images in the media
Maisha Khalfani
I'm glad to be on this list because I have TONS of newbie questions. One of them being: I'm concerned about images in the media, especially tv. As an African American I find many of the images of of African Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. Add to that the "standard of beauty" which is usually white skin and straight, long hair. My stepdaughter already has issues with her beauty. She is overweight, dark skinned, with short kinky hair. She does not see herself reflected in our society's "beauty", and has resorted to buying wigs and such to look "pretty".
I'm concerned for my younger daughter and my sons. Often black males are portrayed as criminals or thugs, and black females as sex-crazed gold-diggers. That is NOT the totality of our community, and I don't want those images to be the ones they associate with. Also, for my 7-yr-old daughter, I don't want her to think that to be beautiful she has to have straight hair. There is already too much discussion in my home about the differences in the skin colors of my children (really, it's by small degrees), and my stepdaughter thinks my hair and my daughter's hair is "so nice" and doesn't like her hair at all.
I know that this list is largely Caucasian, and may not be able to relate to what I am saying. But if you can, and/or if you are African American or raising African American children, what, if anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in the media while allowing your children freedom with the television?
Maisha
"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and dance with the Earth in all her glorious colors." ~ Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm concerned for my younger daughter and my sons. Often black males are portrayed as criminals or thugs, and black females as sex-crazed gold-diggers. That is NOT the totality of our community, and I don't want those images to be the ones they associate with. Also, for my 7-yr-old daughter, I don't want her to think that to be beautiful she has to have straight hair. There is already too much discussion in my home about the differences in the skin colors of my children (really, it's by small degrees), and my stepdaughter thinks my hair and my daughter's hair is "so nice" and doesn't like her hair at all.
I know that this list is largely Caucasian, and may not be able to relate to what I am saying. But if you can, and/or if you are African American or raising African American children, what, if anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in the media while allowing your children freedom with the television?
Maisha
"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and dance with the Earth in all her glorious colors." ~ Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
" As an African American I find many of the images of of African
Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. Add to that the "standard
of beauty" which is usually white skin and straight, long hair. My
stepdaughter already has issues with her beauty. She is overweight,
dark skinned, with short kinky hair."
Being part of the fashion industry (part of the "machine" in a sense)
I totally understand where you're coming from. It's not just African
American girls that are sent crazy messages of course, my sister just
last night said something about wishing she had long legs like me.
ARGH!!! NO, ALL different bodies and looks are beautiful. It makes me
feel nuts when clients don't really believe that.
I don't worry about the images they see in the media though. They are
smart cookies and can really begin to decipher anything remotely
false. We discuss these things. I DO judge some of the messages we see
on television without judging the act of watching the show. I point
out how men are constantly portrayed as bumbling idiots or
self-serving jerks.
I don't want my boys to thing all of society really views men this
way, it's just popular television right now (as the pendulum swings, eh?).
They see it. They laugh about it, we discuss issues surrounding this
and they notice more than I do most of the time. One of the
discussions we've had is about black super-heroes. How many of those
were around? We saw a show with an African-American super hero and my
kids were like "it's about TIME!!" :)
The messages your children receive at home hold far more weight than
media images. Truly. There is good programming with altruistic people
of many races now. There are wonderful art books with all sorts of
body types available, even in the fashion industry.
For anyone interested in body art, MAC and Assouline teamed up to
create an amazing book. All the models are nude, with a variety of
body art displayed. There are male, female, transgendered, black,
white, Native American, straight, gay, large, small, young and old
models. It's awesome.
You can seek out people and experiences that will help her see the
beauty in diversity. You can discuss from whence those messages in the
media came. You can BE a strong and beautiful role model for her that
is completely comfortable with her own body and looks. Trust.....
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. Add to that the "standard
of beauty" which is usually white skin and straight, long hair. My
stepdaughter already has issues with her beauty. She is overweight,
dark skinned, with short kinky hair."
Being part of the fashion industry (part of the "machine" in a sense)
I totally understand where you're coming from. It's not just African
American girls that are sent crazy messages of course, my sister just
last night said something about wishing she had long legs like me.
ARGH!!! NO, ALL different bodies and looks are beautiful. It makes me
feel nuts when clients don't really believe that.
I don't worry about the images they see in the media though. They are
smart cookies and can really begin to decipher anything remotely
false. We discuss these things. I DO judge some of the messages we see
on television without judging the act of watching the show. I point
out how men are constantly portrayed as bumbling idiots or
self-serving jerks.
I don't want my boys to thing all of society really views men this
way, it's just popular television right now (as the pendulum swings, eh?).
They see it. They laugh about it, we discuss issues surrounding this
and they notice more than I do most of the time. One of the
discussions we've had is about black super-heroes. How many of those
were around? We saw a show with an African-American super hero and my
kids were like "it's about TIME!!" :)
The messages your children receive at home hold far more weight than
media images. Truly. There is good programming with altruistic people
of many races now. There are wonderful art books with all sorts of
body types available, even in the fashion industry.
For anyone interested in body art, MAC and Assouline teamed up to
create an amazing book. All the models are nude, with a variety of
body art displayed. There are male, female, transgendered, black,
white, Native American, straight, gay, large, small, young and old
models. It's awesome.
You can seek out people and experiences that will help her see the
beauty in diversity. You can discuss from whence those messages in the
media came. You can BE a strong and beautiful role model for her that
is completely comfortable with her own body and looks. Trust.....
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
m n
Maisha,
Most groups are ridiculed on tv. If you're blonde
you're a ditz; if you're male you're stupid and only
care about beer and looking at women; etc, etc. Our
family (cousins and aunts/uncles) is mixed racially
and so we tend to notice racial stereotypes (as well
as sexist, ageist, cultural etc).
The way we handle it is to discuss the stereotypes and
how limited they are as we watch the shows. We try not
to watch ones that are over the top, but don't
prohibit any shows. We've been discussing the limits
of the programs and what they show, compared to the
real people we know and real experiences in our lives,
since my son was quite small.
The shows provide lots to discuss and are a shared
experience to respond to. Grist for the mill and
unfortunately some of the negative stuff in this world
that our kids need to be aware of and to deal with.
As a side note, sign ups for the computer--a sheet
that shows the times available and gives equal time
(or however you want to schedule) for
access--sometimes works. It's an device to help divide
the time and an external reference for how many turns,
how much time each person has had (as opposed to he
said, she said). Also a timer really does work. My son
sets one and likes responding to it better than me
coming and telling him about it being time to go, or
have dinner or whatever.
best,
Ryam
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
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Most groups are ridiculed on tv. If you're blonde
you're a ditz; if you're male you're stupid and only
care about beer and looking at women; etc, etc. Our
family (cousins and aunts/uncles) is mixed racially
and so we tend to notice racial stereotypes (as well
as sexist, ageist, cultural etc).
The way we handle it is to discuss the stereotypes and
how limited they are as we watch the shows. We try not
to watch ones that are over the top, but don't
prohibit any shows. We've been discussing the limits
of the programs and what they show, compared to the
real people we know and real experiences in our lives,
since my son was quite small.
The shows provide lots to discuss and are a shared
experience to respond to. Grist for the mill and
unfortunately some of the negative stuff in this world
that our kids need to be aware of and to deal with.
As a side note, sign ups for the computer--a sheet
that shows the times available and gives equal time
(or however you want to schedule) for
access--sometimes works. It's an device to help divide
the time and an external reference for how many turns,
how much time each person has had (as opposed to he
said, she said). Also a timer really does work. My son
sets one and likes responding to it better than me
coming and telling him about it being time to go, or
have dinner or whatever.
best,
Ryam
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/1/2006 8:49:43 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
earthspirit393@... writes:
But if you can, and/or if you are African American or raising African
American children, what, if anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in
the media while allowing your children freedom with the television?
********
Hi Maisha! I cannot answer for your specific question, but I think most of
us deal with some sort of stereotype. I am overweight and my daughter has
started asking me questions why I don't look like everybody else. She said she
couldn't decide when she grows up if she wants a big giant round tummy like
mine or a straight one like her friends' moms. LOL!
A friend of mine has eating disorders and she started Tivo'ing the craft
shows that she enjoyed with her 10 year old daughter so she could skip the
commercials......every single one was about losing weight! It was just too much!
I agree with Ren that how we live our own lives will speak more loudly to
our children. That is a challenge that is for me as it concerns my appearance.
I do try not to talk about diets and losing weight but focus on discussing
healthy choices, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes. Am
I teaching "fat is bad"? The media does and I'm probably supporting that
message with my own insecurity.
You've put something in my mind about how our children watch us. My husband
and I were wanting some take-out Japanese food our local restaurant. He
asked me to call and I said "no, I don't understand that lady on the phone!"
So, although I have no prejudice against the woman but a frustration with the
situation, I wonder what messages I am accidentally giving my children. Hmmm.
I think I'll be more aware of that.
Oh, and by the way, my dark-haired daughter wants to be blond. Perhaps some
of our children's desire to "be different" is just that. Wanting to
experience something else or emulate a friend. When I was six, I asked my mom to
call me Christina.....I just loved that pretty blond well-mannered Christina
that sat behind me in class. :)
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
earthspirit393@... writes:
But if you can, and/or if you are African American or raising African
American children, what, if anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in
the media while allowing your children freedom with the television?
********
Hi Maisha! I cannot answer for your specific question, but I think most of
us deal with some sort of stereotype. I am overweight and my daughter has
started asking me questions why I don't look like everybody else. She said she
couldn't decide when she grows up if she wants a big giant round tummy like
mine or a straight one like her friends' moms. LOL!
A friend of mine has eating disorders and she started Tivo'ing the craft
shows that she enjoyed with her 10 year old daughter so she could skip the
commercials......every single one was about losing weight! It was just too much!
I agree with Ren that how we live our own lives will speak more loudly to
our children. That is a challenge that is for me as it concerns my appearance.
I do try not to talk about diets and losing weight but focus on discussing
healthy choices, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes. Am
I teaching "fat is bad"? The media does and I'm probably supporting that
message with my own insecurity.
You've put something in my mind about how our children watch us. My husband
and I were wanting some take-out Japanese food our local restaurant. He
asked me to call and I said "no, I don't understand that lady on the phone!"
So, although I have no prejudice against the woman but a frustration with the
situation, I wonder what messages I am accidentally giving my children. Hmmm.
I think I'll be more aware of that.
Oh, and by the way, my dark-haired daughter wants to be blond. Perhaps some
of our children's desire to "be different" is just that. Wanting to
experience something else or emulate a friend. When I was six, I asked my mom to
call me Christina.....I just loved that pretty blond well-mannered Christina
that sat behind me in class. :)
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lydia c.
On 4/1/06, Leslie530@... <Leslie530@...> wrote:
tell Lyndsey she's perfect just as she is if I can't like who I am.
Lydia
--
Be the person you want your children to become.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>It's actually one of the reasons I stopped highlighting my hair. How can I
>
> Oh, and by the way, my dark-haired daughter wants to be blond. Perhaps
> some
> of our children's desire to "be different" is just that. Wanting to
> experience something else or emulate a friend. When I was six, I asked
> my mom to
> call me Christina.....I just loved that pretty blond well-mannered
> Christina
> that sat behind me in class. :)
>
> Leslie in SC
>
tell Lyndsey she's perfect just as she is if I can't like who I am.
Lydia
--
Be the person you want your children to become.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"It's actually one of the reasons I stopped highlighting my hair. How
can I tell Lyndsey she's perfect just as she is if I can't like who I
am. Lydia"
How is coloring your hair being uncomfortable with who you are? We are
so much more than color or style. Being authentic has little to do
with looks and everything to do with following your heart and being
true to yourself.
I LOVE coloring my hair. My kids do too. We love color on hair, faces
and in clothing. We see it as art, no different than painting a canvas.
I've looked at the history of human beings and decided that adornment
of the body is a very natural thing. Since the beginning of time,
humans have enjoyed displaying colors and art in their homes and on
their bodies. There is nothing wrong with that.
I think there's a big difference between expressing yourself with
clothing or makeup/hairstyles and being unhappy with your looks. When
a child hears "I am so fat" or "I hate my hair" or "I wish I looked
like _____" THAT'S sending the wrong messages. Being happy with who we
are and how we look today, is how we help our children be comfortable
with their own unique looks. Expressing oneself with adornment or
color is one way to be true to oneself. Sometimes we feel colorful and
beautiful inside, but we don't express that. I love expressing my
inner self with adornment.
can I tell Lyndsey she's perfect just as she is if I can't like who I
am. Lydia"
How is coloring your hair being uncomfortable with who you are? We are
so much more than color or style. Being authentic has little to do
with looks and everything to do with following your heart and being
true to yourself.
I LOVE coloring my hair. My kids do too. We love color on hair, faces
and in clothing. We see it as art, no different than painting a canvas.
I've looked at the history of human beings and decided that adornment
of the body is a very natural thing. Since the beginning of time,
humans have enjoyed displaying colors and art in their homes and on
their bodies. There is nothing wrong with that.
I think there's a big difference between expressing yourself with
clothing or makeup/hairstyles and being unhappy with your looks. When
a child hears "I am so fat" or "I hate my hair" or "I wish I looked
like _____" THAT'S sending the wrong messages. Being happy with who we
are and how we look today, is how we help our children be comfortable
with their own unique looks. Expressing oneself with adornment or
color is one way to be true to oneself. Sometimes we feel colorful and
beautiful inside, but we don't express that. I love expressing my
inner self with adornment.
lydia c.
On 4/1/06, Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
I think there's a big difference between expressing yourself with
turned brown (as hers probably will). I don't like me with brown hair. Okay,
I've come to terms with that. I've made friends with my hair color because
it's what I look like. I'm short (can't do anything about that), fat (okay,
I can eat healthier) and old (again I can try to stay healthy) but that is
who I am. I am also smart, funny, insightful and caring. I'm just not a
blond anymore.
Oh, we also color all over ourselves but we know it's not who we are it's
how we look now.
Lydia
--
Be the person you want your children to become.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>snip
> "It's actually one of the reasons I stopped highlighting my hair. How
> can I tell Lyndsey she's perfect just as she is if I can't like who I
> am. Lydia"
>
> How is coloring your hair being uncomfortable with who you are? We are
> so much more than color or style. Being authentic has little to do
> with looks and everything to do with following your heart and being
> true to yourself.
> I LOVE coloring my hair. My kids do too. We love color on hair, faces
> and in clothing. We see it as art, no different than painting a canvas.
I think there's a big difference between expressing yourself with
> clothing or makeup/hairstyles and being unhappy with your looks. WhenBecause for me, that's the message I was sending. I don't like that my hair
> a child hears "I am so fat" or "I hate my hair" or "I wish I looked
> like _____" THAT'S sending the wrong messages.
>
turned brown (as hers probably will). I don't like me with brown hair. Okay,
I've come to terms with that. I've made friends with my hair color because
it's what I look like. I'm short (can't do anything about that), fat (okay,
I can eat healthier) and old (again I can try to stay healthy) but that is
who I am. I am also smart, funny, insightful and caring. I'm just not a
blond anymore.
Oh, we also color all over ourselves but we know it's not who we are it's
how we look now.
Lydia
--
Be the person you want your children to become.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Priscilla Sanstead
There is a geat magazine for girls called "New Moon"
that addresses inside beauty, knidness, acceptance,
AND has No advertising!
Priscilla
--- Maisha Khalfani <earthspirit393@...>
wrote:
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
that addresses inside beauty, knidness, acceptance,
AND has No advertising!
Priscilla
--- Maisha Khalfani <earthspirit393@...>
wrote:
> I'm glad to be on this list because I have TONS of__________________________________________________
> newbie questions. One of them being: I'm concerned
> about images in the media, especially tv. As an
> African American I find many of the images of of
> African Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning.
> Add to that the "standard of beauty" which is
> usually white skin and straight, long hair. My
> stepdaughter already has issues with her beauty.
> She is overweight, dark skinned, with short kinky
> hair. She does not see herself reflected in our
> society's "beauty", and has resorted to buying wigs
> and such to look "pretty".
>
> I'm concerned for my younger daughter and my sons.
> Often black males are portrayed as criminals or
> thugs, and black females as sex-crazed gold-diggers.
> That is NOT the totality of our community, and I
> don't want those images to be the ones they
> associate with. Also, for my 7-yr-old daughter, I
> don't want her to think that to be beautiful she has
> to have straight hair. There is already too much
> discussion in my home about the differences in the
> skin colors of my children (really, it's by small
> degrees), and my stepdaughter thinks my hair and my
> daughter's hair is "so nice" and doesn't like her
> hair at all.
>
> I know that this list is largely Caucasian, and may
> not be able to relate to what I am saying. But if
> you can, and/or if you are African American or
> raising African American children, what, if
> anything, do you do to deal with the negative images
> in the media while allowing your children freedom
> with the television?
>
> Maisha
> "Live each season as it passes; breathe the air,
> drink the drink, taste the fruit, and dance with the
> Earth in all her glorious colors." ~ Henry David
> Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
Joanne
Welcome Maisha...
I have a white child and two biracial children (black/white). You
can see our picture on my blog (in my signature) if you'd like.
I actually have no issue with media images because our life is so
much more than TV. We discuss them (at great length sometimes) but
we expose ourselves to many types of people in our life that when
they see a stereotype portrayed on TV, they think it's funny.
To be honest, the only stereotypical black images that are pushed on
us are from black families who want my two brown children to fit
some sort of mold. Again, we discuss this when this happens.
I'm Italian and I'm from New York City. Talk about a stereotype!
LOL!! Most images of Italians in the media are mafia related. It's
up to us, Italian-Americans, to change that. Media will reflect what
society thinks. The same is true for African-Americans.
We don't live our life in front of the tv so my kids know that what
they see is not all their is.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
--- In [email protected], "Maisha Khalfani"
<earthspirit393@...> wrote:
media, especially tv. As an African American I find many of the
images of of African Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. Add
to that the "standard of beauty" which is usually white skin and
straight, long hair. My stepdaughter already has issues with her
beauty. She is overweight, dark skinned, with short kinky hair.
She does not see herself reflected in our society's "beauty", and
has resorted to buying wigs and such to look "pretty".
crazed gold-diggers. That is NOT the totality of our community, and
I don't want those images to be the ones they associate with. Also,
for my 7-yr-old daughter, I don't want her to think that to be
beautiful she has to have straight hair. There is already too much
discussion in my home about the differences in the skin colors of my
children (really, it's by small degrees), and my stepdaughter thinks
my hair and my daughter's hair is "so nice" and doesn't like her
hair at all.
African American or raising African American children, what, if
anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in the media
while allowing your children freedom with the television?
colors." ~ Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
I have a white child and two biracial children (black/white). You
can see our picture on my blog (in my signature) if you'd like.
I actually have no issue with media images because our life is so
much more than TV. We discuss them (at great length sometimes) but
we expose ourselves to many types of people in our life that when
they see a stereotype portrayed on TV, they think it's funny.
To be honest, the only stereotypical black images that are pushed on
us are from black families who want my two brown children to fit
some sort of mold. Again, we discuss this when this happens.
I'm Italian and I'm from New York City. Talk about a stereotype!
LOL!! Most images of Italians in the media are mafia related. It's
up to us, Italian-Americans, to change that. Media will reflect what
society thinks. The same is true for African-Americans.
We don't live our life in front of the tv so my kids know that what
they see is not all their is.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
--- In [email protected], "Maisha Khalfani"
<earthspirit393@...> wrote:
>questions. One of them being: I'm concerned about images in the
> I'm glad to be on this list because I have TONS of newbie
media, especially tv. As an African American I find many of the
images of of African Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. Add
to that the "standard of beauty" which is usually white skin and
straight, long hair. My stepdaughter already has issues with her
beauty. She is overweight, dark skinned, with short kinky hair.
She does not see herself reflected in our society's "beauty", and
has resorted to buying wigs and such to look "pretty".
>males are portrayed as criminals or thugs, and black females as sex-
> I'm concerned for my younger daughter and my sons. Often black
crazed gold-diggers. That is NOT the totality of our community, and
I don't want those images to be the ones they associate with. Also,
for my 7-yr-old daughter, I don't want her to think that to be
beautiful she has to have straight hair. There is already too much
discussion in my home about the differences in the skin colors of my
children (really, it's by small degrees), and my stepdaughter thinks
my hair and my daughter's hair is "so nice" and doesn't like her
hair at all.
>relate to what I am saying. But if you can, and/or if you are
> I know that this list is largely Caucasian, and may not be able to
African American or raising African American children, what, if
anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in the media
while allowing your children freedom with the television?
>taste the fruit, and dance with the Earth in all her glorious
> Maisha
> "Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink,
colors." ~ Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Deb Lewis
***Most groups are ridiculed on tv. If you're blonde
you're a ditz; if you're male you're stupid and only
care about beer and looking at women; etc, etc.***
If you're a child you can't think, don't have good judgement, you're
sneaky, careless, dishonest....
***As an African American I find many of the images of of African
Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. ***
We notice what we're sensitive about. I notice when people treat kids
like idiots.
If you could change your focus for an evening, watch TV *not* looking for
the demeaning depictions of African Americans ( and I understand your
point that one doesn't need to be "looking" for them, they *are*) but
look at depictions of moms or kids, or guys who drive trucks or whatever
I think you might feel better. (Worse? <g>)
I think you'll see the easiest way to create a *character* is to create
noticeable/extreme identifying personal traits.
Have you seen that series "Boston Legal?" None of those characters have
depth. They *are* their quirks. It makes for funny moments. The
problem with really developing a character is that in order not to cheat
the viewer you have to keep true to that character. If your writers
change, and the character changes, the viewer knows. And if a character
has a few short scenes in a movie we need to know what kind of person
this is right away, there's not time for character development we need to
be able to *see* who this is. The very easiest way for writers to do
that is to make that character's traits, whether good or bad, easily
visible.
This might be a good conversation to have with your kids. <g>
Kids learn quickly and know forever that Television entertainment and
movies are not real. Lots of moms worry about TV violence, for example
but take their kids to see Grandpa who will rage about shooting the
neighbor's dog next time it gets into the trash; Or to see a cousin who
hits or bites or says mean things, etc. Some people are so worried about
TV they don't look at the real images their kids are exposed to within
their own family (or, for those other people, <g> at school.)
All that stuff aside, your kids don't need to be alone in media. They
have you. You can watch with them and talk about why a certain character
is behaving this way or that, why they made this choice or that one in
context of the program. You can talk about what the director intended
for a certain scene, whether it was effective, what the writers were
trying to convey, etc.
Some of our most memorable conversations started because of a very
obvious character in a movie.
Deb Lewis
you're a ditz; if you're male you're stupid and only
care about beer and looking at women; etc, etc.***
If you're a child you can't think, don't have good judgement, you're
sneaky, careless, dishonest....
***As an African American I find many of the images of of African
Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning. ***
We notice what we're sensitive about. I notice when people treat kids
like idiots.
If you could change your focus for an evening, watch TV *not* looking for
the demeaning depictions of African Americans ( and I understand your
point that one doesn't need to be "looking" for them, they *are*) but
look at depictions of moms or kids, or guys who drive trucks or whatever
I think you might feel better. (Worse? <g>)
I think you'll see the easiest way to create a *character* is to create
noticeable/extreme identifying personal traits.
Have you seen that series "Boston Legal?" None of those characters have
depth. They *are* their quirks. It makes for funny moments. The
problem with really developing a character is that in order not to cheat
the viewer you have to keep true to that character. If your writers
change, and the character changes, the viewer knows. And if a character
has a few short scenes in a movie we need to know what kind of person
this is right away, there's not time for character development we need to
be able to *see* who this is. The very easiest way for writers to do
that is to make that character's traits, whether good or bad, easily
visible.
This might be a good conversation to have with your kids. <g>
Kids learn quickly and know forever that Television entertainment and
movies are not real. Lots of moms worry about TV violence, for example
but take their kids to see Grandpa who will rage about shooting the
neighbor's dog next time it gets into the trash; Or to see a cousin who
hits or bites or says mean things, etc. Some people are so worried about
TV they don't look at the real images their kids are exposed to within
their own family (or, for those other people, <g> at school.)
All that stuff aside, your kids don't need to be alone in media. They
have you. You can watch with them and talk about why a certain character
is behaving this way or that, why they made this choice or that one in
context of the program. You can talk about what the director intended
for a certain scene, whether it was effective, what the writers were
trying to convey, etc.
Some of our most memorable conversations started because of a very
obvious character in a movie.
Deb Lewis
Melissa
Well, we're about as white as you can get here, however, parts of my
stepfamily are about as dark skinned as you can get. After sharing a
bedroom with two stepsisters (one of whom had severe congenital
defects anyway), I can tell you that they never had a problem with
self esteem, after all the tv and magazines we saw, because they were
revered and loved by their family. Being surrounded by tons of aunts,
uncles, and probably the best set of grandparents *I've* ever met,
every one of the cousins felt loved and treasured. They did perms,
and makeup, and we all spent a lot of time looking at teen magazines.
One thing I loved was how Granma always took time to spend with her
granddaughters, and always pointed out their best attributes. Not
sitting down to make a list, but she spent a lot of time with all of
us, and did things that we were good at, and helped us through things
we weren't good at. She made sure to let us know that no one is
perfect, and best of all she gave everyone such a good example of
doing good things and having a strong belief in God.
The most amazing thing to me about the American Standard of beauty is
that NO one ever measures up. If it's not one thing, it's another.
Even if you are white, then either your skin is too light or too
dark, or you have freckles or blotches. I find stuff about women
demeaning, I find stuff about autistic people in the media demeaning,
I HATE the show 'Monk" because they poke constant fun at someone
about OCD. It's all so arbitrary, set up really just to make a buck.
We talk about that too! Why are those jeans better now? Last week the
commercial said you needed these jeans, what does that mean? Talk
about people, "Do you know anyone like that?", or "Do you think
that's a reasonable portrayal of a person?", or "Why would the show
want this guy to be like this?" We watch a lot of tv together and
talk about how people are different, and how they are the same. I
make a lot of 'I' statements, like "Wow, that would really make me
upset if someone did that", or "That is a great way to solve a
problem" or "How would you have handled that?" and focus on how
everyone makes mistakes, everyone can solve problems.
What can you do to help your stepdaughter? If she doesn't like her
hair can you perm it? Not much you can do about dark skin, but maybe
emphasis how smooth it is, or even toned? Overweight goes across
cultures, and might be part of her general dislike of herself. part
of me wants to say it would be great if she could just love herself
as her natural beauty, but it might take a while to get there. And
maybe some cosmetic stuff would be a good bandaid for a while.
Surrounding her with love, and reassurances is good. Doing stuff
together as a family is good. What kind of activities are you
involved in? Like church, or scouts, or service projects? Are there
maybe mentoring programs she could get involved in? I'd say get out
in the community and find lots of people, spend a lot of time there
to let her see that all kinds of people do all kinds of cool things,
and just keep loving her! You won't see it now, or tomorrow, but in
the long run, it's the best investment you can make. I'm so glad you
are here....and don't know that this helps any. Maybe you'll just
read it and say 'another white girl who doesn't know what she's
talking about' LOL! My ss's and I went round and round the first six
months lol!
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
stepfamily are about as dark skinned as you can get. After sharing a
bedroom with two stepsisters (one of whom had severe congenital
defects anyway), I can tell you that they never had a problem with
self esteem, after all the tv and magazines we saw, because they were
revered and loved by their family. Being surrounded by tons of aunts,
uncles, and probably the best set of grandparents *I've* ever met,
every one of the cousins felt loved and treasured. They did perms,
and makeup, and we all spent a lot of time looking at teen magazines.
One thing I loved was how Granma always took time to spend with her
granddaughters, and always pointed out their best attributes. Not
sitting down to make a list, but she spent a lot of time with all of
us, and did things that we were good at, and helped us through things
we weren't good at. She made sure to let us know that no one is
perfect, and best of all she gave everyone such a good example of
doing good things and having a strong belief in God.
The most amazing thing to me about the American Standard of beauty is
that NO one ever measures up. If it's not one thing, it's another.
Even if you are white, then either your skin is too light or too
dark, or you have freckles or blotches. I find stuff about women
demeaning, I find stuff about autistic people in the media demeaning,
I HATE the show 'Monk" because they poke constant fun at someone
about OCD. It's all so arbitrary, set up really just to make a buck.
We talk about that too! Why are those jeans better now? Last week the
commercial said you needed these jeans, what does that mean? Talk
about people, "Do you know anyone like that?", or "Do you think
that's a reasonable portrayal of a person?", or "Why would the show
want this guy to be like this?" We watch a lot of tv together and
talk about how people are different, and how they are the same. I
make a lot of 'I' statements, like "Wow, that would really make me
upset if someone did that", or "That is a great way to solve a
problem" or "How would you have handled that?" and focus on how
everyone makes mistakes, everyone can solve problems.
What can you do to help your stepdaughter? If she doesn't like her
hair can you perm it? Not much you can do about dark skin, but maybe
emphasis how smooth it is, or even toned? Overweight goes across
cultures, and might be part of her general dislike of herself. part
of me wants to say it would be great if she could just love herself
as her natural beauty, but it might take a while to get there. And
maybe some cosmetic stuff would be a good bandaid for a while.
Surrounding her with love, and reassurances is good. Doing stuff
together as a family is good. What kind of activities are you
involved in? Like church, or scouts, or service projects? Are there
maybe mentoring programs she could get involved in? I'd say get out
in the community and find lots of people, spend a lot of time there
to let her see that all kinds of people do all kinds of cool things,
and just keep loving her! You won't see it now, or tomorrow, but in
the long run, it's the best investment you can make. I'm so glad you
are here....and don't know that this helps any. Maybe you'll just
read it and say 'another white girl who doesn't know what she's
talking about' LOL! My ss's and I went round and round the first six
months lol!
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
On Apr 1, 2006, at 7:48 AM, Maisha Khalfani wrote:
> I'm glad to be on this list because I have TONS of newbie
> questions. One of them being: I'm concerned about images in the
> media, especially tv. As an African American I find many of the
> images of of African Americans to be derrogatory and demeaning.
> Add to that the "standard of beauty" which is usually white skin
> and straight, long hair. My stepdaughter already has issues with
> her beauty. She is overweight, dark skinned, with short kinky
> hair. She does not see herself reflected in our society's
> "beauty", and has resorted to buying wigs and such to look "pretty".
>
> I'm concerned for my younger daughter and my sons. Often black
> males are portrayed as criminals or thugs, and black females as sex-
> crazed gold-diggers. That is NOT the totality of our community,
> and I don't want those images to be the ones they associate with.
> Also, for my 7-yr-old daughter, I don't want her to think that to
> be beautiful she has to have straight hair. There is already too
> much discussion in my home about the differences in the skin colors
> of my children (really, it's by small degrees), and my stepdaughter
> thinks my hair and my daughter's hair is "so nice" and doesn't like
> her hair at all.
>
> I know that this list is largely Caucasian, and may not be able to
> relate to what I am saying. But if you can, and/or if you are
> African American or raising African American children, what, if
> anything, do you do to deal with the negative images in the media
> while allowing your children freedom with the television?
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/1/2006 11:48:32 AM Eastern Standard Time,
billyandjoanne@... writes:
of a mixed extended family though, if that makes any dif). I do get really
sick of some of the images they have on TV. The images young girls get of what
they are "supposed" to look like is sickening. (And I agree Ren, men are
constantly portrayed as bumbling idiots or self-serving jerks, I guess the producers
feel they have to insult someone to be good and/or funny. <sigh> Lots of
commercials do it too!) TV is an ongoing struggle within me as a parent. I am not
a fan of TV at all (I get bored & disgusted with it reeeeeeal easy) I have to
sort of force myself to keep my mouth shut sometimes when my girls are
watching, but I do however, open up when I see the MANY injustices there are on TV.
Our girls will also bring things up to us now that they question or feel is
wrong and we either laugh at how ridiculous it all is or, at times, it makes for
some good learning/growing conversation .....the rest of the time, like you
Joanne, we also expose ourselves to many types of people in our life and (thank
goodness)! our life is also so much more than TV.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
billyandjoanne@... writes:
> I actually have no issue with media images because our life is soJust wanted to jump in here.... we're not African American (we do have a bit
> much more than TV. We discuss them (at great length sometimes) but
> we expose ourselves to many types of people in our life that when
> they see a stereotype portrayed on TV, they think it's funny.
>
of a mixed extended family though, if that makes any dif). I do get really
sick of some of the images they have on TV. The images young girls get of what
they are "supposed" to look like is sickening. (And I agree Ren, men are
constantly portrayed as bumbling idiots or self-serving jerks, I guess the producers
feel they have to insult someone to be good and/or funny. <sigh> Lots of
commercials do it too!) TV is an ongoing struggle within me as a parent. I am not
a fan of TV at all (I get bored & disgusted with it reeeeeeal easy) I have to
sort of force myself to keep my mouth shut sometimes when my girls are
watching, but I do however, open up when I see the MANY injustices there are on TV.
Our girls will also bring things up to us now that they question or feel is
wrong and we either laugh at how ridiculous it all is or, at times, it makes for
some good learning/growing conversation .....the rest of the time, like you
Joanne, we also expose ourselves to many types of people in our life and (thank
goodness)! our life is also so much more than TV.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***I do get really
sick of some of the images they have on TV. The images young girls get of
what
they are "supposed" to look like is sickening. ***
My mom, born in 1922, did not see TV as a child. Her folks got the
Montgomery Ward catalog. (Which promptly went to the out house to be
used as potty paper) My mom wanted fancy shoes so badly she tied
potatoes to her shoes for high heels and clomped around, aspiring to be
like the Montgomery Ward ladies. <g>
It's not the TV, it's our nature to be attracted to beautiful and to want
to *be* attractive. We're imitative social animals.<g> Well, some of us
forget to brush our hair for days, forgo cosmetics, and go around
barefoot. <g> But I still yawn if I see someone yawn. Or type the word
"yawn." ...Imitative social animal. <g>
If none of us had TV we'd still look at our friends or neighbors or
strangers on the street and think "I like those shoes" or "I like that
hair style." Or "I wonder if I'd look good in those jeans."
Deb Lewis
sick of some of the images they have on TV. The images young girls get of
what
they are "supposed" to look like is sickening. ***
My mom, born in 1922, did not see TV as a child. Her folks got the
Montgomery Ward catalog. (Which promptly went to the out house to be
used as potty paper) My mom wanted fancy shoes so badly she tied
potatoes to her shoes for high heels and clomped around, aspiring to be
like the Montgomery Ward ladies. <g>
It's not the TV, it's our nature to be attracted to beautiful and to want
to *be* attractive. We're imitative social animals.<g> Well, some of us
forget to brush our hair for days, forgo cosmetics, and go around
barefoot. <g> But I still yawn if I see someone yawn. Or type the word
"yawn." ...Imitative social animal. <g>
If none of us had TV we'd still look at our friends or neighbors or
strangers on the street and think "I like those shoes" or "I like that
hair style." Or "I wonder if I'd look good in those jeans."
Deb Lewis
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/1/2006 7:40:28 PM Eastern Standard Time,
ddzimlew@... writes:
own Mom would have told from her childhood. :o) man, do I miss her........
forget to brush our hair for days, forgo cosmetics, and go around
barefoot. <g> But I still yawn if I see someone yawn. Or type the word
"yawn." ...Imitative social animal. <g>
Yes, it is our nature to be attracted to beautiful things and to want to be
attractive...and yes, some of us do "forget" to brush our hair and forgo
cosmetics and go barefoot <BG> (I love those kind of days:o) and I know that the
immitative social part would still be there without the media but it sure does
shove a bunch of uneccesary bs our way an awful lot! :o)
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ddzimlew@... writes:
> My mom, born in 1922, did not see TV as a child. Her folks got theNice story about your Mom! Thank you. How sweet. <bg> Sounds like a story my
> Montgomery Ward catalog. (Which promptly went to the out house to be
> used as potty paper) My mom wanted fancy shoes so badly she tied
> potatoes to her shoes for high heels and clomped around, aspiring to be
> like the Montgomery Ward ladies. <g>
>
>
own Mom would have told from her childhood. :o) man, do I miss her........
>>It's not the TV, it's our nature to be attracted to beautiful and to wantto *be* attractive. We're imitative social animals.<g> Well, some of us
forget to brush our hair for days, forgo cosmetics, and go around
barefoot. <g> But I still yawn if I see someone yawn. Or type the word
"yawn." ...Imitative social animal. <g>
Yes, it is our nature to be attracted to beautiful things and to want to be
attractive...and yes, some of us do "forget" to brush our hair and forgo
cosmetics and go barefoot <BG> (I love those kind of days:o) and I know that the
immitative social part would still be there without the media but it sure does
shove a bunch of uneccesary bs our way an awful lot! :o)
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***it sure does shove a bunch of uneccesary bs our way an awful lot!
:o)***
I occasionally get irritated by nineteen year old models advertising
wrinkle cream. <g>
Mostly I don't mind the little irritations because the positive benefits
to me have been so great. The way I don't mind cleaning the shower
because *having* the shower is so divine. <g>
Deb Lewis, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty four years. <g>
:o)***
I occasionally get irritated by nineteen year old models advertising
wrinkle cream. <g>
Mostly I don't mind the little irritations because the positive benefits
to me have been so great. The way I don't mind cleaning the shower
because *having* the shower is so divine. <g>
Deb Lewis, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty four years. <g>
[email protected]
>>>I occasionally get irritated by nineteen year old models advertisingwrinkle cream. <g>
Deb Lewis, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty four years. <g> <<<<
*** lol...I'm right there with ya on that one Deb ........
Nancy Boitos, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty seven years. :o) ***
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
marsaili
I actually wrote to a company (the name escapes me right now) that had a
young girl in their commercial using age spot remover----I told them that up
until that commercial I had considered trying their products but it was so
absurd to see a young girl using something for age spots---that I felt the
company must be dishonest. They wrote me back saying they were sorry I
didn't like the commercial. Wow. Thanks.
Leslie:-)
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
barndogzzz@...
Sent: Sunday, April 02, 2006 6:22 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: images in the media
Deb Lewis, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty four years. <g> <<<<
*** lol...I'm right there with ya on that one Deb ........
Nancy Boitos, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty seven years. :o) ***
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
young girl in their commercial using age spot remover----I told them that up
until that commercial I had considered trying their products but it was so
absurd to see a young girl using something for age spots---that I felt the
company must be dishonest. They wrote me back saying they were sorry I
didn't like the commercial. Wow. Thanks.
Leslie:-)
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
barndogzzz@...
Sent: Sunday, April 02, 2006 6:22 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: images in the media
>>>I occasionally get irritated by nineteen year old models advertisingwrinkle cream. <g>
Deb Lewis, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty four years. <g> <<<<
*** lol...I'm right there with ya on that one Deb ........
Nancy Boitos, who hasn't been nineteen in twenty seven years. :o) ***
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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