jennefer harper

I understand! I have always had to deal with this in
my son's 3 years of life! Several of his friends have
food allergies as well as having parents who prefer
them to have certain foods over others. This includes
organic foods only and NO SUGAR! I'm way into organic
foods and definately prefer my child to eat them, but
at the same time let them eat that blue popsicle or
Duncan Hines chocolate cake if they want it. I can
understand diets limited due to food allergies, but it
also does make it a challenge especially at potlucks
and parties. I am just now expressing to their
parents how hard it must be for them, and inquiring
how the child feels when they can't eat something but
their friends can. What the parents have told me is
that their child is coming to understand how they
don't feel good after eating a particular food; so
that's why they avoid it. But, I do not think they
give the child a choice to eat it or not even in the
case of allergies. With a severe peanut allergy, I
can understand not giving the choice as a result could
be anaphylactic shock and death. But what about less
severe allergies? Should the parent regulate? Or
say, okay, eat dairy if you want to but you will get
congested and have an eczema flair up. I have been
challenged to use all sorts of substitutes like spelt
and rice flour instead of wheat, soy instead of dairy,
goat instead of cow, honey, date sugar, maple syrup
instead of sugar. But, I've felt bad/guilty for
making something for a potluck that had sugar in it.
Also, I have felt bad for using a non-organic egg in
something for a potluck! So much so that I pray no
one asks less I get exposed!

I am dealing with this issue, again, currently with my
son's 3rd birthday party. Pizza potluck. Easy
enough? Everyone can bring their own individual pizza
to share, right? But will there be enough wheat free,
gluten free, organic, soy cheese, no flour crust pizza
for everyone who needs it? God, I hope so! And what
about the cake? My son WANTS a chocolate cake. Fine,
he gets it. Unfortunately I know not every parent
will want their child to eat chocolate. So, do I get
a second non-chocolate cake to make sure everyone's
dietary needs get made? Sorry, can't do it this time.
I know that because it will be a chocolate cake,
probably made with sugar and flour and possibly with a
non-organic egg if we happen to be out of organic eggs
that some kids will get none. I will feel bad. I
will also feel uncomfortable but I'm so busy being a
mom of two small boys that I just can't accomodate
everyone anymore. Should I make sure to have a cow
dairy, soy and goat's ice cream so everyone gets to
eat ice cream? I really hate for someone not to be
able to partake, but it is also a lot of stress and
energy on my part. I'm lucky that neither of my
children, nor I have any food allergies. But if we
did, I don't think I would expect there to always be
alternatives for us, and I would bring
substitutes/options for my children.

Any advice on how to deal with these food challenges
would be welcomed!

-Jennefer



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Marjorie Kirk

Jennefer,


I may be way off base here, but I would suggest finding some new friends who
are secure enough with their food choices to not try to make you feel guilty
about yours. As for the party: serve what your family wants, let everyone
know what that's going to be and let them know they're free to bring tofu
cuties or whatever else they want.


JMHO,
Marjorie


I understand! I have always had to deal with this in my son's 3 years of
life! Several of his friends have food allergies as well as having parents
who prefer them to have certain foods over others. This includes organic
foods only and NO SUGAR! I'm way into organic foods and definately prefer
my child to eat them, but at the same time let them eat that blue popsicle
or Duncan Hines chocolate cake if they want it. I can understand diets
limited due to food allergies, but it also does make it a challenge
especially at potlucks and parties. I am just now expressing to their
parents how hard it must be for them, and inquiring how the child feels when
they can't eat something but their friends can. What the parents have told
me is that their child is coming to understand how they don't feel good
after eating a particular food; so that's why they avoid it. But, I do not
think they give the child a choice to eat it or not even in the case of
allergies. With a severe peanut allergy, I can understand not giving the
choice as a result could be anaphylactic shock and death. But what about
less severe allergies? Should the parent regulate? Or say, okay, eat dairy
if you want to but you will get congested and have an eczema flair up. I
have been challenged to use all sorts of substitutes like spelt and rice
flour instead of wheat, soy instead of dairy, goat instead of cow, honey,
date sugar, maple syrup instead of sugar. But, I've felt bad/guilty for
making something for a potluck that had sugar in it.
Also, I have felt bad for using a non-organic egg in something for a
potluck! So much so that I pray no one asks less I get exposed!

I am dealing with this issue, again, currently with my son's 3rd birthday
party. Pizza potluck. Easy enough? Everyone can bring their own
individual pizza to share, right? But will there be enough wheat free,
gluten free, organic, soy cheese, no flour crust pizza for everyone who
needs it? God, I hope so! And what about the cake? My son WANTS a
chocolate cake. Fine, he gets it. Unfortunately I know not every parent
will want their child to eat chocolate. So, do I get a second non-chocolate
cake to make sure everyone's dietary needs get made? Sorry, can't do it
this time.
I know that because it will be a chocolate cake, probably made with sugar
and flour and possibly with a non-organic egg if we happen to be out of
organic eggs that some kids will get none. I will feel bad. I will also
feel uncomfortable but I'm so busy being a mom of two small boys that I just
can't accomodate everyone anymore. Should I make sure to have a cow dairy,
soy and goat's ice cream so everyone gets to eat ice cream? I really hate
for someone not to be able to partake, but it is also a lot of stress and
energy on my part. I'm lucky that neither of my children, nor I have any
food allergies. But if we did, I don't think I would expect there to always
be alternatives for us, and I would bring substitutes/options for my
children.

Any advice on how to deal with these food challenges would be welcomed!

-Jennefer



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Shannon

this is what i do, but we are on the allergy side of the coin. when we have
birthdays or get-togethers, i make what we can eat. everybody knows this
and either eats what we have offered or brings their own.(i've never had
that yet) on the flip side, i bring foods we can eat whenever we are out or
at a party or we eat what's there. i/we will pay for it later (ds has major
behavioral, mood issues) if we do eat their food. but i don't go around
making the host uncomfortable because there isn't any food we can eat.
afaic, it's MY responsibility to make sure my family has the foods they can
eat. i think you need to only worry about your family and the others will
either follow suit or decide not to come.

Shannon
-----Original Message-----
From: Marjorie Kirk




Jennefer,


I may be way off base here, but I would suggest finding some new friends
who
are secure enough with their food choices to not try to make you feel
guilty
about yours. As for the party: serve what your family wants, let everyone
know what that's going to be and let them know they're free to bring tofu
cuties or whatever else they want.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jimpetersonl

I really hate for someone not to be
> able to partake, but it is also a lot of stress and
> energy on my part. I'm lucky that neither of my
> children, nor I have any food allergies. But if we
> did, I don't think I would expect there to always be
> alternatives for us, and I would bring
> substitutes/options for my children.
>
> Any advice on how to deal with these food challenges
> would be welcomed!
>
> -Jennefer

When I throw a party, I make a list to keep track of who got the
invite, who's RSVP'd, who I haven't heard from, who got a thank-you,
etc.

One of the items I keep track of as the RSVPs come in is food
allergies/sensitivities/etc. This way, I tailor the food for the
guests who are coming.

On our family, we have a diabetic, a celiac, two shell-fish allergies,
and a peanut-allergy. While the diabetic and celiac won't drop dead
if they have sugar/gluten, the long term effects are equally serious,
so we don't encourage anyone to cheat. (For a celiac, the gluten in
one crouton causes the antibody formation that takes 6 months of
gluten-free eating to remove. The antibodies flatten the villi in the
intestine, which, if continued, irreversibly destroy the villi
function).

I generally ask what sort of accomodations need to be made, and most
of my friends offer to bring something or offer good, easy
suggestions. I really like your pizza-potluck (though honestly, most
non-celiacs aren't going to touch the GF pizza . . . so there should
be plenty).
:-)
~Sue

velvet jiang

my dd is alleric to chocolate. she sometime will have a reaction such as
itching, hives and even have her eyes swell shut. i leave the decision up to
her whether or not she wants to take the chance. we found out she was
allergic when she was around 3 and have always expressed to her the risk
involved. sometime she is willing to take it and sometimes after a really
bad reaction she isn't. if it were life and death i would decide for her and
try to educate her on why.

concerning other peoples for allergies and food preference i would leave
that up to them. you can only do so much. if my dd wanted to eat cake a
party that was serving chocolate and she didn't want to risk it, i would
bring a substitute for her. if i didn't know that they were having chocolate
we would get cake later.

you can't expect yourself to cover everyones bases or let others expect you
to do so.
velvet

Nisha

Hi,
You certainly are lucky not to have to deal with food sensitivities
and allergies. We do. IT's a pain in the butt. I try to keep things
out of the house that my son can't have. His reactions aren't true
allergies, but more a sensitivity that manifests in absolutely out of
control behavior on his part, very much like a child with severe ADHD
and also some digestive problems. ANd his is corn syrup and high
fructose corn syrup (the behaviour)as well as certain kinds of dairy
(the digestive problems). I have no issues with sugar, it's the corn
syrup crap that he really just can't have. He doesn't want it,
because of how he acts, and this is when he doesn't know it has it.
I've tried that to make sure it wasn't just him trying to get away
with something.It's also how I found out that most hot dogs and hot
dog buns have highfructose/corn syrup in them. I have since learned
to be very dilligent in reading labels.
What I do, is I'll usually talk to a hostess and I'll bring
something, or if she's willing to read a label, then maybe she'll
find a brand of cake mix that doesn't have the corn syrup or high
fructose stuff, or if we go to a potluck, I'll make sure I take
something that he considers a real treat. It may not be the same as
what the other kids are eating, but he understands.The corn syrup is
much more of a problem than a little bit of dairy.(he can tolerate
small amounts without problems)
A while back, his dad was eating a carton of ice cream,and he had a
little bit of it. He really, really wanted more. He bugged me and his
dad a lot. I finally just said fine. You know what I have told you
this will do to you. You understand, right? He said yes. I asked him
if he still wanted it, when he knew what I had said it would do to
him. (he gets bowel cramps and really bad diarhea) He said yes. So I
gave it to him. I really tried to be empathetic the next day when he
was running to the bathroom all morning, and his tummy was upset all
day. I did feel sorry for him, he was only 5, but since then, he has
never asked for more than his quarter cup of ice cream that his body
WILL tolerate.
Sometimes, natural consequences are the only thing that teaches them
that what you are trying to tell them is really real.
Nisha

--- In [email protected], jennefer harper
<jenneferh2000@y...> wrote:
I'm lucky that neither of my
> children, nor I have any food allergies. But if we
> did, I don't think I would expect there to always be
> alternatives for us, and I would bring
> substitutes/options for my children.
>
> Any advice on how to deal with these food challenges
> would be welcomed!
>
> -Jennefer
>

Taunya Hedbor

--- In [email protected], "velvet jiang"
<jiangvelvet@h...> wrote:
> my dd is alleric to chocolate. she sometime will have a reaction
such as
> itching, hives and even have her eyes swell shut. i leave the
decision up to
> her whether or not she wants to take the chance. we found out she
was
> allergic when she was around 3 and have always expressed to her
the risk
> involved. sometime she is willing to take it and sometimes after a
really
> bad reaction she isn't. if it were life and death i would decide
for her and
> try to educate her on why.

YIKES!!! This is really scary - are you SURE it isn't a life or
death situation? My understanding of allergies is that they can
escalate - and if it is so severe that her eyes are swelling shut at
times, aren't you afraid that the same could happen with her
throat? You might want to get a second opinion on what your doctor
has said about the seriousness of this - it's certainly making my
hair stand on end... I hope I'm making a big deal out of nothing,
but I'm afraid I might not be.

Taunya

Robyn Coburn

<<<I asked him if he still wanted it, when he knew what I had said it would
do to him. (he gets bowel cramps and really bad diarhea) He said yes. So I
gave it to him. I really tried to be empathetic the next day when he
was running to the bathroom all morning, and his tummy was upset all
day. >>>

This sounds like the exact symptoms I have with Lactose Intolerance. Lactaid
enzyme pills are not perfect but do reduce the symptoms, especially the
horrible gas pain, enormously. Please get your poor little fellow some to
try.

Have you tried freezing your own honey sweetened plain soy yoghurt?

Robyn L. Coburn



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jennefer harper

>Jennefer,


>I may be way off base here, but I would suggest
>finding some new
>friends who
>are secure enough with their food choices to not try
>to make you feel
>guilty
>about yours.

*LOL*
Actually, these friends of ours are our *best* friends
and are really awesome, loving people. They just have
lots of food restrictions due to 'health' reasons. It
is definately a challenge though because we give our
children so much more freedom regarding food choices
than many of our friends. They are very 'secure' in
their food choices for their children, and I don't
think they intentionally try to make us feel guilty
about ours, but sometimes I do feel an underlining
vibe of 'superiority' because I let my son eat as many
french fries with as much ketchup as he wants where
the other parent will point out other foods on the
plate that their child should eat first and more of
because it is 'better' for them.

It does take away a lot of the fun when friends are
over and Sebastian (3 years) helps himself to the
cookies in the cupboard (or organic juice in the
fridge that happens to have *sugar* in it) and offers
some to his friends only to have that parent say, no,
you can't have that. Once a parent in this situation
told her son quitly that he couldn't have something
because it wasn't the best choice for him, and she has
to take care of him the best that she can. This did
make me feel guilty as if she was saying I wasn't
taking care of my child the best I could.

Although we're best friends, and our parenting style
has been so similar up to this point, I think that now
our children are coming of *school* age, there are
some major differences arising in how we treat and
raise our children.

I am looking forward to meeting some unschooling
families especially with children of similar ages to
ours. You would think in Eugene there would be a lot.
*looking far and wide for unschoolers in Eugene,
Oregon*

-Jennefer






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Marjorie Kirk

Jennefer,


You posted:
They are very 'secure' in their food choices for their children, and I
don't think they intentionally try to make us feel guilty about ours, but
sometimes I do feel an underlining vibe of 'superiority' because........

***************************************************************************
I find that people who are truly secure in their choices don't usually put
out that "superiority" vibe concerning the choices of others.
***************************************************************************


Once a parent in this situation told her son quitly that he couldn't have
something because it wasn't the best choice for him, and she has to take
care of him the best that she can. This did make me feel guilty as if she
was saying I wasn't taking care of my child the best I could.

****************************************************************************
*******************
It sounds like she WAS saying you weren't doing the best you could. I think
she probably could have found a better way to deny her son what he wanted
without criticizing you, even if it was in a passive way.


Again,
JMHO,
Marjorie

Emile Snyder

On Thu, 2004-08-19 at 11:05, jennefer harper wrote:
> ours. You would think in Eugene there would be a lot.
> *looking far and wide for unschoolers in Eugene,
> Oregon*

Have you checked out http://www.bluemountain-school.org/ (in Cottage
Grove)?

It's sounds like it's sort of an "unschooling school" if you can believe
it ;) I found the link recently looking at various online
homeschooling/unschooling/alternative education stuff; they modeled
themselves on the Sudbury Valley Free School which has been going for
something like 30 years now. If you visit it I, at least, would be
interested in hearing what it's like.

It also looks like Grace Llewellyn, author of "The Teenage Liberation
Handbook," is in Eugene and still active in unschooling stuff:

http://www.gracellewellyn.com/
and
http://www.gracellewellyn.com/eugenegroup.htm

-emile

Game-Enthusiast

I was allergic to chocolate when I was a small child. I got hives from it.
I remember getting a white *chocolate* Easter bunny when I was small. I
don't remember having chocolate kept from me, so I figure I outgrew it when
I was small enough not to notice that I wasn't aloud to have any. (if that
makes any sense)
Angela
game-enthusiast@...


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jon and Rue Kream

>>I've tried that to make sure it wasn't just him trying to get away
with something.

**You tried giving him food you thought was a problem for his body without
him knowing what he was eating to see how his body would react? What might
he have been 'trying to get away with'?

>>A while back, his dad was eating a carton of ice cream,and he had a
little bit of it. He really, really wanted more.

**That must be really hard for him. Wouldn't it be kinder to not sit down to
a carton of ice cream in front of him?

Does your son have any luck using something like lactaid? ~Rue


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Elizabeth Hill

**ANd his is corn syrup and high
fructose corn syrup (the behaviour)as well as certain kinds of dairy
(the digestive problems). I have no issues with sugar, it's the corn
syrup crap that he really just can't have.**

My guess is that eventually that researchers will find out that
high-fructose corn syrup is a major factor in the reason that
American-style diets raise the levels of type 2 diabetes in cultures
that start eating our fast foods and junk food. (The so-called American
diet, instead of their traditional diet).

So I think there is probably a significant long-term health benefit for
all of you in avoiding the stuff. It could be like a silver lining.

(Some of my negativity about HF corn syrup comes from Dr. Weil's book
Eating Well for Optimum Health. Some of it is just pulled out of my
*head* as I ask myself "what's different about the American diet" --
lots of cheap corn. "what's different about the modern diet" -- food
processing using artificial ingredients, esp. partially hydrogenated
oils and high fructose corn syrup.)

I'm not saying this is true. It's my personal paranoid theory. My PP
theories about the school system are right, so it's possible I could be
right about other stuff. <g> Just because "everyone else does it",
doesn't mean I think something is good for kids. (workbooks OR
artificial fats or sweeteners)

**(he gets bowel cramps and really bad diarhea)**

My mom is very similar. She can tolerate tiny amounts. But she will
indulge in dairy foods up to once a week and live with the
consequences. (I get to hear the details a lot! <g>)

Betsy

Nisha

-
I have used Lactaid on occasion since then, both for myself and my
son. I hadn't found them then and had forgotten about them recently.
We have just tended to avoid the stuff since neither of my kids
really like most dairy anyway. They can have yogurt and cheese
without noticeable problems. And yes, they love frozen yogurt. I have
done both freezing the little cups of yogurt(both soy and organic so
we don't get the corn syrup) with a stick in it like a popcicle, and
we also do what we call yogurt shakes.(juice, yogurt and frozen
fruit) They really like the soy based smoothies from the local health
food store, and really, really like rice dream..
ANd we occasionally(maybe once a month) go to Cold stone creamery,
and we all get a small. That is about the limit of what my son can
digest with out any trouble, but I really need to get some more
lactaid to keep in my bag for when we do that. Thanks for reminding
me about the stuff, I really had forgotten about it.
Nisha


-- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
This sounds like the exact symptoms I have with Lactose Intolerance.
Lactaid
> enzyme pills are not perfect but do reduce the symptoms, especially
the
> horrible gas pain, enormously. Please get your poor little fellow
some to
> try.
>
> Have you tried freezing your own honey sweetened plain soy yoghurt?
>
> Robyn L. Coburn

[email protected]

<< My understanding of allergies is that they can escalate - >>

They can also fade as children get older, and ANY reactions like that can be
stress-related or made worse by stress.

I've known a few moms who seemed to REALLY want their kids to have allergies
or learning disabilities or something so they had something to fret and tut
about, and something to blame things on.

My mom used to say I was allergic to chocolate, and nylon. What I think my
real problem was was not having enough baths, not owning a shower. My skin
problems were from sweat and stress. But my mom felt like a good mom when she
had things to forbid me. When a friend at school suggested I should take more
baths, when I was 11, I started doing that. But my mom was sure I was
allergic to bubble bath and soap. So I used Ivory soap and Skin-so-Soft, which feel
good but don't really get you clean.

Had my mom backed off and let me experiment on my own, things would have been
better in more than two ways. But she didn't. And and I fully believe she
was wrong.

Sandra

Nisha

--- In [email protected], Elizabeth Hill
<ecsamhill@e...> wrote:
> My guess is that eventually that researchers will find out that
> high-fructose corn syrup is a major factor in the reason that
> American-style diets raise the levels of type 2 diabetes in
cultures that start eating our fast foods and junk food. (The so-
called American diet, instead of their traditional diet).
>
> So I think there is probably a significant long-term health benefit
for all of you in avoiding the stuff. It could be like a silver
lining.

I know I personally feel better when I avoid it too. In Europe, they
consider HFCS to be not fit for human consumption. I think they are
right. I think it's linked to a lot of our health problems, and
that's just my own PP theory based on what I see with my kids and me.
Nisha

Nisha

--- In [email protected], "Jon and Rue Kream"
<skreams@c...> wrote:
> >>I've tried that to make sure it wasn't just him trying to get away
> with something.
>
> **You tried giving him food you thought was a problem for his body
without
> him knowing what he was eating to see how his body would react?
What might
> he have been 'trying to get away with'?

It was back when we were really trying to find out what exactly he
was reacting to. Someone suggested that he might be misbehaving for
the hell of it, that it was because *I* expected it instead of what
he was actually ingesting. So I quit talking about what was in his
food, and this was also before I was reading every single label of
everything he ate. Like I said, this was how I found out that the
crap is in hot dog buns and most hot dogs.

>>A while back, his dad was eating a carton of ice cream,and he had a
> little bit of it. He really, really wanted more.
>
> **That must be really hard for him. Wouldn't it be kinder to not
sit down to
> a carton of ice cream in front of him?
>

I agree with you on this one. This is something that my husband and I
have had some serious discussions about. I've told him that if he
really thinks he *NEEDS* to have stuff Breandan can't have, he should
eat it at work or after the kids are asleep. I don't do it, and I
don't appreciate it when he does it. It just seems mean to me.
Nisha

velvet jiang

many people in the family have the same allergy and the same symptoms, so no
i don't worry about it. i have never heard of a deadly chocolate allergy
(they may exsist but not that i know of). we do have a deadly bee allergy in
the family so i am concerned about her first bee sting.
velvet


>From: "Taunya Hedbor" <thedbor@...>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: Visitor's Food Restrictions
>Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2004 06:59:18 -0000
>
>--- In [email protected], "velvet jiang"
><jiangvelvet@h...> wrote:
> > my dd is alleric to chocolate. she sometime will have a reaction
>such as
> > itching, hives and even have her eyes swell shut. i leave the
>decision up to
> > her whether or not she wants to take the chance. we found out she
>was
> > allergic when she was around 3 and have always expressed to her
>the risk
> > involved. sometime she is willing to take it and sometimes after a
>really
> > bad reaction she isn't. if it were life and death i would decide
>for her and
> > try to educate her on why.
>
>YIKES!!! This is really scary - are you SURE it isn't a life or
>death situation? My understanding of allergies is that they can
>escalate - and if it is so severe that her eyes are swelling shut at
>times, aren't you afraid that the same could happen with her
>throat? You might want to get a second opinion on what your doctor
>has said about the seriousness of this - it's certainly making my
>hair stand on end... I hope I'm making a big deal out of nothing,
>but I'm afraid I might not be.
>
>Taunya
>
>

Robyn Coburn

<<<It does take away a lot of the fun when friends are
over and Sebastian (3 years) helps himself to the
cookies in the cupboard (or organic juice in the
fridge that happens to have *sugar* in it) and offers
some to his friends only to have that parent say, no,
you can't have that. Once a parent in this situation
told her son quitly that he couldn't have something
because it wasn't the best choice for him, and she has
to take care of him the best that she can. This did
make me feel guilty as if she was saying I wasn't
taking care of my child the best I could.>>>>

This sounds like someone trying in a passive/aggressive manner to make you
feel "less than". It won't enhance the relationship between the children
either, since it could end up with Sebastian feeling he needs to defend you
to his friend if the friend starts repeating that stuff.

I love it when Jayn wants to be a kind a host, and offers her favorite foods
and candies to her friends.

<<<Although we're best friends, and our parenting style
has been so similar up to this point, I think that now
our children are coming of *school* age, there are
some major differences arising in how we treat and
raise our children.>>>

Sometimes relationships don't survive these kinds of fundamental
philosophical differences. Many of us have told stories of friendships
fading away or ending more harshly. Personally I recommend "fading away",
since that leaves the door open for reconciliation if people's philosophies
change.

In my case it has been less sad when the friendship died a natural death
than I would have supposed. Others have had different levels of regret.

None of us have an obligation to keep negative people in the forefront of
our lives. For the sake of harmonious family life, it is really the
opposite. That is kind of where this thread began, with my concerns about
some "negative energy" kids - although Jayn doesn't find them so, which is
why they are still able to come here sometimes. Once we move to a new home,
I won't look back on their visits with any nostalgia whatsoever.

<<<*looking far and wide for unschoolers in Eugene,
Oregon*>>>

Try www.nhen.com and click on the county contacts section for local groups -
maybe some are Unschoolers.

Robyn L. Coburn

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[email protected]

In a message dated 8/21/2004 2:46:08 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
Sometimes relationships don't survive these kinds of fundamental
philosophical differences. Many of us have told stories of friendships
fading away or ending more harshly. Personally I recommend "fading away",
since that leaves the door open for reconciliation if people's philosophies
change.
--------------

Or when the kids are grown or come to a more impressive stage of life.

Three (3) of my teacher-friends retired this year, all this same year. I
would've already retired if I had taught every year I think.

But all three were critical of homeschooling when Kirby ws little. now
they're impressed by hi. I don't much care, but a couple have warmed back up to
me. I'm not eager to resume those friendships, but I'm willing to.

I'm old enough to plant trees from seed now. Wouldn't it have worked better
if I had started doing that when I was a teen? But teens don't tend to plant
treeseeds, or buy a lot of retirement or disability insurance. At 51, my
perspective about the importance of friends is different. I only want real, good
friends. Quality, not quantity.

Don't let yourself be shamed by the mom voices or granny voices or teacher
voices in your head. Don't let friends take their places. Find people who want
you to be kinder to your kids, not people who encourage you to blow them off.

-=-None of us have an obligation to keep negative people in the forefront of
our lives. For the sake of harmonious family life, it is really the
opposite. That is kind of where this thread began-=-

Yes. Your children should come before the opinions of others.

Here's something Lyle Perry wrote. It's pretty cool.

http://sandradodd.com/lyle/list.html

It's called "How to not screw up your kids."
It's a short list of easy items.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Gold

> <<<*looking far and wide for unschoolers in Eugene,
> Oregon*>>>
>
> Try www.nhen.com and click on the county contacts section for local
groups -maybe some are Unschoolers.

I KNOW there are unschoolers in Eugene. There used to be a mom who
posted here and signed off "Blue Skies~Robin." She's in Eugene and
raved about all the unschoolers and opportunities there. Is Robin
still here?

I'm up in Corvallis. You're welcome to email me. :o)
Life is good.
~Mary

kayb85

But, I've felt bad/guilty for
> making something for a potluck that had sugar in it.
> Also, I have felt bad for using a non-organic egg in
> something for a potluck! So much so that I pray no
> one asks less I get exposed!

Wow! It is amazing to see the differences in different areas of the
country. Here in the coal regions of PA I'd guess that most people
don't even know what "organic" means.

But, I do not think they
> give the child a choice to eat it or not even in the
> case of allergies. With a severe peanut allergy, I
> can understand not giving the choice as a result could
> be anaphylactic shock and death. But what about less
> severe allergies? Should the parent regulate? Or
> say, okay, eat dairy if you want to but you will get
> congested and have an eczema flair up.

I just want to make the point that not all dairy allergies are just
congestion and exzema. You probably know that, but it is an
important point I think.

My son had multiple food allergies which have been completely cured
through the use of homeopathic remedies. What I used to do is try to
guess (or call ahead and ask) what foods would be there when we went
somewhere to eat. If it was a birthday party, I would make a wheat-
free, dairy-free, peanut free cake and take it along. I always had
acceptable cookies or crackers in my purse in case we went somewhere
that gave out free cookies, so I could give him one without him
feeling like he was missing out.

But once I slacked and didn't have a special piece of cake with me at
a family birthday party. AND they had shrimp fried in butter and
someone made me feel guilty, as if I was depriving him, and I gave in
and let him eat everything. He had cake and shrimp and butter all at
once and his face and throat swelled and he could barely breathe. I
was a few seconds away from calling 911. Very scary. The same kind
of thing happened from just eating cantalope.

Thankfully we don't have to deal with those issues at all anymore
because of homeopathy. He even eats peanuts with no problem again.
He still wants nothing to do with cantalope or seafood, but that
might be more because of remembering bad things that happened when he
ate them. I think he *could* eat them if he wanted to.

> Any advice on how to deal with these food challenges
> would be welcomed!

I don't think it's your responsibility to cater to everyone's food
preferences or even to everyone's food allergies. Some simple
courtesies like having *some* dairy free and *some* wheat free
choices are good, but I don't think you have to be a special order
cook to everyone. Maybe put something in the invitation that there
will be chocolate, non-organic birthday cake and that you won't be
offended if anyone needs to bring special cake of their own because
of food allergies.

Sheila

kayb85

> I agree with you on this one. This is something that my husband and
I
> have had some serious discussions about. I've told him that if he
> really thinks he *NEEDS* to have stuff Breandan can't have, he
should
> eat it at work or after the kids are asleep. I don't do it, and I
> don't appreciate it when he does it. It just seems mean to me.
> Nisha

Can you just try to have similar alternatives? Like if dh likes to
regularly eat ice cream, make sure you have rice dream in the freezer
too. Then they can sit down and have their rice dream and ice cream
together. I used to do the same thing with meals--almost everything
I cooked had a similar-looking dairy-free version. For example, if I
made macaroni and cheese, I'd also make boxed dairy free macaroni and
cheese from the health food store or else boil some quinoia macaroni-
shaped noodles and melt some dairy-free butter over them.

Sheila

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/23/04 1:05:31 AM, sheran@... writes:

<< Should the parent regulate? Or

> say, okay, eat dairy if you want to but you will get

> congested and have an eczema flair up. >>

I don't even think they should say "will."

I think they should say "might."

For one thing, allergies are grown out of by lots of people.
For another thing, it's better learning if a kid gets congestion because of
milk, not because of his mother's curse. <g>

Learning from the thing itself with a parent saying "poor thing" is better
than being denied the thing by the parent. The parent could be wrong. But now
the thing is desired and the parent is not.

Sandra

Beth

<<Should the parent regulate? Or say, okay, eat dairy if you want to but
you will get congested and have an eczema flair up.>>

As long as the child has knowledge of the food intollerance, I might not say
anything at all. If they need reminding then prehaps mention that a
reaction to eating the food is a possibility. I have asthma and am
sensitive to dairy products. I avoid them most of the time, but put a pizza
in front of me and all of that knowledge goes by the wayside. I'm willing
to use my inhaler more frequently for a few days in exchange for a greek
style pizza.

If the child does have a reaction to the food, then he/she can make future
decisions about the food according to their willingness (or not) to deal
with the side effects.

Beth