hugs
Maisha Khalfani
<<Oh, and for the frustrated mother who listed the above issues describing her
son--try hugging him everytime you or he gets frustrated. It works 95% of the
time with William. Comfort is a wonderful tool, regardless of the problem or
issue.>>
I try to, Robin. More than I used to, that's for sure. He always pulls away. Dakari does not enjoy intimate physical contact like that. If I go to hug him he will pull away. He's done that since he was born. Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it anyway. If for no other reason to show him that I love him.
LOL - my husband, well, he's a different story. He doesn't "get" Dakari at all. And if you think MY statements weren't unschooly enough, then you'll cringe at his. For example: Dakari loves to carry his bookbag wherever he goes. Not my cup of tea, but Dakari isn't hurting anyone, and it brings him joy. My husband did not like it at all. I told him it's normal and lots of kids carry something around with them all the time. One day he may grow out of it, or maybe not. I asked him why he carries it around, he said it makes him feel like he's going to school (my kids were in school for 5 months this year). Maybe it's a sense of stability, maybe it's just fun for him....whatever.
But I'm working on more hugs for everyone in my house. Hugs are therapeutic. In my opinion hugs and water can cure just about anything.
Maisha
http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html<http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html>
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
son--try hugging him everytime you or he gets frustrated. It works 95% of the
time with William. Comfort is a wonderful tool, regardless of the problem or
issue.>>
I try to, Robin. More than I used to, that's for sure. He always pulls away. Dakari does not enjoy intimate physical contact like that. If I go to hug him he will pull away. He's done that since he was born. Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it anyway. If for no other reason to show him that I love him.
LOL - my husband, well, he's a different story. He doesn't "get" Dakari at all. And if you think MY statements weren't unschooly enough, then you'll cringe at his. For example: Dakari loves to carry his bookbag wherever he goes. Not my cup of tea, but Dakari isn't hurting anyone, and it brings him joy. My husband did not like it at all. I told him it's normal and lots of kids carry something around with them all the time. One day he may grow out of it, or maybe not. I asked him why he carries it around, he said it makes him feel like he's going to school (my kids were in school for 5 months this year). Maybe it's a sense of stability, maybe it's just fun for him....whatever.
But I'm working on more hugs for everyone in my house. Hugs are therapeutic. In my opinion hugs and water can cure just about anything.
Maisha
http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html<http://www.geocities.com/maitai373/EarthSpirit.html>
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***Dakari loves to carry his bookbag wherever he goes. Not my cup of
tea, but Dakari isn't hurting anyone, and it brings him joy.***
For a long time, when Dylan was younger he was Mrs. Quarks and he wore a
string shopping bag on his head like a hair net, tied in the back like a
pony tail. He wore it everywhere. Sometimes he'd wear his green afghan
pinned round his neck for a cape. But Mrs. Quarks was with us for a very
long time and she always wore the shopping bag. <g> She suffered from
a disease called Kirksagerkus and so would announce sometimes, loudly, in
the store or Post Office (where it echoed) "I can feel it, the end is
near!"
He would wrap a stuffed animal or six up in his baby quilt and sometime
the afghan too (if it wasn't round his neck) and carry it with him. It
was his "bundle of snuggles." He was nine, I think before he stopped
taking it into stores and he still slept with it until he was eleven or
twelve.
Dylan tucked his pant legs into his socks and it bugged dh David. I
don't know why, I guess he thought people would think less of him if his
kid was weird. <g> He did that until he was about eight or nine.
Dylan wore his clothes inside out because he hated the feel of the seems
and tags. I think he did that until he was eight or so. Then, gradually
he got used to the seems. Tags still bother him so we buy tagless or cut
them out. Tags bug dh too.
His favorite game was a game of imagination that he played out in his
head while pacing back and forth on the front lawn, holding a strand of
his long hair and wiggling it violently while he made explosion noises
(you know the kind of spitty, phkhh! noise?) He paced all the grass away
and there is still a divot by the front door where he would land after
jumping from the top step.
Maybe you could show your husband this post and then Dakari's book bag
will seem perfectly ok to him! Sometimes I think we project our kids
into the future as they are now, but they will be different people in ten
years, in twenty. They will want different things for themselves. They
will move on from where they are today, like all of us will.
Dylan will be fourteen in two and a half weeks. He carries a pocket
knife and wallet now instead of his bundle of snuggles. He wears funky
hemp hats sometimes instead of string shopping bags and capes. All his
clothes are worn right side out and most of them make some kind of
political statement. (Jon Stewart for President) <g> No more pants
tucked into socks.
Deb Lewis
tea, but Dakari isn't hurting anyone, and it brings him joy.***
For a long time, when Dylan was younger he was Mrs. Quarks and he wore a
string shopping bag on his head like a hair net, tied in the back like a
pony tail. He wore it everywhere. Sometimes he'd wear his green afghan
pinned round his neck for a cape. But Mrs. Quarks was with us for a very
long time and she always wore the shopping bag. <g> She suffered from
a disease called Kirksagerkus and so would announce sometimes, loudly, in
the store or Post Office (where it echoed) "I can feel it, the end is
near!"
He would wrap a stuffed animal or six up in his baby quilt and sometime
the afghan too (if it wasn't round his neck) and carry it with him. It
was his "bundle of snuggles." He was nine, I think before he stopped
taking it into stores and he still slept with it until he was eleven or
twelve.
Dylan tucked his pant legs into his socks and it bugged dh David. I
don't know why, I guess he thought people would think less of him if his
kid was weird. <g> He did that until he was about eight or nine.
Dylan wore his clothes inside out because he hated the feel of the seems
and tags. I think he did that until he was eight or so. Then, gradually
he got used to the seems. Tags still bother him so we buy tagless or cut
them out. Tags bug dh too.
His favorite game was a game of imagination that he played out in his
head while pacing back and forth on the front lawn, holding a strand of
his long hair and wiggling it violently while he made explosion noises
(you know the kind of spitty, phkhh! noise?) He paced all the grass away
and there is still a divot by the front door where he would land after
jumping from the top step.
Maybe you could show your husband this post and then Dakari's book bag
will seem perfectly ok to him! Sometimes I think we project our kids
into the future as they are now, but they will be different people in ten
years, in twenty. They will want different things for themselves. They
will move on from where they are today, like all of us will.
Dylan will be fourteen in two and a half weeks. He carries a pocket
knife and wallet now instead of his bundle of snuggles. He wears funky
hemp hats sometimes instead of string shopping bags and capes. All his
clothes are worn right side out and most of them make some kind of
political statement. (Jon Stewart for President) <g> No more pants
tucked into socks.
Deb Lewis
Deb Lewis
***Dakari does not enjoy intimate physical contact like that. ***
<snip>
***Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it anyway.
If for no other reason to show him that I love him.***
Lots of people are comforted by the touch of someone they love but if you
know he's not then it would be kinder to stop.
If you had a good friend who kissed you on the mouth every time you met,
and the kissing made you uncomfortable, would it feel loving to you if,
after you said "please don't" your friend kept doing it?
Respecting Dakari's feelings is also a way to show love.
There are other ways to be intimate and close. Maybe you could lay down
beside him at night, not touching him, and in the dark, talk quietly
about when he was a baby. You could tell him what it felt like to be
expecting him, and how you felt the first time you saw his little face.
You could talk about how you would hold and rock him and kiss his toes.
He might like to hear about all that love that was his right from the
beginning and that could a way to be close to him, conveying love while
respecting his need to not be touched.
That's just one idea, it might not work for him, but it's an example of
closeness without touching.
Deb Lewis
<snip>
***Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it anyway.
If for no other reason to show him that I love him.***
Lots of people are comforted by the touch of someone they love but if you
know he's not then it would be kinder to stop.
If you had a good friend who kissed you on the mouth every time you met,
and the kissing made you uncomfortable, would it feel loving to you if,
after you said "please don't" your friend kept doing it?
Respecting Dakari's feelings is also a way to show love.
There are other ways to be intimate and close. Maybe you could lay down
beside him at night, not touching him, and in the dark, talk quietly
about when he was a baby. You could tell him what it felt like to be
expecting him, and how you felt the first time you saw his little face.
You could talk about how you would hold and rock him and kiss his toes.
He might like to hear about all that love that was his right from the
beginning and that could a way to be close to him, conveying love while
respecting his need to not be touched.
That's just one idea, it might not work for him, but it's an example of
closeness without touching.
Deb Lewis
Paige
--- In [email protected], Deb Lewis <ddzimlew@...>
wrote:
find other ways to show love. Suppose you played a game with
him...gave him of your time...brought him a gift...helped him,
working closely beside him while he picked up his toys...played in
the dirt with him...brought him a special snack while he was
watching tv....
Maybe he will initiate a hug if you did something like that, instead
of just hugging him. I know I am a lot more likely to hug my poor
dh (who can't understand WHY I don't like to be touched) if he has
done something special for me.
Paige
wrote:
> ***Dakari does not enjoy intimate physical contact like that. ***anyway.
> <snip>
> ***Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it
> If for no other reason to show him that I love him.***Speaking as one who is uncomfortable with touch, you really should
find other ways to show love. Suppose you played a game with
him...gave him of your time...brought him a gift...helped him,
working closely beside him while he picked up his toys...played in
the dirt with him...brought him a special snack while he was
watching tv....
Maybe he will initiate a hug if you did something like that, instead
of just hugging him. I know I am a lot more likely to hug my poor
dh (who can't understand WHY I don't like to be touched) if he has
done something special for me.
Paige
Deb
--- In [email protected], Deb Lewis <ddzimlew@...>
wrote:
wink at him. That's a special signal to let him know I'm thinking
loving thoughts at him. Or, we'll "blow kisses" and "throw hugs" to
each other - he "throws" the hug at me and I catch it and "hug"
myself - and toss one back to him. We also have "purple bear" - a
small purple teddy bear that I've had for years. When DS was little
and disgruntled when I left for work, he didn't want me to hug or
kiss him - he was mad at me for going. So, I'd hug and kiss purple
bear and later, when DS wanted to hug and kiss me, he
could "squeeze" the hugs and kisses out of purple bear onto himself.
Just some ideas for passing along hugs and kisses without actually
touching anyone.
--Deb
wrote:
>DS is a big hugger but sometimes he doesn't want a hug - so I'll
>
> ***Dakari does not enjoy intimate physical contact like that. ***
> <snip>
> ***Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it
>anyway.
> If for no other reason to show him that I love him.***
>
> Lots of people are comforted by the touch of someone they love but
>if you
> know he's not then it would be kinder to stop.
wink at him. That's a special signal to let him know I'm thinking
loving thoughts at him. Or, we'll "blow kisses" and "throw hugs" to
each other - he "throws" the hug at me and I catch it and "hug"
myself - and toss one back to him. We also have "purple bear" - a
small purple teddy bear that I've had for years. When DS was little
and disgruntled when I left for work, he didn't want me to hug or
kiss him - he was mad at me for going. So, I'd hug and kiss purple
bear and later, when DS wanted to hug and kiss me, he
could "squeeze" the hugs and kisses out of purple bear onto himself.
Just some ideas for passing along hugs and kisses without actually
touching anyone.
--Deb
HABIB OWENS
I am not a big fan of hugging myself and my youngest child but his brother and sister are not big huggers either so we do alot of sitting close on the couch or giving daily back rubs or foot massages(weird we don't like hugging but we will touch each others feet) we also hold hands alot and walk arms hooked and this does it for all of us but when the youngest really wants to hug we hug.
Tywane
The way for a person to rise is to improve themselves every way they can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder them. - Abraham Lincoln -
----- Original Message ----
From: Deb <soggyboysmom@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 25, 2006 12:49:08 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: hugs
--- In [email protected], Deb Lewis <ddzimlew@...>
wrote:
wink at him. That's a special signal to let him know I'm thinking
loving thoughts at him. Or, we'll "blow kisses" and "throw hugs" to
each other - he "throws" the hug at me and I catch it and "hug"
myself - and toss one back to him. We also have "purple bear" - a
small purple teddy bear that I've had for years. When DS was little
and disgruntled when I left for work, he didn't want me to hug or
kiss him - he was mad at me for going. So, I'd hug and kiss purple
bear and later, when DS wanted to hug and kiss me, he
could "squeeze" the hugs and kisses out of purple bear onto himself.
Just some ideas for passing along hugs and kisses without actually
touching anyone.
--Deb
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tywane
The way for a person to rise is to improve themselves every way they can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder them. - Abraham Lincoln -
----- Original Message ----
From: Deb <soggyboysmom@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 25, 2006 12:49:08 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: hugs
--- In [email protected], Deb Lewis <ddzimlew@...>
wrote:
>DS is a big hugger but sometimes he doesn't want a hug - so I'll
>
> ***Dakari does not enjoy intimate physical contact like that. ***
> <snip>
> ***Hey, he's just not comfortable with it. But I keep doing it
>anyway.
> If for no other reason to show him that I love him.***
>
> Lots of people are comforted by the touch of someone they love but
>if you
> know he's not then it would be kinder to stop.
wink at him. That's a special signal to let him know I'm thinking
loving thoughts at him. Or, we'll "blow kisses" and "throw hugs" to
each other - he "throws" the hug at me and I catch it and "hug"
myself - and toss one back to him. We also have "purple bear" - a
small purple teddy bear that I've had for years. When DS was little
and disgruntled when I left for work, he didn't want me to hug or
kiss him - he was mad at me for going. So, I'd hug and kiss purple
bear and later, when DS wanted to hug and kiss me, he
could "squeeze" the hugs and kisses out of purple bear onto himself.
Just some ideas for passing along hugs and kisses without actually
touching anyone.
--Deb
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb
--- In [email protected], HABIB OWENS <htowens35@...>
wrote:
and I have relatively small feet (size 7 generally) so it works out
great. I've used foot rubs as a way to help DS wind down since he was
little (he's almost 8 now). Now he'll ask for one if he needs it and
sometimes he even asks if I want one and he'll rub my feet. The way I
look at it, he's getting great training for when he gets married - his
wife will definitely get great foot and back rubs. lol
--Deb
wrote:
>I tell DH that I married him for the footrubs - he has nice big hands
> I am not a big fan of hugging myself and my youngest child but his
>brother and sister are not big huggers either so we do alot of
>sitting close on the couch or giving daily back rubs or foot massages
>(weird we don't like hugging but we will touch each others feet) we
>also hold hands alot and walk arms hooked and this does it for all of
>us but when the youngest really wants to hug we hug.
and I have relatively small feet (size 7 generally) so it works out
great. I've used foot rubs as a way to help DS wind down since he was
little (he's almost 8 now). Now he'll ask for one if he needs it and
sometimes he even asks if I want one and he'll rub my feet. The way I
look at it, he's getting great training for when he gets married - his
wife will definitely get great foot and back rubs. lol
--Deb