Melanie Ilsley

ok, so maybe not exactly about unschooling, but it was mentioned already, so...many people
have talked about unschooling being not just about freedom to learn, but freedom to make
all desicions. Do you let your kids stay up untill they decide to go to bed? What about
meals, my kids eat when they want, but we do sit together for the late meal. Do you make
any desicions for your kids? I don't want ANYTHING to interfere with unschooling, i've lost
five years already, do you set guidelines?

the next ? the unschoolers that need to provide their state with curriculum, and assessment,
how do you do that. I know unschooling is the right thing for us, and will eventually work
well, but worry about the states role also. two in one...melanie

Nicole Willoughby

ok, so maybe not exactly about unschooling, but it was mentioned already, so...many people
have talked about unschooling being not just about freedom to learn, but freedom to make
all desicions. Do you let your kids stay up untill they decide to go to bed? What about
meals, my kids eat when they want, but we do sit together for the late meal. Do you make
any desicions for your kids? I don't want ANYTHING to interfere with unschooling, i've lost
five years already, do you set guidelines?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You can unschool and still have rules and run the rest of you life .......IMO i think its working better without so many rules. In the past week since Courtney has been out of school Ive been able to drop a lot of the "rules " I felt necessary while she was in school.
My younger 2 will usualy fall asleep by 10 or 11 ....often much earlier . I sometimes lay down with them to encourage the process. Now that she is out of school my 6 year old does not have a bedtime. I have to be up fairly early to get Nathaniel to school so I like to be in bed by midnight. My rule is that if daddy is not up to watch her she has to be in the room with me. This way I feel safer but she is able to be up watch tv, play games, color/work on an art project.

Nicole


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Marge

--- In [email protected], "Melanie Ilsley" <us5@...>
wrote:
>
> ok, so maybe not exactly about unschooling, but it was mentioned
already, so...many people
> have talked about unschooling being not just about freedom to
learn, but freedom to make
> all desicions.

IF YOU ASK ME THIS IS DEFINITELY ABOUT RADICAL UNSCHOOLING.

>Do you let your kids stay up untill they decide to go to bed?

ACTUALLY, YES. EVEN THE TWO LITTLEST ONES (2 & 4.) THE OLDER ONES
SOMETIMES STAY UP TIL 3 OR 4 AM BUT THE LITTLE ONES USUALLY GO UP
BEFORE 11. SOMETIMES NOT, BUT IF I GO UP TO BED (BECAUSE I HAVE TO
GET UP OR AM JUST WIPED OUT FROM THE DAY) THEY USUALLY COME UP TOO.

> What about
> meals, my kids eat when they want, but we do sit together for the
late meal.

WE EAT WHEN WE ARE HUNGRY. SOMETIMES THAT HAPPENS AT THE SAME TIME
BUT NOT USUALLY. I USED TO GET A LITTLE FRUSTRATED WHEN I MADE A
MEAL AND NO ONE WANTED TO EAT BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T HUNGRY. NOW I
ASK. (WHO'S HUNGRY? SHOULD I COOK? WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT? ETC)

>Do you make
> any desicions for your kids? I don't want ANYTHING to interfere
with unschooling, i've lost
> five years already, do you set guidelines?

LIFE CHANGED AROUND HERE WHEN JOSSILYN WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AML. IT
BECAME GLARINGLY CLEAR TO ME HOW ARBITRARY SOME OF THE "RULES" OF
THE HOUSE WERE--LINGERING AFTER-EFFECTS OF LIVING WITH A SUPER
CONTROL FREAK (AKA THEIR FATHER WHO IS NPD) SUCH AS THE BEDTIME
THING.

THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE NON-NEGOTIABLE. JOSSILYN MUST TAKE HER
MEDS, BUT THE TIMING ALLOWS FOR SOME LEEWAY. THANK GOD FOR HER G-
TUBE. (GASTRO-INTESTINAL TUBE WHICH SHE WAS INTEGRAL IN DECIDING TO
HAVE PLACED. ORAL MEDS WERE A HUGE BATTLE) ALSO SHE IS UNDER MANY
RESTRICTIONS (DUE TO BMT) WHICH SHE CHAFES UNDER.

BEYOND THAT, I GUESS THERE IS LITTLE THAT I ARBITRARILY DECIDE FOR
THEM. I CAN'T ACTUALLY THINK OF ANYTHING BUT I WON'T SAY
DEFINITELY 'CAUSE THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING.


>
> the next ? the unschoolers that need to provide their state with
curriculum, and assessment,
> how do you do that. I know unschooling is the right thing for us,
and will eventually work
> well, but worry about the states role also. two in one...melanie
>

WE DO AN INTENT TO HOMESCHOOL LETTER AND PORTFOLIO REVIEW HERE IN
MAINE. I THINK THE IDEA OF THE REVIEW INSTILLS PANIC IN NEWBIES BUT
IT REALLY IS SIMPLE. I THINK ABOUT THINGS WE HAVE DONE AND KIND OF
STUFF THEM INTO "SUBJECTS." (I.E. BUILT A ROMAN CATAPULT--THAT'S
HISTORY? MATH? SCIENCE?) TELL THE "REVIEWER" AND GET OUR LETTER.
BUT I CAN'T SPEAK FOR HOW IT WORKS IN YOUR STATE. I STRONGLY
SUGGEST THAT YOU NOT GET STRESSED OVER IT, HOWEVER.

GOOD LUCK
MARGE

Nicole Willoughby

JOSSILYN WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AML>>>>>>

What is AML? BMT?

Thanks,
Nicole


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Marge

So sorry. When you live with it you get caught up in the jargon.

AML= acute myeloid leukemia
BMT= bone marrow transplant

Marge

--- In [email protected], Nicole Willoughby
<cncnawilloughby@...> wrote:
>
> JOSSILYN WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AML>>>>>>
>
> What is AML? BMT?
>
> Thanks,
> Nicole
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Mail
> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Sheila Plant

Maybe this is very un-unschooling but we have a bedtime. My children (12 and 9) go to their bedrooms and to bed. They can read in bed or play quitely. The main reason is so that my DH and I have time together in the evening. We find that we are better (i.e. patient and loving) at parenting when we have some time for our relationship. Or time individually. The "couple" came before the kids. I think it is useful to children to see that adults take time together to build and maintain their relationship. We have what I call housemate rules. If someone is tired and they want to go to bed early you dont have their bedroom light on or play loud music you do what makes for being a good housemate.
plantclan



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[email protected]

I completely agree, this is how our house is too.

Deana

Ren Allen

" If someone is tired and they want to go to bed early you dont have
their bedroom light on or play loud music you do what makes for being
a good housemate."

We are all quiet when someone needs to sleep and the rest of us aren't
ready. But what about making someone lay down when they aren't tired?
I think that's disrespectful of their needs. My dh and I don't have
needs that come before the children, we all work out ways to meet
everyone's needs as much as possible.

Dh and I are the adults. We can find creative ways to spend time
together and "couple time" can happen both with and without the
children present.

Being a good "housemate" includes honoring a person that isn't tired.
Some of our most lovely moments have happened late at night. You can
read about a tea party at my blog called "midnight tea" if you like.:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Marge

--- In [email protected], Sheila Plant
<plantclan@...> wrote:
>
>
>
> Maybe this is very un-unschooling but we have a bedtime. My
children (12 and 9) go to their bedrooms and to bed. They can read
in bed or play quitely. The main reason is so that my DH and I have
time together in the evening. We find that we are better (i.e.
patient and loving) at parenting when we have some time for our
relationship. Or time individually. The "couple" came before the
kids. I think it is useful to children to see that adults take time
together to build and maintain their relationship. We have what I
call housemate rules. If someone is tired and they want to go to
bed early you dont have their bedroom light on or play loud music
you do what makes for being a good housemate.
> plantclan
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Mail
> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Marge

Evidently my comments on this got lost. But all I said, basically,
was that I'm divorced from the kids severely NPD father so
the "couple time" excuse is not applicable in our house. (NPD =
narcissistic personality disorder)

Also, I don't count common courtesy as "rules" (and am biting my
tongue on a comment) but if YOU want to call common
courtesy "rules", then yes we have those too.<grin>
Marge



--- In [email protected], "Marge" <jorie6568@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Sheila Plant
> <plantclan@> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > Maybe this is very un-unschooling but we have a bedtime. My
> children (12 and 9) go to their bedrooms and to bed. They can
read
> in bed or play quitely. The main reason is so that my DH and I
have
> time together in the evening. We find that we are better (i.e.
> patient and loving) at parenting when we have some time for our
> relationship. Or time individually. The "couple" came before the
> kids. I think it is useful to children to see that adults take
time
> together to build and maintain their relationship. We have what I
> call housemate rules. If someone is tired and they want to go to
> bed early you dont have their bedroom light on or play loud music
> you do what makes for being a good housemate.
> > plantclan
> >
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Yahoo! Mail
> > Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>

Lisa H

<<Ren wrote: We can find creative ways to spend time together and "couple time">>

We rent a video both our girls are interested in watching and lock our bedroom door for an hour or two. Make sure the kids are well fed! (Its the only time we lock doors in our house) I remember a friend in HS whose parents spent Sunday's locked in their bedrooms and i always thought it was cool that they made intimate time for themselves with the kids knowing. In my house my parents hardly showed affection for one another let alone any indication of sexual activity (well after 20plus years - they were divorced).

But needing really private time occasionally where we don't have to worry about sounds travelling - last spring i rented a cheap hotel room for the night. We don't use babysitters often and don't have family near by and it had been a period where my girls just weren't out of the house at friends at the same time while my dh and i were left home alone. So i paid a sitter and we had an evening together. Were home by midnight. (One of the best parts was that i blindfolded my dh and surprised him with my plan. He didn't know what was up until we got there. I had arrived earlier and set up music and candles - making a dive seem less divey. I won't go into the details about what we did with the blindfold afterwards <g>)

Lisa Heyman

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

>>Do you let your kids stay up untill they decide to go to bed? What about meals, my kids eat when they want, but we do sit together for the late meal. Do you make any desicions for your kids? I don't want ANYTHING to interfere with unschooling, i've lost five years already, do you set guidelines?>>

Try reading around Sandra Dodd's page on parenting issues. It's a collection of some of the best advice given on these very topics. :o) http://sandradodd.com/life

>>the next ? the unschoolers that need to provide their state with curriculum, and assessment, how do you do that.>>

What state are you in? We can help if we know the specifics.
--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Melanie Ilsley" <us5@...>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

S Drag-teine

"What state are you in? We can help if we know the specifics."

Sorry for butting in this thread... I just found out that we will be moving
to Pennsylvania. Could you help me out as well?

Shannon

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of zenmomma@...
Sent: Thursday, March 02, 2006 5:17 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] bedtime question, and assessment/curriculum

>>Do you let your kids stay up untill they decide to go to bed? What about
meals, my kids eat when they want, but we do sit together for the late meal.
Do you make any desicions for your kids? I don't want ANYTHING to interfere
with unschooling, i've lost five years already, do you set guidelines?>>

Try reading around Sandra Dodd's page on parenting issues. It's a
collection of some of the best advice given on these very topics. :o)
http://sandradodd.com/life

>>the next ? the unschoolers that need to provide their state with
curriculum, and assessment, how do you do that.>>

What state are you in? We can help if we know the specifics.
--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Melanie Ilsley" <us5@...>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




Yahoo! Groups Links

Melanie Ilsley

Hi we are in Vermont, sorry i usually try to include that in my closing. Also I did come
accross the Sandra Dodd site when I surfed for radical unschooling. A great site, it made me
a little sad, but only because i didn't trust myself or my kids, i was following the "norm". I
now have the site bookmarked, and am sharing it with my husband.
>
>
>
>
> ]
>thanks melanie from vt

mother_bhaer

> Evidently my comments on this got lost. But all I said, basically,
> was that I'm divorced from the kids severely NPD father so
> the "couple time" excuse is not applicable in our house. (NPD =
> narcissistic personality disorder)
>
> Marge
>
>

Hi. We (dh and I) do let the kids stay up until they are ready to go
to bed. I used to have them go to bed by 9 but both my kids had
trouble going to sleep and seemed tired and grumpy the next day. I
would try putting them to bed earlier and it would just be worse.

We let go of bedtimes about 2 months ago and my 7 yod has been a joy
where before she was difficult to be around. Both my 11 yos and 7
yod haven't had trouble going to sleep anymore. Now, they go to bed
when they are sleepy.

A couple of weeks ago I started wondering where my dd was. I hadn't
seen or heard from her in about 30 min. I walked down the hall and
ds said to be quiet that Abby had gone to bed. Sure 'nough, my 7 yod
had gone to bed when she was tired!

Just last night they stayed up to watch a movie after dh and I went
to bed around 10. We all know that it is thoughtful of others to be
quiet when others are trying to sleep and we encourage that in our
home. It's working great for us.

Terri