Virtues for Unschoolers


Sylvia Woodman quoted me in in February 2016:

"Being nice to another person is what makes one nice.
Being patient with another person is what makes one patient.
If a parent says, hatefully "BE GOOD," he's not being very good.
Instead of telling a young child "Be nice, and be patient," the parent should be nice, and patient. It's a generality, and a truism, but it's generally true."
Looking for the source of that, I found this:
Virtues. Someone in another topic asked (awkwardly) what virtues unschooling parents would want in their children.

I said I wanted mine to be "calm and whole, good-hearted, honest and dependable." It seemed worth its own topic. Because you can't just stand there and tell a child to be calm, Be CALM **I SAID BE CALM!!**

Ditto any other virtue.

Live the way you want your children to be. Be curious. Be thoughtful. Be patient. Be generous. There are other places (a link, nearly every day) but this is more often than not about virtue:

http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com
If one post isn't, click one of the links under it. Or click the randomizing "Surprise me!" at the upper right.

It would be good for children if the parents who subscribe actually read these. :-) But at least subscribe so you'll have a chance to have an uplifting thought each day by e-mail.

That, above, was on the Radical Unschooling Discussion facebook page, August 10, 2014.

Here are come comments on that post:

Jennifer Berry:
One of the first things I had to do when we first started radically Unschooling was to come up with a few watchwords to keep us focused on our priorities. I think what we eventually came up with was: Peace, Cooperation, Personal Responsibility, Kindness. There's some overlap there, but just having a few words to focus on (esp. Personal Responsibility, which could so easily become something with which to bludgeon our kids but was in fact a reminder to keep our own crap to ourselves and take responsibility for having opened our home to children in the first place) made a huge difference in our day-to-day choices.
Sylvia Woodman:
I want fun and happiness to be priorities in our home. If people are happy and having fun, they are learning.
Jenny Cyphers:
As I've gotten older, I focus more and more on kindness. I want to be kind, I want my children to be kind and I want them to be in a world that is kinder.

More than anything else, I want my kids to know and feel that they can do whatever it is they decide they want to do, how to push through the difficult parts, how to ask for help, where to find help, who to trust for advice and ideas. Some of those fall into being discerning. I really believe discernment comes from practice in making choices and having calm and logic to reflect on. Parents can do that for their kids, they can give kids lots of choices and they can be calm and help process ideas logically with their kids.

Curtis Bowman:
Kindness,
Meredith Meredith:
I wanted my kids to love learning, and I wanted to live in a home where people liked each other. I still want those things, but they're not really goals any more, they're the shape of my family life. In the midst of all that curiosity and congeniality, I've gotten to see other virtues expressed: generosity and thoughtfulness - discernment, as Jenny mentioned, and strong personal ethics.
Frank Maier:
Kindness is what I've been working on in myself for quite a while now. Like the Beatles said, it's getting better all the time.
Tina Bragdon:
As others said...kindness, considering others feelings, not being afraid to speak ones mind in a respectful way, knowing oneself well enough (and have the confidence to) to stand up and say no to what doesn't fit with them. Also having that lifelong thirst for learning...that everything is fodder for their connections no matter what it is, or if society thinks they are too old or too young. I am happy to say that I see these things in my kids and its been so neat to see it unfold as I have one teen and pre-teen. Everyday I am so grateful that my family came across unschooling all those years ago.
Deborah Dixon Mensch:
Kindness, curiosity, cooperation, connection -- those are some I try to live and foster.
Marti Kennedy:
Generosity.
Sam Baykus:
Confidence (to be themselves) calmness, kindness, joyful :)
Aiden Kathleen Wagner:
For our home, we value being kind to ourselves and others, seeking out learning, being excited about life and its many opportunities, finding joy in the big things and the little things, communicating clearly and effectively, asking questions, giving and accepting love, being aware of our choices.

Virtue-touching things from around the site:
" They might think there is great virtue in denial. Denial of children and maybe especially there's great virtue in self-denial. I guess it's all just a paradigm shift away...."
http://sandradodd.com/yesGraphic

Sandra Dodd:
We're not here to have fun, some people will say.
Many people HAVE said.
Vale of tears and all that.
Suffering is virtue.
Suffering through school leads to virtue (and in the secular religion of capitalism, virtue=money)
Transcript of chat on Time and Money

"Self regulate" is a problematical concept too, and this whole topic is difficult for people to consider because "control" and "regulation" have been considered virtue, not abuses, for so long. —Sandra
Control and its related problems

Being (with children, mindful, aware, fun) How Morality Grows and how unschooling can help

Etiquette for Unschoolers Huge Gambles (or small gambles) Any guarantee that unschooling will make kids "good"?