parenting classes?
Melanie Ilsley
ok here is another issue in our lives(it seems that now i have people to "talk to" i see more)
that is about our children and unschooling, but not directly. My husband and i seem to be
moving further and further apart in our parenting. He resents any of my comments(i
understand why it makes him mad), but we need to find a middle ground. Some how we
need to compromise, he bullies the kids to do what he wants them to do, and yes forces
them to do everything. It wasn't bad when we only had one, but now that there are three
kids and they are getting older he seems to want to control everything they do " do it this
way and do it now, no discussion" it is driving me crazy. I love him, and know he is stressed
right now but... ok my ? can anyone recomend a parenting class that goes along with the
unschooling way of life? I want to have the life WE wanted for our kids with out presenting it
as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very sensitive and will get his feelings
hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
that is about our children and unschooling, but not directly. My husband and i seem to be
moving further and further apart in our parenting. He resents any of my comments(i
understand why it makes him mad), but we need to find a middle ground. Some how we
need to compromise, he bullies the kids to do what he wants them to do, and yes forces
them to do everything. It wasn't bad when we only had one, but now that there are three
kids and they are getting older he seems to want to control everything they do " do it this
way and do it now, no discussion" it is driving me crazy. I love him, and know he is stressed
right now but... ok my ? can anyone recomend a parenting class that goes along with the
unschooling way of life? I want to have the life WE wanted for our kids with out presenting it
as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very sensitive and will get his feelings
hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
[email protected]
What works best for me is to simply run interference when needed. My dh travels a lot and when he is home he has a lot of stresses from work. He can be very laid back with the kids but when he is stressed, he REALLY feels a need to control the chaos. I take time to spend with him, rub his back, de-stress him and then tell him that he has so much on his plate, I will handle things like feeding the dog, cleaning the kitchen, handling the kids. I talk to him about how much they miss him while he is gone and that they have me all the time, about how they need to just spend time playing with him. Hope it helps.
julie S.
julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Melanie Ilsley <us5@...>
Date: Monday, March 20, 2006 6:08 am
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] parenting classes?
> ok here is another issue in our lives(it seems that now i have
> people to "talk to" i see more)
> that is about our children and unschooling, but not directly. My
> husband and i seem to be
> moving further and further apart in our parenting. He resents any
> of my comments(i
> understand why it makes him mad), but we need to find a middle
> ground. Some how we
> need to compromise, he bullies the kids to do what he wants them
> to do, and yes forces
> them to do everything. It wasn't bad when we only had one, but
> now that there are three
> kids and they are getting older he seems to want to control
> everything they do " do it this
> way and do it now, no discussion" it is driving me crazy. I love
> him, and know he is stressed
> right now but... ok my ? can anyone recomend a parenting class
> that goes along with the
> unschooling way of life? I want to have the life WE wanted for
> our kids with out presenting it
> as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very
> sensitive and will get his feelings
> hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Melissa
Well, we started with a love and logic approach several years ago,
that might be good for making the first step. I know that some people
here don't like it because there are consequences applied by parents,
but they really do teach to let some stuff go, and to let the
consequences be natural....you might look at it online at
www.loveandlogic.com . It was where we started maybe four years ago,
and now we're unschooling (ironically we took it at our school!)
One thing I had to do with my husband is use 'I' statements when
talking about the kids "I find that they help more when I ask them to
do such and so", or "I know it's crazy here, but I love it!" Just
reaffirm how normal your house is...how normal your kids are, and how
they will get bigger and things will get less crazy.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
that might be good for making the first step. I know that some people
here don't like it because there are consequences applied by parents,
but they really do teach to let some stuff go, and to let the
consequences be natural....you might look at it online at
www.loveandlogic.com . It was where we started maybe four years ago,
and now we're unschooling (ironically we took it at our school!)
One thing I had to do with my husband is use 'I' statements when
talking about the kids "I find that they help more when I ask them to
do such and so", or "I know it's crazy here, but I love it!" Just
reaffirm how normal your house is...how normal your kids are, and how
they will get bigger and things will get less crazy.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
On Mar 20, 2006, at 6:08 AM, Melanie Ilsley wrote:
> ok here is another issue in our lives(it seems that now i have
> people to "talk to" i see more)
> that is about our children and unschooling, but not directly. My
> husband and i seem to be
> moving further and further apart in our parenting. He resents any
> of my comments(i
> understand why it makes him mad), but we need to find a middle
> ground. Some how we
> need to compromise, he bullies the kids to do what he wants them to
> do, and yes forces
> them to do everything. It wasn't bad when we only had one, but now
> that there are three
> kids and they are getting older he seems to want to control
> everything they do " do it this
> way and do it now, no discussion" it is driving me crazy. I love
> him, and know he is stressed
> right now but... ok my ? can anyone recomend a parenting class
> that goes along with the
> unschooling way of life? I want to have the life WE wanted for our
> kids with out presenting it
> as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very
> sensitive and will get his feelings
> hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
>
scrapgal
> > I want to have the life WE wanted for ourThat's where you need to start. When he is calm, cool, collected,
> > kids with out presenting it
> > as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very
> > sensitive and will get his feelings
> > hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
> >
>
happy, sit down with him and ask him, "What is that we want for our
children and how can we best meet that goal?" I find that my co-
parent is much more open to talking about changes in parenting or
viewing different parenting philosophies when we aren't in the midst
of a parenting conflict. When coersion is brought up, talk about
how it impacts your ability to effectively parent them following the
goals that you have dreamed of doing.
Sometimes the way we parent isn't because it is how we want to
parent but how we think society expects us to parent.
Michelle
S Drag-teine
I apologize because I haven't really read (just kind of scanned) this tread
so if I misunderstand well just shoot me...
Basically what I understand is that when your husband is tired and stressed
he doesn't handle the chaos so well. My hubby has a anger/selfish thing that
goes on every once in a while. I got him a book called "When Your Kids Push
Your Buttons - And What You Can Do About It" By Bonnie Harris ISBN
0-446-53015-8.
I never thought he would read it but he did and it has really helped. I
think it would be good for anyone who has "lost it" while dealing with
children or well dealing with anyone really because it has helped our
relationship too.
Shannon
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Melissa
Sent: Monday, March 20, 2006 9:55 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] parenting classes?
Well, we started with a love and logic approach several years ago,
that might be good for making the first step. I know that some people
here don't like it because there are consequences applied by parents,
but they really do teach to let some stuff go, and to let the
consequences be natural....you might look at it online at
www.loveandlogic.com . It was where we started maybe four years ago,
and now we're unschooling (ironically we took it at our school!)
One thing I had to do with my husband is use 'I' statements when
talking about the kids "I find that they help more when I ask them to
do such and so", or "I know it's crazy here, but I love it!" Just
reaffirm how normal your house is...how normal your kids are, and how
they will get bigger and things will get less crazy.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
so if I misunderstand well just shoot me...
Basically what I understand is that when your husband is tired and stressed
he doesn't handle the chaos so well. My hubby has a anger/selfish thing that
goes on every once in a while. I got him a book called "When Your Kids Push
Your Buttons - And What You Can Do About It" By Bonnie Harris ISBN
0-446-53015-8.
I never thought he would read it but he did and it has really helped. I
think it would be good for anyone who has "lost it" while dealing with
children or well dealing with anyone really because it has helped our
relationship too.
Shannon
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Melissa
Sent: Monday, March 20, 2006 9:55 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] parenting classes?
Well, we started with a love and logic approach several years ago,
that might be good for making the first step. I know that some people
here don't like it because there are consequences applied by parents,
but they really do teach to let some stuff go, and to let the
consequences be natural....you might look at it online at
www.loveandlogic.com . It was where we started maybe four years ago,
and now we're unschooling (ironically we took it at our school!)
One thing I had to do with my husband is use 'I' statements when
talking about the kids "I find that they help more when I ask them to
do such and so", or "I know it's crazy here, but I love it!" Just
reaffirm how normal your house is...how normal your kids are, and how
they will get bigger and things will get less crazy.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
On Mar 20, 2006, at 6:08 AM, Melanie Ilsley wrote:
> ok here is another issue in our lives(it seems that now i have
> people to "talk to" i see more)
> that is about our children and unschooling, but not directly. My
> husband and i seem to be
> moving further and further apart in our parenting. He resents any
> of my comments(i
> understand why it makes him mad), but we need to find a middle
> ground. Some how we
> need to compromise, he bullies the kids to do what he wants them to
> do, and yes forces
> them to do everything. It wasn't bad when we only had one, but now
> that there are three
> kids and they are getting older he seems to want to control
> everything they do " do it this
> way and do it now, no discussion" it is driving me crazy. I love
> him, and know he is stressed
> right now but... ok my ? can anyone recomend a parenting class
> that goes along with the
> unschooling way of life? I want to have the life WE wanted for our
> kids with out presenting it
> as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very
> sensitive and will get his feelings
> hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
>
Yahoo! Groups Links
Lesa McMahon-Lowe
Melanie,
P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) is available on book-on-tape. It's a
great way learn how to interact with the kids and each other in a positive
way. Maybe the two of you could listen to it before bed and discuss your
options and come to a middle ground.
Be patient, things may not change overnight. Be supportive, focus on the
positive attributes that your DH has. Use the "I" when you explain your
feelings... don't make him responsible for how you feel. Don't nag! Be
confident in what you believe to be right but don't force your views on your
DH. Keep reading and learning about unschooling and AP (attatchment
parenting).
Come here to vent and get advice.... don't vent on your DH if you can help
it. Make his home a positive place to be, a place that he wants to come
home to.... his safe place to fall.
Much love,
Lesa
P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) is available on book-on-tape. It's a
great way learn how to interact with the kids and each other in a positive
way. Maybe the two of you could listen to it before bed and discuss your
options and come to a middle ground.
Be patient, things may not change overnight. Be supportive, focus on the
positive attributes that your DH has. Use the "I" when you explain your
feelings... don't make him responsible for how you feel. Don't nag! Be
confident in what you believe to be right but don't force your views on your
DH. Keep reading and learning about unschooling and AP (attatchment
parenting).
Come here to vent and get advice.... don't vent on your DH if you can help
it. Make his home a positive place to be, a place that he wants to come
home to.... his safe place to fall.
Much love,
Lesa
----- Original Message -----
From: Melanie Ilsley <us5@...>
Date: Monday, March 20, 2006 6:08 am
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] parenting classes?
> ok here is another issue in our lives(it seems that now i have
> people to "talk to" i see more)
> that is about our children and unschooling, but not directly. My
> husband and i seem to be
> moving further and further apart in our parenting. He resents any
> of my comments(i
> understand why it makes him mad), but we need to find a middle
> ground. Some how we
> need to compromise, he bullies the kids to do what he wants them
> to do, and yes forces
> them to do everything. It wasn't bad when we only had one, but
> now that there are three
> kids and they are getting older he seems to want to control
> everything they do " do it this
> way and do it now, no discussion" it is driving me crazy. I love
> him, and know he is stressed
> right now but... ok my ? can anyone recomend a parenting class
> that goes along with the
> unschooling way of life? I want to have the life WE wanted for
> our kids with out presenting it
> as "my way is right and yours is wrong"...he actually is very
> sensitive and will get his feelings
> hurt, and then we won't have a chance. HELP? in Vt
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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