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sweetboysmom
4 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 19 2004 : 06:40:12 AM
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Hi,
My son is 4 3/4 as he likes to say. We have been in the unschooling mode for about 1 1/2 years. It seemed a natural progression from AP. He is a very social boy and wants more than the several playdates and one homeschol parkday and regular trips to the park each week. We also do outings to all sorts of things as well. I'm starting to wonder if I'm making the right choice by hs'ing. We've got chld led charter schools here as well as Sudbury type private school. I'm not crazy about that idea but I want tobe responsive to his needs.
I love the idea of unschooling and want to make this work. I wonder what others have done in similar situations where their chiild wanted more social life w/ kids. We play lots during the day but it's esp. hard in the eves since he goes to bed atound midnight. I've put out a call on our hs group to see if there were other kids up that late but no takers. I've also been a part of a new hs group as well which we hope will take off. We've got lots of cool stuff to do at home and away but he really seems to want to be around more kids.
Any thoughts?
Alison |
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Tuckervill
USA
214 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2004 : 10:06:07 AM
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I don't believe your son's only need is to be with other kids all the time. He has a need to stay up late, apparently. How would that blend with getting out of bed in time for school?
I have trouble with the concept of "making unschooling work". If you commit to a relationship with your child, meeting his needs and living with him honestly, then unschooling works. That doesn't mean the relationship has to be one-sided, completely and entirely leaning towards the child. As my youngest child (last one at home) has grown, it has become easier for him to see that I am a separate person. I honestly bristle at the idea that meeting his every need means I must and should deny my own needs indefinitely.
With 4 year olds, it's not so simple to find enough room for mom in the mother/child balance. Small children do need a great deal more time and attention from parents than almost-11 yo's. But 4 yo's are also adaptable and their habits can be shifted subtley so as to make life with them more comfortable. I, for instance, could never stay up until midnight every night with a busy child and then expect to be a patient, caring parent the next day. I commend you for being able to do so! If I were in that situation, I would work hard to make the environment more conducive to sleep way before midnight, by turning down the lights, getting the house quiet, etc., etc.
If I were you, I'd take a long hard look to see if my own needs were being met in a healthy way, and determine if the way the current relationship is working is sustainable for a childhood, *before* I gave up on unschooling altogether. I'd at least attempt to make the changes necessary to find balance between my own needs and my child's. Because the schooled lifestyle brings it's own set of challenges.
Karen
"We are always ready to perceive pomposity where it exists, and it's very hard to be pompous when you're playing the ukulele." |
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unschool
288 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2004 : 10:22:25 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by shmoo
Looking at it now, I think school doesn't necessarily satisfy an outgoing child's need for friendship; in fact, we have less time to play with friends during the day because he's in school.
Also, I've been wondering if being alone might get a bit easier as skills like reading and writing develop. What do others think?
I think you're right - school can be a frustrating place to try to get socializing needs met. If you go back to homeschooling, get him a big wall calendar and mark on it all the play dates and park days and other activities he'll be going to - so that he has the security of knowing that something is coming up. That really helped my daughter who also has very high social contact needs.
And, yes, reading helps. But don't wait until he reads on his own - get him a personal cd player and get books on cd (or tape).
-pam |
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Kara
65 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2005 : 07:32:21 AM
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Our biggest issue is that we live in a country where homeschooling is rare. My daughter (6) only sees her friends after they get out of school, *if* they have enough energy for playing after school and *if* we can work around their other scheduled activities. Sometimes, she has to wait until the weekend to see them.
At times, this bugs me greatly. Other times I see it as just doing what we have to do in order to hang with friends.
Also, my daughter really has no interest in learning the local language, which limits the friend pool considerably! LOL
Last year, she had five friends. This year, only one. So far. With two more in the "getting to know you" stage.
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Tuckervill
USA
214 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2005 : 08:02:11 AM
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Hi, Kara!
How long have you lived in the Czech Republic?
My family and I have moved around a lot. It wasn't intentional, and we're not in the military...it just happened that way for us. I think we may be at the end of that cycle though!
What I've found is that it takes a fair amount of time to adjust. More than we would expect. We've lived in this town for a year, now. I've taken steps to hurry the adjustment along because my experience has shown me that if I do things like seek out the homeschoolers and the baseball teams early it will aid in the transition. But I'm still not feeling quite *there*, yet.
My son Will, who is 11, hasn't made any friends in the neighborhood, yet. There are kids around, but of course, they're all in school. I'm hoping that when we join the aquatic center again this year that he'll spend part of every day there. He can ride his bike there and is much more confident doing that now that he's 11 than he was last summer when he was 10. I know he'll make friends that way. It will be more familiar and he will recognize kids from baseball and other things he's participated in. (There are no other unschoolers in this small town that we know of!)
I don't think Will could keep from being more attuned and plugged into the community if he just keeps at it. Adjustment is growth and learning and change. Change happens over time. He has a bit of a language barrier, as well. We live in the South, where "Miss Firstname" is the proper form of address to adults for kids his age, and he's always just called people what they wish to be called. "No, sir" and "Yes, ma'am" are not part of his vocabulary, either. But over time he has picked up where it would be advantageous to use them and when it doesn't matter.
Your daughter will soon find a need to know some of the local language, and need to know is what drives learning. Maybe you just haven't been there long enough, yet. Plus the adjustment period is influenced by the age and development of the child. Over time she will change and develop and there will be new challenges and the old ones will become a part of the past. Be patient and loving and ease her along. If it doesn't seem to be bugging HER too much, don't worry about it.
Karen
"We are always ready to perceive pomposity where it exists, and it's very hard to be pompous when you're playing the ukulele." |
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Kara
65 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2005 : 1:01:29 PM
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Hello, tuckervill. We've lived here for five years LOL School is a BIG thing here. And being a foreigner makes Sophia doubly an outsider. As I said, we've found some friends, yes, but she tells me she wants more.
(I'm from the South. I know what you mean about the "no, ma'am" and "no, sir" all too well) |
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ecsamhill
110 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2005 : 2:22:59 PM
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**We've got child led charter schools here as well as Sudbury type private school.**
A friend of mine had her kids in Sudbury school year before last. It was pretty good for meeting her kids social needs. But as an attachment parent, she felt uncomfortable with the assumption that it's always important for kids to get away from their mothers. (Which is apparently what the founder of Sudbury believed. You can find it on the website(s).) This philosophy doesn't seem to consider that some mothers (like us!) aren't controlling and aren't, um, "escape-worthy". |
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sweetboysmom
4 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2005 : 6:48:10 PM
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"But as an attachment parent, she felt uncomfortable with the assumption that it's always important for kids to get away from their mothers. (Which is apparently what the founder of Sudbury believed."
Oh that's very interesting. I didn't know that about Sudbury schools. Yes, I don't see the purpose of going every day for 7 hrs, no matter what the type of school.
I'm actually thinking of the idea of starting a coop w/ other families who are unschoolers. I'd like some more options other than no school or every day school. Maybe something a couple of days a week in the afternoons where the kids can be free to follow their interests but have consistant people in their lives. I know there's no guarantee that they would be the people they would choose to be friends. I just can't quite figure out how to create a situation that would serve him and me too. Community is very important to me and other than weekly park days which is pretty loose, we don't have any. |
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ecsamhill
110 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2005 : 9:15:15 PM
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**Community is very important to me and other than weekly park days which is pretty loose, we don't have any.**
I ended up "co-oping" with three friends (not exactly unschoolers, but relaxed) from my homeschooling park day. I gradually subverted all their schoolish intentions, and now we just hang out and let the kids run free. (OK, we hike, sometimes do sports or go to a museum.)
My only child has a lot of play time with his dad (who I think is WAY more fun than I am). That contributes to meeting his social needs. But my child isn't extroverted. Being at home a lot seems to be his preference.
My two cents,
Betsy
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Tuckervill
USA
214 Posts |
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ecsamhill
110 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2005 : 12:54:17 AM
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I hope I can go.
Betsy |
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sweetboysmom
4 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2005 : 01:29:12 AM
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Hi Karen,
That sounds so wonderful. Unfortunately, we won't be there. Will there be any transcripts or anything like that of the workshops available? I'd love to hear more.
Alison |
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Finding enough kids to play with
