Transitioning to Unschooling Philosophy
Faith Weikert
Hello all! Looking for support/guidance for a situation that happened today. We had our basement finished over a year ago and there are pocket doors that divide it into two areas. Since installation, they have never 'worked well'. If you close them all the way, they come off the track.
Well, my 15 yo ds had a couple guys over night last night. They slept in the basement and closed the doors. Of course one is off the track and not operating smoothly. DH has asked ds several times in the past not to close/open the doors. Since he "didn't listen" to my DH, DH has restricted his use of all electronics for the rest of the day.
When DH and I chatted about what transpired with ds, he said "I expect that he listens to what I ask. If he doesn't, he should feel some pain for once."
How can I best respond to this one? Especially since DH has not asked at all about unschooling philosophy and why my parenting style has been changing in the past few months. With respect to learning when you are ready to learn, wouldn't the same apply to dh?
As I posted in my intro a few weeks ago, my dh was raised in a very authoritarian home. As was I. I just feel that there has to be a better way. Punishment doesn't work. I believe that by punishing, you put distance between you and your child. I believe that my son doesn't behave a certain way to avoid punishment. I believe he would "listen" better to DH, if he felt respected. Because I love and respect others in my life, I don't do things that may upset them. Make sense? OR am I rambling???
Thanks for your insight in advance!
Health and laughter,
Faith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Well, my 15 yo ds had a couple guys over night last night. They slept in the basement and closed the doors. Of course one is off the track and not operating smoothly. DH has asked ds several times in the past not to close/open the doors. Since he "didn't listen" to my DH, DH has restricted his use of all electronics for the rest of the day.
When DH and I chatted about what transpired with ds, he said "I expect that he listens to what I ask. If he doesn't, he should feel some pain for once."
How can I best respond to this one? Especially since DH has not asked at all about unschooling philosophy and why my parenting style has been changing in the past few months. With respect to learning when you are ready to learn, wouldn't the same apply to dh?
As I posted in my intro a few weeks ago, my dh was raised in a very authoritarian home. As was I. I just feel that there has to be a better way. Punishment doesn't work. I believe that by punishing, you put distance between you and your child. I believe that my son doesn't behave a certain way to avoid punishment. I believe he would "listen" better to DH, if he felt respected. Because I love and respect others in my life, I don't do things that may upset them. Make sense? OR am I rambling???
Thanks for your insight in advance!
Health and laughter,
Faith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lesa McMahon-Lowe
Faith,
i still have issues with the way my DH interacts with our DD sometimes. i
keep repeating that the respect and example must start with us. we can't
expect her to have a clean room if we don't make the effort to have the rest
of the house clean. we must show by example.
it's the same with the respect issue... kids don't automatically know how to
respect others. they are taught that by us and how we interact with each
other and them.
you may want to try the PET (Parent Effectiveness Training) book and read it
along with your DH... they also have a book-on-tape if that works better
(you could listen to it together before bed and discuss it)
it's a process and it will take some time. some people are more open to
change than others... but paradigms eventually shift. :)
Lesa
-------Original Message-------
From: Faith Weikert
Date: 02/27/06 17:04:43
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Transitioning to Unschooling Philosophy
Hello all! Looking for support/guidance for a situation that happened
today. We had our basement finished over a year ago and there are pocket
doors that divide it into two areas. Since installation, they have never
worked well'. If you close them all the way, they come off the track.
Well, my 15 yo ds had a couple guys over night last night. They slept in
the basement and closed the doors. Of course one is off the track and not
operating smoothly. DH has asked ds several times in the past not to
close/open the doors. Since he "didn't listen" to my DH, DH has restricted
his use of all electronics for the rest of the day.
When DH and I chatted about what transpired with ds, he said "I expect that
he listens to what I ask. If he doesn't, he should feel some pain for once."
How can I best respond to this one? Especially since DH has not asked at
all about unschooling philosophy and why my parenting style has been
changing in the past few months. With respect to learning when you are
ready to learn, wouldn't the same apply to dh?
As I posted in my intro a few weeks ago, my dh was raised in a very
authoritarian home. As was I. I just feel that there has to be a better
way. Punishment doesn't work. I believe that by punishing, you put
distance between you and your child. I believe that my son doesn't behave a
certain way to avoid punishment. I believe he would "listen" better to DH,
if he felt respected. Because I love and respect others in my life, I don't
do things that may upset them. Make sense? OR am I rambling???
Thanks for your insight in advance!
Health and laughter,
Faith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
i still have issues with the way my DH interacts with our DD sometimes. i
keep repeating that the respect and example must start with us. we can't
expect her to have a clean room if we don't make the effort to have the rest
of the house clean. we must show by example.
it's the same with the respect issue... kids don't automatically know how to
respect others. they are taught that by us and how we interact with each
other and them.
you may want to try the PET (Parent Effectiveness Training) book and read it
along with your DH... they also have a book-on-tape if that works better
(you could listen to it together before bed and discuss it)
it's a process and it will take some time. some people are more open to
change than others... but paradigms eventually shift. :)
Lesa
-------Original Message-------
From: Faith Weikert
Date: 02/27/06 17:04:43
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Transitioning to Unschooling Philosophy
Hello all! Looking for support/guidance for a situation that happened
today. We had our basement finished over a year ago and there are pocket
doors that divide it into two areas. Since installation, they have never
worked well'. If you close them all the way, they come off the track.
Well, my 15 yo ds had a couple guys over night last night. They slept in
the basement and closed the doors. Of course one is off the track and not
operating smoothly. DH has asked ds several times in the past not to
close/open the doors. Since he "didn't listen" to my DH, DH has restricted
his use of all electronics for the rest of the day.
When DH and I chatted about what transpired with ds, he said "I expect that
he listens to what I ask. If he doesn't, he should feel some pain for once."
How can I best respond to this one? Especially since DH has not asked at
all about unschooling philosophy and why my parenting style has been
changing in the past few months. With respect to learning when you are
ready to learn, wouldn't the same apply to dh?
As I posted in my intro a few weeks ago, my dh was raised in a very
authoritarian home. As was I. I just feel that there has to be a better
way. Punishment doesn't work. I believe that by punishing, you put
distance between you and your child. I believe that my son doesn't behave a
certain way to avoid punishment. I believe he would "listen" better to DH,
if he felt respected. Because I love and respect others in my life, I don't
do things that may upset them. Make sense? OR am I rambling???
Thanks for your insight in advance!
Health and laughter,
Faith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Heather,
Why don't your son and your husband work together to fix the doors?
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Faith Weikert" <Weikert3@...>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Why don't your son and your husband work together to fix the doors?
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "Faith Weikert" <Weikert3@...>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]