they are
> interested in doing x, y, or z (based on what they've been
> in lately) I usually make lunch with one or two hanging around inthe
> kitchen helping or keeping me company. I might ask one to checkthey
> laundry loads, or tidy the game room while I'm cooking. While
> are eating, I sit and talk a while, then get up and vacuum and dohim
> dishes quickly. WHen my husband gets home, the kids are all over
> so it's a great time to start dinner (if I haven't done one ofour
> crockpots), or do whatever I didn't have a chance to do. and thenat
> nighttime when the little ones are in bed, i tidy up their rooms,
> gather whatever laundry we missed, stopping to talk to the older
> ones, play a card game or read with them.
> Melissa
>
Melissa
Ooh. PMS. Ya know, you'd think after so many years I'd know. But
still, every month I start and think "Oh. That's why I've been such a
gripe". Sigh.
anyway, now you make me feel bad. Does everyone iron their husbands
work clothes? all my IRL friends do, and I feel horrible because my
husband has to iron his own. I told him either iron them himself or
plan on seeing a bill for taking them to be pressed lol!I hate to
iron, probably because my mom always made me iron her clothes. Plus
ironing gives me the heeby jeebies. i cannot stand the feel of too
much fabric, makes my hands dry and tingly, then on to nausea and
migraines. Sounds weird, but shuffling bare feet across carpet does
the same thing. ick.
It's hard to let go. i know I have so much trouble because my mom was
always beating me over the head with 'what will people think if the
house is dirty?' Dang inner voices. They drag you down.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
still, every month I start and think "Oh. That's why I've been such a
gripe". Sigh.
anyway, now you make me feel bad. Does everyone iron their husbands
work clothes? all my IRL friends do, and I feel horrible because my
husband has to iron his own. I told him either iron them himself or
plan on seeing a bill for taking them to be pressed lol!I hate to
iron, probably because my mom always made me iron her clothes. Plus
ironing gives me the heeby jeebies. i cannot stand the feel of too
much fabric, makes my hands dry and tingly, then on to nausea and
migraines. Sounds weird, but shuffling bare feet across carpet does
the same thing. ick.
It's hard to let go. i know I have so much trouble because my mom was
always beating me over the head with 'what will people think if the
house is dirty?' Dang inner voices. They drag you down.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
On Apr 28, 2006, at 7:18 PM, cmcchess wrote:
> Thank-you Melissa!
>
> I have to say I am PMS'ing today, just an excuse. Once a month I
> get a lot less "relaxed" about things! And need to find
> the "answers". And I really needed that encouragement from you!
cmcchess
You know, I tried to not iron ;) it didn't work. My dh ironed all
the clothes in the basket one night and said that he's never doing
that again! He has ironed since, but the last time it looked as
though he didn't! That's something that I can't let go, he probably
wouldn't iron, but I wonder if it will affect his ability to get
sales, thus the income that we depend on??
I hate to iron too. No matter how hard I used to try, the clothes
always looked like I didn't do anything to them even though I stood
there for 10 minutes trying to iron. But now I use spray starch and
it is great! They actually look ironed, but I still don't like to do
it!
My Mom used to wonder how I could vacuum the room with the lights
off! But I think my voices are more because my husbands Mom has such
a clean house all the time. But it's just her and her husband, so
why should I care????
--- In [email protected], Melissa <autismhelp@...>
wrote:
the clothes in the basket one night and said that he's never doing
that again! He has ironed since, but the last time it looked as
though he didn't! That's something that I can't let go, he probably
wouldn't iron, but I wonder if it will affect his ability to get
sales, thus the income that we depend on??
I hate to iron too. No matter how hard I used to try, the clothes
always looked like I didn't do anything to them even though I stood
there for 10 minutes trying to iron. But now I use spray starch and
it is great! They actually look ironed, but I still don't like to do
it!
My Mom used to wonder how I could vacuum the room with the lights
off! But I think my voices are more because my husbands Mom has such
a clean house all the time. But it's just her and her husband, so
why should I care????
--- In [email protected], Melissa <autismhelp@...>
wrote:
>such a
> Ooh. PMS. Ya know, you'd think after so many years I'd know. But
> still, every month I start and think "Oh. That's why I've been
> gripe". Sigh.husbands
>
> anyway, now you make me feel bad. Does everyone iron their
> work clothes? all my IRL friends do, and I feel horrible becausemy
> husband has to iron his own. I told him either iron them himselfor
> plan on seeing a bill for taking them to be pressed lol!I hate toPlus
> iron, probably because my mom always made me iron her clothes.
> ironing gives me the heeby jeebies. i cannot stand the feel oftoo
> much fabric, makes my hands dry and tingly, then on to nausea anddoes
> migraines. Sounds weird, but shuffling bare feet across carpet
> the same thing. ick.was
>
> It's hard to let go. i know I have so much trouble because my mom
> always beating me over the head with 'what will people think ifthe
> house is dirty?' Dang inner voices. They drag you down.Dan
> Melissa
> Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4),
> (2), and Avari Rose
>
> share our lives at
> http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
>
>
>
> On Apr 28, 2006, at 7:18 PM, cmcchess wrote:
>
> > Thank-you Melissa!
> >
> > I have to say I am PMS'ing today, just an excuse. Once a month I
> > get a lot less "relaxed" about things! And need to find
> > the "answers". And I really needed that encouragement from you!
>
freepsgal
Hi Cathy,
I'm not sure a scheduled day will help you any. I mean, you can do
broad schedules, i.e. plan on getting the majority of housework done
in the mornings to have the afternoons free or vice versa. But if
you're operating on a strict schedule where you're cleaning the
house from 10:00am to 10:30am, I would think that would put even
more pressure on you because if you don't get the 'job' done, you'll
feel behind.
I'm surprised Flylady didn't help. I found that her plan freed up
my day. Before my flylady routines, I was just sort of skimming the
entire house every day, fighting fires so to speak. With her plan,
I knew that I'd get to everything within the week so it was okay if
I didn't do everything every day. I don't follow those plans
anymore. We downsized to a smaller house and things are so much
better now!
I am curious if your children enjoy helping out around the house?
My kids love helping with the housework but I have never had
mandatory chores. The kids rarely refuse to help when I ask but
they know that I won't ever get mad if they choose to say no. There
are some things that they do not do, but they are volunteering for
more stuff as they get older. All 3 of my kids love to do laundry -
go figure! Of course, I mean putting clothes in the washer and then
flipping to the dryer. When we pull clothes out, we yell LAUNDRY
and everyone comes and folds their own clothes. When we first
started that, I had to consciously keep myself from interfering.
Why does it matter if they fold shirts differently than me?? It's
their clothes. Then they put them away and they always know where
everything is. But because we do it this way, we're all doing this
at the same time and we talk while we do it. So it's really no big
deal. Occasionally someone will be busy with something and get
their laundry later, and sometimes one of us might fold and put away
clothes for that person. I have friends who prefer their children
to not help because the kids can never do it as well as the parents,
but I don't feel that way at all!
Sometimes, I plan a big cleaning like the living room, dining room
and kitchen one right after the other. The kids always jump up to
help. We love to turn on music (Johnny B Good is great!) and dance
around while we dust, vacuum, wipe windows, counters and
appliances. Afterwards we spend time together reading or playing a
board game.
I'm sure it must be challenging with 4 children. I'm only with 2,
ages 8 and 9 all day, and my 13 yr. old comes home every weekend.
She's tons of fun though and loves to do things with us. That
freaked her stepmom out years ago when she found out my daughter
willingly does housework without my asking. But I told her the same
thing.... that it's just a part of living and shouldn't be
considered chores or a job. It's just stuff we do.
Anyway, I hope some of this helped you a little.
Beth M.
I'm not sure a scheduled day will help you any. I mean, you can do
broad schedules, i.e. plan on getting the majority of housework done
in the mornings to have the afternoons free or vice versa. But if
you're operating on a strict schedule where you're cleaning the
house from 10:00am to 10:30am, I would think that would put even
more pressure on you because if you don't get the 'job' done, you'll
feel behind.
I'm surprised Flylady didn't help. I found that her plan freed up
my day. Before my flylady routines, I was just sort of skimming the
entire house every day, fighting fires so to speak. With her plan,
I knew that I'd get to everything within the week so it was okay if
I didn't do everything every day. I don't follow those plans
anymore. We downsized to a smaller house and things are so much
better now!
I am curious if your children enjoy helping out around the house?
My kids love helping with the housework but I have never had
mandatory chores. The kids rarely refuse to help when I ask but
they know that I won't ever get mad if they choose to say no. There
are some things that they do not do, but they are volunteering for
more stuff as they get older. All 3 of my kids love to do laundry -
go figure! Of course, I mean putting clothes in the washer and then
flipping to the dryer. When we pull clothes out, we yell LAUNDRY
and everyone comes and folds their own clothes. When we first
started that, I had to consciously keep myself from interfering.
Why does it matter if they fold shirts differently than me?? It's
their clothes. Then they put them away and they always know where
everything is. But because we do it this way, we're all doing this
at the same time and we talk while we do it. So it's really no big
deal. Occasionally someone will be busy with something and get
their laundry later, and sometimes one of us might fold and put away
clothes for that person. I have friends who prefer their children
to not help because the kids can never do it as well as the parents,
but I don't feel that way at all!
Sometimes, I plan a big cleaning like the living room, dining room
and kitchen one right after the other. The kids always jump up to
help. We love to turn on music (Johnny B Good is great!) and dance
around while we dust, vacuum, wipe windows, counters and
appliances. Afterwards we spend time together reading or playing a
board game.
I'm sure it must be challenging with 4 children. I'm only with 2,
ages 8 and 9 all day, and my 13 yr. old comes home every weekend.
She's tons of fun though and loves to do things with us. That
freaked her stepmom out years ago when she found out my daughter
willingly does housework without my asking. But I told her the same
thing.... that it's just a part of living and shouldn't be
considered chores or a job. It's just stuff we do.
Anyway, I hope some of this helped you a little.
Beth M.
[email protected]
I used to not iron my husbands clothes...or anybody else's for that
matter. Dh would get up at 5am and iron the front and sleeves of a
shirt.
Then one week, we were having construction done to the house and I
wanted to get all the clothing out of the laundry room so they wouldn't
get dusty. I just went ahead and ironed dh's shirts. He was so
touched that I did that for him. It really seemed to mean a lot.
Now I do it every week. I still don't love it but I remember his face
when he saw that I did them the first time. It takes me 20 minutes and
it is truly a gift to him.
Once I got into it, I remember coming home from school as a child,
getting a snack and watching "Dark Shadows" while my mom ironed. I
always enjoyed the smell of the starch.
Julie S.
matter. Dh would get up at 5am and iron the front and sleeves of a
shirt.
Then one week, we were having construction done to the house and I
wanted to get all the clothing out of the laundry room so they wouldn't
get dusty. I just went ahead and ironed dh's shirts. He was so
touched that I did that for him. It really seemed to mean a lot.
Now I do it every week. I still don't love it but I remember his face
when he saw that I did them the first time. It takes me 20 minutes and
it is truly a gift to him.
Once I got into it, I remember coming home from school as a child,
getting a snack and watching "Dark Shadows" while my mom ironed. I
always enjoyed the smell of the starch.
Julie S.
Joyce Fetteroll
On Apr 28, 2006, at 8:45 PM, cmcchess wrote:
permanent press setting) and hang them up to keep them from
wrinkling. At least that's what my husband does! ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> You know, I tried to not iron ;) it didn't work.You have to take shirts out of the drier as soon as it's done (on
permanent press setting) and hang them up to keep them from
wrinkling. At least that's what my husband does! ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maisha Khalfani
Hey Cathy - I'll be reading the responses with interest. Your house sounds JUST LIKE mine - except my kids are 16, 7, 6, 3, and 1. And the 16 year old needs my time as much as the one year old does! LOL
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html<http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html>
"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html<http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html>
"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
----- Original Message -----
From: cmcchess<mailto:cmcchess@...>
To: [email protected]<mailto:[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, April 28, 2006 5:39 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] I need ideas about how to "schedule" the day...
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have 4 children, ages 2 to 10. I
feel like I should be able to do everything they want to do when
they want to do it. Or at least be able to set up an appointment to
do it with them at a later time.
I need both philosophical ideas and practical ideas here. I'm gonna
babble a lot and send it. Usually I babble in my messages then erase
it all and ask one simple question, but I'll send it this time :)
If the 2 yo sees me she want's me to play, which to her means watch
her play.
The 4 yo is pretty independent, but really likes me to read to her.
The 6 yo wants to do stuff outside like fishing or watching him
do "circus acts" on the swings.
And the 10 yo wants to talk and talk and talk, saying the same thing
20 times in slightly different ways.
I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
right now, no.
I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only do
I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
I talked to a girl who had been unschooled (through e-mail) who said
she was pulled out of school around 5th grade and felt that her
mother neglected her. That was the beginning of her unschooling
experience.
So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for them
all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
can "schedule" time.
I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long! I need a
homeschooling perspective on this, not a perspective from someone
who's kids go off all day long and they great them with a smile at
the end of the day with a nice clean house, and a willingness to
dedicate the evening to their kids. (no I am not trying to be mean
to school families, It's just that all the advice I see, read or
hear is from them. )
Sorry about all the babble, probably we all feel this way, right?
Anyway, any help would be great!!
Thanks,
Cathy
SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g> Graduate school education<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA> Home school education<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maisha Khalfani
Wow Melissa - reading your post made me feel a lot more unstressed! hee hee. Thanks for that!
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html<http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html>
"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html<http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html>
"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
----- Original Message -----
From: Melissa<mailto:autismhelp@...>
To: [email protected]<mailto:[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, April 28, 2006 8:03 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] I need ideas about how to "schedule" the day...
On Apr 28, 2006, at 4:39 PM, cmcchess wrote:
>
> I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
> is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
> I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
> right now, no.
>
You don't HAVE to do the laundry. You don't have to do dishes. And do
people still iron in the land of wrinkle free cotton? ;-) LOL
More specifically, you don't have to do it right then. Or you could
say, How about five minutes so I can change out the laundry loads?
Read a book with her after that.
> I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only do
> I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
> me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
> Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
> far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
I don't get a lot of sleep either, and I can get grumpy too. Taking
my vitamins helps some with that (my prenatals still, as well as a
complete omega complex), plus I have my quiet time in the afternoon,
just five minutes, but it really helps. As for organizing, I could go
on and on, but I just found a website that I really love that says
everything I would say at http://cleanhome.savedme.com<http://cleanhome.savedme.com/> . (Ril, hope
you don't mind the endorsement!)
> So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for them
> all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
> don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
> need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
> like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
> dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
> doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
> ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
Let go of the expectations that you have a clean house and perfectly
coiffed kids. your kids need you more than the house does. My kids
dress themselves, two yo and up. The baby is the only one I dress.
They don't match, but they like what they are wearing, and they are
comfy. Make meals easier to prepare. Ask if they want to help. My
eleven yo loves to make lunch, or start dinner. As long as I stay off
his back about how he's doing it. Make cleanup easier with paper
dishes or soaking. Don't fold clothes, just hang them all up or shove
them into drawers. Get an extension cord for your vacuum so you can
just go room to room (including tile and wood, vacuum's work
amazingly well there). Vacuum while they are eating lunch. Or
watching a movie. or playing a game. Be willing to stop if they need
you. The vacuum won't go anywhere :-P And they might surprise you by
finishing!
>
> I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
> what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
> huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
> write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
> read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
> can "schedule" time.
Every family should have a big calender for events that are going on
outside the home. I wouldn't put stuff like 'Read to dd' on it
though, because what I've seen in my house is that once you start
that, there is no end. People feel legislated, they feel that they
only time they will get is on the calender, or they will not want
time with you outside of the calender. Put on outside activities. If
someone wants to go fishing, that's definitely an outside project.
Write it down. See who all wants to go. Take them when someone (dh?)
can watch the others. Or make it fun for everyone by providing for
kids who don't want to fish (Take books for the reader, take
notebooks for the artist, take a bug kit for the explorer)
>
> I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
> say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
> gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
You can clean forever. If you say, I'll do this when I'm done
cleaning, there will always be more to do. Trust me. i do that too
much. There are times when I drop the cleaning supplies where they
are at and walk away, or I will continue to say "ONE MORE THING".
Cat's in the cradle says it all, right?
>
> I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
> everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
> is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
> one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long!
Clean a little at a time. Keep a spray bottle under each bathroom
sink with vinegar/water solution, with some paper towels. When you
go, spray the whole bathroom down (or when you're bathing the kids,
that's how I do it. Plus vinegar isn't toxic and is definitely
multipurpose. WHen they get out of the tub, spray the floor and dry
it with their bath towels. Take a basket room to room when you do
bedtime rituals and gather laundry then. Forget about making beds, if
they don't care, why should you? Get lots of bins so you can just
throw stuff in. Seriously check out the URL I already posted.
> Sorry about all the babble, probably we all feel this way, right?
> Anyway, any help would be great!!
I have felt that way. I'm choosing now not to. KWIM? There has to be
a point where you make a choice to let go of the issues and just be
with your kids. They won't always be small, and maybe you won't
always have them. Don't live your life in a way you would regret
later on! Saying this with the utmost respect and love. i have seven
kids ages eleven to five months. I know it's hard. But you really do
have to make choices and decide what's important. Live for your kids.
Find naturally quiet times of the day where you can fit in cleaning.
Ours is almost always first thing in the morning, when everyone is
still groggy or independent, and that's when I gather laundry and get
it started. Then we do our things, usually playing video games, or
reading, or playing whatever. I play for a while with each one, fully
focussed on them, then I ask another one if I can play with them. If
someone comes up, they are welcome to play too, or sit patiently
waiting on my lap, or sometimes i'll ask the first child if they
mind if I do such and so with this other person. Or if they are
interested in doing x, y, or z (based on what they've been interested
in lately) I usually make lunch with one or two hanging around in the
kitchen helping or keeping me company. I might ask one to check
laundry loads, or tidy the game room while I'm cooking. While they
are eating, I sit and talk a while, then get up and vacuum and do
dishes quickly. WHen my husband gets home, the kids are all over him
so it's a great time to start dinner (if I haven't done one of our
crockpots), or do whatever I didn't have a chance to do. and then at
nighttime when the little ones are in bed, i tidy up their rooms,
gather whatever laundry we missed, stopping to talk to the older
ones, play a card game or read with them.
Melissa
SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g> Graduate school education<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA> Home school education<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w>
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freepsgal
I hope this is 'on topic' for unschooling because in a way, I think
that how we see ourselves and our homes is also part of our
unschooling lifestyle. :)
As I read a few more notes about this topic, I realized that maybe
there is an all or nothing thought here. For example, Flylady has
been a successful program for me, BUT... I don't do it exactly as
she suggests. I modified her ideas to suit my lifestyle. I found
her book much more helpful than her website or her email list. I do
not wear shoes all day and I do not focus on a shiny sink. But the
few changes I have made were very helpful. Here are some of the
things I do:
Laundry - I aim for one load per day whether it is clothes or
linens. I don't care if the clothes sit in the washer for a while
before going to the dryer, or in the dryer for a while before being
pulled out. Just knowing it is only ONE load to think about each
day is easy for me to handle.
Cleaning zones - I divided my house into zones like she suggested,
but instead of focusing on one zone per week, I do one zone per
day. Every room in my house is getting touched every week. I spend
about 30 minutes cleaning one room each day, usually with my
children's help because they truly enjoy helping. I don't have to
worry about the other rooms too much because I know I'll get to them
during the week. Now, we also do room rescues where we take about 5
minutes to pick up stuff but it's not a big deal. (It also helps
that my youngest is 8 now, so we don't have as many toys spread
around as we did 4 years ago.)
Meal plans - We worked as a family to put together a 4-week meal
plan. We aren't slaves to it, meaning we can change the menu
anytime we feel like it, but for the most part, we like knowing in
advance what we're having for dinner. It's cool to look on the
schedule, see BBQ chicken and know all I need to do is run to the
store for chicken. There's no thought involved, which for me was
the most difficult part of preparing meals.
We did try the routines for making beds and clearing dirty clothes
out of the rooms each morning, but that didn't last too long. We
did it long enough to see if we could make it a habit but it's just
not us so we stopped doing it. I do make my bed occasionally. I
love my bedding and how my room looks when it's all neat and tidy.
We also like clearing the kitchen before we go to bed so the
dishwasher can run at night. I like waking up in the mornings and
coming into a clean kitchen so I can head straight for my coffee
pot. But, if we are too tired, we just push the dishes back and
know we'll get to them the next day.
I'm definitely not a cleaning expert like the Flylady, but I no
longer hate housework. I do exactly what needs to be done each day
but it doesn't consume my thoughts. Well... it is consuming me
today, I must confess. *lol* I decided to move furniture around
yesterday so everything is out of whack and I need to straighten it
all out. But it's not like I do this every day. :)
Beth M.
that how we see ourselves and our homes is also part of our
unschooling lifestyle. :)
As I read a few more notes about this topic, I realized that maybe
there is an all or nothing thought here. For example, Flylady has
been a successful program for me, BUT... I don't do it exactly as
she suggests. I modified her ideas to suit my lifestyle. I found
her book much more helpful than her website or her email list. I do
not wear shoes all day and I do not focus on a shiny sink. But the
few changes I have made were very helpful. Here are some of the
things I do:
Laundry - I aim for one load per day whether it is clothes or
linens. I don't care if the clothes sit in the washer for a while
before going to the dryer, or in the dryer for a while before being
pulled out. Just knowing it is only ONE load to think about each
day is easy for me to handle.
Cleaning zones - I divided my house into zones like she suggested,
but instead of focusing on one zone per week, I do one zone per
day. Every room in my house is getting touched every week. I spend
about 30 minutes cleaning one room each day, usually with my
children's help because they truly enjoy helping. I don't have to
worry about the other rooms too much because I know I'll get to them
during the week. Now, we also do room rescues where we take about 5
minutes to pick up stuff but it's not a big deal. (It also helps
that my youngest is 8 now, so we don't have as many toys spread
around as we did 4 years ago.)
Meal plans - We worked as a family to put together a 4-week meal
plan. We aren't slaves to it, meaning we can change the menu
anytime we feel like it, but for the most part, we like knowing in
advance what we're having for dinner. It's cool to look on the
schedule, see BBQ chicken and know all I need to do is run to the
store for chicken. There's no thought involved, which for me was
the most difficult part of preparing meals.
We did try the routines for making beds and clearing dirty clothes
out of the rooms each morning, but that didn't last too long. We
did it long enough to see if we could make it a habit but it's just
not us so we stopped doing it. I do make my bed occasionally. I
love my bedding and how my room looks when it's all neat and tidy.
We also like clearing the kitchen before we go to bed so the
dishwasher can run at night. I like waking up in the mornings and
coming into a clean kitchen so I can head straight for my coffee
pot. But, if we are too tired, we just push the dishes back and
know we'll get to them the next day.
I'm definitely not a cleaning expert like the Flylady, but I no
longer hate housework. I do exactly what needs to be done each day
but it doesn't consume my thoughts. Well... it is consuming me
today, I must confess. *lol* I decided to move furniture around
yesterday so everything is out of whack and I need to straighten it
all out. But it's not like I do this every day. :)
Beth M.
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: cmcchess <cmcchess@...>
I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
right now, no.
-=-=-=-
Just try rephrasing. It means the same thing, but it's positive
instead of negative:
YES, I can play right after I read this chapter.
Yes, I can read; let's sit outside and read while the baby plays with
cups and water.
Yes, you can help me with laundry! Let's fold outside while we watch
the "monkey" swing.
Yes, I'm reading to her now, but I can listen to your story as soon as
we're finished.
ALL said with BIG smiles!
-=-=-=-=-=-
I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only do
I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Then get organized. Make lists. DO them.
I'm amazed that people bitch about laundry. I do it in my sleep. You
throw a load in, toss the just washed one into the dryer, and fold the
just dried load. The only one that takes more than two minutes is the
folding part. Where is the pain in all that?
Supper? What kind of supper takes more than 30 minutes? Seriously?
Dishes? 20 minutes---even with bad pots & pans. And my 10 year old
loves to do dishes. And there's always paper/plastic if that's a huge
problem.
Cleaning can be done in spurts or all at once---or a combination of
both. I usually pick a room a day that gets *cleaned*---and the kitchen
is always being wiped down---that's ongoing! <g> The rest just get
picked up. It's clean enough.
Ironing???? People IRON???? Really?
When Cameron was eight, we had quiet time every day. We took it during
Duncan's nap. Gave me time to regroup and clear my head. Cameron would
play quietly by himself. I was always---well, almost always <g>, calmer
and refreshed with this little bit of down time each day. Cameron
didn't mind "giving" me this time; I was a better mom when we had quiet
time. He could tell.
-==-=-=-=-
I talked to a girl who had been unschooled (through e-mail) who said
she was pulled out of school around 5th grade and felt that her
mother neglected her. That was the beginning of her unschooling
experience.
-=-=-=-=-
Well, there's unschooling---and then there's neglect.
I know families who are neglectful. I don't consider them unschoolers.
They do though. I can't change what they think. I can do better than
that for my own family though. *I* know the difference!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for them
all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Well, one thing to remember is that the children get older every
year---every day, every minute. They will not be these ages ever again.
Two sides to that: you can rest assured that this won't last. They
will grow up, and you will have YEARS alone to keep your house spotless.
At the same time, you can rest assured that this won't last. They
won't stay little for much longer (even though it seems that way now!
<G>), and you'll MISS having them snuggled up beside you, wanting you
every minute!
Doing what you *need* to do??? What do you really feel, deep down,
that you NEED to do? laundry? Then do it. Supper? Then do it.
If it's spending time with these people you have brought into the
world and who won't be with you all that much longer---relatively
speaking, then DO it.
Having the older two in school might make you days seems calmer, but
your late afternoons, evenings, nights, and early mornings would be
HELL!
-=-=-=-=-=-
I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
can "schedule" time.
-=-==-=-
Sounds like an organizational plan! But I think you need to reevaluate
what's really important FIRST.
-=-=-=-=-
I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
-=-=-=--
Clean-schmean!
How about getting up an hour earlier every day just to clean? Then you
will be ahead of the game every morning.
-=-=-=-
I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long! I need a
homeschooling perspective on this
-=-=-=-=-
Are your cleaning expectations too high? What really NEEDS to be done
on a daily basis?
You have four children under ten. Do you really think the house needs
to be *that* clean?
Housekeeper? Maid? Once a week? Might be worth the $$$.
~Kelly
From: cmcchess <cmcchess@...>
I feel like I am always saying "no" when my desire (my philosophy)
is to say "yes" as much as possible. NO, I won't play right now, no
I can't read, no I HAVE to do the laundry, no I'm reading to her
right now, no.
-=-=-=-
Just try rephrasing. It means the same thing, but it's positive
instead of negative:
YES, I can play right after I read this chapter.
Yes, I can read; let's sit outside and read while the baby plays with
cups and water.
Yes, you can help me with laundry! Let's fold outside while we watch
the "monkey" swing.
Yes, I'm reading to her now, but I can listen to your story as soon as
we're finished.
ALL said with BIG smiles!
-=-=-=-=-=-
I am terribly disorganized which adds to my problem. So not only do
I feel the need to "be there" for my children whenever they may need
me, but I need to get the laundry done, supper, dishes and cleaning.
Plus ironing, etc. Also I do want some quiet time sometime, but so
far that only means I loose sleep and am a grump.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Then get organized. Make lists. DO them.
I'm amazed that people bitch about laundry. I do it in my sleep. You
throw a load in, toss the just washed one into the dryer, and fold the
just dried load. The only one that takes more than two minutes is the
folding part. Where is the pain in all that?
Supper? What kind of supper takes more than 30 minutes? Seriously?
Dishes? 20 minutes---even with bad pots & pans. And my 10 year old
loves to do dishes. And there's always paper/plastic if that's a huge
problem.
Cleaning can be done in spurts or all at once---or a combination of
both. I usually pick a room a day that gets *cleaned*---and the kitchen
is always being wiped down---that's ongoing! <g> The rest just get
picked up. It's clean enough.
Ironing???? People IRON???? Really?
When Cameron was eight, we had quiet time every day. We took it during
Duncan's nap. Gave me time to regroup and clear my head. Cameron would
play quietly by himself. I was always---well, almost always <g>, calmer
and refreshed with this little bit of down time each day. Cameron
didn't mind "giving" me this time; I was a better mom when we had quiet
time. He could tell.
-==-=-=-=-
I talked to a girl who had been unschooled (through e-mail) who said
she was pulled out of school around 5th grade and felt that her
mother neglected her. That was the beginning of her unschooling
experience.
-=-=-=-=-
Well, there's unschooling---and then there's neglect.
I know families who are neglectful. I don't consider them unschoolers.
They do though. I can't change what they think. I can do better than
that for my own family though. *I* know the difference!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
So I wonder should I not worry so much about being availabe for them
all the time (which I'm not because there are 4 of them and they
don't exactly line up and wait their turn). Should I just do what I
need to do, which might take all day. Should I slow down and live
like I just have the two little ones, and spend my time getting
dressed, getting them dressed, getting meals, cleaning up meals,
doing some laundry in there too and a little play time. If my older
ones were in school my days would be pretty much like that, calmer.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Well, one thing to remember is that the children get older every
year---every day, every minute. They will not be these ages ever again.
Two sides to that: you can rest assured that this won't last. They
will grow up, and you will have YEARS alone to keep your house spotless.
At the same time, you can rest assured that this won't last. They
won't stay little for much longer (even though it seems that way now!
<G>), and you'll MISS having them snuggled up beside you, wanting you
every minute!
Doing what you *need* to do??? What do you really feel, deep down,
that you NEED to do? laundry? Then do it. Supper? Then do it.
If it's spending time with these people you have brought into the
world and who won't be with you all that much longer---relatively
speaking, then DO it.
Having the older two in school might make you days seems calmer, but
your late afternoons, evenings, nights, and early mornings would be
HELL!
-=-=-=-=-=-
I have thought of getting a big calendar (huge) so we can all see
what is going on each day of the month, easily. Then beside it a
huge white board where I can put like a day planner for a week and
write what I will be doing and when, and then if someone wants me to
read to them or do a project or go fishing or ????? they
can "schedule" time.
-=-==-=-
Sounds like an organizational plan! But I think you need to reevaluate
what's really important FIRST.
-=-=-=-=-
I am torn between scheduled time and just living. I know that if I
say I'll be cleaning or whatever at a certain time, it is not really
gonna happen, but when will I clean?????
-=-=-=--
Clean-schmean!
How about getting up an hour earlier every day just to clean? Then you
will be ahead of the game every morning.
-=-=-=-
I have tried FlyLady, and SHE card file system, but if I do
everything that needs to be done on a daily basis I feel like there
is not much time for anything else. And if I let it pile up , I have
one or two "cleaning" days where I say NO all day long! I need a
homeschooling perspective on this
-=-=-=-=-
Are your cleaning expectations too high? What really NEEDS to be done
on a daily basis?
You have four children under ten. Do you really think the house needs
to be *that* clean?
Housekeeper? Maid? Once a week? Might be worth the $$$.
~Kelly
Deb
Something that DH (the at home parent) has been doing lately that
seems to be working for him is one hour per day. Whether it's one
hour cleaning the kitchen, one hour sweeping the floors, whatever.
It's manageable for him because it isn't that open ended "endless"
task feeling - feeling like he'd be at it for "Hours and hours" was
too overwhelming so he'd postpone things and they'd get bigger and
bigger... One hour is also a concept that DS can manage - rather
than Daddy being busy indefinitely into the future cleaning, it's
one hour - or two Spongebobs or a couple battles in BattleFront 2
(Star Wars videogame) - and he can handle that on his own (unless he
chooses to give Daddy a hand with something, he likes sweeping for
some reason). The only thing that doesn't fall into that is laundry.
With just the 3 of us, DH prefers to do it all in one shot. So they
take a day and haul all the laundry downstairs to the utility area
of the basement and he starts the wash. Then they "adjourn" to the
finished area of the basement and play videogames, pausing the game
as needed to cycle the laundry. By the end of the day, they've
usually conquered the galaxy (LOL) and the laundry is all clean and
dry and waiting to be hauled back upstairs. After dinner, we dump
all the laundry onto our bed (guarantees it gets folded before we
get to go to sleep) and pop in a movie and have a folding party. Or
sometimes not (sometimes we live out of the clean baskets for a
while - it helps that I work in jeans and sweatshirts or tshirts so
there's not a lot of ironing needed or stuff that needs special
care). Everything gets 'touched' over the course of a week and we
can do 'special' cleaning as needed (doing a touch up on the floors
and bathroom if we're having guests and it's been a few days since
they were done).
We also dropped things that weren't important to us and aren't
health or safety issues - like making beds. Beds get 'formally' made
when we change the linens each week. In between times we just tug
the sheets and comforters into alignment before climbing in at night.
And, we have LOTS of bins, baskets, and shelves - that way we can
tuck away things easily and quickly instead of trekking back and
forth up and down stairs to put things away.
Tips from a friend who used to do house cleaning professionally:
-get several 'maid baskets' (usually can find them at the dollar
store) and stock each one with the gear for a specific area. For
instance, one basket might contain glass cleaner, tub & tile
cleaner, all purpose cleaner for surfaces, toilet brush and
cleanser, sponges and/or cleaning rags, paper towels. That way you
can just grab the basket, head to the bathroom, clean everything and
be done - no roaming looking for the cleansers and the sponges and
all. The maid basket can also hold a small trash bag so that you
aren't stopping one thing to go put something in the trash - you can
keep on dusting and just toss trash items in the bag and move on,
dumping it in the trash when you finish that basket's tasks. You can
even add a laminated card listing the tasks that the basket pertains
to if you routinely 'farm out' tasks to the rest of the family.
Something I do is make sure each room has the appropriate gear
nearby - for instance, I have two sets of toilet brushes and
cleanser, two bottles of glass and surface cleaner, etc - one for
each bathroom (full bath and half bath) that way I can just up and
clean the room whenever without having to go get stuff. For
instance, I can clean the bathroom counter, back of the commode,
sink, mirror, toilet in the time it takes to get the water pressure
and temp right for my shower in the morning. Then DH can sweep the
floor and 'fluff' the bath mat and that room is essentially done.
The key is having the gear right there so I don't have to go roaming
around half awake and half dressed to get to it.
This is getting really long - hope it sparks some ideas
--Deb
seems to be working for him is one hour per day. Whether it's one
hour cleaning the kitchen, one hour sweeping the floors, whatever.
It's manageable for him because it isn't that open ended "endless"
task feeling - feeling like he'd be at it for "Hours and hours" was
too overwhelming so he'd postpone things and they'd get bigger and
bigger... One hour is also a concept that DS can manage - rather
than Daddy being busy indefinitely into the future cleaning, it's
one hour - or two Spongebobs or a couple battles in BattleFront 2
(Star Wars videogame) - and he can handle that on his own (unless he
chooses to give Daddy a hand with something, he likes sweeping for
some reason). The only thing that doesn't fall into that is laundry.
With just the 3 of us, DH prefers to do it all in one shot. So they
take a day and haul all the laundry downstairs to the utility area
of the basement and he starts the wash. Then they "adjourn" to the
finished area of the basement and play videogames, pausing the game
as needed to cycle the laundry. By the end of the day, they've
usually conquered the galaxy (LOL) and the laundry is all clean and
dry and waiting to be hauled back upstairs. After dinner, we dump
all the laundry onto our bed (guarantees it gets folded before we
get to go to sleep) and pop in a movie and have a folding party. Or
sometimes not (sometimes we live out of the clean baskets for a
while - it helps that I work in jeans and sweatshirts or tshirts so
there's not a lot of ironing needed or stuff that needs special
care). Everything gets 'touched' over the course of a week and we
can do 'special' cleaning as needed (doing a touch up on the floors
and bathroom if we're having guests and it's been a few days since
they were done).
We also dropped things that weren't important to us and aren't
health or safety issues - like making beds. Beds get 'formally' made
when we change the linens each week. In between times we just tug
the sheets and comforters into alignment before climbing in at night.
And, we have LOTS of bins, baskets, and shelves - that way we can
tuck away things easily and quickly instead of trekking back and
forth up and down stairs to put things away.
Tips from a friend who used to do house cleaning professionally:
-get several 'maid baskets' (usually can find them at the dollar
store) and stock each one with the gear for a specific area. For
instance, one basket might contain glass cleaner, tub & tile
cleaner, all purpose cleaner for surfaces, toilet brush and
cleanser, sponges and/or cleaning rags, paper towels. That way you
can just grab the basket, head to the bathroom, clean everything and
be done - no roaming looking for the cleansers and the sponges and
all. The maid basket can also hold a small trash bag so that you
aren't stopping one thing to go put something in the trash - you can
keep on dusting and just toss trash items in the bag and move on,
dumping it in the trash when you finish that basket's tasks. You can
even add a laminated card listing the tasks that the basket pertains
to if you routinely 'farm out' tasks to the rest of the family.
Something I do is make sure each room has the appropriate gear
nearby - for instance, I have two sets of toilet brushes and
cleanser, two bottles of glass and surface cleaner, etc - one for
each bathroom (full bath and half bath) that way I can just up and
clean the room whenever without having to go get stuff. For
instance, I can clean the bathroom counter, back of the commode,
sink, mirror, toilet in the time it takes to get the water pressure
and temp right for my shower in the morning. Then DH can sweep the
floor and 'fluff' the bath mat and that room is essentially done.
The key is having the gear right there so I don't have to go roaming
around half awake and half dressed to get to it.
This is getting really long - hope it sparks some ideas
--Deb
[email protected]
**We also dropped things that weren't important to us and aren't
health or safety issues - like making beds. Beds get 'formally' made
when we change the linens each week. In between times we just tug
the sheets and comforters into alignment before climbing in at night.**
As it happens, making beds may actually be a health and safety issue...
"Failing to make your bed in the morning may actually help keep you healthy,
scientists believe.
Research suggests that while an unmade bed may look scruffy it is also
unappealing to house dust mites thought to cause asthma and other allergies.
A Kingston University study discovered the bugs cannot survive in the warm,
dry conditions found in an unmade bed."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4181629.stm
Deborah in IL :-D
health or safety issues - like making beds. Beds get 'formally' made
when we change the linens each week. In between times we just tug
the sheets and comforters into alignment before climbing in at night.**
As it happens, making beds may actually be a health and safety issue...
"Failing to make your bed in the morning may actually help keep you healthy,
scientists believe.
Research suggests that while an unmade bed may look scruffy it is also
unappealing to house dust mites thought to cause asthma and other allergies.
A Kingston University study discovered the bugs cannot survive in the warm,
dry conditions found in an unmade bed."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4181629.stm
Deborah in IL :-D