I have had so many doubts, or moments where I just don't know what to do. I've felt at times like I should be able to find mutually happy-making solutions to conflicts, but I can't always.I/Sandra responded:
If you've adopted a set of principles and priorities, it will make decisionmaking easier. And I don't mean to choose your five and write them down. I mean to consider what's important in a situation when you're making a decision. And those things can vary.
Don't make a rule for yourself. Sometimes maybe you could say "just a little bit." Sometimes (depending on what the symptoms are and what you're about to go an do) say "it's not a good time, because we're about to get in the car," or "It's not a good time, because we all really need to go to sleep quietly now" (because you're in someone else's house that night with early-morning plans).
All decisions should be made that way, with the particulars of the moment in mind. Who else will be inconvenienced? Maybe nobody. Maybe lots. How much "recovery time" do you have? Maybe lots. Maybe you're home with nothing planned on a calm day and it would be a fine time to see whether the problem is worse than before or maybe has gone away. Kids do grow out of such things sometimes (and older people can grow into them :-) )