Comments for Ellen on school
drusila00
Dear Ellen,
This year we took our 11yrold son out of Public School after a
suicide attempt made at school.
(the school asked he not be brought back ever because they saw him
as a danger to staff and other students)
Why did my son attempt suicide?
1) the teachers consistantly gave him the feeling he was not good
enough. (although he made good grades)
2) the children picked up on the teachers frustration with my son
and mad him into a target.
3)it is my feeling that some teachers alowed other students to abuse
my son because in some petty way they enjoyed "making him pay" for
being anoying.
How was my son 'anoying'?
1) he did not sit still 8 hours a day
2) he asked a million "weird questions" (currious anyone?) that did
not have to do directly with the lesson at hand but was a train of
thought (learning anyone?)
3) he did weird "fun" things like make up bizare rhymes
4) being Very bright it was hard not to blurt out answers when no
one else in the class would answer.
5) he was "disorganised" and would often lose or misplace things or
forget items needed.
6) he simply craved freedom to be himself and kids who are unique
individuals so not do well among Quasi robots.
7) we had been learning together at home for years and durring the
summers and he was smarter than his classmates, we also did not hide
anything from him so anything he ever asked we answered honestly.
This makes for a child who doesnt believe some of the BS taught to
them in a structured classroom and will question it- causing the
teacher embarassment.
Why did I wait so long to take him out of school?
1) he thought he LOVED school and begged me not to take him out
(even though it was making him miserable)-- actualy he "loved" it
because he had some hope that if he could be the right person or do
and say or wear the right thing he would find acceptance with a peer
group and he did not see any other way to do that.
2) althought I never wanted him to go to School I fell for the "he
will be isolated and not recieve socalization" The Drs said it, My
family is dead set against homeschoioling for that reason, my
husband was buying into it and very strongly against homeschooling
in the beginning.
3) I was made to feel on many levels that what I wanted to do was
child neglect. and I was made to feel parrinoid as if the cops would
show up and arrest me any day!!
No "rules"= neglect
No forced learning = neglect
No punishment= neglect
it was my fear and my guilt that stopped me many times from just
putting my foot down and stopping it all. I guess (sadly) for me to
step up it had to all come to a head. Its a hard thing to feel like
you are standing up to the whole world for what you believe unless
you can "PROVE" your child needs this.
I should have been braver sooner and I regret that I was not, but I
can;'t go back and redo things. what I can do is go forward and tell
my story and hope that what we went through will help someone else.
On rules and learning them at school.
My home has what you might call rules, heck sometimes we call
the 'rules' and they have natuaral concequences and there are
reasons for every single one.
we dont hit or lie (or any number of things) because it hurts other
people- physical, emotionaly ect and it causes a lack of trust and a
breakdown of our relationship.
I am working hard to let go of one particular "rule" which has no
real reasoning behind it for my son. its the "sweets come after good
food" rule. *I* have to adhere to it because of a bloodsugar issue
so naturaly I applied it to everyone in our house without reasoning
or forethought. why did I do that? in retrospect because its hard to
be the one eating cheese or somthing while surrounded by people
eating Icecream sundays.
What rules do kids learn at school realy?
sit down
shut up
hold still
Do what you are told when you are told without question.
"because I said so" is an acceptable reason.
Hold in your Pee and poop till an adult allows you to relieve
yourself. (?? wth??)
what else do they learn in public school?
My son was Taught everything he needed to know to pass the test so
the school could get money.
he was never taught to think for himself.
he was not taught to draw conclusions or reason.
when he DID think for himself he was repremanded and punished.
he learned that if you dont fit in you dont deserve to live.
(suicide attempt)
he wasnt old enough for his peers to teach him to smoke, drink or do
drugs and make creative lies about it.
he wasnt old enough for his peers to teach him that girls are not
people and only objects to have sex with.
and those are just a few of the things Im glad my son didnt learn at
school, I could go on but I wont.
My son is amazingly happy now, he is doing well in all areas of his
life and as a family we are SLOWLY making the adjustments needed to
transition from a schooling to homeschooling and finaly to an
unschooling family.
Anyway Ellen,
I hope this has in some way helped you and not offended you.
perhaps try it for 6 months or a year and reevaluate then. I am
willing to bet your child will not be the only one learning a few
things.
(I also hope I dont get any hate male from anyone because I can't
change the past and I know that some people here may feel strongly
about my story)
D
This year we took our 11yrold son out of Public School after a
suicide attempt made at school.
(the school asked he not be brought back ever because they saw him
as a danger to staff and other students)
Why did my son attempt suicide?
1) the teachers consistantly gave him the feeling he was not good
enough. (although he made good grades)
2) the children picked up on the teachers frustration with my son
and mad him into a target.
3)it is my feeling that some teachers alowed other students to abuse
my son because in some petty way they enjoyed "making him pay" for
being anoying.
How was my son 'anoying'?
1) he did not sit still 8 hours a day
2) he asked a million "weird questions" (currious anyone?) that did
not have to do directly with the lesson at hand but was a train of
thought (learning anyone?)
3) he did weird "fun" things like make up bizare rhymes
4) being Very bright it was hard not to blurt out answers when no
one else in the class would answer.
5) he was "disorganised" and would often lose or misplace things or
forget items needed.
6) he simply craved freedom to be himself and kids who are unique
individuals so not do well among Quasi robots.
7) we had been learning together at home for years and durring the
summers and he was smarter than his classmates, we also did not hide
anything from him so anything he ever asked we answered honestly.
This makes for a child who doesnt believe some of the BS taught to
them in a structured classroom and will question it- causing the
teacher embarassment.
Why did I wait so long to take him out of school?
1) he thought he LOVED school and begged me not to take him out
(even though it was making him miserable)-- actualy he "loved" it
because he had some hope that if he could be the right person or do
and say or wear the right thing he would find acceptance with a peer
group and he did not see any other way to do that.
2) althought I never wanted him to go to School I fell for the "he
will be isolated and not recieve socalization" The Drs said it, My
family is dead set against homeschoioling for that reason, my
husband was buying into it and very strongly against homeschooling
in the beginning.
3) I was made to feel on many levels that what I wanted to do was
child neglect. and I was made to feel parrinoid as if the cops would
show up and arrest me any day!!
No "rules"= neglect
No forced learning = neglect
No punishment= neglect
it was my fear and my guilt that stopped me many times from just
putting my foot down and stopping it all. I guess (sadly) for me to
step up it had to all come to a head. Its a hard thing to feel like
you are standing up to the whole world for what you believe unless
you can "PROVE" your child needs this.
I should have been braver sooner and I regret that I was not, but I
can;'t go back and redo things. what I can do is go forward and tell
my story and hope that what we went through will help someone else.
On rules and learning them at school.
My home has what you might call rules, heck sometimes we call
the 'rules' and they have natuaral concequences and there are
reasons for every single one.
we dont hit or lie (or any number of things) because it hurts other
people- physical, emotionaly ect and it causes a lack of trust and a
breakdown of our relationship.
I am working hard to let go of one particular "rule" which has no
real reasoning behind it for my son. its the "sweets come after good
food" rule. *I* have to adhere to it because of a bloodsugar issue
so naturaly I applied it to everyone in our house without reasoning
or forethought. why did I do that? in retrospect because its hard to
be the one eating cheese or somthing while surrounded by people
eating Icecream sundays.
What rules do kids learn at school realy?
sit down
shut up
hold still
Do what you are told when you are told without question.
"because I said so" is an acceptable reason.
Hold in your Pee and poop till an adult allows you to relieve
yourself. (?? wth??)
what else do they learn in public school?
My son was Taught everything he needed to know to pass the test so
the school could get money.
he was never taught to think for himself.
he was not taught to draw conclusions or reason.
when he DID think for himself he was repremanded and punished.
he learned that if you dont fit in you dont deserve to live.
(suicide attempt)
he wasnt old enough for his peers to teach him to smoke, drink or do
drugs and make creative lies about it.
he wasnt old enough for his peers to teach him that girls are not
people and only objects to have sex with.
and those are just a few of the things Im glad my son didnt learn at
school, I could go on but I wont.
My son is amazingly happy now, he is doing well in all areas of his
life and as a family we are SLOWLY making the adjustments needed to
transition from a schooling to homeschooling and finaly to an
unschooling family.
Anyway Ellen,
I hope this has in some way helped you and not offended you.
perhaps try it for 6 months or a year and reevaluate then. I am
willing to bet your child will not be the only one learning a few
things.
(I also hope I dont get any hate male from anyone because I can't
change the past and I know that some people here may feel strongly
about my story)
D
Ellen Christian
Thanks very much, Drusila. We are going to give it a try and see how it works. I really think he'll blossom from the experience.
drusila00 <drusila00@...> wrote: Anyway Ellen,
I hope this has in some way helped you and not offended you.
perhaps try it for 6 months or a year and reevaluate then. I am
willing to bet your child will not be the only one learning a few
things.
Ellen LaFleche-Christian
Moonlight Creations Jewelry & Gifts http://moonlight-creations-jewelry.com
Receive a recipe every day http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ARecipeADay/
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
drusila00 <drusila00@...> wrote: Anyway Ellen,
I hope this has in some way helped you and not offended you.
perhaps try it for 6 months or a year and reevaluate then. I am
willing to bet your child will not be the only one learning a few
things.
Ellen LaFleche-Christian
Moonlight Creations Jewelry & Gifts http://moonlight-creations-jewelry.com
Receive a recipe every day http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ARecipeADay/
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Janis
And another thank you.
I can't remember when I joined this group. It was sometime after
October 2005 when we pulled Caleb out of school. I had the 'school at
home" mentality at that time. I have read alot and was interested in
unschooling before joining the group. I joined the group to find out
more and I am learning, and I'm trying to understand Caleb more.
I was concerned about motivating him and I'm relaxing alot in that
area. I'm at the "relaxed eclectic with a touch of unschooling" mode
right now. We will do the required testing the week after Easter and
I'm not "slap tore up about it" like I would have been without this
group.
Thanks
Janis
I can't remember when I joined this group. It was sometime after
October 2005 when we pulled Caleb out of school. I had the 'school at
home" mentality at that time. I have read alot and was interested in
unschooling before joining the group. I joined the group to find out
more and I am learning, and I'm trying to understand Caleb more.
I was concerned about motivating him and I'm relaxing alot in that
area. I'm at the "relaxed eclectic with a touch of unschooling" mode
right now. We will do the required testing the week after Easter and
I'm not "slap tore up about it" like I would have been without this
group.
Thanks
Janis