Age Appropriatenes Was ....
jennefer harper
>My daughter can watch whatever she wants. She doesn'tExcuse my probably basic question here, but has this
>choose to watch
>what
>she doesn't want to see. If I know that a movie or
>show has scenes that
>might bother her, I'll warn her.
always been the case, or was there a certain age when
you started to let her watch whatever she wants? It
seems like there are some 'unschooling' families with
young children 'preschool' age or younger (3 years old
here) who only selectively let there children watch TV
or videos. For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is
sexually explicit. For example, we don't watch the
Tolkien movies or The Sopranos when he's awake.
Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regarding
TV/videos in the unschooling world?
-Jennefer
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jimpetersonl
> Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regardingThe answer I've often seen is, "No, they are age appropriate in their
> TV/videos in the unschooling world?
>
> -Jennefer
selections."
~Sue
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/15/04 10:37:20 PM, jenneferh2000@... writes:
<< For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is
sexually explicit. For example, we don't watch the
Tolkien movies or The Sopranos when he's awake. >>
There are movies I still warn my kids away from, or that I'll turn off if
they come in. I have "Last Tango in Paris" rented. I watched half, and will
watch half tomorrow. I'm not inviting anyone else to watch it with me.
If one of them saw it and asked to watch it, I'd give a light warning and let
them. They're 12 and 15. (The other's out of town until after the movie
goes back.)
-=-Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regarding
TV/videos in the unschooling world?-=-
I don't think there's an unschooling world. There's just a world.
Within the principle of treating children as we would treat other people, is
there age appropriateness?
For me, no. But that doesn't mean there is no criteria for making
recommendations.
I have a 55 year old friend who can't see movies with snakes, so I let her
know if I've seen one she should avoid, and I would never put a video with a
snake in it on while she was here.
I have a 36 year old friend who was spanked, slapped and thrown around by
half a dozen parents and stepparents, and a show with any kind of child crying
from parental abuse is horrible for her. I shelter her when I can.
None of my kids mind snakes.
Kirby (18) doesn't like horror shows or monster movies (avoids even light
creepiness).
I see it as a case-by-case thing. When my kids were little they liked
cartoons, and movies with pets and kids.
They still do, but they've added other things gradually over the years. <g>
I never did an age thing. Never anything like "You can watch it when you're
12."
We live near a video rental store, and I have the kids on the account, and
have them marked with their real birthdays, but also a note that they're not
restricted in what they can rent. It's possible there for an account-holder to
put limits on what can be rented, even if the others are adults!!! I could
prevent my husband from renting R rated movies, I guess. Seems so.
My kids aren't sneaky, and they let us know what they're watching, or they
watch it with us.
They will warn me about movies they think are too rough for me, too, or just
not the kind of thing they think I'd like. They recommend things they think
I WOULD like. It works both ways, in all directions.
Sandra
<< For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is
sexually explicit. For example, we don't watch the
Tolkien movies or The Sopranos when he's awake. >>
There are movies I still warn my kids away from, or that I'll turn off if
they come in. I have "Last Tango in Paris" rented. I watched half, and will
watch half tomorrow. I'm not inviting anyone else to watch it with me.
If one of them saw it and asked to watch it, I'd give a light warning and let
them. They're 12 and 15. (The other's out of town until after the movie
goes back.)
-=-Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regarding
TV/videos in the unschooling world?-=-
I don't think there's an unschooling world. There's just a world.
Within the principle of treating children as we would treat other people, is
there age appropriateness?
For me, no. But that doesn't mean there is no criteria for making
recommendations.
I have a 55 year old friend who can't see movies with snakes, so I let her
know if I've seen one she should avoid, and I would never put a video with a
snake in it on while she was here.
I have a 36 year old friend who was spanked, slapped and thrown around by
half a dozen parents and stepparents, and a show with any kind of child crying
from parental abuse is horrible for her. I shelter her when I can.
None of my kids mind snakes.
Kirby (18) doesn't like horror shows or monster movies (avoids even light
creepiness).
I see it as a case-by-case thing. When my kids were little they liked
cartoons, and movies with pets and kids.
They still do, but they've added other things gradually over the years. <g>
I never did an age thing. Never anything like "You can watch it when you're
12."
We live near a video rental store, and I have the kids on the account, and
have them marked with their real birthdays, but also a note that they're not
restricted in what they can rent. It's possible there for an account-holder to
put limits on what can be rented, even if the others are adults!!! I could
prevent my husband from renting R rated movies, I guess. Seems so.
My kids aren't sneaky, and they let us know what they're watching, or they
watch it with us.
They will warn me about movies they think are too rough for me, too, or just
not the kind of thing they think I'd like. They recommend things they think
I WOULD like. It works both ways, in all directions.
Sandra
pam sorooshian
On Aug 15, 2004, at 7:45 PM, jennefer harper wrote:
with a tv - that just isn't how it is.
We chose carefully what to watch ourselves when the kids were around.
We encouraged shows we thought were great by being enthusiastic and
enjoying them together - Mr. Rogers, Magic School Bus, etc. We chose
movies that we could all enjoy. We muted or switched channels when we
thought things were coming on that might be disturbing. My kids didn't
watch a lot of commercial tv, because there was just so much truly
great programming on PBS that it took up most of the time they had for
tv.
The hardest thing for me was never what we watched, but has been that
my kids love to watch the same thing over and over - and I really like
to watch new stuff.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regardingYes. We are not hands-off parents. Don't picture our children alone
> TV/videos in the unschooling world?
with a tv - that just isn't how it is.
We chose carefully what to watch ourselves when the kids were around.
We encouraged shows we thought were great by being enthusiastic and
enjoying them together - Mr. Rogers, Magic School Bus, etc. We chose
movies that we could all enjoy. We muted or switched channels when we
thought things were coming on that might be disturbing. My kids didn't
watch a lot of commercial tv, because there was just so much truly
great programming on PBS that it took up most of the time they had for
tv.
The hardest thing for me was never what we watched, but has been that
my kids love to watch the same thing over and over - and I really like
to watch new stuff.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Fetteroll
on 8/15/04 10:45 PM, jennefer harper at jenneferh2000@... wrote:
When the world is divided into what we want them to see and what we don't
want them to see, the "dangerous" things become more attractive and they'll
want to check out what's so mysteriously threatening, and perhaps try out
whether they can handle it or not.
When the world is divided into what they want to experience and what they
don't want to experience, why would they choose to experience what they
don't want to experience?
I can watch porn. But I don't want to. So why would I watch it?
They appreciate help in finding what they want and avoiding what they don't
want just as adults do. We can give them information and advice, but they
want to make their own decisions.
And when they're allowed to make their own decisions, they learn more about
themselves and what they're capable of. *And* learn more about making
decisions.
Joyce
> Excuse my probably basic question here, but has thisAlways the case.
> always been the case, or was there a certain age when
> you started to let her watch whatever she wants?
> For me, I don't let my 3 year old watchDoes your 3 yo want to watch those?
> stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is
> sexually explicit.
When the world is divided into what we want them to see and what we don't
want them to see, the "dangerous" things become more attractive and they'll
want to check out what's so mysteriously threatening, and perhaps try out
whether they can handle it or not.
When the world is divided into what they want to experience and what they
don't want to experience, why would they choose to experience what they
don't want to experience?
I can watch porn. But I don't want to. So why would I watch it?
They appreciate help in finding what they want and avoiding what they don't
want just as adults do. We can give them information and advice, but they
want to make their own decisions.
And when they're allowed to make their own decisions, they learn more about
themselves and what they're capable of. *And* learn more about making
decisions.
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/16/2004 6:30:39 AM Central Standard Time,
fetteroll@... writes:
They appreciate help in finding what they want and avoiding what they don't
want just as adults do. We can give them information and advice, but they
want to make their own decisions.
~~~
We watched Haunted Mansion last night. Or, 2 of us did. When it got to the
part when Eddie Murphy was in the crypt and the skeletons started coming out
of the coffins, I had to leave. I said, "I have issues." and grinned at my
husband and left the room.
It reminded me of a really traumatic nightmare I had when I was a child,
after watching, of all things, "Abbot and Costello Meet Dracula and
Frankenstein." That day my mother had really scrubbed my room, and rearranged it, and
moved the bed so it was at an angle, sticking out in the middle of the room
from the corner. I remember I had sponge curlers in my hair for some reason,
and clean summer cotton pajamas. So that night we watched the movie, and I
went to bed in my spotless room and the light was still on when I had the
nightmare about Dracula and Frankenstein, in their coffins, on either side of my
bed. They came out of their coffins, of course.
It's a vivid dream, even still, and I can still see my room and feel that
lurch in my chest from when you sob in your sleep. And when I saw that scene
in Haunted Mansion it all came back.
So, warn me if there are skeletons coming out of coffins.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
fetteroll@... writes:
They appreciate help in finding what they want and avoiding what they don't
want just as adults do. We can give them information and advice, but they
want to make their own decisions.
~~~
We watched Haunted Mansion last night. Or, 2 of us did. When it got to the
part when Eddie Murphy was in the crypt and the skeletons started coming out
of the coffins, I had to leave. I said, "I have issues." and grinned at my
husband and left the room.
It reminded me of a really traumatic nightmare I had when I was a child,
after watching, of all things, "Abbot and Costello Meet Dracula and
Frankenstein." That day my mother had really scrubbed my room, and rearranged it, and
moved the bed so it was at an angle, sticking out in the middle of the room
from the corner. I remember I had sponge curlers in my hair for some reason,
and clean summer cotton pajamas. So that night we watched the movie, and I
went to bed in my spotless room and the light was still on when I had the
nightmare about Dracula and Frankenstein, in their coffins, on either side of my
bed. They came out of their coffins, of course.
It's a vivid dream, even still, and I can still see my room and feel that
lurch in my chest from when you sob in your sleep. And when I saw that scene
in Haunted Mansion it all came back.
So, warn me if there are skeletons coming out of coffins.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/16/2004 12:37:17 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jenneferh2000@... writes:
It seems like there are some 'unschooling' families with
young children 'preschool' age or younger (3 years old
here) who only selectively let there children watch TV
or videos. For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is
sexually explicit. For example, we don't watch the
Tolkien movies or The Sopranos when he's awake. <<<<<<
But do they ASK to watch these movies? Would they want to? I've never met a
three year old who would spend more than a minute or two in front of The
Sopranos, for example, without leaving the room or doing something else. And if
the "something else" would be to play with me, then The Sopranos could wait.
Most three year olds would rather watch what IS considered "age appropriate"
shows like Teletubbies and Mr Rogers, and Robyn's favorite, Max & Ruby. <g>
What did *we* watch? We only had Captain Kangaroo in the morning and Mr
Rogers & Electric Company in the afternoon. I'd watch The Lone Ranger (age
appropriate? I don't think so!) and Batman and Zorro. I loved Dark Shadows---and I
was six when I started watching that. And all those westerns.
Duncan (8) went to Blockbuster the other day with my father. He picked up RL
Stine's "The Werewolf of Fever Swamp". He asked that I watch it with him, so
we snuggled up on his bed. We didn't get three minutes into it when he says,
"I can't watch this. Too scary. Want to play chess?"
I reminded him that *I* was there, that it was only a movie with actors and
make-up, and that he did NOT have to watch anything he didn't want to. No
problem. We played chess.
The next day, he asked again that I watch it with him. Before he put it in,
he asked a little more about actors and make-up and RL Stine and stuff. Then
we got down to watching it. Several times, I saw him lips mouthing, "It's
just a movie. It's just a movie." I'd also point out how silly something
was---like when they're walking through the dark house without turning on ONE light.
I said, "Would YOU do that?" It's, of course, scarier when they DON'T! <G>
And that's the point----to scare you. After a while, he started to laugh and
point out other silly things and how girls HAVE to trip and fall in each and
every scary movie. <g>.We figured out *who* the werewolf was, and laughed
about that too.
His brother's out of town so he slept downstairs that night, and with me and
Ben last night. But he's OK with werewolves today. We might even watch it
again! <G>
Sure. In *my* little unschooling world. <g> Everyone decides when he's ready
to watch whatever he wants to. Here, little kids prefer cartoons and shows
about animals. Bigger kids watch cartoons and adventure. Teens like comedy and
music. Adults like all of these <g> Plus the Olympics, the Hitler Channel
and House Porn. <G>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jenneferh2000@... writes:
It seems like there are some 'unschooling' families with
young children 'preschool' age or younger (3 years old
here) who only selectively let there children watch TV
or videos. For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is
sexually explicit. For example, we don't watch the
Tolkien movies or The Sopranos when he's awake. <<<<<<
But do they ASK to watch these movies? Would they want to? I've never met a
three year old who would spend more than a minute or two in front of The
Sopranos, for example, without leaving the room or doing something else. And if
the "something else" would be to play with me, then The Sopranos could wait.
Most three year olds would rather watch what IS considered "age appropriate"
shows like Teletubbies and Mr Rogers, and Robyn's favorite, Max & Ruby. <g>
What did *we* watch? We only had Captain Kangaroo in the morning and Mr
Rogers & Electric Company in the afternoon. I'd watch The Lone Ranger (age
appropriate? I don't think so!) and Batman and Zorro. I loved Dark Shadows---and I
was six when I started watching that. And all those westerns.
Duncan (8) went to Blockbuster the other day with my father. He picked up RL
Stine's "The Werewolf of Fever Swamp". He asked that I watch it with him, so
we snuggled up on his bed. We didn't get three minutes into it when he says,
"I can't watch this. Too scary. Want to play chess?"
I reminded him that *I* was there, that it was only a movie with actors and
make-up, and that he did NOT have to watch anything he didn't want to. No
problem. We played chess.
The next day, he asked again that I watch it with him. Before he put it in,
he asked a little more about actors and make-up and RL Stine and stuff. Then
we got down to watching it. Several times, I saw him lips mouthing, "It's
just a movie. It's just a movie." I'd also point out how silly something
was---like when they're walking through the dark house without turning on ONE light.
I said, "Would YOU do that?" It's, of course, scarier when they DON'T! <G>
And that's the point----to scare you. After a while, he started to laugh and
point out other silly things and how girls HAVE to trip and fall in each and
every scary movie. <g>.We figured out *who* the werewolf was, and laughed
about that too.
His brother's out of town so he slept downstairs that night, and with me and
Ben last night. But he's OK with werewolves today. We might even watch it
again! <G>
>>>>>Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regarding TV/videos in theunschooling world?<<<<
Sure. In *my* little unschooling world. <g> Everyone decides when he's ready
to watch whatever he wants to. Here, little kids prefer cartoons and shows
about animals. Bigger kids watch cartoons and adventure. Teens like comedy and
music. Adults like all of these <g> Plus the Olympics, the Hitler Channel
and House Porn. <G>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Muzyczka
>Is there such a thing as age appropriateness regardingSure, what is appropriate for YOUR child at that age.
>TV/videos in the unschooling world?
>
>-Jennefer
My three year old watches the Tolkein movies by himself. He'll go up to
his brother's room and go through two of them in a row. He can tell you
all about who the characters are, what they are doing, etc.
My girlfriend's four year old would have horrible nightmare and can't watch
the beginning of Nemo without wigging. (He hates the diver.)
Kelly
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/16/04 5:30:40 AM, fetteroll@... writes:
<< > For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
Without choice, there is no choice.
Without options, no one can make a good decision.
No one can make a generous decision, or a gracious or mature decision, unless
they have the leeway to decide.
And unless a parent loosens up, she will assume her child is being the way
she is because the mom set her on a narrow path. If she takes the reins off,
the child will probably not run crazy and leave.
Which children DO run crazy and leave?
Those whose reins were too tight for too long.
We have a dog who can get out of our yard but doesn't. Or she does, but she
doesn't go away. We don't even have a fence or wall between the front and
back on one side anymore. She has a dog door, and we have no fence. Yet she's
always home. She might be in the front, if something exciting is happening,
but she doesn't have the urge to run away. She used to explore the vacant
lot, but as she got older she quit. We take her on walks without a leash and
she stays with us.
Not true of any of our neighbors' dogs, who will come to our house if they
get a chance, or run far and fast (different dogs different ways).
I have a related story I'll tell separately, about my kids being out and
about.
Sandra
<< > For me, I don't let my 3 year old watch
> stuff that I know has violence in it or stuff that is<<Does your 3 yo want to watch those? >>
> sexually explicit.
Without choice, there is no choice.
Without options, no one can make a good decision.
No one can make a generous decision, or a gracious or mature decision, unless
they have the leeway to decide.
And unless a parent loosens up, she will assume her child is being the way
she is because the mom set her on a narrow path. If she takes the reins off,
the child will probably not run crazy and leave.
Which children DO run crazy and leave?
Those whose reins were too tight for too long.
We have a dog who can get out of our yard but doesn't. Or she does, but she
doesn't go away. We don't even have a fence or wall between the front and
back on one side anymore. She has a dog door, and we have no fence. Yet she's
always home. She might be in the front, if something exciting is happening,
but she doesn't have the urge to run away. She used to explore the vacant
lot, but as she got older she quit. We take her on walks without a leash and
she stays with us.
Not true of any of our neighbors' dogs, who will come to our house if they
get a chance, or run far and fast (different dogs different ways).
I have a related story I'll tell separately, about my kids being out and
about.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/16/04 5:30:40 AM, fetteroll@... writes:
<< When the world is divided into what they want to experience and what they
don't want to experience, why would they choose to experience what they
don't want to experience?
It reminded me of the very first time all three of my children walked away
from my house together, toward the busy road, to go to the convenience store.
The boys were taking Holly, for the first time, without me. I took a photo of
them walking away. I don't know where it is and that's fine, because it used
to make me cry and still might.
Holly was barely three or nearly, and holding both their hands, so I guess
Marty was five and Kirby was seven.
Flash forward to June 11, 2004.
Kirby, 18 was at work. Took the big van. He works a mile away.
Marty, 15, had gone to a gaming tournament across the valley, maybe 15 miles
away. Drove my Dodge Caravan. First time driving all by himself, not
counting once to the nearest grocery store and once to the post office this week.
Holly, 12, said, "I'm bored. I wonder if Crystal would want to hang out?"
Crystal is 18, someone they've known since Kirby was seven (that same going
to Circle K season), and she's lately moved back here after a stint in
California which all the kids followed like a soap opera. She called Crystal, who
(surprisingy for a Friday night for someone as 18 and good looking as she is)
said, "Sure! I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
So Crystal came and she and Holly went off to find something fun to do.
All three of my children were gone at once. They were in three different
places. They were not in the homes of other families. They were all going to
come home at some point. Kirby, 12:30 after he cleaned the shop. Marty, before
12 because he has a provisional license and isn't supposed to drive after
midnight. Holly, whenever.
It was scary for me. My husband was really comforting, said Crystal's great
with our kids, that Marty's fine to drive that.
I went to sleep without any of my kids home.
I woke up and they were all in their beds, the van was fine.
Holly told me the next day that at one point it occurred to her that I might
be worrying and thinking they were all in different places, but that she and
Crystal were (at the moment she thought of it) with Kirby, where he works.
Last night Marty returned from having seen a movie at the dollar movies with
friends, and left again to hang around the new apartment of a friend of his.
I wouldn't have cared how late he was out. He was back within an hour.
They are real-live evidence (not proof, that takes more than a single-family
sample of three) that children who have grown up with freedom can be given
LOTS of freedom as they get older without going crazy or living dangerously or
"running wild."
Sandra
<< When the world is divided into what they want to experience and what they
don't want to experience, why would they choose to experience what they
don't want to experience?
>>Last Friday night began a new era for me as a mom. I had an experience.
It reminded me of the very first time all three of my children walked away
from my house together, toward the busy road, to go to the convenience store.
The boys were taking Holly, for the first time, without me. I took a photo of
them walking away. I don't know where it is and that's fine, because it used
to make me cry and still might.
Holly was barely three or nearly, and holding both their hands, so I guess
Marty was five and Kirby was seven.
Flash forward to June 11, 2004.
Kirby, 18 was at work. Took the big van. He works a mile away.
Marty, 15, had gone to a gaming tournament across the valley, maybe 15 miles
away. Drove my Dodge Caravan. First time driving all by himself, not
counting once to the nearest grocery store and once to the post office this week.
Holly, 12, said, "I'm bored. I wonder if Crystal would want to hang out?"
Crystal is 18, someone they've known since Kirby was seven (that same going
to Circle K season), and she's lately moved back here after a stint in
California which all the kids followed like a soap opera. She called Crystal, who
(surprisingy for a Friday night for someone as 18 and good looking as she is)
said, "Sure! I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
So Crystal came and she and Holly went off to find something fun to do.
All three of my children were gone at once. They were in three different
places. They were not in the homes of other families. They were all going to
come home at some point. Kirby, 12:30 after he cleaned the shop. Marty, before
12 because he has a provisional license and isn't supposed to drive after
midnight. Holly, whenever.
It was scary for me. My husband was really comforting, said Crystal's great
with our kids, that Marty's fine to drive that.
I went to sleep without any of my kids home.
I woke up and they were all in their beds, the van was fine.
Holly told me the next day that at one point it occurred to her that I might
be worrying and thinking they were all in different places, but that she and
Crystal were (at the moment she thought of it) with Kirby, where he works.
Last night Marty returned from having seen a movie at the dollar movies with
friends, and left again to hang around the new apartment of a friend of his.
I wouldn't have cared how late he was out. He was back within an hour.
They are real-live evidence (not proof, that takes more than a single-family
sample of three) that children who have grown up with freedom can be given
LOTS of freedom as they get older without going crazy or living dangerously or
"running wild."
Sandra
Dana Matt
> Not true of any of our neighbors' dogs, who willForget the kids, Sandra ;) As the mother of two
> come to our house if they
> get a chance, or run far and fast (different dogs
> different ways).
>
> I have a related story I'll tell separately, about
> my kids being out and
> about.
>
> Sandra
run-away-never-come-back dogs, I want dog advice! ;)
Dana
in MOntana
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Danielle Conger
Excuse my probably basic question here, but has this
always been the case, or was there a certain age when
you started to let her watch whatever she wants? It
seems like there are some 'unschooling' families with
young children 'preschool' age or younger (3 years old
here) who only selectively let there children watch TV
or videos.
===================
<>This hasn't always been the case for us, as I touched on a bit in my
tv post. For a long time we didn't have tv. When the kids were really
young--when my oldest was 3 or under--I limited the amount of time they
watched videos to an hour or under a day. By the time she was 4, though,
she had free access to the videos and could pop them in when she wanted,
though that was still pretty controlled and limited by what we had in
the house. I remember lots of Teletubbies, Dragon Tales, Bear in the Big
Blue House, Masie, countless Disney movies. We have a *huge* video
collection because of those years without tv.
When I first started reading here (a year ago in November, I think), I
began rethinking my approach to tv (and bedtimes and food). We had
gotten cable several months before, so the kids (6, 4 and 3 at that
point) were watching tv as well as videos, though still more often
videos. I remember I had been wondering for a while when it would be
"okay" to let my kids watch Star Wars, which I couldn't wait to share
with them because it's such an interest for dh and I. Emily had seen
bits and pieces of the Phantom Menace, the parts that weren't too scary,
but it was still something that dh and I watched after the kids went to
bed. For us, that's how it started--with Star Wars. After Star Wars, we
began watching other things as well. It was gradual, not an
in-your-face-violence kind of thing. Em had also seen parts of Lord of
the Rings, so we were soon sharing that with her as well. At first, she
got really upset by the dead dwarves in the mines and stopped watching.
It took her several months before she was comfortable trying again. Same
thing with Spiderman--it was just too realistic when we first rented it,
maybe 6 months ago so we turned it off. We tried again a couple of weeks
ago, and they loved it--even the 4 year old. (A friend of mine has
gotten quite a bit of grief from her 8 year old because he's not allowed
to watch it but knows that Sam has.) We've shared lots of really great
movies over the past year, but we still enjoy watching Disney movies,
cartoons or whatever. We've watched all the Star Wars, Lord of the
Rings, Indiana Jones, Men in Black, X-Men. We've also watched Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon; The Last Samurai; Sound of Music; Peter Pan; Harry
Potter and many others.
Like I said, this has been gradual. The kids probably don't even
remember not having free choice because it went from being very young to
free choice of videos to free choice of tv and movies. But, that doesn't
mean that they watch whatever they want without any parental input or
presence. Emily watched the Last Samurai in our bed with us, and she
watched me sob at the end when the Samurai get massacred. We talked
about *why* I was crying so hard and what it meant to me to watch that.
They haven't seen The Matrix yet, but they haven't asked to see it
either. When Dh rented Kill Bill, we told the kids that it was an adult
movie, same thing with Fight Club. There are movies that I don't think
they need to see, and, yes, I'm the one making that decision.. Kill Bill
was a movie I don't think *I* needed to see! We watch those movies in
our room with the door closed. In the past we would have watched
something like that after they went to bed, but because our kids no
longer have a bedtime, they're still awake. We just point that out and
remind them that they're free to watch something else downstairs, play
the computer, play in the playroom, any number of other things, and
they're fine with that because it doesn't happen very often. They
realize that we're not telling them no just for the sake of controlling
but because it's something that is genuinely too much for them.
The gradual part is really important, I think. Several months ago, I
made an analogy to someone who was throwing off controls left and right
and whose children didn't quite know what to do with the new freedom. I
suggested that it might be a lot like being in a closet and having
someone suddenly fling the door open wide, letting flood in the very
bright light outside and how much that must hurt their eyes! It's not
about flinging the door open as quickly as you can just because it's
been closed for so long; it's more about gradually opening the door,
using your children's comfort levels to guide you. Like several of the
experienced folks here often say, it's not about never saying no but
about saying yes more often.
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
always been the case, or was there a certain age when
you started to let her watch whatever she wants? It
seems like there are some 'unschooling' families with
young children 'preschool' age or younger (3 years old
here) who only selectively let there children watch TV
or videos.
===================
<>This hasn't always been the case for us, as I touched on a bit in my
tv post. For a long time we didn't have tv. When the kids were really
young--when my oldest was 3 or under--I limited the amount of time they
watched videos to an hour or under a day. By the time she was 4, though,
she had free access to the videos and could pop them in when she wanted,
though that was still pretty controlled and limited by what we had in
the house. I remember lots of Teletubbies, Dragon Tales, Bear in the Big
Blue House, Masie, countless Disney movies. We have a *huge* video
collection because of those years without tv.
When I first started reading here (a year ago in November, I think), I
began rethinking my approach to tv (and bedtimes and food). We had
gotten cable several months before, so the kids (6, 4 and 3 at that
point) were watching tv as well as videos, though still more often
videos. I remember I had been wondering for a while when it would be
"okay" to let my kids watch Star Wars, which I couldn't wait to share
with them because it's such an interest for dh and I. Emily had seen
bits and pieces of the Phantom Menace, the parts that weren't too scary,
but it was still something that dh and I watched after the kids went to
bed. For us, that's how it started--with Star Wars. After Star Wars, we
began watching other things as well. It was gradual, not an
in-your-face-violence kind of thing. Em had also seen parts of Lord of
the Rings, so we were soon sharing that with her as well. At first, she
got really upset by the dead dwarves in the mines and stopped watching.
It took her several months before she was comfortable trying again. Same
thing with Spiderman--it was just too realistic when we first rented it,
maybe 6 months ago so we turned it off. We tried again a couple of weeks
ago, and they loved it--even the 4 year old. (A friend of mine has
gotten quite a bit of grief from her 8 year old because he's not allowed
to watch it but knows that Sam has.) We've shared lots of really great
movies over the past year, but we still enjoy watching Disney movies,
cartoons or whatever. We've watched all the Star Wars, Lord of the
Rings, Indiana Jones, Men in Black, X-Men. We've also watched Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon; The Last Samurai; Sound of Music; Peter Pan; Harry
Potter and many others.
Like I said, this has been gradual. The kids probably don't even
remember not having free choice because it went from being very young to
free choice of videos to free choice of tv and movies. But, that doesn't
mean that they watch whatever they want without any parental input or
presence. Emily watched the Last Samurai in our bed with us, and she
watched me sob at the end when the Samurai get massacred. We talked
about *why* I was crying so hard and what it meant to me to watch that.
They haven't seen The Matrix yet, but they haven't asked to see it
either. When Dh rented Kill Bill, we told the kids that it was an adult
movie, same thing with Fight Club. There are movies that I don't think
they need to see, and, yes, I'm the one making that decision.. Kill Bill
was a movie I don't think *I* needed to see! We watch those movies in
our room with the door closed. In the past we would have watched
something like that after they went to bed, but because our kids no
longer have a bedtime, they're still awake. We just point that out and
remind them that they're free to watch something else downstairs, play
the computer, play in the playroom, any number of other things, and
they're fine with that because it doesn't happen very often. They
realize that we're not telling them no just for the sake of controlling
but because it's something that is genuinely too much for them.
The gradual part is really important, I think. Several months ago, I
made an analogy to someone who was throwing off controls left and right
and whose children didn't quite know what to do with the new freedom. I
suggested that it might be a lot like being in a closet and having
someone suddenly fling the door open wide, letting flood in the very
bright light outside and how much that must hurt their eyes! It's not
about flinging the door open as quickly as you can just because it's
been closed for so long; it's more about gradually opening the door,
using your children's comfort levels to guide you. Like several of the
experienced folks here often say, it's not about never saying no but
about saying yes more often.
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/16/2004 10:58:19 AM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
We have a dog who can get out of our yard but doesn't. Or she does, but she
doesn't go away. We don't even have a fence or wall between the front and
back on one side anymore. She has a dog door, and we have no fence. Yet
she's
always home. She might be in the front, if something exciting is happening,
but she doesn't have the urge to run away. She used to explore the vacant
lot, but as she got older she quit. We take her on walks without a leash
and
she stays with us.
~~~
My dog Percy and my cats have no good reason to leave. There's always food,
clean water and a warm bed, someone to scratch an ear. My neighbor's dog
used to get off his chain and he'd come straight to my house. I put him back on
the chain (reluctantly), until finally I just left him in our yard until his
owner came looking. He was small, so he could have snuck under the fence
back to his own house, but he knew how to work the doggie door and where the
food was and that there were people here who paid attention to him. He was at
our house for 3 days before the owner came to get him. I didn't want to give
him up at all. When the guy found out I'd like to keep him he didn't bring
him back. I hope he put in a doggie door for the little guy.
Will would rather be here than at someone else's house, too.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
We have a dog who can get out of our yard but doesn't. Or she does, but she
doesn't go away. We don't even have a fence or wall between the front and
back on one side anymore. She has a dog door, and we have no fence. Yet
she's
always home. She might be in the front, if something exciting is happening,
but she doesn't have the urge to run away. She used to explore the vacant
lot, but as she got older she quit. We take her on walks without a leash
and
she stays with us.
~~~
My dog Percy and my cats have no good reason to leave. There's always food,
clean water and a warm bed, someone to scratch an ear. My neighbor's dog
used to get off his chain and he'd come straight to my house. I put him back on
the chain (reluctantly), until finally I just left him in our yard until his
owner came looking. He was small, so he could have snuck under the fence
back to his own house, but he knew how to work the doggie door and where the
food was and that there were people here who paid attention to him. He was at
our house for 3 days before the owner came to get him. I didn't want to give
him up at all. When the guy found out I'd like to keep him he didn't bring
him back. I hope he put in a doggie door for the little guy.
Will would rather be here than at someone else's house, too.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]