Re: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging everything?
marji
At 10:53 3/11/2006, you wrote:
learn, not what he has to learn. You can't get another person to
"learn self-motivation"; you can only control yourself.
So, here's my suggestion for getting out of his way and letting him be:
First, you become conscious of the thing that you want to change
(you've already done that: You know you have to stop micro-managing
his affairs).
Second, you catch yourself *after* you've done it, and you apologize
to him for having done it.
Third, you catch yourself *as* you're doing it, and you stop yourself
in the process and apologize to him.
Fourth, you catch yourself just before you're going to do it, and you
congratulate yourself for not doing it.
Your process of doing this will be helpful to you and to everyone
around you, especially your son, who will watch you transform
yourself and will vicariously get to see how it's done.
Then, watch him make mistakes and grow and make choices and be late
for things and wear the wrong stuff and wear the right stuff and set
the alarm to get up and feel a little crummy from something he's
eaten and make a better food choice and watch him blossom and become
a thinking individual.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Help me get over this! He's got to learn someTo tell you the truth, I think this is all about what you have to
>self-motivation and I don't think I'm helping.
learn, not what he has to learn. You can't get another person to
"learn self-motivation"; you can only control yourself.
So, here's my suggestion for getting out of his way and letting him be:
First, you become conscious of the thing that you want to change
(you've already done that: You know you have to stop micro-managing
his affairs).
Second, you catch yourself *after* you've done it, and you apologize
to him for having done it.
Third, you catch yourself *as* you're doing it, and you stop yourself
in the process and apologize to him.
Fourth, you catch yourself just before you're going to do it, and you
congratulate yourself for not doing it.
Your process of doing this will be helpful to you and to everyone
around you, especially your son, who will watch you transform
yourself and will vicariously get to see how it's done.
Then, watch him make mistakes and grow and make choices and be late
for things and wear the wrong stuff and wear the right stuff and set
the alarm to get up and feel a little crummy from something he's
eaten and make a better food choice and watch him blossom and become
a thinking individual.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jsnhawkins
Upon reading some of the recent posts, I am realizing that I am very
guilty of micromanaging my 10 y/o DS. I often find myself telling him
to change his clothes into something more appropriate, eat something
healthier, do [whatever] at a different time, etc. I really don't want
to continue to do this. I guess the reason that I do is because I feel
like if I don't tell him to, he'll never do things in an appropriate
and timely fashion. Help me get over this! He's got to learn some
self-motivation and I don't think I'm helping.
Betsy
guilty of micromanaging my 10 y/o DS. I often find myself telling him
to change his clothes into something more appropriate, eat something
healthier, do [whatever] at a different time, etc. I really don't want
to continue to do this. I guess the reason that I do is because I feel
like if I don't tell him to, he'll never do things in an appropriate
and timely fashion. Help me get over this! He's got to learn some
self-motivation and I don't think I'm helping.
Betsy
marji
Apologies!! I'm resending this 'cause (1) I noticed that the time on
my 'puter was wrong, and (2) I never signed it! Sorry, Folks!
At 10:53 3/11/2006, you wrote:
learn, not what he has to learn. You can't get another person to
"learn self-motivation"; you can only control yourself.
So, here's my suggestion for getting out of his way and letting him be:
First, you become conscious of the thing that you want to change
(you've already done that: You know you have to stop micro-managing
his affairs).
Second, you catch yourself *after* you've done it, and you apologize
to him for having done it.
Third, you catch yourself *as* you're doing it, and you stop yourself
in the process and apologize to him.
Fourth, you catch yourself just before you're going to do it, and you
congratulate yourself for not doing it.
Your process of doing this will be helpful to you and to everyone
around you, especially your son, who will watch you transform
yourself and will vicariously get to see how it's done.
Then, watch him make mistakes and grow and make choices and be late
for things and wear the wrong stuff and wear the right stuff and set
the alarm to get up and feel a little crummy from something he's
eaten and make a better food choice and watch him blossom and become
a thinking individual.
Signed,
Marji, loving the feeling of spring in NY State.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my 'puter was wrong, and (2) I never signed it! Sorry, Folks!
At 10:53 3/11/2006, you wrote:
>Help me get over this! He's got to learn someTo tell you the truth, I think this is all about what you have to
>self-motivation and I don't think I'm helping.
learn, not what he has to learn. You can't get another person to
"learn self-motivation"; you can only control yourself.
So, here's my suggestion for getting out of his way and letting him be:
First, you become conscious of the thing that you want to change
(you've already done that: You know you have to stop micro-managing
his affairs).
Second, you catch yourself *after* you've done it, and you apologize
to him for having done it.
Third, you catch yourself *as* you're doing it, and you stop yourself
in the process and apologize to him.
Fourth, you catch yourself just before you're going to do it, and you
congratulate yourself for not doing it.
Your process of doing this will be helpful to you and to everyone
around you, especially your son, who will watch you transform
yourself and will vicariously get to see how it's done.
Then, watch him make mistakes and grow and make choices and be late
for things and wear the wrong stuff and wear the right stuff and set
the alarm to get up and feel a little crummy from something he's
eaten and make a better food choice and watch him blossom and become
a thinking individual.
Signed,
Marji, loving the feeling of spring in NY State.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>I guess the reason that I do is because I feellike if I don't tell him to, he'll never do things in an appropriate
and timely fashion.>>
What is appropriate and timely changes day to day, moment to moment. Realizing this is the first step I think. There's not only one right way to dress or act or participate in something.
What's the worst that could happen if your kid wears something you don't think is appropriate? What's the worst that could happen if he's late doing something or arriving somewhere? Ask yourself these questions often. Sometimes it matters, most times it doesn't.
>>He's got to learn some self-motivation and I don't think I'm helping.>>Self motivation for what? He won't be self motivated to do the things you want. His motivation will be to do the things he thinks are important. Many times those things will match your picture of how life should look. Sometimes it won't. But really, is wearing a pair of shorts in February or having messy hair all that bad? ;o)
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
jsnhawkins
--- In [email protected], marji <marji@...> wrote:
guess I'm just worried because his father has ZERO motivation to do
anything in life (unemployed, lives with parents, no car, no child
support, etc). I fear that he will become that way. However, I know my
approach has got to change. I am going to strive every day to catch
myself making decisions for him that he should be making every day and
hopefully as he grows and watches the rest of our family he will learn
to manage himelf.
Betsy
>Wow, you are so right! I know that, but needed someone to tell me. I
>
>
>
> At 10:53 3/11/2006, you wrote:
>
>
> To tell you the truth, I think this is all about what you have to
> learn, not what he has to learn. You can't get another person to
> "learn self-motivation"; you can only control yourself.
>
>
guess I'm just worried because his father has ZERO motivation to do
anything in life (unemployed, lives with parents, no car, no child
support, etc). I fear that he will become that way. However, I know my
approach has got to change. I am going to strive every day to catch
myself making decisions for him that he should be making every day and
hopefully as he grows and watches the rest of our family he will learn
to manage himelf.
Betsy
jsnhawkins
--- In [email protected], zenmomma@... wrote:
late doing something or arriving somewhere? Ask yourself these
questions often. Sometimes it matters, most times it doesn't.
choice will not result in any harm done. So, how do you draw the line?
Just on safety issues? For example, sometimes he wants to wear the
same clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right
now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm
neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me? Or
he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I just
let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more
new ones for X amount of time? I appreciate any thoughts.
Betsy
>don't think is appropriate? What's the worst that could happen if he's
>
>
>
>
> What's the worst that could happen if your kid wears something you
late doing something or arriving somewhere? Ask yourself these
questions often. Sometimes it matters, most times it doesn't.
>You know, I know that 9 times out of 10 letting him make his own
>
>
>
>
>
> -------------- Original message ----------------------
> From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
>
choice will not result in any harm done. So, how do you draw the line?
Just on safety issues? For example, sometimes he wants to wear the
same clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right
now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm
neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me? Or
he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I just
let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more
new ones for X amount of time? I appreciate any thoughts.
Betsy
[email protected]
If your son is still in PS and wears the same clothes three days in a row, you guys may well be reported to Child Protective Services for neglect. That is what I would tell him. Now if he wants to wear the same clothes 3 days in a row to build a fort in the backyard, that is different.
We live in an extremely conservative area and my 12yo who hates to bathe, wash his hair or change clothes chooses to engage in group activities (like a shooting sports team through 4-H) where the group guidelines state that you should be dressed to represent your county. We talk with Zach about that ahead of time. In that situation, it is about respect. If he really doesn't want to bathe or change clothes, he doesn't have to participate in the group.
Julie S.
We live in an extremely conservative area and my 12yo who hates to bathe, wash his hair or change clothes chooses to engage in group activities (like a shooting sports team through 4-H) where the group guidelines state that you should be dressed to represent your county. We talk with Zach about that ahead of time. In that situation, it is about respect. If he really doesn't want to bathe or change clothes, he doesn't have to participate in the group.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: jsnhawkins <jsnhawkins@...>
Date: Saturday, March 11, 2006 2:50 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: how do I stop micromanaging everything?
> --- In [email protected], zenmomma@... wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > What's the worst that could happen if your kid wears something you
> don't think is appropriate? What's the worst that could happen if he's
> late doing something or arriving somewhere? Ask yourself these
> questions often. Sometimes it matters, most times it doesn't.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > -------------- Original message ----------------------
> > From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
> >
> You know, I know that 9 times out of 10 letting him make his own
> choice will not result in any harm done. So, how do you draw the line?
> Just on safety issues? For example, sometimes he wants to wear the
> same clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right
> now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm
> neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me? Or
> he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I just
> let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more
> new ones for X amount of time? I appreciate any thoughts.
>
> Betsy
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
>>For example, sometimes he wants to wear thesame clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me?>>
Well, to me the crazy part is that he's still in school. ;o)
But to answer your question I wouldn't worry about him wearing the same clothes for a few days. Kids do that. You could always wash them in the evenings so that they're at least clean and fresh each day. Try not to care what other people think so much. They may very well be judging you but so what? In your heart you know that you are moving towards wanting a different life for your son. Let this be your first little defiant step.
>>Or he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I just let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more new ones for X amount of time?>>I don't get this one. Shoes are meant to be worn aren't they? Why wouldn't he be allowed to wear them as soon as he gets them?
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
Melissa
Wow. In our public schools (when we were there, of course, up til
last year) the teachers totally expected kids to wear what they
wanted. They didn't judge families based on clothes choices or hair
styles or whatever. Some kids would go in their pj's. Of course,
dressed like that comes with consequences, like no recess if it's
cold outside, but it certainly was not a big deal. Nor is it a big
deal for us. If the kids *smell* or look grimy, I just point out that
smelling like they do, it's unlikely people would want to be too
close ;-) Sometimes they change, sometimes not. It's really not any
body's business how my kids dress.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
last year) the teachers totally expected kids to wear what they
wanted. They didn't judge families based on clothes choices or hair
styles or whatever. Some kids would go in their pj's. Of course,
dressed like that comes with consequences, like no recess if it's
cold outside, but it certainly was not a big deal. Nor is it a big
deal for us. If the kids *smell* or look grimy, I just point out that
smelling like they do, it's unlikely people would want to be too
close ;-) Sometimes they change, sometimes not. It's really not any
body's business how my kids dress.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
On Mar 11, 2006, at 3:20 PM, jnjstau@... wrote:
> If your son is still in PS and wears the same clothes three days in
> a row, you guys may well be reported to Child Protective Services
> for neglect. That is what I would tell him. Now if he wants to
> wear the same clothes 3 days in a row to build a fort in the
> backyard, that is different.
>
> We live in an extremely conservative area and my 12yo who hates to
> bathe, wash his hair or change clothes chooses to engage in group
> activities (like a shooting sports team through 4-H) where the
> group guidelines state that you should be dressed to represent your
> county. We talk with Zach about that ahead of time. In that
> situation, it is about respect. If he really doesn't want to bathe
> or change clothes, he doesn't have to participate in the group.
>
> Julie S.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: jsnhawkins <jsnhawkins@...>
> Date: Saturday, March 11, 2006 2:50 pm
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: how do I stop micromanaging
> everything?
>
> > --- In [email protected], zenmomma@... wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the worst that could happen if your kid wears something you
> > don't think is appropriate? What's the worst that could happen if
> he's
> > late doing something or arriving somewhere? Ask yourself these
> > questions often. Sometimes it matters, most times it doesn't.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > -------------- Original message ----------------------
> > > From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
> > >
> > You know, I know that 9 times out of 10 letting him make his own
> > choice will not result in any harm done. So, how do you draw the
> line?
> > Just on safety issues? For example, sometimes he wants to wear the
> > same clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right
> > now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm
> > neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me? Or
> > he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I
> just
> > let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more
> > new ones for X amount of time? I appreciate any thoughts.
Angela S.
My kids often stay in the same clothes for a couple days at a time but it
isn't because they like the clothes so much but because changing clothes
seems like too much of an effort to bother with. (they often sleep in the
same clothes too.) But if I bring them a change of clothes and help them
change, then it isn't a big deal. It just isn't important enough for them
to want to take the time to do it themselves. They'll happily oblige me by
changing when I bring them the clothes and help them though.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
isn't because they like the clothes so much but because changing clothes
seems like too much of an effort to bother with. (they often sleep in the
same clothes too.) But if I bring them a change of clothes and help them
change, then it isn't a big deal. It just isn't important enough for them
to want to take the time to do it themselves. They'll happily oblige me by
changing when I bring them the clothes and help them though.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
Ren Allen
"My kids often stay in the same clothes for a couple days at a time
but it isn't because they like the clothes so much but because
changing clothes seems like too much of an effort to bother with.
(they often sleep in the same clothes too.)"
Yeah, mine too. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of a visit from CPS
over clothes!! To heck with what anyone thinks. If wearing the same
clothes for three days causes a visit, bring it on. Cripes.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
but it isn't because they like the clothes so much but because
changing clothes seems like too much of an effort to bother with.
(they often sleep in the same clothes too.)"
Yeah, mine too. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of a visit from CPS
over clothes!! To heck with what anyone thinks. If wearing the same
clothes for three days causes a visit, bring it on. Cripes.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
camden
> Yeah, mine too. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of a visit from CPSWhen we were still foster parents and our oldest was still in ps, he loved
> over clothes!! To heck with what anyone thinks. If wearing the same
> clothes for three days causes a visit, bring it on. Cripes.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
his black jeans. So I bought him 4 pairs of them. His teacher questioned
why he was "always wearing the same pants". She asked if his social worker
was aware that he had limited clothing. So we put different patches on the
4 pr. so she could tell them apart ;) It was a ridiculous thing to do but
it was one of those hoops we had to go thru before our adoptions became
final & our lives became our own.
Carol
jsnhawkins
--- In [email protected], zenmomma@... wrote:
more new ones for X amount of time?>>
brand new pair (a birthday gift that cost $60!) he wore them out in
the mud the next day. I just thought it would have been nice to keep
them decent looking for at least a few weeks. I mean, he had several
other pairs he could have worn for muddy play. I guess that's just me
being anal. I'm getting great feedback here!
Betsy
>I just let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no
>
>
> >>Or he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should
more new ones for X amount of time?>>
>wouldn't he be allowed to wear them as soon as he gets them?
> I don't get this one. Shoes are meant to be worn aren't they? Why
>Yeah, you're right. Shoes are meant to be worn, but last time he got a
> --
> ~Mary
>
> "The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
> green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
> alive."
> ~Thich Nhat Hanh
>
> -------------- Original message ----------------------
> From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
>
brand new pair (a birthday gift that cost $60!) he wore them out in
the mud the next day. I just thought it would have been nice to keep
them decent looking for at least a few weeks. I mean, he had several
other pairs he could have worn for muddy play. I guess that's just me
being anal. I'm getting great feedback here!
Betsy
[email protected]
I personally knew a family in Houston Texas who was visited by CPS due to a negligent complaint from the school. One of the kids was wearing the same clothes each day and the teacher assumed no one was caring for him at home. I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your children removed from you for at least 24 hours.
Julie S.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>
Date: Saturday, March 11, 2006 6:18 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging everything?
> "My kids often stay in the same clothes for a couple days at a time
> but it isn't because they like the clothes so much but because
> changing clothes seems like too much of an effort to bother with.
> (they often sleep in the same clothes too.)"
>
> Yeah, mine too. Personally, I wouldn't be afraid of a visit from CPS
> over clothes!! To heck with what anyone thinks. If wearing the same
> clothes for three days causes a visit, bring it on. Cripes.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
I don't know if it's been said yet but....
Children who are respected and loved IMO don't act out or make choices that
are risky to their health or others.
I know many moms who's children (sons) liked a certain shirt or pants. They
washed them at night and one sent a lil note to the teacher. I don't think
its rare at all..
The shoe situation was one I cringed about last week. I bought one of my
little guys a pair of sneaks I have been looking at and got a great deal on
them. Our yard is mud pit. I hoped he wouldn't put them on to go out and play
because of the mud but also because it is so muddy he would be in deeper than
the shoe. He did after a day or so decide to wear them and they did get covered
but look just as new after a wash. No harm done.. Glad I didn't say
anything... a few years ago I may have..
With four I buy backups. Not 60.00 but I buy right.
Yesterday I walked into Gap and found sneaker/shoes (quicklace) for $2.97.
Could have purchased 3 pair to replace the Vans I bought also on clearance.
I'd say with love and support 10 out of 10 will result in no harm. It's ok
to help them. Saying no due to what if's is harder than saying yes..standing by
them as support and being there with the hug or high five is way more fun.
Laura
<<You know, I know that 9 times out of 10 letting him make his own
choice will not result in any harm done. So, how do you draw the line?
Just on safety issues? For example, sometimes he wants to wear the
same clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right
now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm
neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me? Or
he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I just
let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more
new ones for X amount of time? I appreciate any thoughts.
Betsy>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Children who are respected and loved IMO don't act out or make choices that
are risky to their health or others.
I know many moms who's children (sons) liked a certain shirt or pants. They
washed them at night and one sent a lil note to the teacher. I don't think
its rare at all..
The shoe situation was one I cringed about last week. I bought one of my
little guys a pair of sneaks I have been looking at and got a great deal on
them. Our yard is mud pit. I hoped he wouldn't put them on to go out and play
because of the mud but also because it is so muddy he would be in deeper than
the shoe. He did after a day or so decide to wear them and they did get covered
but look just as new after a wash. No harm done.. Glad I didn't say
anything... a few years ago I may have..
With four I buy backups. Not 60.00 but I buy right.
Yesterday I walked into Gap and found sneaker/shoes (quicklace) for $2.97.
Could have purchased 3 pair to replace the Vans I bought also on clearance.
I'd say with love and support 10 out of 10 will result in no harm. It's ok
to help them. Saying no due to what if's is harder than saying yes..standing by
them as support and being there with the hug or high five is way more fun.
Laura
<<You know, I know that 9 times out of 10 letting him make his own
choice will not result in any harm done. So, how do you draw the line?
Just on safety issues? For example, sometimes he wants to wear the
same clothes 3 days out of a week to school (yes, he is in PS right
now, we are moving to HS very soon). I'm afraid people think I'm
neglectful and don't buy him enough clothes! Is that crazy of me? Or
he'll want to wear his brand new shoes outside to play. Should I just
let him and explain that if they're ruined, that's fine, but no more
new ones for X amount of time? I appreciate any thoughts.
Betsy>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela S.
<<I personally knew a family in Houston Texas who was visited by CPS due to
a negligent complaint from the school. One of the kids was wearing the same
clothes each day and the teacher assumed no one was caring for him at home.
I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years and you
would be surprised at how little it takes to have your children removed from
you for at least 24 hours.>>
Well thankfull our kids don't go to school, so it shouldn't be an issue.
And for us, the people who would notice that our kids wear the same clothes
a lot know us well enough to know they certainly aren't negelected.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
a negligent complaint from the school. One of the kids was wearing the same
clothes each day and the teacher assumed no one was caring for him at home.
I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years and you
would be surprised at how little it takes to have your children removed from
you for at least 24 hours.>>
Well thankfull our kids don't go to school, so it shouldn't be an issue.
And for us, the people who would notice that our kids wear the same clothes
a lot know us well enough to know they certainly aren't negelected.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
Angela S.
With regards to the shoe situation, often kids just don't think ahead. If
my yard were a mess and my kids were going out to play, I'd suggest they
wear their mud boots. My kids have no reason not to take my suggestions into
consideration because I don't hard on them a lot.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
my yard were a mess and my kids were going out to play, I'd suggest they
wear their mud boots. My kids have no reason not to take my suggestions into
consideration because I don't hard on them a lot.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
Ren Allen
"I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years
and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your
children removed from you for at least 24 hours."
I guess I don't choose to give my power to an institution that can rob
our family of autonomy. If my child wanted to wear clothing over and
over, I'd just explain to the teacher that he/she loves it and ask for
understanding. If they couldn't understand, my kid would be out of there!
'Course my child wouldn't be there in the first place unless they
wanted to be there. Why go tiptoing around the school? Why not just
bring the child HOME? What is the hold-up?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your
children removed from you for at least 24 hours."
I guess I don't choose to give my power to an institution that can rob
our family of autonomy. If my child wanted to wear clothing over and
over, I'd just explain to the teacher that he/she loves it and ask for
understanding. If they couldn't understand, my kid would be out of there!
'Course my child wouldn't be there in the first place unless they
wanted to be there. Why go tiptoing around the school? Why not just
bring the child HOME? What is the hold-up?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/12/2006 7:31:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
My kids often stay in the same clothes for a couple days at a time but it
isn't because they like the clothes so much but because changing clothes
seems like too much of an effort to bother with. (they often sleep in the
same clothes too.) But if I bring them a change of clothes and help them
change, then it isn't a big deal. It just isn't important enough for them
to want to take the time to do it themselves. They'll happily oblige me by
changing when I bring them the clothes and help them though.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
**************
I would imagine that their changing clothes regularly would be a bigger
issue for you since they're around horses all the time!
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
My kids often stay in the same clothes for a couple days at a time but it
isn't because they like the clothes so much but because changing clothes
seems like too much of an effort to bother with. (they often sleep in the
same clothes too.) But if I bring them a change of clothes and help them
change, then it isn't a big deal. It just isn't important enough for them
to want to take the time to do it themselves. They'll happily oblige me by
changing when I bring them the clothes and help them though.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
**************
I would imagine that their changing clothes regularly would be a bigger
issue for you since they're around horses all the time!
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
My kids ARE home but the original posters' weren't yet. I don't know why. But it doesn't have to be the school, it could be the doctor, a neighbor, a sil. Child Protective Services can take your children for 24 hours with very little provocation and I have yet to meet a judge that will return the kids at the "show-cause" hearing. They will make the kids wait 3 months to go home, just to CYA.
Because of that, I think it is really important to CONSIDER the norms of your community when talking with your kids. In our community, it is the norm for boys to have short haircuts, be quite clean, wear a belt, etc.. Girls have their hair combed, wear shoes all the time, etc.. When my youngest who has very curly, wild hair wanted to try kindergarten last year, we got notes sent home because the teacher thought she wasn't being cared for due to us not washing and combing her hair daily.
Do I sit and freak out over it? No. Do I take things into consideration? Yes. And I talk with my kids about it.
Julie S.
Because of that, I think it is really important to CONSIDER the norms of your community when talking with your kids. In our community, it is the norm for boys to have short haircuts, be quite clean, wear a belt, etc.. Girls have their hair combed, wear shoes all the time, etc.. When my youngest who has very curly, wild hair wanted to try kindergarten last year, we got notes sent home because the teacher thought she wasn't being cared for due to us not washing and combing her hair daily.
Do I sit and freak out over it? No. Do I take things into consideration? Yes. And I talk with my kids about it.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>
Date: Sunday, March 12, 2006 7:21 am
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging everything?
> "I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years
> and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your
> children removed from you for at least 24 hours."
>
> I guess I don't choose to give my power to an institution that can rob
> our family of autonomy. If my child wanted to wear clothing over and
> over, I'd just explain to the teacher that he/she loves it and ask for
> understanding. If they couldn't understand, my kid would be out of
> there!'Course my child wouldn't be there in the first place unless
> theywanted to be there. Why go tiptoing around the school? Why not
> justbring the child HOME? What is the hold-up?
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Angela S.
<<I would imagine that their changing clothes regularly would be a bigger
issue for you since they're around horses all the time!
Kathryn>>
LOL!
There are many days in the winter that they do not ride and only go to the
barn to feed and shovel stalls, but then again, they do wear breeches when
they ride and their shirts stay under their coats. :)
If their clothes are noticeably dirty I ask them to change and they do or I
bring them a change of clothes and help them change. I wouldn't want them
to climb into bed with fur and dirt all over them.
It's just there is no rule that you have to change your clothes every day.
If they are dirty, they change, sometimes with my help and sometimes not.
Just because they can do it themselves doesn't mean that they don't enjoy
help.
I have no worries that they need to change because someone might report us
to the authorities or because most people change every day. It hasn't
killed them yet and they appear to be clean though they only bathe about
once a week.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
issue for you since they're around horses all the time!
Kathryn>>
LOL!
There are many days in the winter that they do not ride and only go to the
barn to feed and shovel stalls, but then again, they do wear breeches when
they ride and their shirts stay under their coats. :)
If their clothes are noticeably dirty I ask them to change and they do or I
bring them a change of clothes and help them change. I wouldn't want them
to climb into bed with fur and dirt all over them.
It's just there is no rule that you have to change your clothes every day.
If they are dirty, they change, sometimes with my help and sometimes not.
Just because they can do it themselves doesn't mean that they don't enjoy
help.
I have no worries that they need to change because someone might report us
to the authorities or because most people change every day. It hasn't
killed them yet and they appear to be clean though they only bathe about
once a week.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
Angela S.
That was supposed to say HARP, not hard.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
<<With regards to the shoe situation, often kids just don't think ahead. If
my yard were a mess and my kids were going out to play, I'd suggest they
wear their mud boots. My kids have no reason not to take my suggestions into
consideration because I don't hard on them a lot. >>
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
<<With regards to the shoe situation, often kids just don't think ahead. If
my yard were a mess and my kids were going out to play, I'd suggest they
wear their mud boots. My kids have no reason not to take my suggestions into
consideration because I don't hard on them a lot. >>
Angela S.
<<I would imagine that their changing clothes regularly would be a bigger
issue for you since they're around horses all the time!
Kathryn>>
Now that I think about it though, I am a lot more relaxed about horse or
animal germs than I am about people germs. Horse dirt doesn't bother me too
much because my main foucs is what will make them sick and that is usually a
virus caught from another person. If we've been to Wal-mart and everyone
there seemed to be coughing, I'd definitely encourage them to wash before
eating and change before bed.
Angela
issue for you since they're around horses all the time!
Kathryn>>
Now that I think about it though, I am a lot more relaxed about horse or
animal germs than I am about people germs. Horse dirt doesn't bother me too
much because my main foucs is what will make them sick and that is usually a
virus caught from another person. If we've been to Wal-mart and everyone
there seemed to be coughing, I'd definitely encourage them to wash before
eating and change before bed.
Angela
Lesa McMahon-Lowe
Do Foster Kids have to go to Public School? I don't know the laws on this.
-------Original Message-------
"I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years
and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your
children removed from you for at least 24 hours."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-------Original Message-------
"I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years
and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your
children removed from you for at least 24 hours."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
camden
When we were foster parents (here in Maine), our foster kids had to attend
public school. When we were going thru the adoption process, we were asked
if we planned on homeschooling any of the kids we were adopting & we lied &
said no. The reason for this is our youngest was being homeschooled & our
worker didn't approve of homeschooling. Some workers are okay with you
homeschooling after the adoption but we had heard of adoptions not going
thru because of the "homeschool issue".
As soon as our adoptions went thru, we pulled all the kids from ps. It was
like the day the judge signed the adoption papers, he gave us our life back
to live to the benefit of our family , not DHS.
I'm not sure about other states but I've heard they have similar
regulations.
Carol
public school. When we were going thru the adoption process, we were asked
if we planned on homeschooling any of the kids we were adopting & we lied &
said no. The reason for this is our youngest was being homeschooled & our
worker didn't approve of homeschooling. Some workers are okay with you
homeschooling after the adoption but we had heard of adoptions not going
thru because of the "homeschool issue".
As soon as our adoptions went thru, we pulled all the kids from ps. It was
like the day the judge signed the adoption papers, he gave us our life back
to live to the benefit of our family , not DHS.
I'm not sure about other states but I've heard they have similar
regulations.
Carol
----- Original Message -----
From: "Lesa McMahon-Lowe" <lesajm@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, March 12, 2006 2:25 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging everything?
> Do Foster Kids have to go to Public School? I don't know the laws on
> this.
[email protected]
The two states I have been involved in, Texas and Michigan, foster kids were required to attend school. It could be an accredited private school but at the foster parents' expense.
Julie S.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Lesa McMahon-Lowe <lesajm@...>
Date: Sunday, March 12, 2006 1:25 pm
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging everything?
> Do Foster Kids have to go to Public School? I don't know the laws
> on this.
>
>
> -------Original Message-------
>
>
> "I don't agree with it but we were foster parents for several years
> and you would be surprised at how little it takes to have your
> children removed from you for at least 24 hours."
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
<<adoptions not going through because of the "homeschool issue">>
Absolutely. Just because something is legal doesn't mean that it will be approved for an adopting family. We are an anglo couple and now youngest of five is biracial. The worker had an issue with mixed race families and drug her heels on the entire process. I ended up having to call the head guy of CPS in Texas and threatening legal action to get it pushed through. If there had been question of the kids not bathing or wearing clothes for several days to school, we would have been sunk even though no one was being neglected.
Julie S.
Absolutely. Just because something is legal doesn't mean that it will be approved for an adopting family. We are an anglo couple and now youngest of five is biracial. The worker had an issue with mixed race families and drug her heels on the entire process. I ended up having to call the head guy of CPS in Texas and threatening legal action to get it pushed through. If there had been question of the kids not bathing or wearing clothes for several days to school, we would have been sunk even though no one was being neglected.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: camden <ccoutlaw@...>
Date: Sunday, March 12, 2006 1:34 pm
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging everything?
> When we were foster parents (here in Maine), our foster kids had
> to attend
> public school. When we were going thru the adoption process, we
> were asked
> if we planned on homeschooling any of the kids we were adopting &
> we lied &
> said no. The reason for this is our youngest was being
> homeschooled & our
> worker didn't approve of homeschooling. Some workers are okay
> with you
> homeschooling after the adoption but we had heard of adoptions not
> going
> thru because of the "homeschool issue".
>
> As soon as our adoptions went thru, we pulled all the kids from
> ps. It was
> like the day the judge signed the adoption papers, he gave us our
> life back
> to live to the benefit of our family , not DHS.
>
> I'm not sure about other states but I've heard they have similar
> regulations.
>
> Carol
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Lesa McMahon-Lowe" <lesajm@...>
> To: <[email protected]>
> Sent: Sunday, March 12, 2006 2:25 PM
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] how do I stop micromanaging
> everything?
>
> > Do Foster Kids have to go to Public School? I don't know the
> laws on
> > this.
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/12/2006 9:37:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
Do Foster Kids have to go to Public School? I don't know the laws
Robin in MA
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jnjstau@... writes:
Do Foster Kids have to go to Public School? I don't know the laws
> on this.In Massachusetts they do.
>
Robin in MA
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>but last time he got abrand new pair (a birthday gift that cost $60!) he wore them out in
the mud the next day. I just thought it would have been nice to keep
them decent looking for at least a few weeks.>>
Did he have fun in the mud? <g>
Maybe you'd do better buying him less expensive shoes and a fun pair of mud boots.
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "jsnhawkins" <jsnhawkins@...>
S Drag-teine
"I just thought it would have been nice to kept them decent looking for at
least a few weeks."
I can certainly commiserate with this. I try to catch it before it happens -
it isn't a matter of hey I got something new let's go mess it up. It is a
matter of - I am a kid and I don't always think of the consequences I just
want to have fun. My son doesn't have to tell him what he is doing for every
moment of the day but I do ask that he tell me when he is going outside. I
allow him to go out in all kinds of weather as long as he isn't sick and it
isn't thundering outside - again all about safety. We will stand under the
deck roof to watch the storm together if he really wants to see it.
When he says, "hey I am going outside." I look him over real quick and if he
has one of his nicer shirts, pants or shoes that we usually use to go
shopping or out to eat. I make the suggestion that maybe he might want to
change into something else. He usually wears his snow boots when it is
raining and after when it is still muddy. He likes wearing special stuff and
keeping stuff nice but he has even tested me. He had brand new shoes on just
bought from the store that day. He wanted to go out in the rain and I
suggested his boots. No, he wanted to wear the new ones. Okay, if that is
what he wanted. The were HIS shoes go outside and I will help you clean them
when they get dirty. He got to the end of the deck came back to the door and
said told me it was raining and he needed his boot on.lol.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
least a few weeks."
I can certainly commiserate with this. I try to catch it before it happens -
it isn't a matter of hey I got something new let's go mess it up. It is a
matter of - I am a kid and I don't always think of the consequences I just
want to have fun. My son doesn't have to tell him what he is doing for every
moment of the day but I do ask that he tell me when he is going outside. I
allow him to go out in all kinds of weather as long as he isn't sick and it
isn't thundering outside - again all about safety. We will stand under the
deck roof to watch the storm together if he really wants to see it.
When he says, "hey I am going outside." I look him over real quick and if he
has one of his nicer shirts, pants or shoes that we usually use to go
shopping or out to eat. I make the suggestion that maybe he might want to
change into something else. He usually wears his snow boots when it is
raining and after when it is still muddy. He likes wearing special stuff and
keeping stuff nice but he has even tested me. He had brand new shoes on just
bought from the store that day. He wanted to go out in the rain and I
suggested his boots. No, he wanted to wear the new ones. Okay, if that is
what he wanted. The were HIS shoes go outside and I will help you clean them
when they get dirty. He got to the end of the deck came back to the door and
said told me it was raining and he needed his boot on.lol.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]