[email protected]

To first answer the questions to newbies (I am one):
I came to unschooling (am still coming actually) through attachment
parenting. My ds 17mos. is very strong and I follow his lead in everything so far. It
seems natural that I would continue that with him. Besides, I don't think he
would go for it AT ALL if I decided to sit him down someday in the future and
"do school." I think he'd laugh at me.

I found this list through a local unschooling list (Minnesota).

This list has been great and so very helpful for me. I'm coming to
unschooling because I know in my heart it's what I need to do with DS, but was so very
hesitant to give up control and trust. I'm definitely moving in the right
direction. I hope it will become a lifestyle (I know it will because I can
already feel the changes in my thinking on so many different subjects).

I was also happy to see the posts about coerciveness, chores, etc. I know
I've been a bit coercive in the past but have been making an effort with
stepson. We've done family meetings where I share my needs related to housework and
getting help and my DH and stepson let me know what they are willing and able
to help me with. So I don't have to be coercive. It was amazing when we
started the meetings. I didn't have to "require" anyone to do anything. They
wanted to help me so I wouldn't be a stressed out mama. No one likes me when I'm
like that! ;-) I'm still working on it, but for the most part all I have to
do is ask and stepson is so willing to be helpful (whether it be around the
house or with his brother).

A few troubles... as I've mentioned before, I'm a stepmom to a PSer. He was
not ready for formal education and is really struggling with reading. PS was
his mom's idea and we've had to go along. I've been doing what I call
"supplemental homeschooling" with him from about the last quarter of school and now
into the summer. He's completely willing to sit down with me and practice
readers if I suggest it but it's not something he wants to do (meaning he hates it
but I don't have to force or require him to do it). He's also willing to
practice a basic handwriting curriculum but doesn't ask to do it himself. Those
are the two main areas he needs help with - handwriting and reading. So
here's the question: Do I let go of trying to help him "keep up" in PS and just
let him be himself while he's with us (which is half time)? Or do I try to help
him keep up even though it means encouraging him to do things he doesn't want
to do? I'm really struggling with this. I feel like since he's so young,
maybe he needs to learn what PS is about and that he needs to keep up to *their*
standards (even though I completely disagree with it all) or else it will
continue to be a major problem for him. I feel like letting it go would be doing
him a disservice since PS is where he has to be at this point (he's got a
long way to go before legal age to drop out). KWIM? Any advice would be
appreciated.

Also, I saw someone mention a nonviolent communications list. Can you share
that list with me? Thanks.

Beth


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese

-----Original Message-----
From: Bethryco@... [mailto:Bethryco@...]
Sent: Monday, June 28, 2004 8:36 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] newbies questions and other stuff


"Also, I saw someone mention a nonviolent communications list. Can you
share
that list with me? Thanks.

Beth"


Hi, Beth,

Info on the NVC parenting list can be found at at
http://www.cnvc.org/egroups.htm#parenting

Cheers,

Joan

Robyn Coburn

<<<<He's completely willing to sit down with me and practice
readers if I suggest it but it's not something he wants to do (meaning he
hates it but I don't have to force or require him to do it). He's also
willing to practice a basic handwriting curriculum but doesn't ask to do it
himself. Those are the two main areas he needs help with - handwriting and
reading. So here's the question: Do I let go of trying to help him "keep
up" in PS and just let him be himself while he's with us (which is half
time)? Or do I try to help him keep up even though it means encouraging him
to do things he doesn't want to do? I'm really struggling with this. I
feel like since he's so young, maybe he needs to learn what PS is about and
that he needs to keep up to *their* standards (even though I completely
disagree with it all) or else it will continue to be a major problem for
him. I feel like letting it go would be doing him a disservice since PS is
where he has to be at this point (he's got a long way to go before legal age
to drop out). KWIM? Any advice would be appreciated.>>>>

Two thoughts:

Have you talked to him about whether "keeping up" and their standards is
important to him? Maybe he just needs a chance to express his frustration
(if any) with public school in a safe place. Has he asked you for "help"?
Would the help he really wants be along the lines of maintaining a sense of
his own self-worth when surrounded by the atmosphere of "not good enough" at
public school?

If he is struggling with reading perhaps it is because he is not interested
in the subject matter of the books they use - a sign of great discernment.
My suggestion is to help him find out stuff that interests him, and offer
books about that along with all the other materials. For example,
unschooling families have many stories of their children learning to read
painlessly from needing to read the instructions to their computer games.

Robyn L. Coburn

---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.707 / Virus Database: 463 - Release Date: 6/15/2004

Kimberly Fry

Bethryco@... wrote:
>>>>>A few troubles... as I've mentioned before, I'm a stepmom to a PSer. He was not ready for formal education and is really struggling with reading. PS was his mom's idea and we've had to go along. I've been doing what I call "supplemental homeschooling" with him from about the last quarter of school and now into the summer. He's completely willing to sit down with me and practice
readers if I suggest it but it's not something he wants to do (meaning he hates it but I don't have to force or require him to do it). He's also willing to practice a basic handwriting curriculum but doesn't ask to do it himself. Those are the two main areas he needs help with - handwriting and reading. So here's the question: Do I let go of trying to help him "keep up" in PS and just let him be himself while he's with us (which is half time)? Or do I try to help him keep up even though it means encouraging him to do things he doesn't want to do? I'm really struggling with this. I feel like since he's so young, maybe he needs to learn what PS is about and that he needs to keep up to *their* standards (even though I completely disagree with it all) or else it will continue to be a major problem for him. I feel like letting it go would be doing him a disservice since PS is where he has to be at this point (he's got a long way to go before legal age to drop out). KWIM? Any
advice would be appreciated.<<<<<

I didn't catch his age, so you may need to adjust this a little bit. Since he's in PS, I'd help him as much as possible while making it more fun and games.

Peggy Kaye has a good book called "Games for Writing: Playful Ways to Help Your Child Learn to Write." Other ideas for writing: a marker board with dry erase markers, drawing and coloring activities, sewing (burlap -- draw simple picture and outline with yarn using large plastic needle), cutting shapes or even playdough with plastic scissors, Legos, Kinex, any activities using 'fine motor skills' will help.

Peggy Kaye also has a book for reading called "Games for Reading: Playful Ways to Hellp Your Child Read." Lots of the newer video games have printed dialogue from the characters sometimes as help screens and sometimes just as directions. Online games are also good. Neopets (www.neopets.com -- I think) is popular with younger kids and is a fun way for him to practice reading.

Hank the Cowdog series of books is funny and a good read aloud. If you stop at a really good spot he might want to try it on his own. Might not. Read aloud to him with him sitting next to you. You might be surprised to find him following along.

There are some word magnets that you can both use to write funny sentences on the refrigerator (or get some magnet strips and make your own).

Another great use for the dry erase markers is messages to each other on the bathroom mirror!

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Hope it helps.

Kim



---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Address AutoComplete - You start. We finish.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Krisula Moyer

Beth Wrote:
>>I'm a stepmom to a PSer. He was not ready for formal education and is
really struggling with reading. PS was
his mom's idea and we've had to go along. I've been doing what I call
"supplemental homeschooling" with him from about the last quarter of school
and now
into the summer. He's completely willing to sit down with me and practice
readers if I suggest it but it's not something he wants to do (meaning he
hates it
but I don't have to force or require him to do it). He's also willing to
practice a basic handwriting curriculum but doesn't ask to do it himself.
Those
are the two main areas he needs help with - handwriting and reading. So
here's the question: Do I let go of trying to help him "keep up" in PS and
just
let him be himself while he's with us (which is half time)? Or do I try to
help
him keep up even though it means encouraging him to do things he doesn't
want
to do? <<


Maybe you could help him without the activities you describe are frustrating
him. As was already suggested, it might help him a lot to just not have to
deal with all that stuff when he's with you guys ;) But, if you're looking
for ways to help him learn to read and write, and also things you can do
that add to his feelings of personal peace when he's home with you maybe
this list could give you some ideas. I'll start.

Instead of making him read - snuggle on the couch and read to him. This
*will* help his reading and will also help him in many other ways (at school
and otherwise). It could also be good for family togetherness.

My ds had a great time playing reading blaster and he loved it so much while
he was into it he didn't play anything else for a while. (Unschoolers on
this list will undoubtedly have other video game recommendations that are
less overtly edu.)

Anything that develops fine motor is bound to help with writing. Playing
ball, board games, sewing, painting, building models, you don't have to sit
down and have him do a handwriting workbook to be helping him.

If you had the privilege of having him all the time you'd do things
differently of course so why not indulge yourself in that fantasy for a half
an hour and think through what it would look like. Then use the ideas that
come to inform your present predicament?

Seems to me the idea that you're not worried about where his reading and
writing level is at the moment but you just love and cherish him right now
"just how he is" is going to be way more valuable to him than the extra
practice. When this stuff passes you want him to come out of it knowing he
felt loved and valued in your home and without all the very destructive
feelings he must have of not measuring up or being bored of forced or
whatever.

Love and cherish,

-Krisula

Valerie

> Instead of making him read - snuggle on the couch and read to
him. This
> *will* help his reading and will also help him in many other ways
(at school
> and otherwise). It could also be good for family togetherness.
>
> -Krisula

****** Great post, Krisula. Reading to Laurie was how she learned to
read. We snuggled together on the couch or the bed and I read aloud
to her for 3-4 hours a day. She never asked what a word was nor did
I point out words to her, yet when I finished reading the Little
House series, she picked up the first one and started reading. She
seldom seemed to be watching the pages yet she knew all the words.
She was seven and I was told it was 6th grade level books. Reading
is still her passion. She's preparing to leave home in a month to
pursue her PhD and the first thing she said has to go into the Uhaul
is her bookcases and books.

love, Valerie