sandralzires
>Why would eating junk food would be associated increasing likelihoodof contracting childhood illnesses? unhealthy food does not equal
illness, bacteria and virus's do! Be much more concerned about
washing their hands and hanging out with kids who have recently been
vaccinated!>
I thought this link might be helpful. Have all of you read Dr.
Mercola's website. He's great.
As far as I know, high sugar intake or other unhealthy food = poor
nutrition. Add germs and you get illness. That's the theory I buy
into. Any communts?
Thanks,
Sandra
http://www.mercola.com/article/sugar/dangers_of_sugar.htm
Melissa
I totally agree, *high* sugar intake isn't healthy. But given the
freedom, children really do choose a healthier diet over time. I know
that all of my eating issues are caused by my mother, who did not
allow any kind of snacks, sweets or junk food. My brother and I used
to sit and daydream about when we'd get some. What about emotional
damage? I am also concerned that many of Dr Mercola's sources are
outdated, esp the ones that are 50 to 60 years old. I'd like to know
what the definition of excessive is, is there a link that states
that? At the top it says that "excess sugar *may* cause the
following:". I really don't think that eating a normal amount of
sweets, combined with a relatively balanced diet, is poor nutrition.
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_sugar_hhg.htm has some more
about sugar. Body needs some to build brain and energy...I think
there's probably more to worry about in all the chemicals that junk
food has....but it's all about balance. And letting kids find their
own rather than dictating.
Thanks for the good conversation....and for the link. I do like
Mercola's website, I know that I've sent many of the vaccination URLS
to my parents!
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
freedom, children really do choose a healthier diet over time. I know
that all of my eating issues are caused by my mother, who did not
allow any kind of snacks, sweets or junk food. My brother and I used
to sit and daydream about when we'd get some. What about emotional
damage? I am also concerned that many of Dr Mercola's sources are
outdated, esp the ones that are 50 to 60 years old. I'd like to know
what the definition of excessive is, is there a link that states
that? At the top it says that "excess sugar *may* cause the
following:". I really don't think that eating a normal amount of
sweets, combined with a relatively balanced diet, is poor nutrition.
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_sugar_hhg.htm has some more
about sugar. Body needs some to build brain and energy...I think
there's probably more to worry about in all the chemicals that junk
food has....but it's all about balance. And letting kids find their
own rather than dictating.
Thanks for the good conversation....and for the link. I do like
Mercola's website, I know that I've sent many of the vaccination URLS
to my parents!
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
On Feb 24, 2006, at 2:13 PM, sandralzires wrote:
>
> I thought this link might be helpful. Have all of you read Dr.
> Mercola's website. He's great.
>
> As far as I know, high sugar intake or other unhealthy food = poor
> nutrition. Add germs and you get illness. That's the theory I buy
> into. Any communts?
sam
--- In [email protected], "sandralzires"
<sandralzires@...> wrote:
like all the alarmist news stories rolled into one. With this kind of
list staring at a parent, of course sugar seems like a horrid demon.
But how helpful is it to create this list of what sugar CAN do?
Anything CAN do harm. Anything has the potential to hurt.
<sandralzires@...> wrote:
> I thought this link might be helpful. Have all of you read Dr.I was barely into this list before I quit reading. This list sounds
> Mercola's website. He's great.
like all the alarmist news stories rolled into one. With this kind of
list staring at a parent, of course sugar seems like a horrid demon.
But how helpful is it to create this list of what sugar CAN do?
Anything CAN do harm. Anything has the potential to hurt.
Debra Rossing
Not going to flame you for sure. However, you are giving a LOT of power
to electronics which I haven't seen to be there with my never limited
almost 9 yr old DS. Yes, he loves his Gameboy, he loves his favorite TV
programs and computer and video games. He ALSO loves running around
playing with toilet paper tubes and sticks and marbles and making rivers
and dams with the garden hose and dirt and rocks and such and making
snowballs and sledding and jumping through a lawn sprinkler and swimming
and canoeing and making ramps for his little vehicles and watching mud
dauber wasps find exactly the right kind of nest mud and picking fresh
wild blackberries from the brambles in the back of the yard on a fine
early summer morning. I will say he tends to dislike crayons mostly - he
prefers fine point markers, pens, and the like to the fat, imprecision
of crayons. Just his own personality - he loves making detailed line
drawings over making colorful fanciful drawings, just his way, which we
honor by making sure he's got plenty of such pens and markers and lots
of spiral bound sketchbooks (they tend to lay flatter and are easier to
manage than perfect bound stuff). When there is no more power ascribed
to TV than to a piece of colorful ribbon, it is a FREE choice to
interact with either, or BOTH. He's just as content to have the
electronics off and play cards or a board game, precisely BECAUSE he
knows it is a FREE choice which he can take up at any time and leave at
any time.
--Deb
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to electronics which I haven't seen to be there with my never limited
almost 9 yr old DS. Yes, he loves his Gameboy, he loves his favorite TV
programs and computer and video games. He ALSO loves running around
playing with toilet paper tubes and sticks and marbles and making rivers
and dams with the garden hose and dirt and rocks and such and making
snowballs and sledding and jumping through a lawn sprinkler and swimming
and canoeing and making ramps for his little vehicles and watching mud
dauber wasps find exactly the right kind of nest mud and picking fresh
wild blackberries from the brambles in the back of the yard on a fine
early summer morning. I will say he tends to dislike crayons mostly - he
prefers fine point markers, pens, and the like to the fat, imprecision
of crayons. Just his own personality - he loves making detailed line
drawings over making colorful fanciful drawings, just his way, which we
honor by making sure he's got plenty of such pens and markers and lots
of spiral bound sketchbooks (they tend to lay flatter and are easier to
manage than perfect bound stuff). When there is no more power ascribed
to TV than to a piece of colorful ribbon, it is a FREE choice to
interact with either, or BOTH. He's just as content to have the
electronics off and play cards or a board game, precisely BECAUSE he
knows it is a FREE choice which he can take up at any time and leave at
any time.
--Deb
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intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nadine tilbury
We're in Opelousas.Now is the ideal time to visit. We only get a few weeks of good weather each year. You should catch it.
Nadine
Mami to Ben and Jeffrey
Creator of Strawberry Baby Slings
http://tinyurl.com/bw9fl
Read our Blog!
http://www.xanga.com/StrawberrySchool
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nadine
Mami to Ben and Jeffrey
Creator of Strawberry Baby Slings
http://tinyurl.com/bw9fl
Read our Blog!
http://www.xanga.com/StrawberrySchool
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
Disposition I think means how you react to things -- when my mom has said that to me she's usually talking about my 'temper' . so my interpretation is maybe as a child he was mild natured? conformed probably "listened" to her, "obeyed"???
--- On Mon, 5/18/09, Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...> wrote:
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] (unknown)
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
Date: Monday, May 18, 2009, 9:35 AM
Something has been bothering for several months. I have been trying to
roll what someone said over and over in my head searching for a nice
way to hear it. I will refrain from saying what I am thinking and try
to be open to others interprtations.
MIL to my DH, "it's too bad none of your children got your disposition. "
Thanks for any insight.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jeff Sabo
Without knowing the players, it sounds like "I wish your children were as polite and quiet as you were." I think this is very common not only in unschooling families, but in most every family in which a grandparent is unable to exercise the same measure of control over the grandkids that they exercised over their own children. It's frustrating for a grandparent to see the benefits to a child of different parenting styles than the ones they exercised, partly because (particularly in unschooling) it can be hard to have faith that the grandkids will be "successful."
--- On Mon, 5/18/09, Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...> wrote:
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] (unknown)
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
Date: Monday, May 18, 2009, 6:35 AM
Something has been bothering for several months. I have been trying to
roll what someone said over and over in my head searching for a nice
way to hear it. I will refrain from saying what I am thinking and try
to be open to others interprtations.
MIL to my DH, "it's too bad none of your children got your disposition. "
Thanks for any insight.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
DH was/is very laid back and calm. He never cried as a child even when
he broke his arm at two. My children are emotional, expressive, and
energetic. They are not obident and that annoys my in laws. We also
allow thrm to do things the in laws disapprove of like watch TV, play
video games and eat sugar.
Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrens
relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
loving mama to do?
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 18, 2009, at 10:51 AM, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@...>
wrote:
he broke his arm at two. My children are emotional, expressive, and
energetic. They are not obident and that annoys my in laws. We also
allow thrm to do things the in laws disapprove of like watch TV, play
video games and eat sugar.
Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrens
relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
loving mama to do?
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 18, 2009, at 10:51 AM, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@...>
wrote:
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> Disposition I think means how you react to things -- when my mom has
> said that to me she's usually talking about my 'temper' . so my
> interpretation is maybe as a child he was mild natured? conformed
> probably "listened" to her, "obeyed"???
>
> --- On Mon, 5/18/09, Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...> wrote:
>
> From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] (unknown)
> To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]
> >
> Date: Monday, May 18, 2009, 9:35 AM
>
> Something has been bothering for several months. I have been trying to
>
> roll what someone said over and over in my head searching for a nice
>
> way to hear it. I will refrain from saying what I am thinking and try
>
> to be open to others interprtations.
>
> MIL to my DH, "it's too bad none of your children got your
> disposition. "
>
> Thanks for any insight.
>
> Faith
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
The Coffee Goddess
>>Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrensrelationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
loving mama to do?
Faith>>
I would suggest seeing grandma and grandpa either at your house, where the kids are familiar and comfortable, or somewhere neutral where they can run around and blow off steam, like a playground, water park,camping, etc. Expecting kids to be calm and obedient at G&G's house will only stress EVERYONE out ;)
Dana
(who has GREAT in-laws this time around, but the grandparents of my two big kids suck in ways that boggle the mind!!)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jeff Sabo
"Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrens
relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
loving mama to do?"
We have found that many "unsupporting" people aren't unsupportive maliciously; for the most part, they just really want to connect with the child but find that the traditional routes to connection ("What grade are you in?", "What are you learning?") are now closed. If you think about it, most of us (and a number of preceding generations) were raised and "schooled' in some basics - naming Presidents and state capitols, knowing the dates of wars, The Mayflower, yada yada. While these are all trivial pursuits, they do give us a common frame of reference, a connection point, that allows us entry into deeper conversation. Most of us were raised that way, for good or bad, and continue to work that way today.
Grandparents are no different; they are using their tried and true methods for connecting. The problem is that our kids don't know the answers to these trivial questions, don't know what they've "learned" in a day, etc. So rather than acknowledge that they need to find a different way to connect (which means undoing years of programming), our relatives will ask our children to change so they can connect. And if that doesn't work, they'll question unschooling in an effort to get us to change, all so that they can connect with our kids. This paradigm holds a very might sway.
But at it's heart, I think that most time this behavior comes from a place of good (trying to connect) rather than a place of bad. So we try to help them find other ways to connect - suggesting questions the grandparents can ask that will lead to enjoyable conversations, providing background info on our children's interests rather than on unschooling, and ensuring they get up-to-date info on what our kids are into at that particular point in time. The goal of this is simple - I don't need my parents to "get" unschooling, I need them to "get" their grandkids. Once that happens, a lot of the worry melts away - - -and many of the criticisms with it, because they no longer have a problem to solve.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
loving mama to do?"
We have found that many "unsupporting" people aren't unsupportive maliciously; for the most part, they just really want to connect with the child but find that the traditional routes to connection ("What grade are you in?", "What are you learning?") are now closed. If you think about it, most of us (and a number of preceding generations) were raised and "schooled' in some basics - naming Presidents and state capitols, knowing the dates of wars, The Mayflower, yada yada. While these are all trivial pursuits, they do give us a common frame of reference, a connection point, that allows us entry into deeper conversation. Most of us were raised that way, for good or bad, and continue to work that way today.
Grandparents are no different; they are using their tried and true methods for connecting. The problem is that our kids don't know the answers to these trivial questions, don't know what they've "learned" in a day, etc. So rather than acknowledge that they need to find a different way to connect (which means undoing years of programming), our relatives will ask our children to change so they can connect. And if that doesn't work, they'll question unschooling in an effort to get us to change, all so that they can connect with our kids. This paradigm holds a very might sway.
But at it's heart, I think that most time this behavior comes from a place of good (trying to connect) rather than a place of bad. So we try to help them find other ways to connect - suggesting questions the grandparents can ask that will lead to enjoyable conversations, providing background info on our children's interests rather than on unschooling, and ensuring they get up-to-date info on what our kids are into at that particular point in time. The goal of this is simple - I don't need my parents to "get" unschooling, I need them to "get" their grandkids. Once that happens, a lot of the worry melts away - - -and many of the criticisms with it, because they no longer have a problem to solve.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
JJ Ross
Just want to say that this is brilliant. If there were just one basic unschooling concept to start with, this is it! (And this way of framing it could also help schooling parents too, maybe get them to focus directly on getting their kids rather than wrestling so hard with us, to get unschooling.)
JJ
"So we try to help them find
other ways to connect . . . The goal of this is
simple - I don't need my parents to 'get' unschooling, I need them to 'get' their grandkids. "
JJ
"So we try to help them find
other ways to connect . . . The goal of this is
simple - I don't need my parents to 'get' unschooling, I need them to 'get' their grandkids. "
--- In [email protected], Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...> wrote:
Kerry Malecha
Hi Alex,
I was wondering if you are in Minnesota? I think(sorry if I am wrong and you are the wrong Alex)are from Minnesota? I am looking for someone to chat with close to me! we are in southern Minnesota about 40 minutes south of the Twin Cities.
Hugs, Kerry~
I was wondering if you are in Minnesota? I think(sorry if I am wrong and you are the wrong Alex)are from Minnesota? I am looking for someone to chat with close to me! we are in southern Minnesota about 40 minutes south of the Twin Cities.
Hugs, Kerry~
--- On Mon, 5/18/09, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] (unknown)
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, May 18, 2009, 3:29 PM
Faith, Don't let it get to you no matter what it means. Period.
The last to laugh gets the best laugh ( something like that)
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow. blogspot. com/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
The comment was made at a park after taking a walk. I thought the kids
were fine. We stopped visiting their house about two years ago. They
were ok to my children before my nephew was born. Grammy had the
opportunity to watch F several days a week including an overnight. She
stopped being nice to me children and started treating them less than.
So we stopped visiting. Last year we met them at NEU hoping they would
stay but they didn't. They don't approve of our unschooling though
before F they made comments about what sweet, smart, thoughtful
children they were. They hardly acknowledge the baby when they visit.
I'd just as soon write them off as I did my father/step-mother. But DH
wants some conact. We are visiting the whole extended family in a few
weeks. Everyone one else is wonderful. We plan to do a bunch of beach
going, bike riding, kayaking etc so we won't be around them too much.
I just get anxiuos and high strung when u think about being around them.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 18, 2009, at 12:00 PM, The Coffee Goddess <hoffmanwilson@...
were fine. We stopped visiting their house about two years ago. They
were ok to my children before my nephew was born. Grammy had the
opportunity to watch F several days a week including an overnight. She
stopped being nice to me children and started treating them less than.
So we stopped visiting. Last year we met them at NEU hoping they would
stay but they didn't. They don't approve of our unschooling though
before F they made comments about what sweet, smart, thoughtful
children they were. They hardly acknowledge the baby when they visit.
I'd just as soon write them off as I did my father/step-mother. But DH
wants some conact. We are visiting the whole extended family in a few
weeks. Everyone one else is wonderful. We plan to do a bunch of beach
going, bike riding, kayaking etc so we won't be around them too much.
I just get anxiuos and high strung when u think about being around them.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 18, 2009, at 12:00 PM, The Coffee Goddess <hoffmanwilson@...
> wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> >>Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrens
> relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
> things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
> tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
> control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
> loving mama to do?
>
> Faith>>
>
> I would suggest seeing grandma and grandpa either at your house,
> where the kids are familiar and comfortable, or somewhere neutral
> where they can run around and blow off steam, like a playground,
> water park,camping, etc. Expecting kids to be calm and obedient at
> G&G's house will only stress EVERYONE out ;)
>
> Dana
> (who has GREAT in-laws this time around, but the grandparents of my
> two big kids suck in ways that boggle the mind!!)
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Faith Void
That was great Jeff. Much appreciated insight. It's hard to turn it
around when it's in your own head :-)
It gives me the idea of writing them a nice email saying something
about getting it that it can be difficult fir them to find ways to
connect since our kids aren't schooled and offering them ideas about
their interests. I can just send a detailed note about each kid, where
they have been or our going recently, what their passions are, what
they ate reading or watching.
Many thanks
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
around when it's in your own head :-)
It gives me the idea of writing them a nice email saying something
about getting it that it can be difficult fir them to find ways to
connect since our kids aren't schooled and offering them ideas about
their interests. I can just send a detailed note about each kid, where
they have been or our going recently, what their passions are, what
they ate reading or watching.
Many thanks
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 18, 2009, at 12:05 PM, Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...> wrote:
>
>
> "Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrens
> relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
> things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
> tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
> control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
> loving mama to do?"
>
> We have found that many "unsupporting" people aren't unsupportive
> maliciously; for the most part, they just really want to connect
> with the child but find that the traditional routes to connection
> ("What grade are you in?", "What are you learning?") are now closed.
> If you think about it, most of us (and a number of preceding
> generations) were raised and "schooled' in some basics - naming
> Presidents and state capitols, knowing the dates of wars, The
> Mayflower, yada yada. While these are all trivial pursuits, they do
> give us a common frame of reference, a connection point, that allows
> us entry into deeper conversation. Most of us were raised that way,
> for good or bad, and continue to work that way today.
>
> Grandparents are no different; they are using their tried and true
> methods for connecting. The problem is that our kids don't know the
> answers to these trivial questions, don't know what they've
> "learned" in a day, etc. So rather than acknowledge that they need
> to find a different way to connect (which means undoing years of
> programming), our relatives will ask our children to change so they
> can connect. And if that doesn't work, they'll question unschooling
> in an effort to get us to change, all so that they can connect with
> our kids. This paradigm holds a very might sway.
>
> But at it's heart, I think that most time this behavior comes from a
> place of good (trying to connect) rather than a place of bad. So we
> try to help them find other ways to connect - suggesting questions
> the grandparents can ask that will lead to enjoyable conversations,
> providing background info on our children's interests rather than on
> unschooling, and ensuring they get up-to-date info on what our kids
> are into at that particular point in time. The goal of this is
> simple - I don't need my parents to "get" unschooling, I need them
> to "get" their grandkids. Once that happens, a lot of the worry
> melts away - - -and many of the criticisms with it, because they no
> longer have a problem to solve.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ulrike Haupt
Dear Faith
Allow me to respond to your anxiety.
Could you just imagine the following?
In your beautiful mind weave a fishing net of rose (pink) coloured strands intersped with golden filaments. When the net is done throw it out over all the people you feel anxious about and just let it go and let it be.
Blissings
Ulrike
PS the rose coloured net with the golden filaments come from Rebecca Marina at EFTExpert.com. It is currently helping me a lot with quite mundane anxieties already.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Allow me to respond to your anxiety.
Could you just imagine the following?
In your beautiful mind weave a fishing net of rose (pink) coloured strands intersped with golden filaments. When the net is done throw it out over all the people you feel anxious about and just let it go and let it be.
Blissings
Ulrike
PS the rose coloured net with the golden filaments come from Rebecca Marina at EFTExpert.com. It is currently helping me a lot with quite mundane anxieties already.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
Plan the visit so that they have plenty of space to move and run and
jump NOT inside the grandparents' house. Plan a picnic at a local park
with the whole family or some other similar type thing. Or, leave DH
there to visit (after saying hellos) and tell the in-laws that you saw a
mention of this great local park right near them that the kids are
looking forward to checking out...and take them there. Rather than
trying to compress them to fit in the tiny space of their house (and it
can be tiny even if it's 5000 sq ft), find ways to let them burn energy
on a regular basis throughout the day.
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jump NOT inside the grandparents' house. Plan a picnic at a local park
with the whole family or some other similar type thing. Or, leave DH
there to visit (after saying hellos) and tell the in-laws that you saw a
mention of this great local park right near them that the kids are
looking forward to checking out...and take them there. Rather than
trying to compress them to fit in the tiny space of their house (and it
can be tiny even if it's 5000 sq ft), find ways to let them burn energy
on a regular basis throughout the day.
Deb R
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Debra Rossing
A steady stream of doing and being stuff for the grandparents is really
helpful, especially when they've got multiple sets of grandkids and set
A is doing soccer and set B just won an academic award or two and so on.
Even though my folks are great (and think DS is wonderful just as he
is), it can be hard when they don't see him often to know what to use to
connect - so I make sure to send pix and emails and phone calls with
tidbits of daily life. That way, they can ask him about the submarine he
visited, or the toads in the back yard, or whatever. I also try to throw
in references to the TV shows, movies, videogames he currently enjoys -
for instance, right now he LOVES the old MASH episodes (we have the
whole season on DVD) and my dad and I used to watch MASH together all
the time (along with the rest of the family). That's a point of
connection - DS can actually reel off whole sections of dialog! It helps
them when he starts talking about Pikachu or "robucks" or sackboy to
know that he's referring to videogames (Pokemon, Roblox, Little Big
Planet respectively) - they may not play games or have a lot of interest
in them themselves BUT they can at least ask questions that make sense
and converse about it because I've mentioned it along the way.
Deb R
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helpful, especially when they've got multiple sets of grandkids and set
A is doing soccer and set B just won an academic award or two and so on.
Even though my folks are great (and think DS is wonderful just as he
is), it can be hard when they don't see him often to know what to use to
connect - so I make sure to send pix and emails and phone calls with
tidbits of daily life. That way, they can ask him about the submarine he
visited, or the toads in the back yard, or whatever. I also try to throw
in references to the TV shows, movies, videogames he currently enjoys -
for instance, right now he LOVES the old MASH episodes (we have the
whole season on DVD) and my dad and I used to watch MASH together all
the time (along with the rest of the family). That's a point of
connection - DS can actually reel off whole sections of dialog! It helps
them when he starts talking about Pikachu or "robucks" or sackboy to
know that he's referring to videogames (Pokemon, Roblox, Little Big
Planet respectively) - they may not play games or have a lot of interest
in them themselves BUT they can at least ask questions that make sense
and converse about it because I've mentioned it along the way.
Deb R
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Krisula Moyer
>>We plan to do a bunch of beachgoing, bike riding, kayaking etc so we won't be around them too much.
I just get anxiuos and high strung when u think about being around them.
Faith<<
This got me thinking that maybe the kids are sensitive to your
anxiety. I know that when I am nervous about something my kids
usually pick up on it. It is like a warning signal to them that
something is amiss. No matter what other things you try, if you can
practice being calm and happy, not anticipating problems. Focus on
your children and their needs and their happiness and block out as
much negativity as you can. You may find they will be themselves
more. Who knows, your happy demeanor may even rub off on your in
laws. At the very least you will have a better vacation that way.
Krisula
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Erin Glancy
Just jumping in to say thank you for your insights. I struggle with my own
parents and I think this is exactly why.
Erin
parents and I think this is exactly why.
Erin
On Mon, May 18, 2009 at 12:05 PM, Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...> wrote:
>
>
> "Anyway I am trying to find a positive in my and the childrens
> relationship with them. We are going to see them again and i want
> things to be as good as they can be. My children don't enjoy be around
> tfeir g'psrents. They get anxious and end up being wild and out of
> control. This furthering in laws negative views of them. What's a
> loving mama to do?"
>
> We have found that many "unsupporting" people aren't unsupportive
> maliciously; for the most part, they just really want to connect with the
> child but find that the traditional routes to connection ("What grade are
> you in?", "What are you learning?") are now closed. If you think about it,
> most of us (and a number of preceding generations) were raised and
> "schooled' in some basics - naming Presidents and state capitols, knowing
> the dates of wars, The Mayflower, yada yada. While these are all trivial
> pursuits, they do give us a common frame of reference, a connection point,
> that allows us entry into deeper conversation. Most of us were raised that
> way, for good or bad, and continue to work that way today.
>
> Grandparents are no different; they are using their tried and true methods
> for connecting. The problem is that our kids don't know the answers to these
> trivial questions, don't know what they've "learned" in a day, etc. So
> rather than acknowledge that they need to find a different way to connect
> (which means undoing years of programming), our relatives will ask our
> children to change so they can connect. And if that doesn't work, they'll
> question unschooling in an effort to get us to change, all so that they can
> connect with our kids. This paradigm holds a very might sway.
>
> But at it's heart, I think that most time this behavior comes from a place
> of good (trying to connect) rather than a place of bad. So we try to help
> them find other ways to connect - suggesting questions the grandparents can
> ask that will lead to enjoyable conversations, providing background info on
> our children's interests rather than on unschooling, and ensuring they get
> up-to-date info on what our kids are into at that particular point in time.
> The goal of this is simple - I don't need my parents to "get" unschooling, I
> need them to "get" their grandkids. Once that happens, a lot of the worry
> melts away - - -and many of the criticisms with it, because they no longer
> have a problem to solve.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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amberlee_b
Unfortunately this is why we don't have contact with our family. What was said below is kind compared to things I have heard and seen. I would agree it is a control issue and sad that she felt the need to say anything at all.....however you have wonderful people here that can help us think differently or NOT AT ALL about it....lol
> Something has been bothering for several months. I have been trying to
> roll what someone said over and over in my head searching for a nice
> way to hear it. I will refrain from saying what I am thinking and try
> to be open to others interprtations.
>
> MIL to my DH, "it's too bad none of your children got your disposition. "
>
> Thanks for any insight.
> Faith
>
Debra Rossing
Doh! That should be we have the whole MASH *series* on DVD not the whole
*season*
Deb R
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*season*
Deb R
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N CONFER
however you have wonderful people here that can help us think differently or NOT AT ALL about it....lol
****************
I would lean toward the "not at all" solution.
Holding onto a probably-long-forgotten slight isn't doing anyone any good.
There will be plenty of new slights to get upset about. :)
And I have been pleasantly surprised to see my kids' reaction to nutsy/nasty relatives -- they get it. They know it is not their fault DOR (D Old Relative) says strange things.
If you must visit, I agree with the "get through the intros and exit stage left" strategy. DH will get his time with the DORs and you and the kids could still have a pleasant time.
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
****************
I would lean toward the "not at all" solution.
Holding onto a probably-long-forgotten slight isn't doing anyone any good.
There will be plenty of new slights to get upset about. :)
And I have been pleasantly surprised to see my kids' reaction to nutsy/nasty relatives -- they get it. They know it is not their fault DOR (D Old Relative) says strange things.
If you must visit, I agree with the "get through the intros and exit stage left" strategy. DH will get his time with the DORs and you and the kids could still have a pleasant time.
Nance
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