Maybe the others, those whose lives look more exciting, are people who
view the mundane things, the ordinary family-centered everyday things,
as more exciting? Maybe it is a difference in perspective?
It really makes a huge difference how the parent is feeling about what
the kids are doing.
My sister inadvertently taught me this when her now-24 yo son was only
about 4 years old. They had old very beat-up furniture and her son,
Alex, was standing next to a couch with holes in it. He was pulling out
little bits of stuffing and rolling it in his fingers, feeling the
texture, stuffing it back in, pulling out another tuft, feeling it, and
so on. He had a faraway look in his eyes and was clearly really focused
on experiencing the sensation of the texture of those tufts of couch
She and I walked in and saw him at the same moment. MY reaction would
have been to stop him from pulling stuffing out of the old couch. Julie
stopped and smiled and said, quietly to me, "Look at that — he is
having such a deep sensual experience just with a bit of stuffing from
an old couch. How wonderful!"
Another parent might have complained, "My kid is so bored he's
literally pulling the stuffing out of our old couch. That's the best
thing he can find to do?"
This might sound sort of phony or silly and unimportant - I'm just
recommending that people look at what their kids ARE doing and see if
they can change their own thinking about it - see it in the best
possible way. It doesn't change what they're doing, but it changes the
"tone" in the home and that is so all-important it can't be
I guess, to be honest, I don't think people who are negative,
pessimistic, or cynical are going to make great unschooling parents and
that if they know themselves to be that way, they owe it to their kids
to work on being more positive, optimistic, and especially at not
expressing even minimal scorn. They'll do better by choosing to be more
child-like themselves, more filled with wonder at even little ordinary
aspects of life.
more by Pam Sorooshian
Katherine (QueenJane555) shared with UnschoolingDiscussion:
I think this is unschooling in a nutshell, for us. When my son runs
up to me, and says "Katherine, guess what!?! I just got a [insert
name of weapon here] in my game, for only 3000 gold, and with that i
can [insert special ability here]" and he's all excited and
happy....and i can be excited and happy for him, not roll my eyes
and wonder why he isnt doing something more useful...this is what
makes our relationship. And most parents don't have that. I think
most unschooling parents DO have that. Its pretty evident when i'm
at a park day, and the surly angry teenager of the controlling
school-at-home mom is being not-so-nice to the littler kids, i
wonder "Does this mom ever just revel in her kids passions? Does she
even SEE her kid??"
This might sound sort of phony or silly and unimportant - I'm just
recommending that people look at what their kids ARE doing and see
if they can change their own thinking about it - see it in the best
possible way. It doesn't change what they're doing, but it changes
the "tone" in the home and that is so all-important it can't be
That kind of happiness, of being amazed and joyful about everyday
little things occurring around us, has made me a much happier person
in all aspects of my life. I've been checking out the myspace pages
of some people i used to know a few years ago, and i am so suprised
at all the angst, anger, and general moodiness, depression, and
negativity everyone seems to be wallowing in. I just don't get it.
We're so freakin' HAPPY here 99 percent of the time. I think people
forget that happiness is a choice, or maybe its just not cool or
interesting to be happy. I dunno. I do think that for our unschooled
kids, joy will be the default setting, and i'm prepared for my son
to bypass the whole "teen angst" thing altogether.
Ok, I got way off topic from the subject at hand. Then
again, "everything's connected" right? ;o)
"I'm not saying to prepare a lesson on cactus or coconuts or pineapples. I'm saying that, if you're not already an interesting person with interesting information to share with your children, then you'll have to make an effort to be more interesting. The way to do that is to develop your own sense of curiosity, wonder, fascination, and enthusiasm.
"It might have to seem a little artificial, for a while, if it isn't natural to a parent to just 'be' this way..." Pam Sorooshian
Building an unschooling nest
The catch is they don't want "right answers"! They're not in school and don't think like school kids - they think like artists and/or scientists. They Wonder. And wondering will lead them down all sorts of rabbit holes of discovery - not just about "food" or "tv", their discoveries will go all sorts of directions and just at the moment you think you're going to talk about nutrition your kid is wondering about the digestive systems of vampires ;) Which leads to drawing the vampire princess from Adventure Time. Which leads to questions about brain injuries. Because That's how learning works. And if you're standing around, waiting to dole out "right answers" you're going to miss all the fun.
The good news about unschooling is you don't need "right answers" - not to hand out to your kids, and not for You, the parent. Watch and listen to you kids. Let yourself get caught up in what they find wonderful and in the process rediscover wonder itself.Meredith Novak, July 2013
"A Day of Wonder—A flowing, poetic account of a peaceful, wonder-filled day." a Typical Unschooling Day
"Again and again my kids can catch me when I am falling, and help me see the wonder of the small things.I feel so blessed to have this time with them."
Nancy's Special Day
"Flexibility to pursue tangents and cowtrails, and continuing to see the wonder in everyday things will lead to learning experiences without prior planning."
Moving a Puddle
"I'm just overwhelmed with the wonder of it all today. These children are so happy and so endlessly curious."
Unschool: Getting It
"Round eyed wonder.
He began to read the first book before going to sleep."
A Great Moment: Liam Needs Maps
"When Andy, 3, woke up he found a large piece of soft foam packing material dh left out for him. He held it up with wonder. First he used it as a carpet for his "office" (the ever-morphing cardboard box), then it was a surfboard." Paula L's great unschooling day
"Think in terms of creating an atmosphere of wonder where people are genuinely curious about life and where there are intriguing things to be curious about."
Why You Can't Let Go
"It gives you a feeling of wonder, for one thing. It stimulates the imagination and I think adults like fantasy as well as children." Movies as Tools and Portals
No matter how your children learn, take a few more opportunities to share wonder and discovery with them. It will enrich you all. All Kinds of Unschooling —Sandra Dodd
"Be curious about life around you. Look things up to satisfy your own curiosity. Or just ponder the wonder of it all."
Five Steps to Unschooling
— Joyce Fetteroll
"Relax and enjoy the wonder of your child." —Lisa
What if little kids watch TV all day?
What can happen?
"The things in life unschooled children take for granted have the potential
to change the world. They take for granted the fact that learning is FUN.
They take for granted the fact that the adults in their lives treat them
with respect and honor their uniqueness. They take for granted the fact that
they have access to the things they love, the places and people they enjoy.
They take for granted their unschooling lives because it's what they know
and live every day. Learning is just part of living. Adding a tiny bit of
knowledge to their cup is what they do every time something excites them or
grabs their attention. Information that is meaningful for their journey is
not taken lightly but explored with wonder and awe.
It makes for a very sweet life indeed. "
Subject: Re: Wonder
tu es MERVEILLEUSE
Mère- veilleuse! MERCI!
Though my French is small, I can tell you that their term for "wonder" is like our verb "to marvel," but it looks and sounds like their word for "mother," so Jeanine made a pretty pun that we can't make. —Sandra
There is research on multiple benefits of feeling awe. Deb Lewis found it.
Being in Awe Can Expand Time and Enhance Well-Being: "Across three different experiments, they found that jaw-dropping moments made participants feel like they had more time available and made them more patient, less materialistic, and more willing to volunteer time to help others."
Chat transcript with images and videos, on the topic of Wonder and Awe from 2012.
Becoming the parent you want to be