It gets lonely when I read these boards and get so much encouragement and want to share it with him and all he can say is he doesn't need anyone else's opinions or experiences.
Would he feel the same way about building a shed or rebuilding a carburetor or running phone lines? Doesn't need anyone else's opinions or experiences?
Lyle's advice is good.[See below.] Stall and hush about unschooling. Don't even use the term at all.
Try to buy a copy of The Homeschool Book of Answers. It doesn't say "unschooling," but most of it is.
Try to get him where other unschoolers are, whether he knows it or not. If you know anyone with older unschooled kids, get them over to "teach" your kids something. Art. A game. Cooking. Get them into your house, and don't say "unschooling," just get them where your husband will meet them and like them. Spring the truth on him later when you need it.
Keep a list of "expected competencies." Check off what she can do already.
Go "interdisciplinary" as much as you can so you can checklist two or three things at once. Songs about history. Recipes from other countries. Science that requires measurement (size/weight/temperature, whatever) and double-dip on your listings so that your daughter will NOT separate the subjects into separate categories as schooled kids tend to do. Don't use the "science/history" terms with her when you don't have to. Just on the paper your husband sees.
You can find checklists here (and other places online):
http://www2.worldbook.com/parents/course_study_curr6.asp It's the Worldbook Encyclopedia's "course of study" listings.
You can probably check some stuff off the grades she's wouldn't be in yet. No problem. No reason to "finish first grade" before moving to any 2nd grade stuff. That's something he needs to figure out too.
Get the "What Your First Grader Needs to Know" books, and instead of going through them like textbooks, find places in her life where she's already learned those things and document that. Maybe write it right in the book, in the margin, every exposure to that story or factoid or concept, whether she got it from PBS or a cartoon or playing in the yard or a sculpture in a public park.
Put your frustrated energy into a burst of mixing it up.
Unschooling can prove itself if it's not thwarted.
You might be able to find some coloring books about pirates or the middle ages or something also history/geography. You might find workbooks you don't despise. Holly had an Animaniacs math workbook she liked. All the pages were funny and in color, and much had to do with fractions and money and time.
Go toward it, not away from it, for your daughter's comfort and to buy time for unschooling to work.
DO "FIELD TRIPS"--be out and away from the house as much as you can be. Document what you see and do and discuss, and the questions she asks. Look things up on the internet when you get home.
You won't have to document like that forever.
That's what I would do.
I don't have this problem with my spouse, but I've read alot of posts here from people who do.
He needs 'proof' that she's learning. I think that's a lot of people's problem with unschooling at first. There is no grade to look at, or handfuls of completed worksheets to either praise or complain about. A person that is sold on 'formal' education either cannot or will not see the learning any other way.
So, try to start keeping a journal of everything your daughter does. Translate her actions, projects, discussions, etc., into 'school language' so he will be able to see it better.
Don't spend so much energy trying to discuss unschooling with him, it sounds like he's already slammed the door. He's looking for proof that your daughter is learning, so give him proof.
This will take time. It sounds like he's built a pretty tall wall around his idea of education, and you're going to have to keep chipping away at it piece by piece, and eventually, hopefully, the wall will come crumbling down.
Maybe as long as you can provide him with some proof of her learning, he will let up a bit and let you and your dd get on with things. I wouldn't spend so much time worrying about him 'getting it', and go about your business of LETTING your daughter learn.
Hopefully others will chime in and have something more.
Good luck!
Hindsight, I would say really keep trying to have an open dialog about education and learning in general maybe not even mentioning unschooling, but just the way children learn. I think if we had more of that over the past 4yrs, my dh would be a little more advanced and understanding at this point in our life. Don't give up on him! Just help him in subtle ways by creating open dialog about your children and everything that goes with it. If it were me, I would definitely start with the genius idea he has, because that could be so harmful for your dd as she will try to measure up even if she's not aware that she's doing it. Help him see that she can't be ahead or behind herself, that she just is who she is. My dh said a lot of those things to me too about the genius part, alluding to the fact that I wasn't doing her justice and that I was actually doing her harm by not challenging her enough. It is so absurd, but yet he felt so strongly about it. I asked him for what I should do to challenge her. He didn't have any ideas, so it held no weight. He still gets into these doubting modes and it is really disturbing, but I know so much more that I can handle it better.
Hang in there! The journaling is a good idea, although I never did it. I'm just stubborn about it I guess. Perhaps I'll start now, it might be fun.