NEGATIVITY
| I really can't imagine villifying anything in their lives that they might find very exciting. Well, I can imagine it, so I guess that's why I don't do it. —Jenstarc4, in TV discussion on the Always Learning list |
Deb Lewis responding to someone new to the ideas:
***Because im still not convinced.***What made you consider unschooling? Why did you decide against school? It's not our job to convince you of anything. We offer ideas to people who are interested in how unschooling works. But if you think there is something of value in this philosophy then it's up to you to do the research *you* require to be convinced either way. To either say, yes there's something here or no, it's not for me. We can answer questions along the way.***Because some just watch TV. End. Then just play video games. Period. No tangents. No inspired learning. No pursuits, no follow up. No questions. No discussions. ***I've asked you before and I think others have too, tell us what your kid likes.***And all the cool stuff your kids did only makes me feel that much more frustrated.***Really, it helps some people to focus on the positive. Because I really get from your posts that you're very negative. Maybe you're not in real life, but the way these posts come through you're showing us a lot of negativity about your kid.
I don't mean to be harsh. I think it's an important part of why you're struggling with some of these unschooling concepts. I can't remember the last nice thing you wrote about your child.
It's not always easy to stay positive when we're worried (especially about our kids) but we can't help you with the worry if you're stuck in a moment you can't get out of. (Plagiarism!
) (Thank you Bono) Please tell us what your kid likes to do, what does he consider to be themost fun, what does he like to eat, what does he think about? It will help, I promise.
I will bet you quantities of cash that there are untold connections in your child's mind when he's watching his favorite shows and playing his favorite games. Just because an interest doesn't take off and take tangible form doesn't mean it's not real. Just because you're not seeing a physical manifestation of his intellectual life doesn't mean there's nothing going on.
Your son is nine? I think we start comparing our kids to other kids about this age, some before, but really about this age because they seem so big in so many ways. We're saying goodbye to our babies and we're looking for our grown kids and missing this incredible person in between. And it can be, for the child, a difficult time when the most beloved toys and games of childhood are losing their appeal and the very cool stuff of the world of adults still seems too hard and too far away.What kinds of things do you do with him? What do you talk about? What are some of *your* interests and how do they manifest themselves in your family life? What example do you set for your child? Do you love life or are you bored? Do you love to learn or are you dispassionate? When you see a bug do you wonder what it is or do you squish it? These are all things to consider when we're wondering whether we're providing the most interesting life possible for our kids. It starts with us.
Deb Lewis
I like what Sandra said about trying not to dwell on negative stuff. I can get negative sometimes...that's usually the time I take a nap. Always helps. Or I go for a walk outside, or take a small amount of time for myself. Sometimes I just go to my husband and say, "I'm getting really stressed out, I am feeling like I'm on the edge of losing it" which is honest to God, the truth, with having a large family and farm and business. He will usually then find something for the kids to do, or put a movie no one's seen on, or he'll ask them to help us out with this or that. We don't have set chores, but everyone does help with things. And we make sure the kids share in the bounty. Knowing they're appreciated really kindles their enthusiasm to help, as well as money (they keep most of the money from the farmer's market) and freedoms.
Nancy (CelticFrau)
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and
hatred therewith.—Proverbs 15:7
(provided by Nancy Wooton, who knows these things)
From Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams
President Cohen, when I told him I was going to do this talk, he said, please tell them about having fun, because that’s what I remember you for. And I said, I can do that, but it’s kind of like a fish talking about the importance of water. I mean I don’t know how to not have fun. I’m dying and I’m having fun. And I’m going to keep having fun every day I have left. Because there’s no other way to play it. So my next piece of advice is, you just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or and Eeyore. [shows slide with an image of Tigger and Eeyore with the phrase “Decide if you’re Tigger or Eeyore”] I think I’m clear where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate. [laughter] Never lose the childlike wonder. It’s just too important. It’s what drives us. Help others.There's video of that lecture here: http://wms.andrew.cmu.edu/001/pausch.wmv.
Thanks to Robyn Coburn and and Schuyler Waynforth for those links.
Mindful Parenting
Parenting Peacefully