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Sandra Dodd
USA
1418 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 17 2006 : 10:44:43 AM
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A main part of our routine (such as it is) is that each night we remind each other what's happening the next day. It helps people decide when to go to sleep, when to wake up (if they need an alarm) and it keeps people from getting up frantic that they haven't told me they needed a ride or whatever.
Last night Holly was trying on clothes and a hat for a party the kids are all attending tonight. I hadn't heard about it until yesterday. I don't mind. All three will be in the same place.
I'm without my van today. I could drive the big conversion van if I really need to, but I prefer not to. So I talked to Holly about it to see if there was a problem with today being the day we put it in the shop. If she had reminded me of a need to go out, we could've waited until next week to take it in.
Sometimes the review is more than just the next day—we remind each other of needs for the next few days. It models advance planning and family discussion (to put it in fancier parenting terms).
Sandra Dodd
/unschooling
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dragonfly
USA
514 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2006 : 2:01:32 PM
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With unschooling, every day can be like the Wednesday you described! Free, joyful, family-oriented, full of your son's passions, and packed with learning. Fun, isn't it? :-)
df |
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dragonfly
USA
514 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2006 : 4:41:43 PM
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Is it possible he's cramming too much into Wednesdays because the free time is precious? Could it be the return to the routine that makes him out-of-sorts, rather than the lack of it on Wednesday?
I'm going to post this link again, because it is such a warm reminder of all our children can show us once we breathe, let go, and join them in their worlds.
http://www.livingjoyfully.ca/anneo/I_Am_What_I_Am.htm
df |
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Sandra Dodd
USA
1418 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2006 : 5:50:21 PM
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-=- played Oregon Trail until we had to practically turn off the computer to get him to stop and eat dinner-=-
Well I had cut and pasted that before I saw Amelie beat me to it.
Maybe it's you and not your son who wants schedules and structure.
It helped me greatly to notice any time I said "have to" whether it was "we have to" or "you have to" or "I have to." I consciously stopped myself and would rephrase to something like "It might be good if we..." or "you might want to..."
It's more honest, for one thing. People make choices,and if we want to help them learn to make better choices (if we CHOOSE to help them make better choices), they need to see that they are making choices. You could choose not to give him choices. You could choose to continue to think you "have to" do things.
Every choice you make takes you closer or further from a peaceful relationships and better understandings.
/haveto
-=- Keep reading about unschooling and try to think of the best way to ease gradually into a more relaxed, joyful life.-=-
"Ease gradually" takes thousands of little choices. You could take years to get more relaxed and joyful, or you could head there directly. <g>
If your son eats when he's hungry and plays Oregon Trail when he wants to play that, it will help you see his natural rhythms and help you respect his needs of the moment, and it will help him come to know whether he's hungry or not, and so forth. You could also have taken him some food where he was—something like a sandwich or finger food he could eat without any mess. /eating/monkeyplatter
Sandra Dodd
/unschooling
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dragonfly
USA
514 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2006 : 12:00:13 PM
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No, I don't belong here
But your son might! Isn't that what's important?
df |
Edited by - dragonfly on Mar 19 2006 12:01:11 PM |
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Sandra Dodd
USA
1418 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2006 : 5:48:18 PM
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-=-Dinner is family time and given the fact that many families are fine with finger-foods instead of a real dinner then perhaps I don't belong here.-=-
One person posted an alternative. I thought you wanted alternatives. I hope you didn't just want people to encourage you in ways to limit and control your son.
There was a discussion about dinner as family time just recently, and I collected some of the best parts here:
/eating/dinner
There are ways to have family time AND sustenance without making the traditional idea of "dinner" more important that the feelings and preferences of individuals.
-=-I am not a short-order cook.-=-
This is one of those phrases people say without really thinking about it. Someone said it to you, I'm guessing, when you were young and wanted something special. It's a put-down. Try to avoid put-downs that can be expressed without conscious, mindful thought.
-=- As far as playing all afternoon and evening on a computer game, electronic games of any kind will affect his behavior and the time needs to be monitored closely.-=-
/videogames
/food
I think Tamara will be back, but even if she's not, others might have the same concerns.
My ideas could help Tamara's family. Tamara's rejection can't hurt my family. I'm sad for her son, but unharmed.
Sandra Dodd
/unschooling
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Sandra Dodd
USA
1418 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2006 : 5:54:51 PM
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Wait...
Isn't he an only child? How many other members of the family do you have to consider!?
Sandra Dodd
/unschooling
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hbinkster3
5 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2006 : 9:33:43 PM
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Hey There!
Just wanted to say thanks for starting this "Only Child" forum!! I've already absorbed everything posted and am anxious for more! |
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arcarpenter
USA
206 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 10:36:38 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Tracytaylorsteve
Does anybody else stay up as late at night as we do and sleep in every morning? I'm always embarassed to admit this to people.
Tracy
Well, I don't know exactly how late you stay up, but yes.
Peace,
Amy
Mom to Fisher (b. 6/97) and Riley (b. 6/03)
"It is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us." -- Charles Dickens
http://www.geocities.com/freshfromtheuniverse/ |
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wesunschool
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 10:56:51 AM
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My only child, Wes just turned 13, so my only teen, Wes, has taught me over the last 4 years that we've unschooled that learning happens all times of the day and night.
Some of my most memorable times and most profound bonding moments have been during late hours of the night watching movies or TV (or even when he was younger and I'd be reading aloud to him as he played dress-up or drew while listening.)
Just last night Wes and I finished the final episode of the now ended Six Feet Under series. We've had the most amazing conversations about LIFE, love, death, sex and more as a result of watching TV together. Last night I was tired, but Wes needed to watch the special features about how the show was made and how this show has possibly helped our culture to better begin to talk about death...I didn't want to miss this opportunity to hear Wes's thoughts and ideas about such important life issues--I stayed up and watched, listened, and talked AND I totally slept in this morning (DH was kind to be "extra" quiet getting off to work )
As I write this Wes continues to get the sleep he needs and desires and our day together will begin sometime early this afternoon when he makes his way from the comfort of his bed into a new day full of exciting possibilities! Always moving toward a WIN/WIN here on the quiet coast of Maine!
Kim Snyder Sterrs |
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dragonfly
USA
514 Posts |
Posted - Sep 27 2006 : 8:33:39 PM
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Does anybody else stay up as late at night as we do and sleep in every morning? I'm always embarassed to admit this to people.
Yes! We're all nightowls. My 12yo is the Queen of the Nightowls. She stays up most nights, sleeps days, has time with us in the afternoon/evening until we all go to bed somewhere between 12 and 2. I think of it as her working a night shift, and we adjust to it just as we would if my dh or I worked a night shift.
df |
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carelia
USA
58 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2006 : 12:48:16 AM
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Nightowls here too. Last night (this morning?) I went to bed when Aaron did, at 4:30 or so. I don't know exactly when the older kids went to bed, but Christopher sent me email at about 7:30 am, and then he slept until 6 pm when I woke him up because we were going out and he'd wanted to go. Poor DH has to go to bed by 1 am -ish to be able get to work (he'd prefer a more nightowl schedule too).
carelia
mom to Katherine 18, Christopher 15, Aaron 7
"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." ~Anonymous |
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dragonfly
USA
514 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2006 : 2:30:37 PM
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I now feel comfortable admiting...
Isn't it funny how much shame society manages to attach to people who stay up late? My grandmother (one of my personal "voices of society") persists in thinking that we're ruining ourselves somehow (despite the fact that I've spent my entire adult life gainfully employed, financially solvent, and pretty darned happy), and that we have fewer hours in our day or something. It's weird. It just doesn't make sense in this 24-hour world.
df |
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wesunschool
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2006 : 10:27:48 PM
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I was just thinking about the messages I internalized that judged "sleeping in" as laziness, self-indulgent, and something that needing defending.
It took time for me to repattern those messages and stop feeling like I needed to make justifications for Wes and my sleeping past the rooster's crow (DH rises early most weekdays, but loves evening naps and sleeping late on weekends.)
There are still mornings that I wake and feel a low level of anxiety which I mainly attribute to sleeping late and not jumping out of bed and immediately "doing". I care for myself by staying in bed, breathing slowly and appreciating the restful sleep I just woke from--and now I sometimes even drift back off for more sleep bliss.
Those old messages were deeply held and unschooling helped me to heal the judgemental attitudes and my reactions to others attitudes so we could feel good about being our own way.
Kim
www.heartcenteredcare.blogspot.com
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Kara
65 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2006 : 3:53:17 PM
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My dd will be 8 in December. She and I stay up til between 11:30 and 1:00. She either falls asleep in my bed or gets into my bed around 3 or 4. We sleep til anywhere from 9:30 to 11. We get up when we want. I really really love this. My husband likes it because he gets up early and gets his work done and has time alone (he is semi-retired and works from home). Then when we get up, he can be with us without worrying about work.
Sorry to repeat what Glenda posted but we also make appts for later in the day. Friends know when we generally get up. However, we are starting a pottery class together and must be there by 10, every other Saturday. We'll have to adjust our Friday nights but I think we can manage it if we really want to.
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Welcome to Unschooling an Only!
