Re: Everyone is Different
kay alina
earthmothergypsy wrote:
Personally I believe that kids do need some bounderies and when they
do not get them, they act out as your dd is doing. You can give them
freedom and let the learn as they learn, but they are also part of a
family and the family has to be able to function. Even the "famiy"
has routine to follow and rules they have to follow and it is
important that our kids learn that life has rules that they will have
to follow. Setting some bounderies with the understanding that it is
not a punishment but so the whole family can function in a better way-
-you know, cooperation, working together-- isn't a bad thing. I am
not saying you have to set up strict rules or anything like that, but
finding ways that will work involving the whole family in the
decision making. This way she is part of the decision and has say in
the choices and sees/understands what is going on and why.
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Thank you for sharing. I have a four year old and I have required that he
participate in working together to keep a clutter free home. I guess a part
of me could not care less if someone considers it anti unschooling or not.
Limits and letting go and the like in regard to the environment may not be
an issue for some families but I have difficulty thinking when I am tripping
over toys. Our house is large with many different play areas and it can get
away from both of us if we do not take an active part in picking up. We
usually do it at least every other day. When Alexander comes to me and asks
where is this or that toy I can tell him by description because things do
have there place and there is also a drawer that things go if they did not
fit into a catagory. It seems to help the family function better when Alex
is not grumbling around the house wondering where the lost toy ended up.
That's just me. It really is not that different than the way I had to
operate our recovery homes. People were responsible for cleaning up after
themselves. Most of the people I know live with others. I think it is
important for children to become familiar with the principles of
organization and understand that the world we live in is a shared space.
Our actions do affect others. It mortifies me when I see someone throw
trash on the ground or a burning cigarette out the window. I always wonder
why that type of person did not learn better by now. Not everyone figures
everything out on their own. I do believe setting boundaries or offering
instruction for basic life skills will benefit and not harm our children.
To me that is life learning.
Kay
Personally I believe that kids do need some bounderies and when they
do not get them, they act out as your dd is doing. You can give them
freedom and let the learn as they learn, but they are also part of a
family and the family has to be able to function. Even the "famiy"
has routine to follow and rules they have to follow and it is
important that our kids learn that life has rules that they will have
to follow. Setting some bounderies with the understanding that it is
not a punishment but so the whole family can function in a better way-
-you know, cooperation, working together-- isn't a bad thing. I am
not saying you have to set up strict rules or anything like that, but
finding ways that will work involving the whole family in the
decision making. This way she is part of the decision and has say in
the choices and sees/understands what is going on and why.
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
88888888888888
Thank you for sharing. I have a four year old and I have required that he
participate in working together to keep a clutter free home. I guess a part
of me could not care less if someone considers it anti unschooling or not.
Limits and letting go and the like in regard to the environment may not be
an issue for some families but I have difficulty thinking when I am tripping
over toys. Our house is large with many different play areas and it can get
away from both of us if we do not take an active part in picking up. We
usually do it at least every other day. When Alexander comes to me and asks
where is this or that toy I can tell him by description because things do
have there place and there is also a drawer that things go if they did not
fit into a catagory. It seems to help the family function better when Alex
is not grumbling around the house wondering where the lost toy ended up.
That's just me. It really is not that different than the way I had to
operate our recovery homes. People were responsible for cleaning up after
themselves. Most of the people I know live with others. I think it is
important for children to become familiar with the principles of
organization and understand that the world we live in is a shared space.
Our actions do affect others. It mortifies me when I see someone throw
trash on the ground or a burning cigarette out the window. I always wonder
why that type of person did not learn better by now. Not everyone figures
everything out on their own. I do believe setting boundaries or offering
instruction for basic life skills will benefit and not harm our children.
To me that is life learning.
Kay
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In a message dated 6/26/2004 2:14:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
angelsguard@... writes:
Our actions do affect others. It mortifies me when I see someone throw
trash on the ground or a burning cigarette out the window. I always wonder
why that type of person did not learn better by now. Not everyone figures
everything out on their own. I do believe setting boundaries or offering
instruction for basic life skills will benefit and not harm our
children.<<<<<
Well, from what I can tell, the people out littering and trashing my
environment are high school and college graduates and people who were told what to
do, how, and when.
What they learned was that they aren't responsible or accountable and that
someone else will be paid to clean it up because it's *their* job. It's
certainly not the litterer's job! And if someone hasn't told you that it IS your
job, you have NO responsibility.
I'm more comfortable modelling the correct behaviour and discussing others'
lack of consideration with my children.
I also model cleaning the house (not terribly well, I may add! <g>) and
discuss what it takes to clean and how it feels when it IS clean. I don't go in
for "slave labor"! <g> I just do it and ask for help when I need it. They
gladly help out----although it wasn't that way when we were DEschooling.
Patience, patience, patience.
I think trashy people *can* figure it out on their own. They choose not to.
Modelling will have a stronger effect than ordering because, with modelling,
you get joy and company! With orders you often get resentment.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
angelsguard@... writes:
Our actions do affect others. It mortifies me when I see someone throw
trash on the ground or a burning cigarette out the window. I always wonder
why that type of person did not learn better by now. Not everyone figures
everything out on their own. I do believe setting boundaries or offering
instruction for basic life skills will benefit and not harm our
children.<<<<<
Well, from what I can tell, the people out littering and trashing my
environment are high school and college graduates and people who were told what to
do, how, and when.
What they learned was that they aren't responsible or accountable and that
someone else will be paid to clean it up because it's *their* job. It's
certainly not the litterer's job! And if someone hasn't told you that it IS your
job, you have NO responsibility.
I'm more comfortable modelling the correct behaviour and discussing others'
lack of consideration with my children.
I also model cleaning the house (not terribly well, I may add! <g>) and
discuss what it takes to clean and how it feels when it IS clean. I don't go in
for "slave labor"! <g> I just do it and ask for help when I need it. They
gladly help out----although it wasn't that way when we were DEschooling.
Patience, patience, patience.
I think trashy people *can* figure it out on their own. They choose not to.
Modelling will have a stronger effect than ordering because, with modelling,
you get joy and company! With orders you often get resentment.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]