New - Really need help
deanabrown1
Hello, I started homeschooling our dd 6weeks ago. She is 9 years old
and I have a 2year old as well. For the first 4 weeks we did
curriculum 6 subjects a day. That wore us out real fast and we found
no joy in it and she wasnt absorbing any of it anyway.
Then I discovered Unschooling. My problem is this. Ever since we
stopped homeschooling she plays toontown online or everquest from 8am
to 9pm straight with few breaks for meals, snacks, and one chore. It
is frustrating me because I feel she needs to be doing some other
things. And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wanting
to go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all
day.
I want to take some what of an unschooling approach but for our very
strongwilled child we need some sort of guidline limits as well.
Exhausted and frustrated mom
Deana
and I have a 2year old as well. For the first 4 weeks we did
curriculum 6 subjects a day. That wore us out real fast and we found
no joy in it and she wasnt absorbing any of it anyway.
Then I discovered Unschooling. My problem is this. Ever since we
stopped homeschooling she plays toontown online or everquest from 8am
to 9pm straight with few breaks for meals, snacks, and one chore. It
is frustrating me because I feel she needs to be doing some other
things. And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wanting
to go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all
day.
I want to take some what of an unschooling approach but for our very
strongwilled child we need some sort of guidline limits as well.
Exhausted and frustrated mom
Deana
Lisa H
Deanna,
Unschooling is so much about trust. And for now I would suggest you really just sit back and relax and read read read unschooling lists and books and magazines. You really have no idea what your dd will be doing a year from now. Or for that matter 10 years from now. When fears creep into my consciousness i hug my children and tell them i love them. They need complete acceptance in order to be themselves and for a child who has been in school - she'll need to rediscover what that self is.
I would ask - why do you think you would need to set limits and guidelines for a strong willed child? My experience with my own strong willed energetic kids is that the more i push the more they push back. if i work with them instead of against or around them - the more we ultimately work together, graciously and in harmony.
Lisa Heyman
Unschooling is so much about trust. And for now I would suggest you really just sit back and relax and read read read unschooling lists and books and magazines. You really have no idea what your dd will be doing a year from now. Or for that matter 10 years from now. When fears creep into my consciousness i hug my children and tell them i love them. They need complete acceptance in order to be themselves and for a child who has been in school - she'll need to rediscover what that self is.
I would ask - why do you think you would need to set limits and guidelines for a strong willed child? My experience with my own strong willed energetic kids is that the more i push the more they push back. if i work with them instead of against or around them - the more we ultimately work together, graciously and in harmony.
Lisa Heyman
----- Original Message -----
From: deanabrown1
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 6:11 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] New - Really need help
Hello, I started homeschooling our dd 6weeks ago. She is 9 years old
and I have a 2year old as well. For the first 4 weeks we did
curriculum 6 subjects a day. That wore us out real fast and we found
no joy in it and she wasnt absorbing any of it anyway.
Then I discovered Unschooling. My problem is this. Ever since we
stopped homeschooling she plays toontown online or everquest from 8am
to 9pm straight with few breaks for meals, snacks, and one chore. It
is frustrating me because I feel she needs to be doing some other
things. And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wanting
to go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all
day.
I want to take some what of an unschooling approach but for our very
strongwilled child we need some sort of guidline limits as well.
Exhausted and frustrated mom
Deana
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Deana Brown
My biggest worry is that 12 to 13 hours sitting at a desk without moving
her muscles or the slightest of exercise is not healthy for one thing,
then she wants to eat in front of the computer instead of with me and
her brother. Also my husband said absolutely not are we going to let
her sit and play computer games ALL day long. He made me promise to
teach at least one subject a day, which I have been doing but more of a
fun way for her like funbrain.com or typing a story with pictures she
finds on the internet or kidsdomain.com which is all still computer but
its something other then killing bad guys all day.
Deana
Lisa H wrote:
her muscles or the slightest of exercise is not healthy for one thing,
then she wants to eat in front of the computer instead of with me and
her brother. Also my husband said absolutely not are we going to let
her sit and play computer games ALL day long. He made me promise to
teach at least one subject a day, which I have been doing but more of a
fun way for her like funbrain.com or typing a story with pictures she
finds on the internet or kidsdomain.com which is all still computer but
its something other then killing bad guys all day.
Deana
Lisa H wrote:
> Deanna,
> Unschooling is so much about trust. And for now I would suggest you
> really just sit back and relax and read read read unschooling lists
> and books and magazines. You really have no idea what your dd will be
> doing a year from now. Or for that matter 10 years from now. When
> fears creep into my consciousness i hug my children and tell them i
> love them. They need complete acceptance in order to be themselves
> and for a child who has been in school - she'll need to rediscover
> what that self is.
>
> I would ask - why do you think you would need to set limits and
> guidelines for a strong willed child? My experience with my own
> strong willed energetic kids is that the more i push the more they
> push back. if i work with them instead of against or around them -
> the more we ultimately work together, graciously and in harmony.
>
> Lisa Heyman
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: deanabrown1
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 6:11 PM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] New - Really need help
>
>
> Hello, I started homeschooling our dd 6weeks ago. She is 9 years old
> and I have a 2year old as well. For the first 4 weeks we did
> curriculum 6 subjects a day. That wore us out real fast and we found
> no joy in it and she wasnt absorbing any of it anyway.
>
> Then I discovered Unschooling. My problem is this. Ever since we
> stopped homeschooling she plays toontown online or everquest from 8am
> to 9pm straight with few breaks for meals, snacks, and one chore. It
> is frustrating me because I feel she needs to be doing some other
> things. And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wanting
> to go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all
> day.
>
> I want to take some what of an unschooling approach but for our very
> strongwilled child we need some sort of guidline limits as well.
>
> Exhausted and frustrated mom
>
> Deana
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> a.. Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
>
> b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service.
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> * Visit your group "unschoolingbasics
> <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics>" on the web.
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>
Sylvia Toyama
It
is frustrating me because I feel she needs to be doing some other things.
*****
It sounds like she's deschooling -- detoxing from the time spent in school, and on curriculum schooling at home. Eventually, she will have her fill of computer time and feel ready to venture away from that for other things. Have you offered fun alternatives for her to do? Not 'here, leave the computer and spend time learning something' but 'hey, how about we hit the mall to window shop and people watch?' or the park, or ice rink, or bowling alley or anything else you think she might enjoy doing.
The learning will follow -- it's impossible to be alive and not learning something all the time. Really. So, while she's deschooling, spending her days however she does (computer, etc) you can take that time to read, read, read about unschooling, deschooling, trusting your children and the like. Try www.sandradodd.com and http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and www.unschooling.info and Danielle Conger's website (don't have that addy handy, but someone else will I'm sure).
******
And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wanting to go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all day.
****
Speaking as the Mom of one child who spent 11 years in school before coming home, I can tell you this is exactly the desire of kids forced to spend 11 years in school -- sit in front of the computer all day, escaping from the demands of the life and process forced on them by the adults. If you think school is damaging, flawed and dangerous (I know it is) why ever would you bring that into your child's home?
*****
I want to take some what of an unschooling approach but for our very strongwilled child we need some sort of guidline limits as well.
*****
What you shared doesn't give me any indication she's a 'strong-willed' child. Which, by the way, I consider to be a good thing. It's funny, as a society we call a child strong-willed only when his desire differs from ours. If she were as focused on 'learning something' or excelling in school as she is in playing on the computer, it would be called 'determined' or 'disciplined.'
Rather than being an exhausted and frustrated Mom, you could drop the expectations and chooose to be a joyous Mom, expectantly awaiting the next amazing thing your child finds to explore with that strong will.
Sylvia
Mom to Will (21) Andy (9) and Dan (5)
The future is not someplace we are going to,
But one we are creating.
The paths to it are not found but created,
And the activity of creating them,
changes both the maker and the destination.
-John H. Schaar
---------------------------------
Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
is frustrating me because I feel she needs to be doing some other things.
*****
It sounds like she's deschooling -- detoxing from the time spent in school, and on curriculum schooling at home. Eventually, she will have her fill of computer time and feel ready to venture away from that for other things. Have you offered fun alternatives for her to do? Not 'here, leave the computer and spend time learning something' but 'hey, how about we hit the mall to window shop and people watch?' or the park, or ice rink, or bowling alley or anything else you think she might enjoy doing.
The learning will follow -- it's impossible to be alive and not learning something all the time. Really. So, while she's deschooling, spending her days however she does (computer, etc) you can take that time to read, read, read about unschooling, deschooling, trusting your children and the like. Try www.sandradodd.com and http://home.earthlink.net/~fetteroll/rejoycing/ and www.unschooling.info and Danielle Conger's website (don't have that addy handy, but someone else will I'm sure).
******
And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wanting to go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all day.
****
Speaking as the Mom of one child who spent 11 years in school before coming home, I can tell you this is exactly the desire of kids forced to spend 11 years in school -- sit in front of the computer all day, escaping from the demands of the life and process forced on them by the adults. If you think school is damaging, flawed and dangerous (I know it is) why ever would you bring that into your child's home?
*****
I want to take some what of an unschooling approach but for our very strongwilled child we need some sort of guidline limits as well.
*****
What you shared doesn't give me any indication she's a 'strong-willed' child. Which, by the way, I consider to be a good thing. It's funny, as a society we call a child strong-willed only when his desire differs from ours. If she were as focused on 'learning something' or excelling in school as she is in playing on the computer, it would be called 'determined' or 'disciplined.'
Rather than being an exhausted and frustrated Mom, you could drop the expectations and chooose to be a joyous Mom, expectantly awaiting the next amazing thing your child finds to explore with that strong will.
Sylvia
Mom to Will (21) Andy (9) and Dan (5)
The future is not someplace we are going to,
But one we are creating.
The paths to it are not found but created,
And the activity of creating them,
changes both the maker and the destination.
-John H. Schaar
---------------------------------
Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nicole Willoughby
Ever since we
stopped homeschooling she plays toontown online or everquest from 8am
to 9pm straight with few breaks for meals, snacks, and one chore.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Ok I havent slept in 2 days and exhausted so I prob wont hit all but lets see.......
Shell be shapening negotiation skills...a fine skill for the business world, lots of consumer math, not only will she have to read a lot but shell have to do it quickly. Since shell be talking with a wide range of people it will help with social skills and relating to many diff types and ages of people. All that reading is sure to increse her vocabulary. Everytime she creates a new char shell be working with statistics and probability .....math that may be a bit advanced for "her age and grade level".
After she plays the game(s) for a while she may become interested in how the characters are brought to life in the game. Its possible she will go on to soending time working with graphics arts. Or she might become interested in the actual coding part of the game.
Im new at this to. Ive always had an unschooling heart but untill last week my daughter was in school by choice.
I invite you to join me in learning to let go. Give yourself permission to not be frustrated. Give youself permission to support your daughter 100% in whatever she chooses to do at this time. You may see if she is interested in subscribing to a gaming magazine. Go online with her for tips on game play.
Dont bug but be there to talk to her if she wants to tell you what she acomplished on the game today or whatever.
As far as thinking she is going to want to play on the computer all day instead of holding a job.
Well first of all public schoolers are the worst on not wanting to hold down a job. I have to have a bit of sympathy esp since I was one. The have already had to work for 10 years when they become old enough to actually get paid for it.
A trend I notice with unschoolers is becoming more creative about how they gain employment and becoming employed doing something they are passionate about. As a result they have a much better work ethic, keep their jobs longer and enjoy doing them a lot more.
If you arent ready to fully let go then think of it like this ...there is what ? not quite 3 months of ps left? No child will become horribly behind or off grade level in a couple months ......I dont care what the schools try to tell you. Then they would be out for summer anyway. So commit to letting go for 6 months.........I do hope you will be glad you did.
Nicole
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
stopped homeschooling she plays toontown online or everquest from 8am
to 9pm straight with few breaks for meals, snacks, and one chore.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Ok I havent slept in 2 days and exhausted so I prob wont hit all but lets see.......
Shell be shapening negotiation skills...a fine skill for the business world, lots of consumer math, not only will she have to read a lot but shell have to do it quickly. Since shell be talking with a wide range of people it will help with social skills and relating to many diff types and ages of people. All that reading is sure to increse her vocabulary. Everytime she creates a new char shell be working with statistics and probability .....math that may be a bit advanced for "her age and grade level".
After she plays the game(s) for a while she may become interested in how the characters are brought to life in the game. Its possible she will go on to soending time working with graphics arts. Or she might become interested in the actual coding part of the game.
Im new at this to. Ive always had an unschooling heart but untill last week my daughter was in school by choice.
I invite you to join me in learning to let go. Give yourself permission to not be frustrated. Give youself permission to support your daughter 100% in whatever she chooses to do at this time. You may see if she is interested in subscribing to a gaming magazine. Go online with her for tips on game play.
Dont bug but be there to talk to her if she wants to tell you what she acomplished on the game today or whatever.
As far as thinking she is going to want to play on the computer all day instead of holding a job.
Well first of all public schoolers are the worst on not wanting to hold down a job. I have to have a bit of sympathy esp since I was one. The have already had to work for 10 years when they become old enough to actually get paid for it.
A trend I notice with unschoolers is becoming more creative about how they gain employment and becoming employed doing something they are passionate about. As a result they have a much better work ethic, keep their jobs longer and enjoy doing them a lot more.
If you arent ready to fully let go then think of it like this ...there is what ? not quite 3 months of ps left? No child will become horribly behind or off grade level in a couple months ......I dont care what the schools try to tell you. Then they would be out for summer anyway. So commit to letting go for 6 months.........I do hope you will be glad you did.
Nicole
---------------------------------
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Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
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Joyce Fetteroll
On Feb 28, 2006, at 7:05 PM, Deana Brown wrote:
she has the freedom to recover and do what brings her joy, the faster
she'll be able to embrace other things.
People end up in full body casts and grow up to be healthy. A month
in front of the computer won't leave any permanent health scars. She
will want to move around when she feels confident that she *could*
choose to spend all day on the computer.
for her, the further she'll retreat and want to hang onto what's
comforting her. Right now it's like a child who has regressed to some
baby-like behavior when a new baby comes in the house. Mostly it's
about finally having the freedom to do the things she enjoys the most
at the moment. And partly it's like a thumb, a blankie or a pacifier.
The more you pull her away from it, the more she's going to want to
cling to it.
*Do* offer other fun things to do. But celebrate her freedom with
her. Enjoy that you're able to bring joy into her life.
She will move on.
daughter needs. They shouldn't be tangled up.
good about it too.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> My biggest worry is that 12 to 13 hours sitting at a desk withoutIt won't last forever. Honest. And the more you're happy for her that
> moving
> her muscles or the slightest of exercise is not healthy for one thing,
she has the freedom to recover and do what brings her joy, the faster
she'll be able to embrace other things.
People end up in full body casts and grow up to be healthy. A month
in front of the computer won't leave any permanent health scars. She
will want to move around when she feels confident that she *could*
choose to spend all day on the computer.
> then she wants to eat in front of the computer instead of with me andAgain, it won't be forever. And the more you make it a negative time
> her brother.
for her, the further she'll retreat and want to hang onto what's
comforting her. Right now it's like a child who has regressed to some
baby-like behavior when a new baby comes in the house. Mostly it's
about finally having the freedom to do the things she enjoys the most
at the moment. And partly it's like a thumb, a blankie or a pacifier.
The more you pull her away from it, the more she's going to want to
cling to it.
*Do* offer other fun things to do. But celebrate her freedom with
her. Enjoy that you're able to bring joy into her life.
She will move on.
> Also my husband said absolutely not are we going to letWhat your husband needs is a totally separate issue from what your
> her sit and play computer games ALL day long.
daughter needs. They shouldn't be tangled up.
> He made me promise toAs long as she's having fun :-) And you're helping your husband feel
> teach at least one subject a day, which I have been doing but more
> of a
> fun way for her like funbrain.com or typing a story with pictures she
> finds on the internet or kidsdomain.com which is all still
> computer but
> its something other then killing bad guys all day.
good about it too.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nrskay
We have been deschooling for 8 months. My dd, 11yo, did play
toontown, neopets and watched TV all day. But that has changed. She
still plays those games, but not for hours on end anymore.
Those games are good learning tools by the way, so I wouldn't worry.
My dd has moved on to other interests and is beginning to trust
herself and that is important for her. She now knows where to get
information when she needs it.
I see her growing and learning things everyday, maybe not like the
kids in school. But, she is happier than her peers, she loves
learning now and loves her lifestyle.
It may take even a few months of just toontown but when she comes out
of this stage, she will be ready to trust you and herself.
Kay
toontown, neopets and watched TV all day. But that has changed. She
still plays those games, but not for hours on end anymore.
Those games are good learning tools by the way, so I wouldn't worry.
My dd has moved on to other interests and is beginning to trust
herself and that is important for her. She now knows where to get
information when she needs it.
I see her growing and learning things everyday, maybe not like the
kids in school. But, she is happier than her peers, she loves
learning now and loves her lifestyle.
It may take even a few months of just toontown but when she comes out
of this stage, she will be ready to trust you and herself.
Kay
[email protected]
Thank you, this helps me feel reassured.
Deana
---- nrskay <k_bird@...> wrote:
We have been deschooling for 8 months. My dd, 11yo, did play
toontown, neopets and watched TV all day. But that has changed. She
still plays those games, but not for hours on end anymore.
Those games are good learning tools by the way, so I wouldn't worry.
My dd has moved on to other interests and is beginning to trust
herself and that is important for her. She now knows where to get
information when she needs it.
I see her growing and learning things everyday, maybe not like the
kids in school. But, she is happier than her peers, she loves
learning now and loves her lifestyle.
It may take even a few months of just toontown but when she comes out
of this stage, she will be ready to trust you and herself.
Kay
Deana
---- nrskay <k_bird@...> wrote:
We have been deschooling for 8 months. My dd, 11yo, did play
toontown, neopets and watched TV all day. But that has changed. She
still plays those games, but not for hours on end anymore.
Those games are good learning tools by the way, so I wouldn't worry.
My dd has moved on to other interests and is beginning to trust
herself and that is important for her. She now knows where to get
information when she needs it.
I see her growing and learning things everyday, maybe not like the
kids in school. But, she is happier than her peers, she loves
learning now and loves her lifestyle.
It may take even a few months of just toontown but when she comes out
of this stage, she will be ready to trust you and herself.
Kay
jlh44music
> We have been deschooling for 8 months. My dd, 11yo, did playtoontown, neopets and watched TV all day. But that has changed.
She still plays those games, but not for hours on end anymore.
Those games are good learning tools by the way, so I wouldn't
worry.>>>
Hi Kay!
Just wanted to jump in here, you and I have talked together offline
before and are somewhat in the same place in our journey to
unschooling!
My dd (13) has also been deschooling for about the same amount of
time, and just this past month, has moved away from the computer,
video games and TV, and is interested in doing other things. When
she first ended school last June, she spent the every day on the
computer (Toontown at first, then found World of Warcraft, also some
video games here and there). I think it's really hard to trust the
whole concept of unschooling when you pull a child from school and
have not lived an unschooling life from day one. It's hard to
believe that they WILL find their way. And it's not that
she's "done" with the deschooling process by any means, and that
she's all of a sudden saying "OK Mom, I'm ready to get back to those
fractions I had trouble with last year in 6th grade"! Not at ALL!
It's about her learning to trust herself and becoming an active
participant in her own learning. Remember, when they're in school,
every minute of every day they're told what to do, when to do it,
how to do it, etc etc. For real learning to occur, in a way that's
valid for each child, they need to let go of that.
I've certainly had my moments of doubt, but I come here for
inspiration and words of wisdom.
> I see her growing and learning things everyday, maybe not like thekids in school. But, she is happier than her peers, she loves
learning now and loves her lifestyle.>
Ditto! My dd loves being able to sleep in until she's done, until
she's ready to get up and start her day (plus teens need extra
sleep!).
> It may take even a few months of just toontown but when she comesout of this stage, she will be ready to trust you and herself.>>>
It will take as long as it takes. The hardest part is for you to
be patient and trust. Get to really know your child, what makes
them tick, how they learn. Help them to recapture the love of
learning that often gets squashed in school. It's going to look a
lot different than public school.
Jann
nrskay
> Just wanted to jump in here, you and I have talked togetheroffline
> before and are somewhat in the same place in our journey toHi Jann:
> unschooling!
I always enjoy your posts and I'm glad to hear that your dd is doing
better. My dd is in a stay at home mode right now, not wanting to
go anywhere. She says she has all she needs right here. The
computer, her PS2, TV, food, her art supplies and of course us.
She is shy and introverted so I am giving her space and time to do
what she wants. She says she is very happy being at home and I'm
happy for her.
I've picked up crocheting and watching old movies to pass the time
until she is ready to go out into the world. We also create alot of
art together and I try to play some of her PS2 games, I'm also on
neopets with her.
I wouldn't trade this life style for the world. Our house is so
calm and happy, a major change from a couple of years ago.
Kay
[email protected]
>>And if I let her do this she is going to grow up not wantingto go to work and just sit home and veg in front of the computer all day. >>
Do you really think so little of your child? Do you honestly not think that she's just a wonderful person with potential and creativity and desires?
I think it's important to be really careful about what we say about our kids whether they can hear us or not.
You've only been homeschooling for 6 weeks and unschooling for even less. Give it time. Give her some space. She'll emerge from her cocoon of gaming when she's ready.
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "deanabrown1" <squeekyme@...>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]