Am I expecting to much? Resp. and 'Husband not on same page' questions...
Faith Weikert
In a message dated 4/6/2006 4:30:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
My DS, 10, has only been out of PS for 2 weeks. I am pleased having
him home and he seems very happy. I think that I had this vision of
him taking on projects, reading on his own, exploring things, etc. and
it's just not happening. Am I expecting too much, too soon? All he's
doing right now is riding his dirt bike, playing playstation, watching
TV, and playing basketball and baseball. Reassure me that it's all
going to be OK.
Betsy
***************************
Betsy, I can totally relate to your fears. I am slowly becoming more comfortable/confident in our own deschooling experience. I took my 15 year old (sophomore by school measurments) ds out of public school 7 weeks ago. Since that time, the deschooling *he* has chosen isn't what *I* planned but I can't say I am surprised. He gets up around 1 p.m., showers, sometimes eats...sometimes doesn't, his friends get out of school at 2:30 and he hangs with them until 6 or 7 p.m. when they all go home for dinner and homework. He goes upstairs to his room, plays Playstation and watches TV until 1 or 2 a.m. and repeats.
He has been in school most of his life since I was a single mom until he was 7, he began daycare (in a woman's home with only my son and her son) at 12 weeks. He stayed with her until 2 years old at which time she moved out of state and he began KinderCare. He has been in the "system" until 7 weeks ago. So by the "deschooling time-line" (referenced as 1 month for every year in school) he would need 14 months or more. School *work* was not something he enjoyed or even did. He went solely for the social aspect. Loves his friends, playing on the school soccer team, meeting girls... <g>...but rarely did the "work".
Like others here have stated, reading all the wonderful post from those living unschooling gives me hope and calms my fears ...unfortunately only temporarily. (This is why I read EVERY post!) I realize *I* have SO much deschooling to do and finding it challenging in many ways. First, I am a type A personality and obviously been conditioned by my parents and school and career choice to be very goal/achievement driven. This is my "gremlin" that I have to tame. I just wish there was a magic wand one of you could wave over my head and ...poof... my fears and old beliefs would disappear. In addition, my husband (ds's stepfather) is NOT really on the same page as I am and not really willing to learn about it - yet... I invited him to come to the NE Unschooling Conference but he hasn't given me an answer yet. I believe this could do all of us a great deal of good. He is also extremely type A. He is in sales (we all know how UN-unschooling that field is!!) and he believes that college degrees are mandatory to survive in the lifestyle we currently have. We both have a hard time living in the now and tend to make choices based on how it may affect the future...How do I let me husband know that IF DS chooses to strive for having "things" in life that we should trust him to figure out how to acquire them? DH thinks that if we don't require DS to go thru the system we are setting him up for failure. However DS was getting poor grades so the system and their rules/requirements wouldn't have worked for him anyway. Anyone else working on her DH? Any good insight to share? Links to Sandra's page I could print and ask him to read?
On a more positive note and back to ds and our new journey... I am anxious to spend time *with* him. Learning about him. Healing old wounds, gaining trust in our relationship, loving him where he is right now. Many of my acquaintances in the schooling world say things like..."Oh, a teenager, don't worry, you'll like each other again when he's 25 or so." Like it's normal and the age he is we aren't *supposed* to like each other. Well, I am not willing to lose 10 years!!! So at the advice of all you gentle parents, I asked Justin (DS) if I could learn to play Playstation with him on Wednesday night. (We had just gotten home from a Sixers basketball game that he and I attended together). He taught me and we played for about 15-20 minutes. It was midnight and I was just too tired to continue. So last night, he asked if I wanted to play! It was almost midnight again and I just couldn't force myself to do it. So...with just this one experience, I am getting my wish!
Looking forward to when he wakes up today and seeing if he can fit a quick game in with MOM!!
Thanks for this wonderful group!
Health and laughter,
Faith
Your Sales Director
with The Pampered Chef
856/810-9912
www.pamperedchef.biz/faithweikert
'Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.'
-- Dale Carnegie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
My DS, 10, has only been out of PS for 2 weeks. I am pleased having
him home and he seems very happy. I think that I had this vision of
him taking on projects, reading on his own, exploring things, etc. and
it's just not happening. Am I expecting too much, too soon? All he's
doing right now is riding his dirt bike, playing playstation, watching
TV, and playing basketball and baseball. Reassure me that it's all
going to be OK.
Betsy
***************************
Betsy, I can totally relate to your fears. I am slowly becoming more comfortable/confident in our own deschooling experience. I took my 15 year old (sophomore by school measurments) ds out of public school 7 weeks ago. Since that time, the deschooling *he* has chosen isn't what *I* planned but I can't say I am surprised. He gets up around 1 p.m., showers, sometimes eats...sometimes doesn't, his friends get out of school at 2:30 and he hangs with them until 6 or 7 p.m. when they all go home for dinner and homework. He goes upstairs to his room, plays Playstation and watches TV until 1 or 2 a.m. and repeats.
He has been in school most of his life since I was a single mom until he was 7, he began daycare (in a woman's home with only my son and her son) at 12 weeks. He stayed with her until 2 years old at which time she moved out of state and he began KinderCare. He has been in the "system" until 7 weeks ago. So by the "deschooling time-line" (referenced as 1 month for every year in school) he would need 14 months or more. School *work* was not something he enjoyed or even did. He went solely for the social aspect. Loves his friends, playing on the school soccer team, meeting girls... <g>...but rarely did the "work".
Like others here have stated, reading all the wonderful post from those living unschooling gives me hope and calms my fears ...unfortunately only temporarily. (This is why I read EVERY post!) I realize *I* have SO much deschooling to do and finding it challenging in many ways. First, I am a type A personality and obviously been conditioned by my parents and school and career choice to be very goal/achievement driven. This is my "gremlin" that I have to tame. I just wish there was a magic wand one of you could wave over my head and ...poof... my fears and old beliefs would disappear. In addition, my husband (ds's stepfather) is NOT really on the same page as I am and not really willing to learn about it - yet... I invited him to come to the NE Unschooling Conference but he hasn't given me an answer yet. I believe this could do all of us a great deal of good. He is also extremely type A. He is in sales (we all know how UN-unschooling that field is!!) and he believes that college degrees are mandatory to survive in the lifestyle we currently have. We both have a hard time living in the now and tend to make choices based on how it may affect the future...How do I let me husband know that IF DS chooses to strive for having "things" in life that we should trust him to figure out how to acquire them? DH thinks that if we don't require DS to go thru the system we are setting him up for failure. However DS was getting poor grades so the system and their rules/requirements wouldn't have worked for him anyway. Anyone else working on her DH? Any good insight to share? Links to Sandra's page I could print and ask him to read?
On a more positive note and back to ds and our new journey... I am anxious to spend time *with* him. Learning about him. Healing old wounds, gaining trust in our relationship, loving him where he is right now. Many of my acquaintances in the schooling world say things like..."Oh, a teenager, don't worry, you'll like each other again when he's 25 or so." Like it's normal and the age he is we aren't *supposed* to like each other. Well, I am not willing to lose 10 years!!! So at the advice of all you gentle parents, I asked Justin (DS) if I could learn to play Playstation with him on Wednesday night. (We had just gotten home from a Sixers basketball game that he and I attended together). He taught me and we played for about 15-20 minutes. It was midnight and I was just too tired to continue. So last night, he asked if I wanted to play! It was almost midnight again and I just couldn't force myself to do it. So...with just this one experience, I am getting my wish!
Looking forward to when he wakes up today and seeing if he can fit a quick game in with MOM!!
Thanks for this wonderful group!
Health and laughter,
Faith
Your Sales Director
with The Pampered Chef
856/810-9912
www.pamperedchef.biz/faithweikert
'Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.'
-- Dale Carnegie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>Many of my acquaintances in the schooling world say things like..."Oh, a teenager, don't worry, you'll like each other again when he's 25 or so." Like it's normal and the age he is we aren't *supposed* to like each other. Well, I am not willing to lose 10 years!!! >>Good for you! I HATE those kind of comments. I LOVE my teen and soon to be teen. I think they're funny, interesting, passionate, smart and great to be around. Sure they have their moody moments, so do I. Sure they question everything, so do I. <g> I wouldn't give up any of this time to fit in to society's expectations.
--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Faith Weikert" <Weikert3@...>
Pampered Chef Michelle
On 4/7/06, Faith Weikert <Weikert3@...> wrote:
about! LOL!)
I live with my children's father and at first it took him some time to get
used to the idea of unschooling. His concern was more from a legal aspect.
What if "someone" found out we weren't teaching calculus and reading the
classics? I had to point out to him all the things that HE hated about
school. The required things that were a waste of his time. I had to
pointout to him that he really was an unschooler at heart. He has no degree
yet is working in a field where most people do have degrees. He's making a
lovely salary and he loves what he does. (Although the hours suck during
hurricane season!)
Did you dh go to school to go into sales? Does the education that he got
truly assist him in the field that he is in? Or was it the piece of paper
that got him past the "must have a Bachelor's degree" requirement on job
searches? I'm seeing a gradual shift in the job market to experience over
degree. I don't know if it is going to be an even point anytime soon, but
so many jobs these days start by reteaching employees how to do their jobs.
Nothing they learned at college applies to what they are actually doing.
Most companies use degree requirements to weed out their candidate field.
Weird! They could be missing out on an opportunity of hiring someone like
my co-parent!
I'm glad to see that you are wanting to spend time with your son. Isn't
that just so much fun?
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Hey Faith, (I do have a private post to send you that I keep forgetting
> Anyone else working on her DH? Any good insight to share? Links to
> Sandra's page I could print and ask him to read?
>
> On a more positive note and back to ds and our new journey... I am anxious
> to spend time *with* him.
about! LOL!)
I live with my children's father and at first it took him some time to get
used to the idea of unschooling. His concern was more from a legal aspect.
What if "someone" found out we weren't teaching calculus and reading the
classics? I had to point out to him all the things that HE hated about
school. The required things that were a waste of his time. I had to
pointout to him that he really was an unschooler at heart. He has no degree
yet is working in a field where most people do have degrees. He's making a
lovely salary and he loves what he does. (Although the hours suck during
hurricane season!)
Did you dh go to school to go into sales? Does the education that he got
truly assist him in the field that he is in? Or was it the piece of paper
that got him past the "must have a Bachelor's degree" requirement on job
searches? I'm seeing a gradual shift in the job market to experience over
degree. I don't know if it is going to be an even point anytime soon, but
so many jobs these days start by reteaching employees how to do their jobs.
Nothing they learned at college applies to what they are actually doing.
Most companies use degree requirements to weed out their candidate field.
Weird! They could be missing out on an opportunity of hiring someone like
my co-parent!
I'm glad to see that you are wanting to spend time with your son. Isn't
that just so much fun?
--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jlh44music
>>Many of my acquaintances in the schooling world say thingslike..."Oh, a teenager, don't worry, you'll like each other again
when he's 25 or so." Like it's normal and the age he is we aren't
*supposed* to like each other.......>>
> Good for you! I HATE those kind of comments. I LOVE my teen and soonto be teen. I think they're funny, interesting, passionate, smart and
great to be around. Sure they have their moody moments, so do I. Sure
they question everything, so do I. <g> I wouldn't give up any of this
time to fit in to society's expectations. >>>
I get those comments from time to time too. My 13 dd is great!
Actually, the first 6 years of her life were more "teenlike" than now!
Jann
Melanie Ilsley
-ok first we ar still deschooling(all of us) and it has not been all fun, my 8 yr old has had a
hard time "i feel lazy" then we come up with something that seems fun, and the next day
she wants nothing to do with it. I let it go, then another day of 'i feel lazy" another half
finished project. But we are actually getting along better now than we were when she was
in school. She was more the "typical teen" at age 7. She is learning(teaching herself) to let
go, to relax, and it is not easy for her. Or me. We are getting there, but a lot of helaing
from school(her and I), she thinks she is stupid, or she should be doing this or that. And
then we have these wonderful days where we explore, and learn with out even thinking "oh
we are learning". I started a journal when we left school, and it is full of things she does, a
lot. and some days "nothing". The unschooling way of life is what we want, and we are on
our way, but it is not easy, it is exciting and fun at times, but stressful to let go of the old
stuff.
Everyone here has been wonderful, and thanks to you all. I love reading the posts.
Melanie in Vt-- In [email protected], "jlh44music" <jlh44music@...>
wrote:
hard time "i feel lazy" then we come up with something that seems fun, and the next day
she wants nothing to do with it. I let it go, then another day of 'i feel lazy" another half
finished project. But we are actually getting along better now than we were when she was
in school. She was more the "typical teen" at age 7. She is learning(teaching herself) to let
go, to relax, and it is not easy for her. Or me. We are getting there, but a lot of helaing
from school(her and I), she thinks she is stupid, or she should be doing this or that. And
then we have these wonderful days where we explore, and learn with out even thinking "oh
we are learning". I started a journal when we left school, and it is full of things she does, a
lot. and some days "nothing". The unschooling way of life is what we want, and we are on
our way, but it is not easy, it is exciting and fun at times, but stressful to let go of the old
stuff.
Everyone here has been wonderful, and thanks to you all. I love reading the posts.
Melanie in Vt-- In [email protected], "jlh44music" <jlh44music@...>
wrote:
>
> >>Many of my acquaintances in the schooling world say things
> like..."Oh, a teenager, don't worry, you'll like each other again
> when he's 25 or so." Like it's normal and the age he is we aren't
> *supposed* to like each other.......>>
>
> > Good for you! I HATE those kind of comments. I LOVE my teen and soon
> to be teen. I think they're funny, interesting, passionate, smart and
> great to be around. Sure they have their moody moments, so do I. Sure
> they question everything, so do I. <g> I wouldn't give up any of this
> time to fit in to society's expectations. >>>
>
> I get those comments from time to time too. My 13 dd is great!
> Actually, the first 6 years of her life were more "teenlike" than now!
> Jann
>