Ren Allen

I'm stealing this from the AL list, because it pertains to the very
same discussion we were having here about chores/resentment and
shifting our view on these issues.

Arlynn Liebster posted this today, I thought it was very moving:

That is a favorite saying, "Man, that sucks!"

Least favorite (or at least one of the least fave) "Time heals all
wounds."

I want to share this as I read mothers sort of pissed off at having to
take care of their children and own lives: my father died at 42 of a
heart attack when I was 6 yo, my sister was 8 and my brother was 3. My
brother died of cancer at 18. My sister died of cancer at 33. My
mother is mentally ill and only sort of normal part of the time, and
that normal time was never when we grew up, the stress of life was too
much for her wobbly brain to handle.
Life is *not* fair, but we don't need to be reminded about it. We need
comfort and support and sometimes a big hug.

There was so much comfort and support coming my way when my sister
died after 2 years of horrid treatments. Some of my clients called in
a conference call to my home the day after Dawn died to try to cheer
me up and got my answering machine, I was picking out
casket/flowers/tequila/etc...
And this is what I hear, a room full of women (all of whom I really
liked and still am friends with today 10 yrs later) trying to be
cheerful in their lovely Texas rose way and say nice things on my
answering machine and then they all burst into huge rolling sobs,
tears so bad they could not continue speaking. They had to hang up and
call back, embarrassed and apologizing for not being *supportive*.
That was THE MOST comforting message I have ever
gotten and I told them so.
I miss my family of origin with all of my heart, most days. Time does
not heal all wounds. Some wounds never close. But with time the good
memories slip back in too, not just the losses.

I tell you that for me some mess is not that bad, too much mess is a
home out of control and I need to get off my franny and stop whining
and bless my family and myself by cleaning up. I like an organized,
slightly decluttered home, nice clothes washed and folded and put
away, I like toilets that don't stink just as much as the next person.
I do what I can for myself and to bless my family (love that
Flylady.net!! She's so positive) and the rest is
proof that my babies are ALIVE and able to run around on their own 2 legs.

We are raising children and they are gathering memories of their
family of origin. Maria Montessori said The Child is the Father of the
Man. What will our grown children remember about their childhood? How
with that shape who they are? I hope that my children remember that I,
their mother, cleaned up *happily* after my family, not being too
snobby or mean to be the servant of my cherished family (Christ washed
his disciples feet, and they were grown men, certainly *able* to wash
their own feet).
I hope that my children
remember that I valued their feelings more than I valued my
possessions and that I "freely shared" all that was originally mine so
that they had things and a home of their own, given to them with love
as I myself received the gift of life with love. I hope that they
remember they are unconditionally loved for simply *existing*, not
based on what they chose or not chose to do, and that the choice is
really theirs, just as the choice to conceive and raise them was
really *my* choice (oh, yeah, dh had a fun part there too).
And, very importantly, when they are adults in their probably very
busy lives, I hope they remember to *call their mother*. (if they ever
move out, which my mother says is not likely based on how well they
are taken care of, aaahhhh, the plan all comes together, lol) -Arlynn

Paige

I hope that my children remember that I,
> their mother, cleaned up *happily* after my family, not being too
> snobby or mean to be the servant of my cherished family (Christ
washed
> his disciples feet, and they were grown men, certainly *able* to
wash
> their own feet).
WWWAAAAHHHH!!!!! I'm going to have to print this out and read it
twice a day.... ;) Thanks for sharing it.
Paige



> I hope that my children
> remember that I valued their feelings more than I valued my
> possessions and that I "freely shared" all that was originally
mine so
> that they had things and a home of their own, given to them with
love
> as I myself received the gift of life with love. I hope that they
> remember they are unconditionally loved for simply *existing*, not
> based on what they chose or not chose to do, and that the choice is
> really theirs, just as the choice to conceive and raise them was
> really *my* choice (oh, yeah, dh had a fun part there too).
> And, very importantly, when they are adults in their probably very
> busy lives, I hope they remember to *call their mother*. (if they
ever
> move out, which my mother says is not likely based on how well they
> are taken care of, aaahhhh, the plan all comes together, lol) -
Arlynn
>

Charles and Danielle

Thanks for that enlightening post!

Danielle

Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...> wrote: I'm stealing this from the AL list, because it pertains to the very
same discussion we were having here about chores/resentment and
shifting our view on these issues.

Arlynn Liebster posted this today, I thought it was very moving:

That is a favorite saying, "Man, that sucks!"

Least favorite (or at least one of the least fave) "Time heals all
wounds."

I want to share this as I read mothers sort of pissed off at having to
take care of their children and own lives: my father died at 42 of a
heart attack when I was 6 yo, my sister was 8 and my brother was 3. My
brother died of cancer at 18. My sister died of cancer at 33. My
mother is mentally ill and only sort of normal part of the time, and
that normal time was never when we grew up, the stress of life was too
much for her wobbly brain to handle.
Life is *not* fair, but we don't need to be reminded about it. We need
comfort and support and sometimes a big hug.

There was so much comfort and support coming my way when my sister
died after 2 years of horrid treatments. Some of my clients called in
a conference call to my home the day after Dawn died to try to cheer
me up and got my answering machine, I was picking out
casket/flowers/tequila/etc...
And this is what I hear, a room full of women (all of whom I really
liked and still am friends with today 10 yrs later) trying to be
cheerful in their lovely Texas rose way and say nice things on my
answering machine and then they all burst into huge rolling sobs,
tears so bad they could not continue speaking. They had to hang up and
call back, embarrassed and apologizing for not being *supportive*.
That was THE MOST comforting message I have ever
gotten and I told them so.
I miss my family of origin with all of my heart, most days. Time does
not heal all wounds. Some wounds never close. But with time the good
memories slip back in too, not just the losses.

I tell you that for me some mess is not that bad, too much mess is a
home out of control and I need to get off my franny and stop whining
and bless my family and myself by cleaning up. I like an organized,
slightly decluttered home, nice clothes washed and folded and put
away, I like toilets that don't stink just as much as the next person.
I do what I can for myself and to bless my family (love that
Flylady.net!! She's so positive) and the rest is
proof that my babies are ALIVE and able to run around on their own 2 legs.

We are raising children and they are gathering memories of their
family of origin. Maria Montessori said The Child is the Father of the
Man. What will our grown children remember about their childhood? How
with that shape who they are? I hope that my children remember that I,
their mother, cleaned up *happily* after my family, not being too
snobby or mean to be the servant of my cherished family (Christ washed
his disciples feet, and they were grown men, certainly *able* to wash
their own feet).
I hope that my children
remember that I valued their feelings more than I valued my
possessions and that I "freely shared" all that was originally mine so
that they had things and a home of their own, given to them with love
as I myself received the gift of life with love. I hope that they
remember they are unconditionally loved for simply *existing*, not
based on what they chose or not chose to do, and that the choice is
really theirs, just as the choice to conceive and raise them was
really *my* choice (oh, yeah, dh had a fun part there too).
And, very importantly, when they are adults in their probably very
busy lives, I hope they remember to *call their mother*. (if they ever
move out, which my mother says is not likely based on how well they
are taken care of, aaahhhh, the plan all comes together, lol) -Arlynn





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